Dolores Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Does anyone have this problem? I am married to a sports fanantic. Hes either at a game or watches a game in all his spare time...especially on weekends. Im not into it like he is..so Im on my own alot. Its starting to cause a riff in our marriage...any advice on how to make him spend more time with me and not sports? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 You can't 'make' him do anything he doesn't want to do. What you can do is tell him that his sports involvement is coming between you and that it is jeopardizing your marriage. Ask him if he will consider a compromise where he will cut down and schedule his sports time so that the two of you have time together. If he does not even want to consider it, then you might want to consider dumping him for someone who will put you before sports. He needs to know that too. My husband was like that for a while and I finally got a gut full of it and told him that one of us had to come first; sports or me. He got defensive and angry thinking that I wanted him to quit watching all sports, but when he calmed down and realized that I didn't want him to give it up entirely, we were able to work out some compromises. During football season I'm a football widow -- sometimes. I can deal with that during the playoffs and the Superbowl, because I know that when certain teams (his least favorites) play he doesn't have to watch and we spend time together. He knows that when his favorite teams are playing I won't bother him. Guilt free sports enjoyment for him, and resentment-free for me. Hopefully your husband will put you first and make a compromise. He might not realize just how bad it is for you. People do get divorced over things like this. I certainly don't want to come second to sports and I know you don't either. Unfortunately for some of us, there are men who do put sports first, and they end up alone. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 bring it into the bedroom.....wear sexy underware and a jersey with the make up and everything and get all fun in the bed room...always wanted to try spots in the bedroom! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 bring it into the bedroom.....wear sexy underware and a jersey with the make up and everything and get all fun in the bed room...always wanted to try spots in the bedroom! tee hee! I have to say that I tried this with my husband early on. Didn't work. He would be watching the TV and forget what he was doing with me! "Touchdowns" were sometimes painful! A real sports fanatic, even if he can get it up, can forget about it when he's screaming at his team and something about yelling "Offense! Offense!" during fellatio just destroys what mood there is! Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by HokeyReligions tee hee! I have to say that I tried this with my husband early on. Didn't work. He would be watching the TV and forget what he was doing with me! "Touchdowns" were sometimes painful! A real sports fanatic, even if he can get it up, can forget about it when he's screaming at his team and something about yelling "Offense! Offense!" during fellatio just destroys what mood there is! :lmao: :lmao: "Give it to the Tight end!" :lmao: "Make a pass to the wide receiver!" "I think he was definitely going down.." "Go right up the middle with that ball!" couldn't help myself. That was a funny vision there Hokey! Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 "Penalty! False start on the offense, number 69. 5 yd penalty, repeat first down!" Link to post Share on other sites
herbalyyys Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 well ya had to know he was a sports freak before ya hooked up...why is it bugging you now? I say throw on a cheerleader outfit and cheer him on.If thats not an option, get TiVo and demand some attention to your own type of sport.If THATS not an option, just sit across from him and flash him whenever he cheers on his team...he'll soon enough focus on you! or if anything, go out and do your own thing during the time his sports are on.Oh hell...I would just dangle a vibrator under his nose and tell him you;ll be busy in the bedroom, but he is more than welcome to "come" join you, if he can get away from his sports for a while. I really dont know ANY man who could sit there and go back to watching tv. The only thing you have to lose is some inhibitions, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dolores Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 we've been married 25 years and I'm just fed up with it. Ive always had my kids to do stuff with but now they're grown and gone. I do go shopping but you can only do so much of that too. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 All joking aside -- it's not always about sex and Dolores didn't say she wants more sex, just more time with her husband. When the kids are grown and gone it changes everything. Old routines don't always work and couples become lackluster in the maintenance of their own marriage. Many divorce because of it. Dolores, you have to sit down and talk with him and tell him how serious this is for you and ask him to honestly think about the marriage and if he wants it to continue. Write out what you want to say if you need to and then read him what you wrote and give him what you wrote. You have to let him know your expectations and also how you will compromise with him. If it means one date a week then at least you will have that to look forward to. It's very painful and demoralizing to share one house and have separate lives and feel like nothing will ever change. I know, I've been there and it hurts. If it seems overwhelming to your husband, ask him to make a list of the sports he watches/participates in and rank them in importance. Then eliminate the bottom 1/4 of the list and schedule that time for the two of you. Go to a movie and hold hands. Play putt-putt golf. Walk around a lake and feed the ducks. Go to a tourist spot and take some photos---someplace you haven't been in a while. Go to an amusement park. Find something that you can do together that is not "her" thing or "his" thing. Taking him shopping with you is not going to motivate him. It has to be something that the two of you both will enjoy. The zoo. A museum. Something. If your husband is not willing to part with any of his sports then seriously consider a separation. Tell him you are suing for divorce on the grounds of abandonment -- maybe that will get through to him. You also might want to see a counselor to help you deal with this right now and give you some more ideas and offer you some hope and help to cope with this. I have a feeling its more than just sports -- your husband may be escaping from something that he doesn't want to face and doesn't even recognize it. He might be afraid of what is happening in the marriage and is not coping with the kids moving out and being just with you now. You are in a transitional period and sometimes we need help with that. A marriage counselor can give you both the tools to help yourselves make a stronger marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
