Liking A Friend Who is Dating Someone Else

[TurtleDove]

I’m in an interesting dilemma.

(This is lengthy, thanks for reading.)

 

I’ve been best friends with this girl for a year now. We hit it off really, really well right from the beginning. We talk a lot, we talk almost every day, and about all sorts of things, you name it. She’s come to me with guy problems on numerous occasions; I go to her about my friendship with others too. She’s also told me several times that I’m one of her few friends that she can say anything to. And she’s said it’s great to also have a guy friend that she can share “girl stuff” with (hair, make-up, fashion etc) – I enjoy talking about it. We share a lot of the same views and interests.

 

We not only talk, but we’ve done a lot things together in-person as well. Both in groups and just the two of us. The two of us had dinner and lunch together on several occasions, we go out and have fun. She’s come over to my place to hang-out, and we would talk hours and hours in person. We confide in each other and enjoy each other’s company. I've also helped her out several times with her daily tasks. We drive each other around.

 

Here’s the kicker: I’m 11 years older. She’s still in college. …yeah.

 

Recently she revealed to me that she’s been in a long distance relationship with another guy for about 6 months now. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of jealousy and disappointment about this news. . Actually, I felt my heart sink a little. A part of me wants to be happy for her and a part of me feels this jealously and frustration that she’s with someone else. They’ve been keeping it on the down low because they both have too many mutual friends and didn’t want it to get gossipy. But because I’ve become her best friend, she trusts me and wants to include me as one of the very few who know about her current status. She’s been wanting to tell me, but waited this long because she couldn’t find a good time to explain everything until we had dinner together the other day.

 

In case you need to know more about their long distance relationship: They are both in college and she’s a year younger than him. I’ve met this guy before, we talked, but we’re not really friends, just acquaintances. They met each other 6 months ago in person at a seminar, but didn’t start chatting and getting to know each other until the seminar ended and they went back to their homes. At one point during their chats, they realized that they have some special between them two – they like each other more than friends and both felt like they had clicked back when they met. And so long story short, they’re now in a relationship. They are about 1,400 miles apart (almost 3 hrs flight) and have only seen each other ONCE in the last 6 months. And when they met, they didn’t really have a chance to spend much time alone, as they were amongst their mutual friends and had to keep things under wraps. They also haven’t chatted much recently due to their current schedule and time difference. They’ve had their share of verbal fights already too. It doesn’t seem like he’s the kinda guy that can support her emotionally. But they do hit it off, and they have common interests.

 

They’ll probably meet again 4 months from now (that’s another 6 months apart from their last meet). She'll most likely let me know, since we're best friends and I'm afraid I'm gonna feel down again.

 

She and I are still talking and hanging out the same as always and, of course, spend way more time together than they do.

 

Clearly I have some feelings for her, but up until this news, we were just best friends. She’s like the sister I never had. But now I have these mixed feelings.

 

So a few questions come to mind:

- I really don’t want to have these mixed feelings. What do I do? I really hope this doesn’t change our friendship in the long-run.

 

- I should be looking for someone my age, right? But I can’t get this off my mind and I’m also the kinda person that doesn’t make friends easily.

 

- Is her long distance relationship going to last? It doesn’t seem like their relationship is in trouble or on shaky ground right now. But if it ends later on, will I have a chance with her; with such a large age gap?

[michelangelo]

Stop wasting time on this girl, she has friendzoned you. I'm sure she'll let you buy her meals and take her places, but she is not interested in you romantically.

 

Time to move on.