drowningpain Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 So my girlfriend and I are currently a few miles apart due to studies. Well basically, last year I found some messages in her phone that were pretty indecent even though she wasn't playing along with the guy but the guy was all sexual and my girlfriend responded with hahas, lols, and what not which didn't bother me as much but I don't believe she should have paid attention to him. So from then, I lost faith in her. We've been dating for a year and about 9 months now, but just yesterday she told me she was going to bed. Said our goodnights and off she went, little did she know that we have the iPhone Find Friends tracking setup on our phones, so I know where she is whenever I check. I found out that she wasn't home when she said her goodnight. I texted her, but she didn't reply (she does fall asleep fast, well if she really was sleeping). I confronted her in the morning, asking her were she was at the time she said goodnight. She told me she was at home, but had gone out that night as she got hungry and grabbed some late night food with a friend. So I asked her who her friend was? And she wouldn't tell me? So I kept pushing until I said, is this some other guy you are seeing? And she got all mad, and wouldn't talk to me. I called her a couple a times and she wouldn't pick up until I forced her to pick up, asked her "Who was the guy?" Then she hung up on me again. She then tells me that she doesn't have anything to tell or talk to me about. I ask her why, we are just talking? She then tells me that she can't back herself up on things I think she's done. "This is the last text I am sending you right now, I don't really care whether you think I was with a guy or not right now." <- Exactly what she said. And I try calling her again and she switched off her phone. Now guys, I am sorry for the essay, poor grammar maybe, but I am in need of some really good help and advice, what should I do? I am willing to be open minded as possible and will listen to any suggestions. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Now what you do is go cold on her. Like you have moved on you should get your answer within a few weeks if not sooner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 If she can't do it in front of you she shouldn't be doing it, run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 To me this sounds like her freaking out she isnt doing anything to assure you at all its like she got caught and is now trying to act like your at fault for asking and trying avoiding your questions in anyway possible. People in relationships tend not to refuse information of who they were with, just saying a friend and then trying to ignore you? Sounds like she cant even come up with a good lie. I wouldn't speak to her till she's ready to be honest about "who" she was with, and tell her that. "a friend" with blowing you off is not a good answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Cut the ties with this one. Once the initial "lol" and "haha" to indecent texts happened you should've hit the switch in your head that "this one isn't long term wifey material anymore." Good for hooking up with and all that as long as she's not too annoying, but start the deattachment process. Now that she's doing even more shady things... The healthy thing to do would be to end the relationship. The other, less healthy option, is to bang away while looking for option B behind her back. But don't go on a goose chase and continue fighting over this. There's no point and it's just a waste of energy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Her reaction is not how someone loving and caring would react. It's more like someone self-centered would react. Her behavior is highly disrespectful and you should not tolerate it. If she's not even interested in listening to you, there is nothing you can do other than leave. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 She lied to you! It's a solid fact. There is no 0.0001% Chance that she didnt lie. So, now what? 1. If i were you I would dump her immediately 2. If i were you with a bigger ego, I would say "I'm sorry", wait till she calms down, invite her to go with you to some place special, to do something exciting (expensive), something you know she always wanted to do, and then, one minute before you should pick her up when she's dressed and ready - I'd call her, saying: (choose from the list): 1. Bye bye. 2. Oops, sorry, I mixes the day, my mistake, tonight i have another date with another girl, i wouldn't tell you her name. sorry. talk to you tomorrow... 3. It's over between us, sorry for the short notice. You are allowed to combine, or be more creative... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 She was with another guy. You busted her. She got angry and tried to blame-shift as a self defence strategy. Cut her off dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 She lied to you! It's a solid fact. There is no 0.0001% Chance that she didnt lie. So, now what? 1. If i were you I would dump her immediately 2. If i were you with a bigger ego, I would say "I'm sorry", wait till she calms down, invite her to go with you to some place special, to do something exciting (expensive), something you know she always wanted to do, and then, one minute before you should pick her up when she's dressed and ready - I'd call her, saying: (choose from the list): 1. Bye bye. 2. Oops, sorry, I mixes the day, my mistake, tonight i have another date with another girl, i wouldn't tell you her name. sorry. talk to you tomorrow... 