Thinking about breaking NC... [update]

[Breadimus]

Prior to when he suddenly dumped me, he always made me happy... I never saw it coming. I've read a few of your posts and we do have a similar situation, and I like knowing someone knows how I feel. It's just so hard to let go

 

Hey mate chin up,

 

Today is a difficult one that is for sure. When my thoughts snowball into oblivion, and this may only work for me, I like to focus on the joy me and my ex had when we were together. For a brief moment in your life you found someone, and they found you, who loved you deeply and passionately and with so much conviction. Take comfort in that it happened and that it was wonderful.

 

You alone are responsible for your happiness, as are they. What they have done is not selfish, but a right they have and enacted upon to make them happy. I would rather be single, heartbroken and crushed, then stifling the happiness of another. That is selfish. We are not selfish, just in bad shape at the moment.

 

Soon you will start to rage at the what they have done, that is good embrace it because when you get through it you will have greater clarity.

[iDrumKing]

I wish I could simply summarize why I feel that way, because breaking up was something neither of us wanted to do but had to be done. He told me he still loves me and always will, I guess it just comes down to the fact he couldn't handle a serious relationship. Even though a year in... you'd think the relationship was "serious"... I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, but living without him is something that must happen now

 

You'll learn and care from everyone who enters your life even mine. Some are meant to be with us longer than other, but not forever. No, your forever is still out there. If there was a way for us to talk privately I would. We are in THE exact same boat.

[kgreatie]

You'll learn and care from everyone who enters your life even mine. Some are meant to be with us longer than other, but not forever. No, your forever is still out there. If there was a way for us to talk privately I would. We are in THE exact same boat.

 

Yes, I wish there was an option to PM someone on here. I don't know why there isn't... I feel we could really help each other out. After reading all your posts, we are in the same boat and it sucks.

[kgreatie]

Hey mate chin up,

 

Today is a difficult one that is for sure. When my thoughts snowball into oblivion, and this may only work for me, I like to focus on the joy me and my ex had when we were together. For a brief moment in your life you found someone, and they found you, who loved you deeply and passionately and with so much conviction. Take comfort in that it happened and that it was wonderful.

 

You alone are responsible for your happiness, as are they. What they have done is not selfish, but a right they have and enacted upon to make them happy. I would rather be single, heartbroken and crushed, then stifling the happiness of another. That is selfish. We are not selfish, just in bad shape at the moment.

 

Soon you will start to rage at the what they have done, that is good embrace it because when you get through it you will have greater clarity.

I know deep down I would eventually be keeping him from living his dream and I'm now realizing he was keeping me from mine.... the anger phase is beginning though haha

[Lacey.]

Sad to see people beat themselves up. I felt the same though, and still do in ways. You are worth more than you would ever believe at this point. I know your first thought is "he (or they) don't even know me"... well, here's the facts -- the fact you care so much, so deeply, means you have a good heart and a good mind. For that ALONE you are a catch -- everything else is a bonus.

 

The guy who ditched you clearly didn't know what he was missing, and it's obviously not your loss to lose someone who is so selfish and blind. You have been granted a blessing, not cursed..

This is so heartwarming ... if only the exs could see this how big our hearts really are.

[KaliLove]

I'm having a rough night too K. Damn you PMS!!!

 

If I knew you IRL or lived anywhere near you, I'd bring over a few bottles of wine and some non-romantic chick flicks (wait..oxymoron..ok maybe not chick flicks) and we'd cry together and then get pleasantly tipsy and I'd probably say something really dumb and make you laugh because I'm really good at that. Being dumb I mean.

[sly_fly1]

hell come crawling back, give it a few weeks. just avoid him and if he texts next tell him you moved on, it will make him go insane

[KaliLove]

hell come crawling back, give it a few weeks. just avoid him and if he texts next tell him you moved on, it will make him go insane

 

Oh geez, don't say that. You don't know that. And NC is not about getting them back, it's about moving on. For the millionth time.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yes, I wish there was an option to PM someone on here. I don't know why there isn't... I feel we could really help each other out.

 

You can PM. I believe you have to be a member for month first...

[thedarkhorse]

I'm heartbroken too!

 

Bf of a year and 5 months dumped me a little over a week ago. I cry every single morning. I'm on spring break rn. When I get back to school he'll be in my classes again and maybe we can reconcile but for now I'm miserable

[kgreatie]

I'm having a rough night too K. Damn you PMS!!!

 

If I knew you IRL or lived anywhere near you, I'd bring over a few bottles of wine and some non-romantic chick flicks (wait..oxymoron..ok maybe not chick flicks) and we'd cry together and then get pleasantly tipsy and I'd probably say something really dumb and make you laugh because I'm really good at that. Being dumb I mean.

 

hahah i would love this. i wish i had friends like that around here

[kgreatie]

I'm heartbroken too!

 

Bf of a year and 5 months dumped me a little over a week ago. I cry every single morning. I'm on spring break rn. When I get back to school he'll be in my classes again and maybe we can reconcile but for now I'm miserable

 

I'm a month post BU and i still cry every day. I'm still miserable too.. it sucks

[mtnbiker3000]

I'm a month post BU and i still cry every day. I'm still miserable too.. it sucks

 

Hang in there. It takes time. Just think how strong you will be when recovered...

[realfriends]

I'm a month post BU and i still cry every day. I'm still miserable too.. it sucks

 

It took me about 30-45 days NC to get over the initial hump.

[kgreatie]

Hang in there. It takes time. Just think how strong you will be when recovered...

 

I'm really trying. Today is one of those days where I wanna break down and cry and on my way home I seriously wanted to drive myself into a tree. I feel so empty and lost and I can't shake it no matter what I do. I feel so pathetic and dramatic. ugh

[mtnbiker3000]

When the feeling gets like that just take 2 or 3 deep breaths. That should calm you down a bit. Then try to distract yourself. You'll be OK, just hang tough!!!

[kgreatie]

This morning I broke NC. I know... I know. I was extremely angry, depressed and weak and I was angry and let him know. What came of it is that I now realize he is an uncaring, heartless piece of ****. He really doesn't care at all about how awful I feel or how he made me feel. I'm just angry and done being sad (although I know I'll probably be crying later about it) in my eyes he's just the devil and he disgusts me with how much he truly does not give a **** about me or my feelings. ugh.

[Weallwalkthelongroad]

NC is all of the clarity I need. It speaks at a louder volume than reaching out for clarity.

[Me. Myself and I]

It's funny how it just hits you that they don't actually care anymore. I've never understood how a person can just cut off any feelings like that.

 

I had this lightbulb moment after going to see my ex.

He gave me a load of spiel about how we would need to be friends first and he doesn't know how he feels.... It drove me crazy so I went to see him to get a proper answer from him.

I was sat with my head in my hands crying. While he stood there and told me he feels nothing for me and that he will never have a relationship with me again. He told me he wants to settle down but that won't be with me. His words were said with no emotion and were cold. He wasn't the person I knew. After this he simply said "you can go now" as if I was a servant to royalty. I left my dignity there and felt like a fool. I couldn't believe how he was. It too made me angry!!! I thought how could this person that means so much to me treat me like this?? Then it clicked. Because I let him....

 

That being said, I don't know your situation. Maybe he is hurting too which is why he reacted angrily?

It's awful going through the emotional ups and downs. You hate. You love. You hate. You love... Time heals so I've been told. Stick with NC.

[kgreatie]

It's funny how it just hits you that they don't actually care anymore. I've never understood how a person can just cut off any feelings like that.

 

I had this lightbulb moment after going to see my ex.

He gave me a load of spiel about how we would need to be friends first and he doesn't know how he feels.... It drove me crazy so I went to see him to get a proper answer from him.

I was sat with my head in my hands crying. While he stood there and told me he feels nothing for me and that he will never have a relationship with me again. He told me he wants to settle down but that won't be with me. His words were said with no emotion and were cold. He wasn't the person I knew. After this he simply said "you can go now" as if I was a servant to royalty. I left my dignity there and felt like a fool. I couldn't believe how he was. It too made me angry!!! I thought how could this person that means so much to me treat me like this?? Then it clicked. Because I let him....

 

That being said, I don't know your situation. Maybe he is hurting too which is why he reacted angrily?

It's awful going through the emotional ups and downs. You hate. You love. You hate. You love... Time heals so I've been told. Stick with NC.

 

I don't understand how some men can be completely heartless like that. It's disgusting. He did tell me it was still hard for him and that I shouldn't take my anger out on him. I told him I blocked his number and I did... and now I want to text again and just apologize for what I said but there's not going back. I need someone that actually cares, and I kinda hope he's miserable. I feel like a fool as well that he could just walk away from me and not look back after a year of near perfection together. His true colors came out when he ended it- he's a child and doesn't know how to have a serious relationship and doesn't care about me.

[Me. Myself and I]

I don't understand how some men can be completely heartless like that. It's disgusting. He did tell me it was still hard for him and that I shouldn't take my anger out on him. I told him I blocked his number and I did... and now I want to text again and just apologize for what I said but there's not going back. I need someone that actually cares, and I kinda hope he's miserable. I feel like a fool as well that he could just walk away from me and not look back after a year of near perfection together. His true colors came out when he ended it- he's a child and doesn't know how to have a serious relationship and doesn't care about me.

 

 

I can relate to you wanting to apologise!

After my ex said these things to me. I packed the last of his things and returned them. I received a text from him at 3 am with him drunk and reconfirming what he told me. ( like me returning his things wasn't a clear enough message to say I don't want anything to do with you anymore)

I responded very angrily and that evening felt I had to send a text to say sorry. I felt guilty about it. I never did send that text. I didn't want him to think I was still emotionally attached and that he would feel he had power over me. He treated me horribly and it was time he knew it.

