OW problem with MM...assistance needed!

[dandan1]

Why even stay that long?

 

If it is causing you so much pain, and I can certainly understand why it would, why honor a timetable commitment to a man who waffles back and forth in difficulty of honoring anything?

 

Honor the commitment if you believe it is the right thing to do, but you STILL do not have to be in contact with him; no hand holding, no therapy, no shoulder to cry on, no soft landing, no plan B.

 

He, ALL by himself, needs to Commit, decide and choose. Period.

 

WHY make it easier for him, yet harder for yourself, to remain in constant ear shot of his marital woes and indecisiveness until July?

 

Let him inform you.....in July.

 

I agree. The pain is too much for me and has been wrecking me emotionally, mentally, and physically. In my heart I know I can't move on right away, so I will "stay" in that aspect, but mentally and physically I can't even if it is easier for him.

[whichwayisup]

I am sticking to this, no matter what you might think. He told me he could before this and now is back and forth so yes, that is the little hope I have, but no I will not stick around if nothing has changed. She is manipulative in some cases (I would be scared too if someone threatened to destroy my family, friends, and career if I did not stay) but whatever the case is, I will not stay around after this deadline, period.

 

Of course she is, rightfully so. This is HER husband, her life, her marriage you're messing with so she is going to do whatever she needs to do to fight for him and not lose what she has built with him.

 

He is good at 'saying the words' but there's no follow through. He's given you empty promises and given you hope. Nothing is going to change between now and July.

 

Bolded part..I hope you mean that and stick to it. It's easy to 'say' but to actually do are two different things so be strong and if you can't handle it or feel like you want to give him more time, seek counseling to help you through this.

[FoolishOW]

Dandan, for what it's worth I just wanted to mention that while it may feel like you're hearing the same replies over and over again, it isn't because posters don't empathize with you. Quite the opposite. I believe that many see your situation, and the information you've shared as extremely recognizable, almost a text book case of what so often happens when an OW is no longer able to see clearly beyond the emotions that cloud their sense of logic.

 

 

I'm guessing that you fell in love with a man who was NOT (at the time) being forced to choose between 'his wife and family and everyday life as he knew it' OR... you. Even if those conversations did take place at the beginning of your relationship, it's likely he would have sold his own mother to spend time with you, which is just an exaggeration to make the point that people are often willing to say anything when they don't honestly believe they'll ever have to follow through. Now that this has all become extremely serious in terms of life decisions, you have to be able to reassess this man and his behaviors for what they are, when push comes to shove. He's backed himself into a corner with lies and promises to two different women and he literally has no escape route that doesn't leave him looking like a world class schmuck.

 

 

He's weak, he's manipulative, he gives excuse after excuse for a problem he created, and he blames his sorry situation on everyone but himself. Think about that for a minute. You're witnessing what this man is really made of, all while he can't even show you enough respect to have a calm realistic, mature conversation with you about the pain YOU'RE in right now. Are any of those 'qualities' on the list of what you're looking for in the man you want to spend your life with? If he's the prize at the end of all of this, I'm not sure you could call that a win. You can do so much better! I hope you realize this soon. Best to you!