3. It's over between us, sorry for the short notice. You are allowed to combine, or be more creative... No need to stoop to her level and act like how she would. Just leave her be stong and manly keep your pride hold your head high and walk away, the best revenge is acting like it didn't phase you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ctxinfl Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 She's running around on you. Emotionally, physically...it doesn't matter. If you are in a relationship with someone you don't entertain a member of the opposite sex. You don't tolerate them sending you sexual text messages. You certainly don't grab late night meals with them. She should have been completely open to you as to who she was with. She's hiding and deflecting. At the very least I'd cut her completely off until she opens up to you, and even then you need to be prepared to end it immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Dude, she's cheating on you. If it was all a misunderstanding, she would have bent over backwards to prove to you that you were wrong about her and hold that over your head for a while. But, you caught her off guard and she didn't have a viable story for you. So, what did she do? She ran. Personally, just move on. You got your closure. You know that she met up with some guy and you saw that she wasn't at home. That's all you need to know. She told you she went out to eat, dollars to donuts if you remember the general area that you saw where her phone pinged, betcha there isn't a restaurant anywhere near there. Don't even bother contacting her again. Just heal and move on from this. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) No need to stoop to her level and act like how she would. Just leave her be stong and manly keep your pride hold your head high and walk away, the best revenge is acting like it didn't phase you at all. Yes, yes, I know all the theories about how revenge is never the right thing to do. Also I, my self most of the time act accordinf to this theory, and tell other people that revenge is bad for them. BUT... (its a big but) in the few occasions I didnt control my self and had my little revenge, (special irritating humiliating occasions), I can tell you the feeling was good! some girls manage to have the upper hand against me, While acting unfairly, told me lies, and made me feel humiliated. But after the little revenge i've had, I got the upper hand, They lost, and i earned a very quick healing, peace and quiet. So I've learned that those "right theories" are to be judged depending on the circumstances. Edited March 11, 2014 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Busted. She was/is doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing. It's fairly obvious from her reaction. If she really wanted to assure you that it was innocent, she'd have told you who she was with. You know she lied. Now the rest is up to you. Let her know you don't appreciate her dishonesty; decide if it's worth it to continue. I do want to ask about a detail from your first post, OP: You said little does she know that you both have the iPhone Find Friends tracking set up on your phones. Do you mean she's not aware you're tracking her? Or she's simply not aware of how it works, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author drowningpain Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Now what you do is go cold on her. Like you have moved on you should get your answer within a few weeks if not sooner. I have listened to your advice and have stayed quiet, but so as she. People in relationships tend not to refuse information of who they were with, just saying a friend and then trying to ignore you? Sounds like she cant even come up with a good lie. I wouldn't speak to her till she's ready to be honest about "who" she was with, and tell her that. "a friend" with blowing you off is not a good answer. Exactly my thought. I didn't even get what was so wrong with me asking who she was with. But yeah she made it obvious that it was some dude. Cut the ties with this one. Once the initial "lol" and "haha" to indecent texts happened you should've hit the switch in your head that "this one isn't long term wifey material anymore." But don't go on a goose chase and continue fighting over this. There's no point and it's just a waste of energy. So true, I don't have the time for her anymore, I have pretty much given up on her. I am ending things with her first thing tomorrow morning. It will be heartbreaking but the pain will heal. Her reaction is not how someone loving and caring would react. It's more like someone self-centered would react. Her behavior is highly disrespectful and you should not tolerate it. If she's not even interested in listening to you, there is nothing you can do other than leave. I have told her this so many times. She has that ego that I don't like and she has agreed with me once, and there was a time I told her I was breaking up with her, she confirmed that her ego always gets the best of her and I should give her one more chance, (making that 2 chances), so I did, and now this happens... She lied to you! It's a solid fact. There is no 0.0001% Chance that she didnt lie. So, now what? 1. If i were you I would dump her immediately 2. If i were you with a bigger ego, I would say "I'm sorry", wait till she calms down, invite her to go with you to some place special, to do something exciting (expensive), something you know she always wanted to do, and then, one minute before you should pick her up when she's dressed and ready - I'd call her, saying: (choose from the list): 1. Bye bye. 2. Oops, sorry, I mixes the day, my mistake, tonight i have another date with another girl, i wouldn't tell you her name. sorry. talk to you tomorrow... 