liloldlady Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 ...evidence of yourself on him, I mean. Intentionally? Subconsciously? I generally am not big on make up, but he made a comment that he saw evidence of me (eye shadow, I presume) on his chest after we'd been together. Just curious...anyone else do this either on purpose or...whatever?? Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I don't do it intentionally, but I've clawed his back up pretty good a few times. I actually apologized once after realizing he would probably have marks for a few days, but he said with their 1-2x a month sex she wouldn't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 i left scratch and bite marks, the first time it happened, he pointed it out to me the next day and i did feel bad, but the next time we were together he put made it known he enjoyed seeing the marks for days after, as it reminded him of me and what we were doing when he got them. i never intentionally left anything but i didnt' mentally make sure there was no evidence anywhere, i wore my perfume, make up, i'd left an earring in his car, i actually left my purse in his car once, he also did the same, he'd try to leave marks on me, left his wallet, sunglasses in my purse i know it sounds horrible as i'm typing this, but when i was in the A, it was part of the A, i don't know how i'd have reacted if he would've been watching me to make sure there was no evidence of me. Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Never. I was always conscious of leaving marks or any material evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 i was alot of things during my A that i didnt' acknowledge, desperate was one, selfish, greedy, needy, hurtful, and in gerenral not a good person at all easier to acknowledge that now, couldn't (or didnt' want to) see it then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 i was alot of things during my A that i didnt' acknowledge, desperate was one, selfish, greedy, needy, hurtful, and in gerenral not a good person at all easier to acknowledge that now, couldn't (or didnt' want to) see it then. Agreed. The emotional intensity brings out the best and worst in us. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 ...evidence of yourself on him, I mean. Intentionally? Subconsciously? I generally am not big on make up, but he made a comment that he saw evidence of me (eye shadow, I presume) on his chest after we'd been together. Just curious...anyone else do this either on purpose or...whatever?? This was never my concern. I have no idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HPrynne Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 No, absolutely not. The opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 In a previous revenge affair (my estranged husband's former best friend) I sprayed Chanel Number 5 in his pants pocket and in his shoes. Even worse, though, was putting pictures of us together giving obvious love looks, one with me on his lap, one with me with my arms around him, one with us gazing deeply into each others eyes, and more, on Facebook, public. When the wife found out (via a call from my estranged husband) she went ballistic. I still feel bad about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Never. I'm almost OCD about it. I'm very thorough, because he is a touch scatterbrained. He's worked more than 35 years to get where he is. Why would I intentionally do something like that so he would lose everything? Isn't the sex and friendship enough of a risk? I try very hard to be unconditionally supportive of the OW on here. I do not romantically love the man, yet listening to some of the things done on purpose or without thoughts of recrimations, I just...don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I regret it now and feel remorse about hurting the poor woman, who did not deserve it. I always thought he was very stupid to allow all those pictures of us taken together. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I never did. I was allowed to leave marks early in the week but towards the end of the week I was careful to not mark him. Also, he was very careful to leave the stuff he used with me, with me so as not to accidentally have anything noticed. I never texted him when he was home with his family and would only respond if he texted me and I wasn't busy. I didn't want him to interfere with my family (im divorced) and I didn't want to interfere with his. He has been doing this so long with so many women that he actually has it down to a science and even if I wanted to leave evidence, he would forestall the effort. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 My WH's mistress left evidence - she gave him an STD. I am guessing that she did not know that she had one. I am glad I discovered the affair before the "evidence" was imparted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 ...evidence of yourself on him, I mean. Intentionally? Subconsciously? I generally am not big on make up, but he made a comment that he saw evidence of me (eye shadow, I presume) on his chest after we'd been together. Just curious...anyone else do this either on purpose or...whatever?? No I did not do anything like that intentionally. I didn't think about it really, as when we were with each other he was usually out of the country so I had him to myself, so to speak, and we didn't have to be very secretive. The long distance made some of the day to day hiding not a concern unlike if you run in the same circles or live close by. Therefore I didn't ever think about those kinds of things. Link to post Share on other sites
nais Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Men tend to give themselves away and woman have that aura to know when something is wrong- I will not interrupt their home with any personal sabotage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 ...evidence of yourself on him, I mean. Intentionally? Subconsciously? It was never an issue one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 How long have you two been apart? Seems like he's still very heavy on your mind... He isn't "heavy on my mind" actually, we ended the affair about 6 years ago but then had a non-A relationship during that time. We're on the OW/OM forum, so he only comes up in the context of my participating here and sharing my experiences with that one affair I had. However, if you notice, it's not like I make my own threads with questions about him or his life or every mundane action he does, as I'm well over it and its only a matter of reflection now and not anything currently perplexing me:). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 The thread TOPIC is " ladies: do you leave evidence?" Let's post to the thread topic please. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SugarHibiscus Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 We try to cover our tracks but can get sloppy sometimes. He left something of his in my car this weekend. I'm glad I found it and not my H. We have left marks on each other unintentionally. I had a bruise that was the perfect imprint of his hand on my inner thigh. It was so clear! I managed to hide it from my H while it healed. I hate to admit it, but it made me happy to see it. I've left finger shaped bruises on his back. The worse part about it was that he didn't notice it until his SO pointed it out. He told her they must be hers. Link to post Share on other sites
a_gud_mistress Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 In my situAtion (lol) I leave evidence because he does not mind. In fact he likes me to leave my stuff around. He doesn't care and wishes she would just leave him. I leave marks, scratches, glitter, makeup, perfume, clothes and stuff... in his vehicles, at our place of business, n and around town. I am beginning to think that this ship might just work out. He tells me everyday and shows me even more that he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I never intentionally left evidence behind not that it would have mattered if I had. I may have left a mark or two on him but he didn't care and she wouldn't have seen it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 The very question makes me so glad to be on the other side of my A, even though it wasnt physical, I think how hurtful it would be to a spouse to find a trace, especially on their body like scratches. I would never dare, it would break someones heart who loves them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 In my situAtion (lol) I leave evidence because he does not mind. In fact he likes me to leave my stuff around. He doesn't care and wishes she would just leave him. I leave marks, scratches, glitter, makeup, perfume, clothes and stuff... in his vehicles, at our place of business, n and around town. I am beginning to think that this ship might just work out. He tells me everyday and shows me even more that he loves me. Except if and when he's done with your relationship he will passively aggressively have an affair, make his OW leave stuff around and hope you leave him instead of being upfront Please remember that most relationships started out with the people being in love and I'm sure his wife felt as you did when he first started courting her.Being sweet and showing someone you love them when stuff is brand new is very easy....you should pay attention to how they treat someone or have said they acted after that wears off. So don't only go on how things are now in the brand new affair only context, also think of how he may potentially handle things when you guys have problems. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 My wSO used to come home with hickies on his body. She would leave little things in his car. Like hair ties. She would leave them in places where she knew he wouldn't notice but made sure she placed them where she knew I would find them. Towards the end she would post stuff on his Facebook wall for me to see. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 The very question makes me so glad to be on the other side of my A, even though it wasnt physical, I think how hurtful it would be to a spouse to find a trace, especially on their body like scratches. I would never dare, it would break someones heart who loves them. Somehow, I don't think someone who is screwing around with a married guy is all that concerned about potentially hurting his wife. If they cared about that, they wouldn't be screwing around with a married guy. And as far as some evidence breaking someone's heart that is being cheated on, it's the act of infidelity that is the killer, the time bomb, to the BS. Leaving evidence so that the BS would finally find out the truth about their cheating husband would actually be a good thing, since it will give her the gift of truth so that she can make choices in her life as to whether to leave the relationship or try to repair it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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