My Story - End of my marriage

[hurts1968]

I think you both have given a lot since 15 yrs but there was no reason for her to suddenly leave you without considering the marriage, though she had made her mind about you its better for you to move and plan something that would help your daughter to have a nicer future. Try going out and meeting some friends and family speak out to them may be that would help you reduce the stress and depression at this time.

 

 

hi jackieblack07, believe me I have done nothing but get support from friends and Family, really don't think I would have made it without their help!

[GarrusVakarian]

Hi,

I know time will help...just don't see it right now, but I guess you are living proof.

Glad she's all gone out of your life...with having a daughter I will never get to that point!

Glad the date went well....think I'm a bit away from that right now but look forward to being in a place where I could start seeing other people.

Ex has been back to me today already trying to change the rules, wants me not to see my daughter for tea on a Wednesday as she thinks it will be too unsettling for her...unsettling, she has moved her from her home to strange man's house!!

 

Although I still love her, still want her and would probably take her back in an instant she is starting to really piss me off.

 

Mate, I think in this situation you will have to be super cool. Seems to me like she is trying to bait you into kicking off?. She knows your daughter is extremely close to your heart and is trying to play on this. You cant rise to her otherwise she may try and turn things against you and limit access to your daughter. As you have probably learnt women are extremely manipulative when they want to be. So don't rise to it. If she wants to play these games. Say you want her on other days or have her longer on a Sunday. Why does she have to go back at 11am on Sunday?. Why not 5pm?. You get two full days with your daughter then. Not what you want, you probably look forward to the midweek access.

 

Also, your ex does she not realise by playing these games she could affect your relationship with your daughter. Something that your daughter will miss out on because of her mothers behaviour and possibly resent her mother when she is older!.

 

I have to say seriously, I don't know your wife is playing these games. But is this the person you really want to be with?. The ex who is playing games with her daughters relationship and feelings with her father. To me personally mate that just seems a bit sick!. I cant think of anything more repugnant.

 

Like I said, I cant say she is definitely doing this, but it seems that way. She laid the ground rules on access and now she is trying to change them to suit her.

 

But mate seriously play it cool, you cannot get angry over it.

[hurts1968]

Mate, I think in this situation you will have to be super cool. Seems to me like she is trying to bait you into kicking off?. She knows your daughter is extremely close to your heart and is trying to play on this. You cant rise to her otherwise she may try and turn things against you and limit access to your daughter. As you have probably learnt women are extremely manipulative when they want to be. So don't rise to it. If she wants to play these games. Say you want her on other days or have her longer on a Sunday. Why does she have to go back at 11am on Sunday?. Why not 5pm?. You get two full days with your daughter then. Not what you want, you probably look forward to the midweek access.

 

Also, your ex does she not realise by playing these games she could affect your relationship with your daughter. Something that your daughter will miss out on because of her mothers behaviour and possibly resent her mother when she is older!.

 

I have to say seriously, I don't know your wife is playing these games. But is this the person you really want to be with?. The ex who is playing games with her daughters relationship and feelings with her father. To me personally mate that just seems a bit sick!. I cant think of anything more repugnant.

 

Like I said, I cant say she is definitely doing this, but it seems that way. She laid the ground rules on access and now she is trying to change them to suit her.

 

But mate seriously play it cool, you cannot get angry over it.

 

 

 

 

She is so playing games, she really doesn't like that I am having my daughter every weekend and she is not getting that much quality time with her....I do have an ace up my sleeve that I can't go into that i can play and I know she will avoid it at all costs! So even if I insist on seeing my daughter during the week I don't think she will do too much...

 

Main thing for me (not her obviously) is my daughter and any impact anything might have on her...if I can get out of work at 4pm on a Wednesday I can pick her up at 4.30pm and spend a couple of hours with her, give her tea and have her back before bedtime...if I leave work at 6pm which sometimes is possible I can understand my ex's point!

 

I know what you are saying, why would I want this person, maybe I'm just missing the company, missing the person in my life....lonely I guess. But 14 years is a long time, I gave my heart and soul to that relationship and I don't normally give up easily!!

 

It's very hard not to have a dig, especially when I can see the effect it is having on my little girl!!

[GarrusVakarian]

She is so playing games, she really doesn't like that I am having my daughter every weekend and she is not getting that much quality time with her....I do have an ace up my sleeve that I can't go into that i can play and I know she will avoid it at all costs! So even if I insist on seeing my daughter during the week I don't think she will do too much...

 

Main thing for me (not her obviously) is my daughter and any impact anything might have on her...if I can get out of work at 4pm on a Wednesday I can pick her up at 4.30pm and spend a couple of hours with her, give her tea and have her back before bedtime...if I leave work at 6pm which sometimes is possible I can understand my ex's point!

 

I know what you are saying, why would I want this person, maybe I'm just missing the company, missing the person in my life....lonely I guess. But 14 years is a long time, I gave my heart and soul to that relationship and I don't normally give up easily!!

 

It's very hard not to have a dig, especially when I can see the effect it is having on my little girl!!

 

Just don't bite mate!. I don't know how old your daughter is?, you may of mentioned it. But if she really young, she probably doesn't know whether she is coming or going or is to young to understand what is going on. It must be horrible for her.

 

I found it really hard being on my own in our house. But it comes to a point where you start getting used to your own company. I don't always like it and would like to share it with someone. But definitely not my ex. She made her bed, let her get on with it. So did yours, just a shame she has had to impact your kid. In such things its always the kids who suffer the most.

[hurts1968]

Just don't bite mate!. I don't know how old your daughter is?, you may of mentioned it. But if she really young, she probably doesn't know whether she is coming or going or is to young to understand what is going on. It must be horrible for her.

 

I found it really hard being on my own in our house. But it comes to a point where you start getting used to your own company. I don't always like it and would like to share it with someone. But definitely not my ex. She made her bed, let her get on with it. So did yours, just a shame she has had to impact your kid. In such things its always the kids who suffer the most.

 

 

 

 

My daughter was 3 in February! She really doesn't understand what is going on but is aware that things are not the same...as I said she was so upset leaving me on Sunday, just wouldn't let go!

 

Trying hard to fill my evenings with friends and family, and hopefully start running again when I can get the motivation.

 

She is most definitely in the fog, really doesn't think that it is having any impact on my daughter at all....bloody diluded!!

[GarrusVakarian]

My daughter was 3 in February! She really doesn't understand what is going on but is aware that things are not the same...as I said she was so upset leaving me on Sunday, just wouldn't let go!

 

Trying hard to fill my evenings with friends and family, and hopefully start running again when I can get the motivation.

 

She is most definitely in the fog, really doesn't think that it is having any impact on my daughter at all....bloody diluded!!

 

Yes she is in the fog. Mine is still mate, well I don't consider her mine anymore!. But I don't want her back now. Even if she said she made a massive mistake and would do anything. Its too late. Something someone said on here. If you got hit by a hammer, would you come back for a second go?. That's the way I look at it now. Like I said I went out on a date on Saturday, went well. We are going out again Saturday. She is poles apart from my ex. Your get to a point where you will want to start meeting people again and you will meet someone.

 

Let her live her fantasy mate, because at the end of the day. That's all it is, a fantasy. Reality will come knocking for her eventually. Be strong for the daughter, she will need you when it eventually goes tits up with her new man.

 

The evenings will get easier.

[Beechy1973]

Hurt - what helped me after the initial few months of shock and disbelief was to see all that I was feeling as a reflection of me. You may come to find that it's not so much the (evil) ex you are missing but rather your own response to rejection and betrayal that is difficult to deal with, and also that the future is now a scary blank canvas.

 

Rejection is a helluva hard thing to handle, especially now you're putting your ex on a pedestal in terms of wanting her back, despite how cold she's being. It makes you have to look at yourself hard and sometimes what we find is emptiness - you need to learn to fill that void yourself without depending on a woman. When you've managed to do that (and it may take several years even) then you'll be ready for the next relationship. And remember what others have said - she will have traded down while you will deffo trade up!

 

180, 180, 180. Smile at your ex and be confident. And savour that time when she knows she's fu**ed up and behaved atrociously; then you can look her in the eye and tell her you don't want or need her apology.

[2sunny]

Have you filed court papers so that your visitation schedule is mapped out? I would!

 

And also ask the court not to allow her to move the child far away from you.

 

And show the court proof that she lives with another man. If you have to pay any support money - it may be reduced based on his income supporting her as well.

[hurts1968]

Hurt - what helped me after the initial few months of shock and disbelief was to see all that I was feeling as a reflection of me. You may come to find that it's not so much the (evil) ex you are missing but rather your own response to rejection and betrayal that is difficult to deal with, and also that the future is now a scary blank canvas.

 

Rejection is a helluva hard thing to handle, especially now you're putting your ex on a pedestal in terms of wanting her back, despite how cold she's being. It makes you have to look at yourself hard and sometimes what we find is emptiness - you need to learn to fill that void yourself without depending on a woman. When you've managed to do that (and it may take several years even) then you'll be ready for the next relationship. And remember what others have said - she will have traded down while you will deffo trade up!

 

180, 180, 180. Smile at your ex and be confident. And savour that time when she knows she's fu**ed up and behaved atrociously; then you can look her in the eye and tell her you don't want or need her apology.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the words, really helps.....Think I do miss the company as much as the person...miss my daughter really, at a weekend when she's with me i'm fine to be honest!

 

That's what I am going to try, show her that I'm not missing my ex at all, I know she trawls my Facebook to see what I am putting, only positive things from now on!

[hurts1968]

Have you filed court papers so that your visitation schedule is mapped out? I would!

 

And also ask the court not to allow her to move the child far away from you.

 

And show the court proof that she lives with another man. If you have to pay any support money - it may be reduced based on his income supporting her as well.

 

 

 

It's a hard one, my ex won't go down the court or solicitor agreement route...she wants everything as a personal agreement between us both!

 

At present I am coming out of the deal quite well

 

She is signing over the house to me in exchange for taking two thirds of the savings...including the house equity I come out on top. Plus I still have a lovely house in a lovely village that my daughter knows and calls home!

 

I am having my daughter Friday to Sunday one week and Friday to Monday the next, plus one night in the week for tea, so I get all the great quality time with my daughter. She is in nursery Monday to Friday mornings so my ex only really sees her 5 afternoons a week when she is tired, plus when my ex starts working in June it will be even less.

 

As you can see I get a decent deal out of a terrible situation, would rather have it in writing but if I try to force her hand I may get a lot less if courts and solicitors get involved!!

 

It may all come falling down if she changes her mind on things but right now I'm trying to keep things calm and not upset the situation.

[Beechy1973]

Sounds like a good deal, Hurt.

 

Is it likely your wife will try and limit the number of nights your daughter stays with you due to it effecting payments you have to make to her?

[hurts1968]

Sounds like a good deal, Hurt.

 

Is it likely your wife will try and limit the number of nights your daughter stays with you due to it effecting payments you have to make to her?

 

 

Right now she says no....but i don't trust her, how can I, she's had an affair and moved her and my daughter in with another man.

She know how good a father I am and what a close relationship I have with my daughter so I hope that this make her think before changing anything as it will only affect my baby!

 

But...I never saw this happening so who knows!!

[Beechy1973]

Be prepared.

 

When I got more on my feet and wanted them to stay more the ex accused me of wanting it for financial reasons. Hurt at the time but after a while you catch on that sometimes they will say anything to try and undermine and make you wobble (remember they've had a looong time gettin to know your weak spots and will exploit that mercilessly to try and get their own way).

 

Now I am more inclined to laugh and see it as a reflection of the way her nasty little mind works.

 

And then I think: thank f**k I'm not with that piece of sh*** any more :-)

[hurts1968]

Well...update on my situation

 

This might be one of the stupidest things I have done but I have a date on Monday night!!!

 

Need to move on, need to shift my feelings, need to smile, need to know that I'm attractive to other women!!

 

Wish me luck!!!!

[GarrusVakarian]

Well...update on my situation

 

This might be one of the stupidest things I have done but I have a date on Monday night!!!

 

Need to move on, need to shift my feelings, need to smile, need to know that I'm attractive to other women!!

 

Wish me luck!!!!

 

Mate, good for you. Go for it. Why would it be stupid?. I am currently dating someone at the moment. She is absolutely gorgeous and makes me laugh. I really enjoy her company, and she is keen on me as well!. I never planned for it to happen, wasn't necessarily looking for it. But she asked me out and I said yes. Its early days yet, but date number five tomorrow. Never thought at xmas, I would be dating again!.

 

I say go for it Hurts, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. She could possibly be the one for you. Just don't mention the ex. If it gets mentioned, keep it as short as possible and don't dwell on it. If it goes well, you can always tell her more at a later date. You know this, but don't make comparisons with date against ex!. They are in different leagues.

 

You need to move on mate, I guess this is a good a starting point as any. Remember as well mate, you have your own house, good job etc. That is going to count for something!. Meeting other women will make you feel better about yourself. Did me ;-)

[Beechy1973]

Great stuff mate. Take it slow and don't talk about the ex. It's easy to poison new relationships by talking too much about ex believe me.

[No Limit]

Glad you're doing better. Enjoy yourself.

[hurts1968]

Thanks for everyone's nice messages.

 

Date went really well, in fact I have seen her twice more over the weekend....taking things really slow as we have both been through the same sort of thing!

 

Actually went to work this morning with a smile on my face!

[GarrusVakarian]

Thanks for everyone's nice messages.

 

Date went really well, in fact I have seen her twice more over the weekend....taking things really slow as we have both been through the same sort of thing!

 

Actually went to work this morning with a smile on my face!

 

Good for you mate!. Pleased for you. Hope it goes well for you and yes probably best to take it slowly!. I have been dating someone for three weeks now. She is absolutely lovely. Wasn't really looking for or expecting it. But I guess you never do!.

 

Enjoy yourself mate and go with the flow. Think you deserve a break!.

 

I bet though honestly, you never thought you'd be dating someone a few months ago?.

[hurts1968]

Good for you mate!. Pleased for you. Hope it goes well for you and yes probably best to take it slowly!. I have been dating someone for three weeks now. She is absolutely lovely. Wasn't really looking for or expecting it. But I guess you never do!.

 

Enjoy yourself mate and go with the flow. Think you deserve a break!.

 

I bet though honestly, you never thought you'd be dating someone a few months ago?.

 

 

Cheers mate...Glad it's going well for you too!!

 

Really thought that it would be many months before I even thought about looking, but it's great to actually feel good about myself.

[GarrusVakarian]

Cheers mate...Glad it's going well for you too!!

 

Really thought that it would be many months before I even thought about looking, but it's great to actually feel good about myself.

 

My only worry is the ex finding out. She would have no right to kick off bearing in mind the things I heard she was getting up to!. But women can be fecking funny like that!. Also plus in the middle of a re-mortgage to get her off the house, so don't need her getting funny.

[hurts1968]

My only worry is the ex finding out. She would have no right to kick off bearing in mind the things I heard she was getting up to!. But women can be fecking funny like that!. Also plus in the middle of a re-mortgage to get her off the house, so don't need her getting funny.

 

 

Mine already knows...the girl I am seeing used to work with us both so news went round quickly.

 

Don't care, what can she do...she's already made her decisions!

[GarrusVakarian]

Mine already knows...the girl I am seeing used to work with us both so news went round quickly.

 

Don't care, what can she do...she's already made her decisions!

 

Like the change in attitude!. Has she said anything to you about it yet?. Or started being difficult with the kiddie?.

 

Either way, she must think now. That door has been closed and her potential fallback has gone!.

[hurts1968]

Like the change in attitude!. Has she said anything to you about it yet?. Or started being difficult with the kiddie?.

 

Either way, she must think now. That door has been closed and her potential fallback has gone!.

 

 

 

Just thought sod it...needed a smile on my face!

 

So far nothing from the ex...I told her before anyone else did and she didn't really say anything, don't think she will doing anything with my daughter, she knows how much she means to me and me to her...we have a fantastic daddy/daughter relationship and i don't believe even she will want to affect that.

[hurts1968]

Well, been on a few dates with a girl....here's the strange thing!!

 

I have known her for 15 years, so has my ex as we all used to work for the same company. So when I started seeing her I thought it might be a good idea to tell the ex before someone else did.

 

Well, she has gone mental, accusing me of all sorts...having an affair before we split!

 

But, I'm enjoying myself with a lovely girl, having fun and seeing where it goes, who would have thought a few weeks ago!