 

Keep yourself busy. Let him reach out to you. If he's saying it's hard for him too, emotions are going to be all over the place for both of you. Stick with NC. Let things cool down. I feel for you. I'm in the same sort of boat too.

I just let it all out on here

[kgreatie]

I can relate to you wanting to apologise!

After my ex said these things to me. I packed the last of his things and returned them. I received a text from him at 3 am with him drunk and reconfirming what he told me. ( like me returning his things wasn't a clear enough message to say I don't want anything to do with you anymore)

I responded very angrily and that evening felt I had to send a text to say sorry. I felt guilty about it. I never did send that text. I didn't want him to think I was still emotionally attached and that he would feel he had power over me. He treated me horribly and it was time he knew it.

 

Keep yourself busy. Let him reach out to you. If he's saying it's hard for him too, emotions are going to be all over the place for both of you. Stick with NC. Let things cool down. I feel for you. I'm in the same sort of boat too.

I just let it all out on here

 

Unfortunately, I don't think he will ever reach out to talk to me ever again. It's been a month after he dumped me and he's made no effort to talk to me, every single time it's been me. He truly does not want me anymore and doesn't care and it's disgusting how he could act that way after all we've been through together. I just want to find happiness again

[Me. Myself and I]

Unfortunately, I don't think he will ever reach out to talk to me ever again. It's been a month after he dumped me and he's made no effort to talk to me, every single time it's been me. He truly does not want me anymore and doesn't care and it's disgusting how he could act that way after all we've been through together. I just want to find happiness again

 

You will find happiness I know it doesn't seem that way now. But you will.

 

It had been 4 months for me, all this happened in the last few weeks.

He probably hasn't contacted you because he's had no need. You have initiated contact with him. I guess you could say he hasn't had time to miss you. Why would he if you're contacting him? I chased my ex all the time! I pursued him and pushed him even further away. I always initiated contact too. I begged and pleaded like a fool. Everyone I had spoken to had said "let him come to you" & "how will he miss you if you're still there" loads of people on here have helped me with this stuff.

Don't make the same mistakes I made.... Use NC as a tool to heal yourself. Not only will it help you, because you can focus on being you and get yourself back to a happier place. It will give him time to miss you. If it's meant to be it will be. If he doesn't realise what a great person you are. Then it's his loss! Show him what he's missing by putting yourself first.

I really did learn the hard way. It made me ill and I undervalued myself.

It's not going to be easy, I can tell you that for sure. I'm still up and down all the time even after 4 months. But that's because i didn't take time to heal myself. I stayed in the moment of the break up. I never moved passed it. I hung on to the what ifs and the hope. Be strong things will become clearer in time

Edited March 23, 2014 by Me. Myself and I

[kgreatie]

You will find happiness I know it doesn't seem that way now. But you will.

 

It had been 4 months for me, all this happened in the last few weeks.

He probably hasn't contacted you because he's had no need. You have initiated contact with him. I guess you could say he hasn't had time to miss you. Why would he if you're contacting him? I chased my ex all the time! I pursued him and pushed him even further away. I always initiated contact too. I begged and pleaded like a fool. Everyone I had spoken to had said "let him come to you" & "how will he miss you if you're still there" loads of people on here have helped me with this stuff.

Don't make the same mistakes I made.... Use NC as a tool to heal yourself. Not only will it help you, because you can focus on being you and get yourself back to a happier place. It will give him time to miss you. If it's meant to be it will be. If he doesn't realise what a great person you are. Then it's his loss! Show him what he's missing by putting yourself first.

I really did learn the hard way. It made me ill and I undervalued myself.

It's not going to be easy, I can tell you that for sure. I'm still up and down all the time even after 4 months. But that's because i didn't take time to heal myself. I stayed in the moment of the break up. I never moved passed it. I hung on to the what ifs and the hope. Be strong things will become clearer in time

 

Thank you It's now the morning after and things are clearer. Yes, I was very in love with him, but he changed and doesn't seem to care how much he hurt me and I want nothing to do with him anymore. It still hurts to picture him with someone else and being happy without me, but I want to move on and erase him from my memory the best I can. It's not my loss to lose someone so heartless and blind. Some day I'll be in love again and it'll be better. That day just couldn't come soon enough

[BC1980]

This morning I broke NC. I know... I know. I was extremely angry, depressed and weak and I was angry and let him know. What came of it is that I now realize he is an uncaring, heartless piece of ****. He really doesn't care at all about how awful I feel or how he made me feel. I'm just angry and done being sad (although I know I'll probably be crying later about it) in my eyes he's just the devil and he disgusts me with how much he truly does not give a **** about me or my feelings. ugh.

 

It gave you clarity for that moment, but you can't give into your impulses like that again. You had all of these negative emotions, which is normal, but you can't break contact for that reason. The problem is that you didn't work through all of your emotions to make sense of them. I know because I've been there. Breaking NC isn't the way to go, and, trust me, you will want to do it again at some point. This process isn't linear by any means. You don't just gain clarity one day, and it's over. It goes in starts and stops.