herbalyyys Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Yup, if you've been married that long and kids are doing your own thing,you are not a 24/7 Mom in that you dont have little ones to occupy ypu.And he may be just as lost as you--I mean, your not the "MOM" anymore, now your just some woman in the house telling him to pick up his socks...he probably doesnt know what to do with you, so he stays in his own la-la land of sports. You guys have been married for a nice time, so you should still be able to TALK to him...tell him your foundering, too and now that the kids are old enough, you would like to indulge in just you two again.guys are romantic, too,so maybe just approach it...NOT like he's lacking in giving you attention-he'll just get all huffy and defensive. But approach him as...remember when---can we do that again? or...like you guys have grown so much as a couple, lets date to find out about our new selves...I dont know. I would still dangle the vibrator...If you can get him away from the tv, then you can plan a trip to the museum....after! Link to post Share on other sites
uberfrau Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 you husband sounds like dull ass. Feel lucky he doesn't hang out with-what would you talk about, sports? Ugh. Have an affair, a real one, or an online one. Or find a hobby. Or get a job. Either way, quit worrying about your boring husband, and live YOUR LIFE. Forget about him-because he has forgotten about YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dolores Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Im just worried that pretty soon he's going to retire...then he'll have more time to go to all the games. Hes also talked about refereing the local high school games when he does retire. I just feel so lonely sometimes. Oh once in a while he'll go to a movie or dinner with me and then he feels like he's done his duty..now he see as many games as he wants to. Thank -you all for all your support and help. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 25 years? In other words he's been doing this all along? Come on, after 25 years of marriage, SURELY you know that if you want someone to be a certain way, you find them that way, and THEN marry them. If he's a sports nut, you are just going to have to accept it. Nagging will only make it worse. My husband likes sports and playstation, and junk like that. I can either watch with him, or go do my own thing. I chose to watch soaps. Become a sports junky with him, and then, instead of him liking it better than you, he'll like it WITH you Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 Originally posted by uberfrau you husband sounds like dull ass. Feel lucky he doesn't hang out with-what would you talk about, sports? Ugh. Have an affair, a real one, or an online one. Or find a hobby. Or get a job. Either way, quit worrying about your boring husband, and live YOUR LIFE. Forget about him-because he has forgotten about YOU. Yeah....her being a WHORE will really solve some issues! Anyways, someone already mentioned this but I will again... BUY A TIVO!! That will be the answer to your problems! Buy him a Tivo, and then he can record ALL of his sports that come on without missing a single one. While that's recording you'll have hours of time that you can spend with him. If he starts spending a lot more time with you and watches his sports later on, then you know that he was only concerned about missing his stuff. However if that still doesn't work and he makes up excuses...then there's a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 Dolores, please see http://www.marriagebuilders.com. Dr. Harley talks about how you can build shared interests that you BOTH enjoy. And please do make sure that you take this as seriously as it deserves. You shouldn't feel alone, isolated and abandoned in your own marriage. Also try his book His Needs, Her Needs. For marriage to be enjoyable, you both need to meet the other person's needs. The problem is that since men and women typically have such different emotional needs, it takes special care to understand your partner's needs and fulfill them. Do get busy, I think you will be astounded by the changes you can make single-handedly. Link to post Share on other sites
carloverswife Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Hi Dolores, My problem is similar, but my H is a car fanatic, not a sports fanatic. He travels a lot with work, and when he comes home, he goes straight to the garage to work on his latest car project. He spends all day there, emerging only at meal times. So I'm left to do my own thing, and yes, one can only do so much hanging out at the mall, going to movies alone and so on....Sometimes I feel like I'm married to a ghost. I have tried to explain how much I miss doing things together. Then once in a while, he "does his duty" and takes me out to a restaurant, or a movie, but always makes it clear that this is time wasted, as he could be working on his car. Our main topic of coversation is the car this.... the car that......he shows no interest in my hobbies. Hugznkisses21 recommended bringing it to the bedroom. So do I stroll into the garage wearing sexy lingerie and a torque wrench oops! That might turn him off! Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by uberfrau you husband sounds like dull ass. Feel lucky he doesn't hang out with-what would you talk about, sports? Ugh. Have an affair, a real one, or an online one. Or find a hobby. Or get a job. Either way, quit worrying about your boring husband, and live YOUR LIFE. Forget about him-because he has forgotten about YOU. OMG!!! That is the worst advice I have ever heard! Are you serious!?!?! WTH is wrong w/ you? Like that is going to solve anything, her screwing around. Just b/c you screw other ppl (aren't you in an open M?) doesn't mean that is the answer for everyone. To the poster, I understand how you feel, my H is a sports freak too. It was causing a lot of M problems w/ us too. He would golf on Mon and Thurs nights, played softball on Wed nights (we went and watched) and on Friday nights he would either play horseshoes or played Ping Pong. On Saturdays he would go to his friends and watch games. Sunday and Tues were the only time he was home. It was causing a lot of M problems too. I was home raising our kids while he was out having fun. My parent's knew he was gone a lot b/c everytime my mom called he was gone. She said when a man marries and has a family they need to give up some of their hobbies if it means they are away from home so much. Even though your children are grown and out of the house he still needs to spend time w/ you and not so much time in front of the tv. When my H is playing golf (now only one time a week and softball only one time a week) I go visit my sister or sil so I am not sitting at home while he is out having fun. When he plays softball I go and the kids play at the park w/ friends. When he is watching sports on tv I play on the computer or watch tv in the bedroom. He doesn't watch as much sports as he use to. He wont miss any local college games or his favorite NFL games or the Super Bowl. As for him having sex and the tv is on, he should respect you and that time together and the tv shouldn't be on. I would ask him out of respect he shouldn't have the tv on when you are having intimate times 2gether. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts