My recovery story. You'll all be ok. read for your sake. BARKY THANK YOU

[you.will.be.ok]

Hi everyone.

 

I was dumped 5 months ago. This here is my story, the story of how I recovered from the lowest point of my life after being dumped. I felt sick, I had nightmares, I panicked, I thought I would never be happy again, I thought the world was over, everything seemed pointless, I was so close to giving up hope. Then this happened.

 

I woke up and realised I felt better. I started talking to a few girls, I put myself out there a bit even though I didn't enjoy it, I did what I had to do, what you all have to do (male or female). I accepted the break up.

 

She was absolutely my queen, I loved her with all my heart and she dumped me and simply fell out of love with me. The worst time of my life.

 

I know EXACTLY how you guys feel, I know the unbearable pain, I know the feeling that nothing will feel right ever again, the feeling that no matter what happens you wont be as happy as you were with her/him. THAT IS NOT TRUE.

 

People say the key is time, the key is someone new, the key is accepting the break up. I, in some ways, disagree. The key is getting them off that pedestal, sometimes time does it, sometimes someone new does it, sometimes acceptance does it. The second I got her off that pedestal, the second I felt better. This is the best feeling in the world. Please, please believe me, YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK, you will be FINE. There is no formula, there is no time span. One week ago I was the saddest I have EVER been. I'm not in a rebound relationship, I'm not in a relationship, I'm just HAPPY.

 

I know, these posts don't sink in, you think 'he wasn't as sad as I am, he doesn't understand'. Trust me, I WAS. I could NOT live my life, I COULD NOT LET GO. Now I have.

 

Barky2, a user here, is my inspiration. READ HIS POST (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-youve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted). Barky, you have changed my life forever, I really hope you know how important the role you played in my life is. I'm sorry if that sounds creepy as we have never met or even spoken but your guidance is just so spot on.

 

You are all going to be ok guys, you really really really are. Post in here if you have ANY questions about my recovery and I will answer them. I was absolutely completely and utterly destroyed and now I am absolutely on top of the world. You're not alone and you WILL RECOVER, no matter how hard it is to believe.

Edited March 12, 2014 by you.will.be.ok

[DontBreakEven]

Hi. I know you are right because I have been down this road 3 times before in my life, and so rationally, I know there is an end. It's just funny how each time you just never know WHEN that end will come and HOW it will come about so you're just in essence floating. It's terrible. My logical mind knows this is all ridiculous, but I'm still floating right now and I have no idea when it will end or how it will end, so I'm just taking it day by day.

 

How long has it been since your break up? Have you had any contact whatsoever?

[you.will.be.ok]

Hi. I know you are right because I have been down this road 3 times before in my life, and so rationally, I know there is an end. It's just funny how each time you just never know WHEN that end will come and HOW it will come about so you're just in essence floating. It's terrible. My logical mind knows this is all ridiculous, but I'm still floating right now and I have no idea when it will end or how it will end, so I'm just taking it day by day.

 

How long has it been since your break up? Have you had any contact whatsoever?

 

I know exactly how you feel, it's so hard to accept what is being said even if you've been through it all before. What you need to keep reminding yourself is you WILL BE OK, even if the pain is dominating your life it WILL go away. It's not a theory, it's not a wish, it's a fact.

 

I was dumped about 5 months ago. For the first 1.5 months we had limited contact (me begging her) then I gave up and stopped. Deleting her off facebook and cutting her out my life as much as possible DEFINITELY helped. I think telling him/her in one last email message how you feel and what you wish for is fine but DO NOT KEEP REPEATING IT. It wont help, it will hurt you and probably push them further away.

 

Ride it out, you're going to be ok. I promise you.

[SoundedPlum]

Hi everyone.

 

I was dumped 5 months ago. This here is my story, the story of how I recovered from the lowest point of my life after being dumped. I felt sick, I had nightmares, I panicked, I thought I would never be happy again, I thought the world was over, everything seemed pointless, I was so close to giving up hope. Then this happened.

 

I woke up and realised I felt better. I started talking to a few girls, I put myself out there a bit even though I didn't enjoy it, I did what I had to do, what you all have to do (male or female). I accepted the break up.

 

She was absolutely my queen, I loved her with all my heart and she dumped me and simply fell out of love with me. The worst time of my life.

 

I know EXACTLY how you guys feel, I know the unbearable pain, I know the feeling that nothing will feel right ever again, the feeling that no matter what happens you wont be as happy as you were with her/him. THAT IS NOT TRUE.

 

People say the key is time, the key is someone new, the key is accepting the break up. I, in some ways, disagree. The key is getting them off that pedestal, sometimes time does it, sometimes someone new does it, sometimes acceptance does it. The second I got her off that pedestal, the second I felt better. This is the best feeling in the world. Please, please believe me, YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK, you will be FINE. There is no formula, there is no time span. One week ago I was the saddest I have EVER been. I'm not in a rebound relationship, I'm not in a relationship, I'm just HAPPY.

 

I know, these posts don't sink in, you think 'he wasn't as sad as I am, he doesn't understand'. Trust me, I WAS. I could NOT live my life, I COULD NOT LET GO. Now I have.

 

Barky2, a user here, is my inspiration. READ HIS POST (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-youve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted). Barky, you have changed my life forever, I really hope you know how important the role you played in my life is. I'm sorry if that sounds creepy as we have never met or even spoken but your guidance is just so spot on.

 

You are all going to be ok guys, you really really really are. Post in here if you have ANY questions about my recovery and I will answer them. I was absolutely completely and utterly destroyed and now I am absolutely on top of the world. You're not alone and you WILL RECOVER, no matter how hard it is to believe.

 

It's week 2 (going on 3) for me...and I'm in a cloud of confusion with him. I know, ultimately, I will be okay (right?). But the process of breaking up and the weeks/months that follow are absolute hell. It's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. I feel like yesterday's trash. I don't want to believe he isn't feeling sad or that he's able to throw away such great memories with such ease. It's difficult to imagine him with someone else. I feel like I...lost.

 

People say go out there and do new things or get new hobbies, but all I want is to share it with him. I get the urge to call him or to share tidbits of my life with him. I lost my best friend. Am I crazy or what?!

 

I came across Barky's post, and it helped tremendously. Thank you.

[Snow101]

What if they deserve to be on the pedastal ? Is nobody special, is nothing true, is there no such thing as great romance? What if accepting defeat is accepting that real love and true connections are just bull**** concepts?

[faithfully]

What if they deserve to be on the pedastal ? Is nobody special, is nothing true, is there no such thing as great romance? What if accepting defeat is accepting that real love and true connections are just bull**** concepts?

 

No1 is that special to be left on a pedastal especially since they are not god or most high or whatever. I now know that for sure.

 

I sometimes wonder myself if there is great romance. I guess some people are lucky enough to experience it

[LostAlways]

Thank you I needed this. I'm still having trouble with constant thoughts of her even if I'm out doing something productive it's a feeling of "wow, wish you were here to see this'' kinda thing. Still pushing though.

[David87]

What if they deserve to be on the pedastal ? Is nobody special, is nothing true, is there no such thing as great romance? What if accepting defeat is accepting that real love and true connections are just bull**** concepts?

 

They deserve to be on a pedestal only if you are on a pedestal to (in their eyes).

 

Usually when they get there they start to take advantage and lose interest.

[you.will.be.ok]

It's week 2 (going on 3) for me...and I'm in a cloud of confusion with him. I know, ultimately, I will be okay (right?). But the process of breaking up and the weeks/months that follow are absolute hell. It's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. I feel like yesterday's trash. I don't want to believe he isn't feeling sad or that he's able to throw away such great memories with such ease. It's difficult to imagine him with someone else. I feel like I...lost.

 

People say go out there and do new things or get new hobbies, but all I want is to share it with him. I get the urge to call him or to share tidbits of my life with him. I lost my best friend. Am I crazy or what?!

 

I came across Barky's post, and it helped tremendously. Thank you.

 

I'm not going to tell you 'don't think like that, it's crazy to be this way'..because it's not. It won't help you and it isn't how you should live your life but people telling you the same things over and over will not change a thing.

 

Mornings were the worst for me, the second you wake up it hits you and all you can think of is the fact getting out of bed is less appealing because you wont be getting up to him, right? I get it.

 

I think the thing that really really helped me is understanding I LITERALLY HAVE NO CHOICE. There is nothing we can do. Other than the ONE email I don't think any other action would be even slightly helpful.

 

Try not to think about what he's thinking..you simply don't know and at this point it doesn't make any difference. Focus on the fact that there's no choice but to get yourself happy because you deserve it.

 

'I know, ultimately, I will be okay (right?).'..Without a doubt .

[you.will.be.ok]

What if they deserve to be on the pedastal ? Is nobody special, is nothing true, is there no such thing as great romance? What if accepting defeat is accepting that real love and true connections are just bull**** concepts?

 

I'm not saying he/she wasn't great, beautiful and funny. Pedestals are a whole different thing, pedestals put them in a place no one should be in and put yourself in a place you deserve better than.

 

You don't need to accept defeat, you need to accept that you have no choice but to get yourself happy again (I PROMISE YOU THIS WILL HAPPEN EVENTUALLY).

 

We simply have to get ourselves happy again (I was devastated for 5 months then boom it happened). I remember reading posts like this and thinking 'that'll never happen to me'.

 

Get yourself happy, true romance exists. You'll either find someone new who you're even more compatible with or things with your ex might work out, you just don't know which is why there's no point thinking about it. Think about you, MEET NEW PEOPLE, no matter how hard it is. People can and will surprise you in great ways . Stay strong.

[you.will.be.ok]

Thank you I needed this. I'm still having trouble with constant thoughts of her even if I'm out doing something productive it's a feeling of "wow, wish you were here to see this'' kinda thing. Still pushing though.

 

Keep pushing, keep trying, you're going to wake up one day and you'll know exactly what I'm saying. I know that exact feeling, the cloud that disrupts anything you're doing even if you're loving it for a while. That'll fade and vanish and mannnnn it will feel great.

[Hurting-girl]

Hi everyone

 

Its been two weeks since we broke up with my ex, I am so devastated i keep on checking my fone and expecting him to text or at least call me but he doesnt at all. I am the one who dumped him because he cheated and instead of telling me the truth he kept on lying and lying! I know he is happy with the new girl because they stay close to each other whereas i am in the other town. I really need to move on but its so HARD! i feel suicidal and empy. Lord please have mercy...

[David87]

Hi everyone

 

Its been two weeks since we broke up with my ex, I am so devastated i keep on checking my fone and expecting him to text or at least call me but he doesnt at all. I am the one who dumped him because he cheated and instead of telling me the truth he kept on lying and lying! I know he is happy with the new girl because they stay close to each other whereas i am in the other town. I really need to move on but its so HARD! i feel suicidal and empy. Lord please have mercy...

 

Common kido no one deserves to die over a break up. Start a new thread so we can help you.

[mangetout]

Hurting girl- I really admire you. I wished I had the balls to do the same to my ex fiancé when he told me he cheated on me. I wished I had never never taken him back. It took another year and a half for us to split up again and the relationship during that time was so painful for me. I couldn't trust him. The magic was lost. I was so miserable.

Stay strong because you are doing the right thing!

 

 

 

 

Totally agree with taking your partner off that pedestal. My ex doesn't deserve to be on it no matter how sad I am over our break up. At the end of the day he is just a man with a lot of faults. It was my choice to decide to love him and its still my choice to switch it off

[you.will.be.ok]

Hi everyone

 

Its been two weeks since we broke up with my ex, I am so devastated i keep on checking my fone and expecting him to text or at least call me but he doesnt at all. I am the one who dumped him because he cheated and instead of telling me the truth he kept on lying and lying! I know he is happy with the new girl because they stay close to each other whereas i am in the other town. I really need to move on but its so HARD! i feel suicidal and empy. Lord please have mercy...

 

Well done for valuing yourself enough to get rid of someone that cheated you, you're worth far more than that.

 

You're right, it is hard, but it will get less hard, I absolutely promise you that.

 

Start a new thread so more people see your story, you'll get a lot of lovely advice from the great people around here. Keep your head up, everything's going to be ok.

[Kevin_D]

4 months since breakup. I'm meeting new women, working out and improving my skills. Yet I'm feeling worse every day.

 

I don't have the urge to contact her. Not even when I drink. I know it's futile. Something has happened in her brain. She went from almost being too clingy to a cold bitch in just a week.

 

Many people say that you gain more perspective with time, that you realise that there were warning signs and that the relationship was far from perfect. In my case, it's the opposite. She broke up during a fight, so at first I blamed myself for starting the fight. But now I see things more clearly. She transformed into a completely different person in a matter of days. Before that, everything was fine. It was more than fine, it was perfect. I recently checked my messages. Every day she spontaneously sent me cute pictures and told me how much she loved me.

 

She didn't check out emotionally before that. I wasn't clingy. There was no power struggle. She just became weird one day and dumped me a few years later, most likely because she fell in love with somebody else.

 

But the thing is... Just because she has treated me like ****, doesn't change the fact that she was the girl of my dreams for 6 years. She can't be forgotten nor replaced. I might find happiness one way or another, but if you can move and and be happy within 5 months, then you never truly love the person. I have been dumped before and wanted to die during the first months, but the difference was that I slowly started to realise that that girl was far from perfect.

[barky2]

First off, to get a shoutout like that..truly is moving and I'm truly grateful.

 

For the countless hours and repetitive explanations, this makes it all worth it.

 

My goal was to come back and show support when I needed it, knock some sense into some people and just help them, help them see the light.

 

Guess my words worked huh? Lol

 

All kidding aside, thank you.

 

I'm glad you're on the right path of growing,changing, and moving on.

 

It really is life changing.

 

I tell people all the time, after you recover from this you're a better person than coming into the relationship.

 

And I think that's spot on in your case.

 

I'm glad I could help, but I'm more moved how well you're doing.

 

Keep fighting, glad you can see the light!

 

Once again, thank you, truly flattering.

 

 

 

Barky

[jphcbpa]

you.will.be.ok

 

We simply have to get ourselves happy again (I was devastated for 5 months then boom it happened). I remember reading posts like this and thinking 'that'll never happen to me'.

you are right. BOOM!!! It happens. A slow shift...I could feel it, like my brain was evolving. Cried tears of joy last night. You become thankful for the BU because you see yourself, start learning lessons that you needed to learn and only could have come from the BU.

 

Get yourself happy, true romance exists. You'll either find someone new who you're even more compatible with or things with your ex might work out, you just don't know which is why there's no point thinking about it. Think about you,

What I am finding is that I am okay/happy woman or no woman. That this healing is for me, not another woman. I am a better man today than when I met her and when the BU happened...I am only getting stronger in all facets.

[anemptycup]

Thanks for sharing your hope - it's been 2 months since we broke up - i begged her - did all that stuff for a month and i've been in NC for a month now - mornings are the hardest - every night we are back together, and every morning the break-up happens again - and i feed off tiny glimmers of hope... but i know the hope i should be feeding off is the hope you described - to some day be happy again - happy and whole being with myself.

 

this was my first long term relationship - i'm 34 now - but i learned a lot in just 2 months.

 

the difference between true love - and needy addictive "love"

i learned the importance of our thoughts, visualizations to being happy and whole on our own.

 

the greatest gift we can give anyone else is true love - and true love means, being whole, and complete by ourselves... seeking someone else to make us happy... is an addiction... it's not love.

 

i miss my ex so much... but i know that it was unhealthy towards the end - somewhere along the way, whether it was financial stress, our own deep and unresolved psychological issues... whatever... caused me to forget and stop loving myself...

 

thanks for sharing - i wish everyone on here going through this horrible horrible thing success and peace and happiness...

 

we can do it - and as you said - we need to stop building our exes up into this fantasy person we have created - it's not REAL... it's a fantasy we have and continue to energize - and we must put ourselves up on the pedestool instead.

 

much love and luck to everyone.

[lauri]

Thank you for sharing.

 

As much as I hate to admit this, I'm still not over my ex after 7 months. I recently just started NC again (2 months ago) but from time to time I go through these low points wondering if I made the right decision telling her to never contact me again (which she hasn't). I guess it is more disbelief of all the things that happened to me...

 

I hope one day I will get to the point you are at. I really appreciate your post because it honestly gives me a lot of hope...but I also question my sanity for not being over my ex yet too. I just need to continue to be patient and it will come, just as it has for you and many others on this forum.

[LostAlways]

Thank you for sharing.

 

As much as I hate to admit this, I'm still not over my ex after 7 months. I recently just started NC again (2 months ago) but from time to time I go through these low points wondering if I made the right decision telling her to never contact me again (which she hasn't). I guess it is more disbelief of all the things that happened to me...

 

I hope one day I will get to the point you are at. I really appreciate your post because it honestly gives me a lot of hope...but I also question my sanity for not being over my ex yet too. I just need to continue to be patient and it will come, just as it has for you and many others on this forum.

 

Don't worry, I have that same feeling like I won't ever be truly over her and at times I questioned if I'm obsessed or just completely devastated? We can't come to terms of the fact that a person could cut us off completely like nothing. It shows how much we really loved that person.

[you.will.be.ok]

4 months since breakup. I'm meeting new women, working out and improving my skills. Yet I'm feeling worse every day.

 

I don't have the urge to contact her. Not even when I drink. I know it's futile. Something has happened in her brain. She went from almost being too clingy to a cold bitch in just a week.

 

Exactly the same for me. I felt worse after 4 months, the change was very sudden, I had no urge to contact her. Exactly the same.

 

if you can move and and be happy within 5 months, then you never truly love the person.

 

I disagree man. There's no time frame or fact, it's all relative to the person and things that happen to them and more importantly thing that you make happen for yourself after being dumped. I absolutely loved her, it wasn't a short term relationship. Stick with it man, I remember being in your shoes and I remember how terrible I felt. I can't wait to see the day you make a similar post to my one

[you.will.be.ok]

First off, to get a shoutout like that..truly is moving and I'm truly grateful.

 

For the countless hours and repetitive explanations, this makes it all worth it.

 

My goal was to come back and show support when I needed it, knock some sense into some people and just help them, help them see the light.

 

Guess my words worked huh? Lol

 

All kidding aside, thank you.

 

I'm glad you're on the right path of growing,changing, and moving on.

 

It really is life changing.

 

I tell people all the time, after you recover from this you're a better person than coming into the relationship.

 

And I think that's spot on in your case.

 

I'm glad I could help, but I'm more moved how well you're doing.

 

Keep fighting, glad you can see the light!

 

Once again, thank you, truly flattering.

 

Barky

 

Don't thank me man. I fell and your words helped pull me through. You're a selfless man who takes time out of his days to come here and help people. I didn't make this post for me but for you AND for people to see that no matter how bad things are they really do get better. I will be thankful for the rest of my life, cheers man.

[you.will.be.ok]

What I am finding is that I am okay/happy woman or no woman. That this healing is for me, not another woman. I am a better man today than when I met her and when the BU happened...I am only getting stronger in all facets.

 

Happiness within yourself is true happiness man . Really delighted for you, keep it up and help spread the word that things really do get better.

[you.will.be.ok]

Thanks for sharing your hope - it's been 2 months since we broke up - i begged her - did all that stuff for a month and i've been in NC for a month now - mornings are the hardest - every night we are back together, and every morning the break-up happens again - and i feed off tiny glimmers of hope... but i know the hope i should be feeding off is the hope you described - to some day be happy again - happy and whole being with myself.

 

 

we can do it - and as you said - we need to stop building our exes up into this fantasy person we have created - it's not REAL... it's a fantasy we have and continue to energize - and we must put ourselves up on the pedestool instead.

 

much love and luck to everyone.

 

I remember the dreams and getting HIT by the break up every morning. The dread of the day and feeling like nothing and no one can help. You've got the right attitude, I guarantee you it will pay off eventually. It takes either time or another person to get them off that pedestal and once they do you'll instantly see things fitting in to place . You've got this.