Emilia Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks for the help Emilia. May I ask what those reasons were ? His inability to manage his ADHD. Can't imagine anything remotely related to your situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 His inability to manage his ADHD. Can't imagine anything remotely related to your situation Hahaha... Yeah I think that doesn't apply in my situation. It may be another reason. What have got me thinking is that she said a couple of times that if what we had was strong enough we may be together again in the future. Why did she tell that if she was sure she definitely didn't want to be with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Will it pass? It seems that it will hurt forever! Is there a possibility to come back and tell me that she made a mistake? That she wants to be with me again? It is possible, but the only way is if you go NC and let her miss you. She can't do that if you keep talking to her. Use NC to heal, not to get her back. However, if you don't go NC, she won't come back because she still has you in her life. Look how it is already driving her nuts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 It is possible, but the only way is if you go NC and let her miss you. She can't do that if you keep talking to her. Use NC to heal, not to get her back. However, if you don't go NC, she won't come back because she still has you in her life. Look how it is already driving her nuts. Yeah Frank13. NC is the only way! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 What have got me thinking is that she said a couple of times that if what we had was strong enough we may be together again in the future. Why did she tell that if she was sure she definitely didn't want to be with me? If what you had was strong enough, you wouldn't be apart. Dumpers say: 1) It's better than saying it'll never ever work out because that would hurt you and make them look bad. 2) To keep you on a string so that if things don't work out they have the dumpee available waiting to try again in the future. How does one know that in the future they may want to be with you when they so adamantly don't want to be with you now? Most times I don't even know what I'm going to eat for dinner. It's an assinine comment to make. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yesterday I dreamed of her. I dreamed that I talked to her about my thoughts and why I went NC. Basically it was a nightmare. After waking up and realising it was just a dream I feel so much better that it was not real and I kept NC. The last few days are difficult, though, because, as I said in my previous posts, I accidentally saw her a couple of times. I guess I can't avoid seeing her entirely. I will see her now and then. But I can minimise our contact and change the way of talking to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) I am not coping well. I keep thinking of her. I feel I will not be capable of meeting someone else. The last 3 days I was dreaming of her. What can I do to make it stop hurt?!! I want to cry to take it out of me, but I can't. I am unable to do that. I don't know what I want from her? I think I want to hear her saying that she made a mistake and that she want to try again for us! We are BU: 35 days and NC:1 week. However, I saw her accidentally twice in this weak and just said "hi". Is that considered that the NC is broken? Edited February 24, 2014 by potestatum Link to post Share on other sites
lovebirds Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 You run into her accidentally A LOT. Is there a way you can avoid this for now. Me and my ex had more or less the same social circle so the first few months I avoided gatherings where he would probably be (all the while still meeting up with friends in other ways). Now that i am healed I am beginning to go to bigger social things where my ex is also present, but it does not bother or hurt me anymore. You haven't been broken up long, focus on you and give it time. I was a wreck at 1-2 months past BU but am doing so much better now that it's been 3-4 months (see, i'm not counting any days since BU, or days NC, ... The numbers are not important, your healing is) Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 You run into her accidentally A LOT. Is there a way you can avoid this for now. Me and my ex had more or less the same social circle so the first few months I avoided gatherings where he would probably be (all the while still meeting up with friends in other ways). Now that i am healed I am beginning to go to bigger social things where my ex is also present, but it does not bother or hurt me anymore. You haven't been broken up long, focus on you and give it time. I was a wreck at 1-2 months past BU but am doing so much better now that it's been 3-4 months (see, i'm not counting any days since BU, or days NC, ... The numbers are not important, your healing is) thanks for the reply lovebirds. You see we are going to the same sport centre and that is why I run into her sometimes. The problem is that it is difficult to change sport centre. Do you think this will be an issue? In addition we live in a small town and this makes it more difficult not to meet because the places we are going are limited. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hello, I need your help! Today is her birthday. We are NC for a while. Should I send one message saying Happy Birthday? I don’t know. I don’t want her to believe I forgot about it. I don’t want to be rude. However, I don’t want to go back to square one and ruin what i did till now, if I do this. Please help!! I don’t know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Please someone help! I can't decide what to do! On the one hand I want to show that i care but on the other hand I don't want to screw what I accomplished with NC? Do you believe it's ok to send a message? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Don't send a birthday message. Right now, you are in a bad place, and that will only make it worse. Think of yourself. She will either not respond at all, or she will respond with a few sentences. It actually hurts a lot less if you don't text at all. It still hurts, but there is no need to keep getting rejected over and over again. You are clearly in a bad emotional state by reading your last several posts. Calm down, and don't send a text. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ?occasions? like birthdays post-breakup | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue This post spells it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ?occasions? like birthdays post-breakup | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue This post spells it all out. Thanks BC1980. I will check it out. The thing is that she tried to contact me before but I didn't response. Is ignoring her on her birthday the right thing to do? I mean I feel a bit guilty! And maybe I feel that by sending a happy birthday may make her feel that I care about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Hello again, Me and me ex broke up 48 days ago and we were NC for 22 days (although we said hi when we saw each other accidentally). As I said in my other posts I am going to the same sport centre as my ex. So occassionally I meet her there.(I don't want to, but it happens). I am not chatting with her there. Just saying "hi, how are you" and continue with our training. I can see, that when she sees me, her face turns sad. 5 days ago something different happened. I saw her at the gym, said hi and she responded to me with hi. But later, she came at me and asked me about my job (nothing special to ask about - she just wanted to talk to me). I saw her that she was waiting for the right time to come and talk when I was alone). I mean we were NC, I told her that I do not want to talk and she is coming to ask me about my job. What's more, is that by what she said, I understood that a friend of her (that she has access to my job) checked on me and told her how I am doing. (I don't know if my ex asked her to check but I suppose she did.) I replied to her questions as typically as I could and I continued with my training. 2 days ago, I saw her again at the gym.Just said hi (again her face turned sad) and that was it. I think that not responding with details and trying to avoid her (when she asked for my job) made her a bit angry. The problem is that my ex is a dynamic person. I don't want to treat her in harsh way and if the conversation she started 5 days ago was for reconsiliation I don't want to ruin it! What confuses me is why he came to speak to me at the first place? She knew that I didn't want to. Why is she sad when she sees me? Was it just breadcrumbs? I was clear enough with my actions and words that I don't want to speak. Please advise! Link to post Share on other sites
disclosure Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Don't look too much into it. She's sad because she broke up with you.. The feelings don't just immediately subside for the dumper. In some cases, maybe, but generally if she had feelings for you then she is still going to hurt afterwards. There are a number of reasons dumpers keep in contact. Often times the reason isn't 100% and they are still confused. Combination of loneliness, guilt, regret, old feelings, doubt. They aren't necessarily purposefully feeding you breadcrumbs just to **** with you and keep you in their pocket. She is hurting and confused just like you. But unless she comes crawling back telling you she is committed to giving it another shot, then don't keep your hopes up/overthink it. Stay no contact, if she contacts you with anything but "I want to get back together" then politely tell her you need time/space and if she continues then ignore her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Personally, I'd find a different training center. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 You know I don't want to pull her away from me. What if she want to reconsiliate but she needs a little push from me. A hint that I want her back. I don't know about changing the sport centre. I think it is a big step to change my life so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 You know I don't want to pull her away from me. What if she want to reconsiliate but she needs a little push from me. A hint that I want her back. I don't know about changing the sport centre. I think it is a big step to change my life so much. Oh, like having a girl dump you isn't that big of a change? Changing Sport Centre's would be small potato's in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Oh, like having a girl dump you isn't that big of a change? Changing Sport Centre's would be small potato's in comparison. I see your point. I just don't feel ready making more changes in my life. I know that seeing her makes me hurt. I haven't deleted her from facebook either. I guess I don't have the courage to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I see your point. I just don't feel ready making more changes in my life. I know that seeing her makes me hurt. I haven't deleted her from facebook either. I guess I don't have the courage to do it. I've just read your whole thread. Here's what you need to do: Delete her from FB then block her, change your sport center or at least don't go there for a couple of months. The biggest change has already happened, she dumped you, is like she doesn't need you in her life as a BF but you're ok as a friend, don't go there because being in the ''friend zone'' sucks. Trust me. So there you go, move on, focus on yourself and give her the opportunityto miss you, just disappear... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author potestatum Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 I've just read your whole thread. Here's what you need to do: Delete her from FB then block her, change your sport center or at least don't go there for a couple of months. The biggest change has already happened, she dumped you, is like she doesn't need you in her life as a BF but you're ok as a friend, don't go there because being in the ''friend zone'' sucks. Trust me. So there you go, move on, focus on yourself and give her the opportunityto miss you, just disappear... Thanks for your time amd help David. Honestly, without the help of you guys I wouldn't make it through this break up. I still feel terribly sad. I think that this is because I haven't deleted her from facebook and because I see her occassionally at the sports centre. So you are right about that. I have to delete her and change sports centre. But, I don't feel ok with that. Maybe it is because a part of my body needs her in my life. I know that I must not think that we are going to be together again, but I can't stop thinking of her several times! I must move on, but I don't feel that I have the power. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Now is the time to be a man and cut her off because you feel this way because of her. A person that you love should make happy not sad. It will be very hard I won't lie to you but it's something that you have to do for your own good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah, you really need to change your sport center. I mean, it's a little weird you haven't. At the very least go at a completely different time than you usually go. You are unnecessarily causing yourself pain by this weird sports center stubbornness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 David speaks much sense here my friend. It will not be easy but the quicker you do this then you will slowly begin to move on. I made a load of mistakes when i was dumped. You can learn the hard way like i did or? Good luck. Thanks for your time amd help David. Honestly, without the help of you guys I wouldn't make it through this break up. I still feel terribly sad. I think that this is because I haven't deleted her from facebook and because I see her occassionally at the sports centre. So you are right about that. I have to delete her and change sports centre. But, I don't feel ok with that. Maybe it is because a part of my body needs her in my life. I know that I must not think that we are going to be together again, but I can't stop thinking of her several times! I must move on, but I don't feel that I have the power. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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