Gf texts "goodnight" but then doesn't really go to sleep

[Hello_is_it_me]

This is a pretty minor thing that doesn't really bug me too much, but I'm bored and it just happened again so I'll get everyones' thoughts on it.

 

I've noticed multiple separate times at night that in the middle of a short text conversation (and we're not the kind of couple that texts each other all the time) the girlfriend will just abruptly text me "getting tired... gonna pass out soon." "Goodnight <3"

 

So I've noticed via my facebook feed that she's still up, more than an hour later, uploading pics of her pets or random stuff to facebook. If this was one time I'd think, "eh, she has trouble sleeping." But she does it often. I think one night it was even three hours after she said "goodnight" lol!

 

So I understand that: She might just want alone time. But it's not like I'm sending her a barrage of texts.. and i don't even care if she replies quick or not. So why not actually just not text and wait til she really going to sleep to say goodnight? Just weird.

[Els]

I do this sometimes, mostly because I tend to fall asleep while doing brainless stuff online and I want to say 'good night' before that happens.

 

I wouldn't read too much into this by itself.

[theediblewoman]

I have done this at times too. Sometimes you hop online and you just get distracted! Or yeah she just needs alone time like the poster above said.

[OhThatGirl]

I've done that before. I've also seen it done to me. I was pissed when I saw it happening to me even though I know I've innocently done it myself.

 

It's simply "I just don't want to talk, the night is winding down, I want to focus on some guilty pleasure before I pass out and do my own thing. I don't want to hurt you by saying I'd rather be screwing around on Facebook than talking so I will tell you I'm going to sleep."

 

It's the modern day 'going to bed to read.' It's alone time with something distracting. I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

 

But damn. Yeah. I made the mistake of calling my ex on it. To make it worse he had liked a picture of his female friend wearing a skanky dress and it showed up on my News Feed. It essentially started WWIII... Learned from that one. (Though sadly enough my lesson was more about who not to date than keeping my mouth shut about something so benign.. )

 

If you MUST mention it (ie it's going to build resentment if it's not addressed) I would warn you to be careful in how you do so.

 

Uh. Don't do it like I did. ("Your friend is a skank, why are you liking pictures of her when you told me you were sleeping?" ... To be fair, she was a skank and he was also caught using an online dating profile a year into our relationship... But still)

[Hello_is_it_me]

I've done that before. I've also seen it done to me. I was pissed when I saw it happening to me even though I know I've innocently done it myself.

 

It's simply "I just don't want to talk, the night is winding down, I want to focus on some guilty pleasure before I pass out and do my own thing. I don't want to hurt you by saying I'd rather be screwing around on Facebook than talking so I will tell you I'm going to sleep."

 

It's the modern day 'going to bed to read.' It's alone time with something distracting. I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

 

But damn. Yeah. I made the mistake of calling my ex on it. To make it worse he had liked a picture of his female friend wearing a skanky dress and it showed up on my News Feed. It essentially started WWIII... Learned from that one. (Though sadly enough my lesson was more about who not to date than keeping my mouth shut about something so benign.. )

 

If you MUST mention it (ie it's going to build resentment if it's not addressed) I would warn you to be careful in how you do so.

 

Uh. Don't do it like I did. ("Your friend is a skank, why are you liking pictures of her when you told me you were sleeping?" ... To be fair, she was a skank and he was also caught using an online dating profile a year into our relationship... But still)

 

Oh no no no.. I'm not mad and would never complain about such a trivial thing to her. Just a trivial "meh" thing that I'm using this forum to vent about

[OhThatGirl]

Oh no no no.. I'm not mad and would never complain about such a trivial thing to her. Just a trivial "meh" thing that I'm using this forum to vent about

 

Good. Good idea. The way I approached it was not ideal.

[Keenly]

Doesn't phase me a bit. Its the ending of the text conversation for the night. It has to end at some point, its basically a slowly happening phone call.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I do that too with my current guy.

 

He likes to text a lot. To be fair, he is not boring or anything it's just that I like my space at some point and want to watch the Bachelor in peace or something. So I say good night to remove the obligation of having to look at my phone and/or respond to texts. Ideally, I would like it if he contacted me a bit less so you can try that.

[lino]

Could mean nothing but also could mean she's losing interest in you. Keep your eyes open for other signs.

 

I personally wouldn't do this to someone whether it's the girlfriend, family member or a good friend and wouldn't appreciate it done to me if it's a recurring thing. But then again, respect for one another is an often overlooked and under appreciated trait these days

[David87]

I do this when I want to cut the conversation, I mean I say ''goodnight'' but I don't go to sleep.

 

I've never done it to my gf, but I realise that I'm doing it almost every day to girls that I don't want to have as gf's. I just want to have fun with them if you know what I mean.

