adude21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 I'm a 22 y/o white dude. My girlfriend is blonde and 27. I've been with her 4 months. She moved in with me in December. 2 months into our relationship we were out at a bar and she told me about how, sometime in the last year, she had done some porn where she was gangbanged by 5 black dudes. I was shocked of course (because she just didn't seem like the gangbangin type...if there is one) Plus she kinda changed her story over a period of 15 minutes too. At first she said "I was short on cash..." and then it progressed into "There was no money involved; it was an experiment..." to "Yeah I did it, but it was not filmed." So basically she went from being in a porn to not being in a porn, but still getting her gangbang on. Like she changed her answer to make me happy... I've asked her if she's ever had sex for money and she says no. And I really don't even know which story is the right story. More importanly, I'm trying to figure out just how much all of this **** matters. I confronted her on how bothered I am by what she did and her response is somewhere along the lines of "Oh that's just your male ego. The guys were black and....." like it has something to do with the sterotypically large black penis. And maybe it does. But more so, I'm extrememly disturbed by the simple fact that she has been ****ed that many guys at once, and went so against her "strong Christian values" that she talks about all the time. She claims that all sins are basically the same. She could go and have sex with a girl or have sex with multiple guys and it's "all the same sin in God's eyes." I'm trying to cope with this event and her philosophy of values because I really love her and didn't want to just drop her like it's hot when I found out. It's been a couple months since she disclosed this information to me and I still think about it sometimes and just feel sick. I want to stop thinking about it. I really do. I mean there's nothing I can do to change what has happened and we don't get anywhere positive if it's ever brought up. Suggestions. Tips. Advice. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
joseyposie Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Get an AIDS test. And sit down and have a trust talk. If there is no trust the relationship is not there. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by joseyposie Get an AIDS test. And sit down and have a trust talk. If there is no trust the relationship is not there. 'trust talk' for what exactly? she did this before she starting going out with him. people are not even required to tell all the bad things they did before starting a relationship with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 You need to find out if she's willing to stay faithfull only to you. If there is any hesitation at all when you ask her, I'd let her go. There's no sense in getting hurt, and that's what'll happen if you let it continue. Frankly, I couldn't be with some chick that did five black guys, or if she passes her pu$$y around like it's everyone's desert. There are a couple of girls on this forum that are that way, it sickens me and I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Get tested before anything else!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KANSAN Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Is it the five BLACK guys that bothers you or the fact that she is capable of just screwing numerous guys at one sitting, laying or however she got it. It just sounds like too much emphasis is being put on the five BLACK guys instead of her looseness. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by Moose There are a couple of girls on this forum that are that way, it sickens me and I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Also that their has been a lot of emphasis on the race of those involved, and I don't see the significance. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Also that their has been a lot of emphasis on the race of those involved, and I don't see the significance. Ditto!!!!! Could not have said (typed) it better myself. Please do answer!!! Link to post Share on other sites
adude21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 She was tested for STD's a few weeks ago and is clean. Also, because this happened before we even met, I don't see it as much of a I-can't-trust-her thing at all. Even though hearing about her previous sex life really sucks, I'm glad it was her coming out and telling me rather than finding out from someone else or seeing her on the cover of some porn somewhere. And I agree, it's not required of her to let me in on any of this. She told me a lot of her past on her own will. And I respect that immensely. This incident was just one thing that really pushed my Disturb button. And at first I couldn't help reacting like a bastard. Fortunately, I've talked with her lately and I let her know that I don't look at her as a whore or any of that BS that a lot of guys might say or yell at her. I just let her know that I love her a lot and she's great and the only way that she could have even gotten herself into situations like that in the first place is because she just didn't see how good she was. I blame her self-esteem, not her. What I try to do now is lay off the whole you-should've-never-done-that to focusing on how great of a woman she is, and she needs to know it... because that's what I believe. So here I am, on some forum, wanting to simply get past the thought of this. Because I do trust her. Why can't I forget about her irrelevant mistakes? I understand that the issue is in my ballpark. I'm just trying to identify it so I can get rid of it. Link to post Share on other sites
adude21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by Moose You need to find out if she's willing to stay faithfull only to you. If there is any hesitation at all when you ask her, I'd let her go. There's no sense in getting hurt, and that's what'll happen if you let it continue. Frankly, I couldn't be with some chick that did five black guys, or if she passes her pu$$y around like it's everyone's desert. There are a couple of girls on this forum that are that way, it sickens me and I wouldn't have anything to do with them. She tells me that she never wants to have sex with anyone else in her whole life, and that she wants to marry me and have my kids. She explains that her looseness was her Before-Meeting-You phase. She says that everyone (she told me 20 guys total) she's been with before don't matter...Only I do. Link to post Share on other sites
