potestatum Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Hello, I have been really down the previous couple of days. We broke up 27 days ago and we are 11 days NC. I am really sad and miserable. Today she sent me a message. After 11 days of NC she is sending me a message on Valentine's day! Why? Does that mean something? Should I answer or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 She's lonely and needs an ego boost. Delete, ignore, and enjoy your day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 She's lonely and needs an ego boost. Delete, ignore, and enjoy your day. Thanks Philosoraptor. Howerver, I was hoping that this message meant something. You see it is V-day today. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) Yes, a more likely day to need an ego boost and to feel lonely. Sadly many dumpee's will find themselves used for emotional boosts and often sexual boosts today. Come on now, you're smart enough to know that if someone wanted you back they would make such things clear. So was this message a clear indication that she wants to start over with you? Or was it something vague like a "hey" or "happy v-day" for them to verify that you still care? Edited February 14, 2014 by Philosoraptor 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 Yes, a more likely day to need an ego boost and to feel lonely. Sadly many dumpee's will find themselves used for emotional boosts and often sexual boosts today. Come on now, you're smart enough to know that if someone wanted you back they would make such things clear. So was this message a clear indication that she wants to start over with you? Or was it something vague like a "hey" or "happy v-day" for them to verify that you still care? She was just asking how I am doing. Nothing more... Link to post Share on other sites
StGeorge22 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Hi mate, seems like she might be sussing you out on if you have a valentine etc. It's easy to make things up in your head etc. Up to you how you play it. Really depends on how long you were together for, why you broke up etc. One thing I do know, you not replying straight away will be driving her crazy and have her imagining all kinda of things Link to post Share on other sites
BOSSHOGG5 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I would not contact her. I would only respond thanks. If she want's you she will come and get you. I went through this three years ago after my separation now divorce with my ex wife. As I was responding sending gifts etc, she was also with someone else and I had no clue. The only thing that I would say is "Thanks" and that is it. It will all get better for you but that is up to you. I had to learn that and once I did, drastic changes happened. You will figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 If that's all she said..I'd just ignore it. my guess is since she didn't communicate anything of substance is she might be feeling guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Roses777 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 At least you got contact. Seems like my ex won't reach out. I'm holding tight on the NC though! Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Means nothing, ignore it, move along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hello there, I really appreciate your help!! I did not respond but I saw her accidentally at a place the day after. She was asking why I changed my behavior (because we agreed to remain friends and now I don't answer to her message). I avoided to answer her question and the next day she called me. Again, I didn't answer the phone. Today, she sent me a message saying that she deserves to know what changed and why my behavior is so different from what I said it would be. She said that when I asked her to talk she was always there for me and it is not right not to tell her what is going on. She didn't say anything about being together again though. What do you think? Should I respond? Should I keep ignoring her? Why is she so obsessed about not answering to her messages and yet does not want to be together again? Do you think that this behavior from her shows that she wants to be together again in the future? Again thanks for your help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Today, she sent me a message saying that she deserves to know what changed and why my behavior is so different from what I said it would be. She said that when I asked her to talk she was always there for me and it is not right not to tell her what is going on. She didn't say anything about being together again though. What do you think? Should I respond? Should I keep ignoring her? Why is she so obsessed about not answering to her messages and yet does not want to be together again? Do you think that this behavior from her shows that she wants to be together again in the future? Again thanks for your help!! She doesn't 'deserve' anything. Your relationship came to an end. You decided to deal with it with a clean slate. To go NC and move on. For her it's a slower process and now it's dawning on her that it's going to disappear without a trace. She will get over it and so will you. Stick with NC. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 She doesn't 'deserve' anything. Your relationship came to an end. You decided to deal with it with a clean slate. To go NC and move on. For her it's a slower process and now it's dawning on her that it's going to disappear without a trace. She will get over it and so will you. Stick with NC. Good luck Thanks Emilia. I am just hoping for something to happen. To show me that she wants to be with me again. I don't know if I want to anymore... Maybe my ego is hurt. It depends on the day, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks Emilia. I am just hoping for something to happen. To show me that she wants to be with me again. I don't know if I want to anymore... Maybe my ego is hurt. It depends on the day, though. Relationships end for a reason. I know what you mean but I think it's just the fear of the unknown. See it as an opportunity rather than something to fear. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 My ex sent me a text on our would be 2 year anniversary, after 3 weeks NC. It means they miss you and want to hear that you miss them too to make them feel better and to stroke their ego. If it wasn't "I screwed up and want you back" then it means nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Relationships end for a reason. I know what you mean but I think it's just the fear of the unknown. See it as an opportunity rather than something to fear. You are absolutely right. You have to see it as an opportunity to live new experiences. However, at this point it is more likely to be sad and depressed rather than happy. Time will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Listen, you have a unique opportunity here, so don't blow it and explain anything to her. Go your own way and let her go her's. She chose this path, she's not an idiot... she can figure out why you're not responding. Take back your power and don't respond, in the end, she'll respect you for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Today I have a bad day. I saw her yesterday and we just said hi. She seemed sad that we could not speak but I tried to act as normal as I could. But today I am thinking of her and that I want to hug her. I feel miserable and depressed. However I have not contacted her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Today I have a bad day. I saw her yesterday and we just said hi. She seemed sad that we could not speak but I tried to act as normal as I could. But today I am thinking of her and that I want to hug her. I feel miserable and depressed. However I have not contacted her. This is the part and parcel of a break up. It hurts, you have empathy so you can tell that she hurts too. It's all natural though. This is why break ups suck when it's between two decent people, it's sad. BUT it's the natural process. It will pass 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 This is the part and parcel of a break up. It hurts, you have empathy so you can tell that she hurts too. It's all natural though. This is why break ups suck when it's between two decent people, it's sad. BUT it's the natural process. It will pass Will it pass? It seems that it will hurt forever! Is there a possibility to come back and tell me that she made a mistake? That she wants to be with me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Will it pass? It seems that it will hurt forever! Is there a possibility to come back and tell me that she made a mistake? That she wants to be with me again? She would have done that by now, wouldn't she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 She would have done that by now, wouldn't she? I don't know. Is there a formula to determine how long will take to someone to ask for a second chance? In another thread some said that more than 6 months must pass in order to sincerely come back somebody that broke up with you. Should i lose hope? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I don't know. Is there a formula to determine how long will take to someone to ask for a second chance? In another thread some said that more than 6 months must pass in order to sincerely come back somebody that broke up with you. Should i lose hope? No there is no formula. The rule of thumb I'd say is whether that person tried to contact you and say anything at all. She tried to contact you but nothing she said means she was trying to get back with you. My personal example: I was seeing someone until recently and I wanted him out of my life for a couple of very strong reasons. Very good reasons. Even then it hurt me that he hurt. That's because I can empathise with how he feels and also because we used to be good friends and I miss that. BUT I know that it's best as it is. I'm sad but I don't want him back. I've had contact with him because I'm sad and I don't want to be cold. BUT I don't want him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 No there is no formula. The rule of thumb I'd say is whether that person tried to contact you and say anything at all. She tried to contact you but nothing she said means she was trying to get back with you. My personal example: I was seeing someone until recently and I wanted him out of my life for a couple of very strong reasons. Very good reasons. Even then it hurt me that he hurt. That's because I can empathise with how he feels and also because we used to be good friends and I miss that. BUT I know that it's best as it is. I'm sad but I don't want him back. I've had contact with him because I'm sad and I don't want to be cold. BUT I don't want him back. Thanks for the help Emilia. May I ask what those reasons were ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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