How can I get my stuff back from him?

[Cheerbabe93]

My boyfriend of almost two years decided to leave me for some other girl that lives in his city. He sent me a one-sentence text just saying "I have someone else now" and that was the last thing I heard from him. It has been three weeks now and I did not try to contact him.

 

I have a few things at his apartment in CO. Stuff like clothes but also a supernintendo, an xbox, blankets, hello kitty toaster, blender and microwave.

I bought all these things with my money and I really want them back especially since they are not cheap items.

 

There are two problems though.

1) He does not talk to me anymore

2) I live in Europe

 

Any suggestions on how I can get my belongings back? Also, I do not want to waste any more money on a plane ticket to get the things myself. I already spent 5k on flights last year.

[jphcbpa]

My boyfriend of almost two years decided to leave me for some other girl that lives in his city. He sent me a one-sentence text just saying "I have someone else now" and that was the last thing I heard from him. It has been three weeks now and I did not try to contact him.

 

I have a few things at his apartment in CO. Stuff like clothes but also a supernintendo, an xbox, blankets, hello kitty toaster, blender and microwave.

I bought all these things with my money and I really want them back especially since they are not cheap items.

 

There are two problems though.

1) He does not talk to me anymore

2) I live in Europe

 

Any suggestions on how I can get my belongings back? Also, I do not want to waste any more money on a plane ticket to get the things myself. I already spent 5k on flights last year.

 

On a side note... what should I do with the things he gave me? mail them back to him? throw them away? burn them and post a picture on Facebook for him to see? Im talking about letters, tshirts, stuffed animals and some jewelry

 

Look at it from the stand point of your serenity being the # 1 priority. Those "things" are just that....things.

 

What he gave you is up to you. I gave away things, I threw things away (boxed up for a few weeks). Either way, get it out of your sight ASAP.

 

Again...these are just things. A year from now you wont care. Let them go.

 

Write it off in your mind

[CarrieT]

First rule of relationships = it is just STUFF.

 

Chalk it up to a learning expense and don't ever expect to see the stuff again. You will spend more time and aggravavation than is worth it.

 

Seriously. Learn the new mantra: IT IS JUST STUFF.

[Cheerbabe93]

First rule of relationships = it is just STUFF.

 

Chalk it up to a learning expense and don't ever expect to see the stuff again. You will spend more time and aggravavation than is worth it.

 

Seriously. Learn the new mantra: IT IS JUST STUFF.

 

I would not care that much if those were cheap items but I mean I am talking about a super nintendo, an xbox and what I really want back would be the hello kitty microwave. I paid like 120 dollars for that. I would not be able to use it since we have different outlets here but it is my stuff that I bought with my own money so I dont want him to keep those things from me.

[carhill]

If he won't talk to you, at all, there's really little you can do. If you and he had mutual friends, perhaps one might be of assistance as an intermediary.

 

In our case, when we divorced, if I ran across something of exW's or she the same, we mentioned it and I would generally drop off stuff when in town at her place or pick up whatever she left on the porch. As another poster mentioned, it is just 'stuff'. Our D was amicable and we were still on speaking terms so it wasn't a big deal.

 

If a direct request or the friends angle doesn't work out, IMO just move on. He was aware and made a choice. You have no control over that. Good luck.

[clia]

Your options are:

 

1. Ask him to ship the items to you.

 

2. Ask someone else to go pick up the items from his place and to ship them to you.

 

3. Fly to CO and get the items yourself.

 

4. Ask him to reimburse you for the XBox and Super Nintendo if he wants to keep them. I doubt he will voluntarily reimburse you for Hello Kitty anything.

 

It may cost quite a bit to ship all this stuff to Europe. You might look into that to determine whether it is even worth it, especially since you can't use most of it in Europe.

 

If none of the above options are feasible, you may have to write this off as a learning experience.

[jphcbpa]

I would not care that much if those were cheap items but I mean I am talking about a super nintendo, an xbox and what I really want back would be the hello kitty microwave. I paid like 120 dollars for that. I would not be able to use it since we have different outlets here but it is my stuff that I bought with my own money so I dont want him to keep those things from me.

 

You were not using them at your place so you do really "need" them.

 

just say goodbye kitty and detach from these things.

[Cheerbabe93]

You were not using them at your place so you do really "need" them.

 

just say goodbye kitty and detach from these things.

 

i bought the things when i went to visit him. i visited him 4 times last year and i bought them for when I'm over there

[CarrieT]

I paid like 120 dollars for that.

 

I ended a relationship and lost "stuff" that was valued in excess if $500,000.

 

Do you realize how petty and juvenile you sound for $120?

 

Put it all in perspective - the money is not worth the aggravation for a Hello Kitty ANYTHING.

[Cheerbabe93]

I ended a relationship and lost "stuff" that was valued in excess if $500,000.

 

Do you realize how petty and juvenile you sound for $120?

 

Put it all in perspective - the money is not worth the aggravation for a Hello Kitty ANYTHING.

 

yea i guess you are right. I lost so much money in this relationship. It's crazy when I think about it now. Like last year for his 28th birthday I got him backstage concert tickets for chrisbrown which cost me over 400 bucks. I paid for our trip to Berlin last new years and then those 4 plane tickets that were around 5 thousand bucks.

 

So now that I think about it, those 120 bucks for the microwave is nothing

[Poppyolive]

What a ****ty thing he did....however these are just things...sleep on it for a few weeks because you are probably of course feeling angry, hurt, confused and upset. If you still want them in a month then take the route in getting a friend to collect & ship them to you. Let things cool off.

 

My ex of five years dumped me cos he's not well....anyways he moved out... And for weeks I was threatened & harassed over a pair of jeans,a hoodie, old xmas decorations, he used them as excuses to get all bitter and angry....take it down a notch these things on a grand scheme of things are nothing....I of course responded, complied kept my cool...it was very tough...especially he dumped me....it hurt....so what I'm getting at here is deep down I believe you know these to be just things.....but you are angry and want excuses to blow up.....its not going to stop....you'll find more things, you'll feel more angry .. Trust me breathe...if they still matter....really matter in a month then ask for them to be returned.

[FitChick]

Find out what those items cost on the store websites where you bought them in the US, if possible. Send him the links to the page. Then say you would like half of their value in money since he is using them. He can get an international money order from a bank. Cheaper than doing a wire transfer.

 

It was a red flag that you did all the traveling. He had nothing to lose so wasn't as invested.

[CarrieT]

Find out what those items cost on the store websites where you bought them in the US, if possible. Send him the links to the page. Then say you would like half of their value in money since he is using them. He can get an international money order from a bank. Cheaper than doing a wire transfer.

 

It was a red flag that you did all the traveling. He had nothing to lose so wasn't as invested.

 

With all due respect, based on what she has written about the guy, I seriously doubt he is going to ante-up for anything and asking for it or payment will only make the OP look like she is grasping at straws.

 

A person of integrity would return the items or pay for them. Not someone who breaks up with a one-line text.

[carhill]

Yeah, given the distance involved, which I wasn't aware of during my first response, I'd call this tuition at relationship U and replace as appropriate.

[FitChick]

The fact that she spent so much money on him, including flying back and forth, tells me she intuitively knew he wasn't interested so she tried to buy his love. Never spend more on a man than he spends on you.

[jphcbpa]

yea i guess you are right. I lost so much money in this relationship. It's crazy when I think about it now. Like last year for his 28th birthday I got him backstage concert tickets for chrisbrown which cost me over 400 bucks. I paid for our trip to Berlin last new years and then those 4 plane tickets that were around 5 thousand bucks.

 

So now that I think about it, those 120 bucks for the microwave is nothing

 

wow, where can I find a woman who pays for trips???

[justwhoiam]

Well, you must be German, right? Not uttering a word after being dropped through a one-line text. Or maybe the relationship was not on such a deep level............

 

Anyway, an approximate calculation:

 

Super Nintendo 220€

XBox 360€

blankets 40€

toaster 90€

blender 30€

microwave 85€

total 825€

 

If you were to get all that stuff shipped, you'd be paying for the items twice, just to have used stuff that reminds you of him and probably out of warranty. You'd also have a lot of paperwork for the customs. Hence: thumb down.

 

If you had to fly there to get your stuff back, you'd have to pay for a flight or two and the expense would far exceed the total ampunt paid for the items. Again: thumb down.

 

You cannot ask for money back because:

1) chances are he wouldn't have bought most of the things you bought

2) that stuff was appealing to you, we do not know if it was appealing to him (except for maybe the consoles)

3) no one asked you to buy that stuff and leave it there and he cannot be held responsible

 

So, if you really want your stuff back, it becomes just out of principle, and you'd have to fly there and get it back. That would mean you'd rather pay double to get it back than leave everything there for him to enjoy at your expense and with some other girl.

[Cheerbabe93]

The fact that she spent so much money on him, including flying back and forth, tells me she intuitively knew he wasn't interested so she tried to buy his love. Never spend more on a man than he spends on you.

 

That doesn't make any sense. Why would I have spent 5k on plane tickets if I knew he wasn't that interested? The reason I went to CO 4 times last year was because I had the time since I am going to school and he is in the military so it is not like he could have come to visit me. Besides it was like a vacation each time. He told me we were gonna get married and said he already has a ring waiting for me when I come see him in April so I don't understand where you're coming from.

[Cheerbabe93]

Well, you must be German, right? Not uttering a word after being dropped through a one-line text. Or maybe the relationship was not on such a deep level............

 

Anyway, an approximate calculation:

 

Super Nintendo 220€

XBox 360€

blankets 40€

toaster 90€

blender 30€

microwave 85€

total 825€

 

If you were to get all that stuff shipped, you'd be paying for the items twice, just to have used stuff that reminds you of him and probably out of warranty. You'd also have a lot of paperwork for the customs. Hence: thumb down.

 

If you had to fly there to get your stuff back, you'd have to pay for a flight or two and the expense would far exceed the total ampunt paid for the items. Again: thumb down.

 

You cannot ask for money back because:

1) chances are he wouldn't have bought most of the things you bought

2) that stuff was appealing to you, we do not know if it was appealing to him (except for maybe the consoles)

3) no one asked you to buy that stuff and leave it there and he cannot be held responsible

 

So, if you really want your stuff back, it becomes just out of principle, and you'd have to fly there and get it back. That would mean you'd rather pay double to get it back than leave everything there for him to enjoy at your expense and with some other girl.

 

Not gonna lie but I feel slightly offended that you assumed right away that I am German. I mean I am but still.

Anyways I am just gonna forget about the stuff but I got them with him together and I bought them because he didn't want to spend money.

I made a huge mistake putting so much money and effort into this relationship, I know that now

[jphcbpa]

That doesn't make any sense. Why would I have spent 5k on plane tickets if I knew he wasn't that interested? The reason I went to CO 4 times last year was because I had the time since I am going to school and he is in the military so it is not like he could have come to visit me. Besides it was like a vacation each time. He told me we were gonna get married and said he already has a ring waiting for me when I come see him in April so I don't understand where you're coming from.

 

did he not split the cost with you?

 

seems very one sided

[Cheerbabe93]

did he not split the cost with you?

 

seems very one sided

 

Nope, I had to pay for my plane tickets and I spent money while I was visiting him too. Like whenever I wanted to get groceries for me during the day while he was at work, I had to buy my food myself.

[Zahara]

wow, where can I find a woman who pays for trips???

 

Ding, ding, ding, ding....

 

And he didn't appreciate it.

[justwhoiam]

Not gonna lie but I feel slightly offended that you assumed right away that I am German.

I guess it's a cultural thing. You accepted the one line without batting an eyelid, you had a very civil reaction.

I'm quite sure girls from other (hotter) European countries would not have had such a civil reaction. That's all.

[Cheerbabe93]

I guess it's a cultural thing. You accepted the one line without batting an eyelid, you had a very civil reaction.

I'm quite sure girls from other (hotter) European countries would not have had such a civil reaction. That's all.

 

Well its not so much that I accepted it but I didn't wanna have to send him a billion text messages begging him for an explanation. I texted back asking what? he didn't reply so I just started my NC

 

We went on a break one time for three weeks and I made the mistake that I kept texting and calling him so I did not wanna go there again this time.

[nugget_718]

Nope, I had to pay for my plane tickets and I spent money while I was visiting him too. Like whenever I wanted to get groceries for me during the day while he was at work, I had to buy my food myself.

 

 

 

This to me seems like a huge red flag. I was in an LDR too, he was from UK and I made a trip to see him 2x during the course of the relationship. I did pay for my plane tix going to UK but he took care of me the whole time I was there. Took care of the trips we made (Italy, Germany & Netherlands) and always took care of all meals and entertainment. When he comes to the US for a visit, which was almost every month the 1st year of the relationship, he still pays for most of our outing while I take him for couple massage, comedy show, etc....so it is a give and take. Seems to me that your relationship with your ex-bf was one sided. I would just write this guy off and everything that has to do with him.