adude21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 As far as even mentioning the fact that they were black, she was the one who put the emphasis on that. And that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is the amount of guys. I don't care where they're from. Call me old fashioned but a woman being with 5 dudes is 4 dudes too many. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Hmmm... Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 ...sounds like we have a few "some of my friends are black" types on here Oh boy, what we put up with. Listen: I think a woman who is participating in this behavior has issues to work on before she can be a good partner or wife. Think long and hard about this one. Also, why dont the other 15 guys concern you as well? They too had intercourse with her. Or were they white and so it was ok? Btw, Moose... was that a bit of racism I heard there? Uh oh-- I, for one did not know the Christ to be so... Link to post Share on other sites
adude21 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by rtobiejr why dont the other 15 guys concern you as well? They too had intercourse with her. Or were they white and so it was ok? They were one at a time, and there was at least some sort of relationship involved... Not just some random "oh I'll take a few wangs at once" festivity. I think racists are funny, but what's funnier to me is people actively accusing others of being racists whatever chance they get. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I did not say you were a racist. Maybe you are-- i don't know you--but if the shoe fits... Racist, non-racist, let me say this. Any woman who has had 20....that's right folks---20 partners, would concern me if i were a man. 20 partners is promiscuous, self-destructive behavior, and if I were you, I'd pass her sloppy seconds thirds, fourths, fifths Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 If you love her, you'll put the past in the past and since she is stating you fufill all her needs and she plans to be faithful then that's what you go on, for now. If this turns out not to be the case than she's a liar-but go with the flow for now. Porn stars need love too. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 "Do I have STD'S? PLEASE READ!" Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 ahh, but it only takes ONE bad bang for pustules to form-not twenty Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 and if it only takes one, imagine how one increases one's chances with 20! it's why people buy 20 lottery tickets-- even though it only takes one to be a winner... and this girl is only 27...once or twice is poor judgment-- 20 is not. she doesn't respect herself very much, or she wouldn't be passing herself out to be used like that. she'll marry him and be faithful-- but why on earth would he choose to marry that? being hopelessly romantic is cute, but I would encourage the original poster to be honest with himself and what he would want in a wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Imagine all those people out there who've bought 4, 567 lottery tickets in their life.... Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 wait, so you would marry this girl, spock? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Well no, but that's because I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even curious. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 'trust talk' for what exactly? she did this before she starting going out with him. people are not even required to tell all the bad things they did before starting a relationship with someone new. I'd have a problem with the changed story. The question is, is she truthful? That whole 'Christian' thing is a bit fishy, too. It's not so much an issue of a gangbang but if she's got some sort of skewed idea of what constitutes honesty and loyalty I'd worry about - because of how she speaks about it, not because of what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by rtobiejr and if it only takes one, imagine how one increases one's chances with 20! it's why people buy 20 lottery tickets-- even though it only takes one to be a winner... and this girl is only 27...once or twice is poor judgment-- 20 is not. she doesn't respect herself very much, or she wouldn't be passing herself out to be used like that. she'll marry him and be faithful-- but why on earth would he choose to marry that? being hopelessly romantic is cute, but I would encourage the original poster to be honest with himself and what he would want in a wife. AHA!! You edited that last bit into the post. Nice try. If you LOOOOVE her, and think she's fantastical in every other way, put it behind you. The changing story thing COULD be attributed to her not being entirely comfortable with sharing her past with you, or she could be a big fat liar. 20 partners isn't promiscuous, self destructive behaviour. Porn isn't self destructive either, if you're smart about what you're doing. Be honest WITH her yourself. "Hon, not thrilled about the gangbang in your past but I know it can't be undone so I'm just going to let you know I plan on being faitful and I expect that from you, and if you ever want to film a gangbang again let me know so I can decide on what I want to do" Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 As much as it hurts, I think the first statements out of her mouth about this event were probably closest to the truth. Who would volunteer that much information? After her first words were said she probably tried to sugar coat things. What led up to this conversation? Were you really disclosing a lot to her about your past and she jumped in with her own exploits? Or did she just volunteer this piece of information? What's her background like? Has she ever talked about being abused? Sorry I know that's really personal, but it sort of sounds like she might have a sort of skewed image of sex in general. I can't think of anybody who has been gangbanged by five black guys. Did your girlfriend start to cry when she told you this? Was she really upset and confused about it? Or did she just state it matter-a-factly. Maybe just try to love her for who she is, but know there might be some other shaddy things that come out later. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some emotional or physical abuse in her childhood. I can understand your shock. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts