Should we remain friends?

[LoveIsLove]

I apologize ahead of time for the long post. I currently have a confusing friendship with a guy at work. We met 6 months ago at a store we work in. Our friendly chats at work turned into him wanting my phone number for “work related purposes” and we exchanged numbers about 3 months ago. Two weeks after that, he sent me a text and we started texting each other every day; with 50+ texts a day. The texts were friendly, with occasional flirting from him. We told each other things that only family and really close friends know. We started to become really close. During the first three weeks of this texting thing we had going on, I didn’t have any romantic feelings toward him. However, that changed and I found myself wanting more than a friendship. I got him to admit that he liked me as more than a friend and I told him I felt the same way but wanted to remain friends for a little while longer before becoming his girlfriend. He agreed and we continued on as normal.

 

 

Two weeks later, he told me he changed his mind and only wanted to be friends because of something that was going on in my life was very similar to something that caused him and one of his exes to have a troublesome relationship (outside interference). He told me he was sorry and wouldn’t treat me any different. I didn’t mind and told him I understood, but I explained to him the difference in the situations. In return, he told me that he “messed up” and shouldn’t have compared me to his ex. He asked for a second chance; I gave him a second chance, but warned him I wouldn’t be so forgiving the next time. Less than two weeks after that, he did the same thing. He told me he didn’t want a relationship now or anytime soon; that his heart does weird things; it wasn’t because of me and that he now sees me as a friend. It left me heartbroken and I didn’t text him for a few days. I was hurt and angry, and wanted to tell him that I forgave him but wished to no longer communicate outside of being coworkers. When we finally talked about it a week later, we decided to remain friends and continued texting each other daily.

 

 

I’ve been going back and forth since then with the decision to end our so-called friendship. Both of the times before, he started acting distant. Two weeks ago, I mentioned to him that he was being distant again, this time as a friend and that he wasn’t treating me like a friend. We got into a small argument over this and said some hurtful things to each other. At the beginning of the argument, he told me that we should text less; that he still wanted to talk to me and still be friends. At the end of the argument, he apologized for hurting me emotionally and for causing me stress and pain, saying he never meant to hurt me. I apologized to him as well and we agreed to move past this and continue being friends. We’ve texted each other on one day (he initiated the text) since that agreement to text less and it was just two texts from him and two from me.

 

 

That was the back story and now this is my dilemma. I don’t know if I want to continue being his friend. Sometimes, I really feel that I would be better off I we weren’t friends anymore, but then sometimes I’m not so sure. Before we had the argument, I was feeling this way. For the past few weeks, I would sometimes dread his texts because I felt like our friendship was no longer fun and it just felt like a stressful job. We still see each other at work and I don’t want it to be awkward, but I’m not sure if I can go on like this. I find it hard to make a decision also because when we used to text constantly, he would tell me that he’ll always want to have me as a friend. He told me that he would rather have me in his life as a friend than not at all. I used to believe him, but I’m not sure if I want to believe that anymore, because I don’t know if he meant it or if he only said it because he had romantic feelings for me at the time.

 

 

This whole situation is confusing for me because I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I’m kind of scared to be his friend, because I keep thinking that he’s going to end up saying he doesn’t want to be friends anymore; similar to how he didn’t want a relationship. For the past month, I’ve been stressing over this and I sometimes get emotional just thinking about the whole thing. I honestly almost shed tears when I saw him at work today because things aren’t right between us right now. I’m torn between giving up and trying to remain his friend. I really need some helpful opinions on this whole situation.

[VeronicaRoss]

I think your instinct to keep your distance from him is wise. This guy has problems in how he treats others. Hanging out with him is only going to provide more opportunities for you to get burned in a similar way over and over. Cut your losses while you can. Be glad this happened before you became too involved, you dodged a bullet.

[d0nnivain]

Especially since you are co workers, I think being polite is a good idea. You can still talk on break or what not but her certainly shouldn't be one of your good friends with whom you share important info. He's more like a friendly acquaintance but nothing more.

[LoveIsLove]

P.S. This situation mainly hurts me because he was my best friend for two months and I felt like I could tell him anything and everything. Sometimes I still get the urge to text him and tell him about something important to me, but I dont want to look desperate or anything. Also, we've never hung out with each other outside of work. The only place we've ever seen each other is work and lately we only see each other every other week due to schedules not meeting up, so I felt more hurt when he limited the amount we text (which has been three texts in the past 10 days).

 

If I decide not to be his friend anymore, should I have a conversation with him about it?

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

You need to develop boundaries. I don't understand how this guy you barely knew became your best friend in 2 months. That is very fast

 

I wouldn't talk to him about it. From what you have posted he doesn't know his own mind. The more you reveal the more vulnerable you will be & the more hurt.

 

The classic fade away is best in this situation.