3. It's over between us, sorry for the short notice. You are allowed to combine, or be more creative... Haha I would have done that a couple years ago, but I feel like I don't have the time for all that anymore. I am just going to be straight forward and dump her first thing in the morning. She was with another guy. You busted her. She got angry and tried to blame-shift as a self defence strategy. Cut her off dude. Exactly what I'm going to do. Heartbreaking but what needs to be done, has to be done. I can't be in such a relationship. She's running around on you. Emotionally, physically...it doesn't matter. If you are in a relationship with someone you don't entertain a member of the opposite sex. You don't tolerate them sending you sexual text messages. You certainly don't grab late night meals with them. She should have been completely open to you as to who she was with. She's hiding and deflecting. At the very least I'd cut her completely off until she opens up to you, and even then you need to be prepared to end it immediately. I cut her off for 2-3 days now, but she has done the same. The only way she's been trying to communicate is by putting quoted profile pictures on whatsapp with messages, that I would probably see which I haven't been bothered to read them but I recall one saying "Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectation". I was just like ok. Dude, she's cheating on you. If it was all a misunderstanding, she would have bent over backwards to prove to you that you were wrong about her and hold that over your head for a while. But, you caught her off guard and she didn't have a viable story for you. So, what did she do? She ran. Personally, just move on. You got your closure. You know that she met up with some guy and you saw that she wasn't at home. That's all you need to know. She told you she went out to eat, dollars to donuts if you remember the general area that you saw where her phone pinged, betcha there isn't a restaurant anywhere near there. Don't even bother contacting her again. Just heal and move on from this. I haven't contacted her yet, that will be done tomorrow when I end things. Busted. She was/is doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing. It's fairly obvious from her reaction. If she really wanted to assure you that it was innocent, she'd have told you who she was with. You know she lied. Now the rest is up to you. Let her know you don't appreciate her dishonesty; decide if it's worth it to continue. I do want to ask about a detail from your first post, OP: You said little does she know that you both have the iPhone Find Friends tracking set up on your phones. Do you mean she's not aware you're tracking her? Or she's simply not aware of how it works, exactly? I'm sorry for the confusion, when I said little does she know, I meant she actually knows, I was just trying to brush up the english a bit, english is my 3rd language, so it can be a challenge at times and that is why I pointed out excuse the poor grammar if there was any. And I don't think it's worth it anymore, I have sacrificed quite a lot for her, but I am not doing it again after this situation. I am moving on. ---------- I am sincerely thankful for all your messages, you have no idea how much they've helped me and made me feel more at ease. This thing was bugging me constantly until I read the advice, I really do appreciate them. I realized that this isn't really my dream girl or one who really wants a future with me (she wouldn't be doing all that she does if she actually did), so I'm deciding to let her go, I am going to end things with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Silence is golden. In this case your in a game to see who will crack first and try to make contact and my money is on her winning. Look. You don't need to call her and say "were through". What you got there is you making the first contact. Leave it alone. If you don't here from her then honestly, lucky you because she lied to you and no doubt went out with another guy and her actions told you that. Remain silent and move on. Now your getting this advice from a old guy, 66 years old and IMO in this day and age it's almost impossible to stay silent with texts and a buzzer going off in your pants when you get a phone call but give it the old college try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author drowningpain Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Silence is golden. In this case your in a game to see who will crack first and try to make contact and my money is on her winning. Look. You don't need to call her and say "were through". What you got there is you making the first contact. Leave it alone. If you don't here from her then honestly, lucky you because she lied to you and no doubt went out with another guy and her actions told you that. Remain silent and move on. Now your getting this advice from a old guy, 66 years old and IMO in this day and age it's almost impossible to stay silent with texts and a buzzer going off in your pants when you get a phone call but give it the old college try. Thank you for the advice. But would you & the majority actually recommend me to stay quiet? What if she dumps me first lol, not a laughing matter, but...? Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Thank you for the advice. But would you & the majority actually recommend me to stay quiet? What if she dumps me first lol, not a laughing matter, but...? Who cares if she does. Really I don't see the point of trying to salvage anything here. Move on. This relationship is not the one you want. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 She needs to know she's been dumped. Bad behaviour = get your cheating lying a$$ out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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