[WLFL]

I do that sometimes. It's just a way to end a conversation, as naturally, there's only so much you can say to each other in text messages, it has to end some time! Really, it's not a big deal.

[Els]

I personally wouldn't do this to someone whether it's the girlfriend, family member or a good friend and wouldn't appreciate it done to me if it's a recurring thing. But then again, respect for one another is an often overlooked and under appreciated trait these days

 

Sooo... you text your family members, girlfriend and good friends 'good night' simultaneously from under your blanket just before you turn off the lights?

[Hello_is_it_me]

Maybe tonight at 6 pm I can text "falling asleep. goodnight!" and stay up for hours lol. I'm jk, im jk

[Eternal Sunshine]

Maybe tonight at 6 pm I can text "falling asleep. goodnight!" and stay up for hours lol. I'm jk, im jk

 

How much do you text her per day?

[Hello_is_it_me]

How much do you text her per day?

 

Not much. We'll text back-and-forth just around a few times during the day. At night if we're planning something or there's something important to say then a little more. But really not much. She's one of those bland "what's up" texters that is hard to have interesting convo's with so it's kind of nice this way lol.

 

She's one of those facebook addicts though. Always on it the entire day. Even told me once "I wish you were on facebook more so we could connect." (I only go on for a few minutes a day and never post anything. I joke that the only reason I still use facebook is to check if any of my friends have died or gotten pregnant lol)

[mysunflower]

I think its normal, that person just wanna do something else instead of texting back and forth.

Everytime my bf texted me "im so tired, im going to bed now", i knew he was going to play with his PS for hours

[jen_r]

Honestly, I do this to my bf alot. He LOVES to text and sometimes I'm just like "gahhhh leave me alone for alittle" so I'll say I'm going to sleep just to stop the texting lol. I don't think it's a big deal.

[GemmaUK]

I wish I had known some time ago that it wasn't just me who wanted just 'me time' and did this.

 

It's a way to just sign off and have space.

Nothing sinister.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Happened again lol. She texted me around noon. I reply back with a joke. Figure she'd text once she got off work like she always does but nope, nothing. Didn't hear back until 10 pm with a "goodnight <3." I didn't reply back. Then she was up until 1:00 am. Good convo heh.

 

Her personality can be a bit.. bland. One of those "how are you?" or "whats up" texters. Never really sends anything interesting or humorous. So maybe texting isn't her thing. Though in person it's not much better

[OhThatGirl]

Happened again lol. She texted me around noon. I reply back with a joke. Figure she'd text once she got off work like she always does but nope, nothing. Didn't hear back until 10 pm with a "goodnight <3." I didn't reply back. Then she was up until 1:00 am. Good convo heh.

 

Her personality can be a bit.. bland. One of those "how are you?" or "whats up" texters. Never really sends anything interesting or humorous. So maybe texting isn't her thing. Though in person it's not much better

 

Hmmmm. It sounds like the good night text is just a small piece of this. I'd say her staying up after the good night text isn't really a big deal... The not responding until 10 pm thing and then only to say good night (when she's not even going to sleep) is maybe a bit more problematic. At least for me. It may not be an issue for you.

 

Is this lack of enthusiasm/communication new? Do you/does she ever call for phone conversations? How often do you hang out in person?

 

If I'm dating someone I'm interested in its hard to get me to shut up. I can't wait to tell them about the exciting things about my day, the funny things my best friend said, sharing the cute pictures of her kids, thoughts on my new car/recipe I just tried/article I read/news segment on Crimea.

 

So if she has a bland personality what's the other side of it? She's supportive, nurturing, beautiful, thoughtful, amazing in bed?

 

This might just be your relationship and you are quite happy with it. It may not be an issue if this is your baseline. Personally I would want a bit more. Then again you see how nuts I can get (refer to my previous post in this thread lol)

[OhThatGirl]

Wait!! Is this the same girl that you posted about in another thread? That is keeping in touch with her old FWB via Facebook?!?

 

Unless she has blocked him, my attitude about this thread has changed entirely.

 

Leave. Walk away. Don't look back.

 

It's one thing if she says good night and stays up 3 hours doing her nails, watching videos of her nieces ballet recital, saving recipes and putting together a playlist.

 

It's an entirely different situation if she is on Facebook liking pictures and posts of her recent FWB and commenting on all his stuff. Especially if they may be private messaging back and forth.

 

Oh no. No noooo. Unless that issue has been resolved and she was 100% on board with/proposed blocking him for your comfort I'd be seriously concerned Facebook was what she opted to do after sending you to bed with a simple goodnight text.

[TigerLilly78]

I do this when I want to cut the conversation, I mean I say ''goodnight'' but I don't go to sleep.

 

I've never done it to my gf, but I realise that I'm doing it almost every day to girls that I don't want to have as gf's. I just want to have fun with them if you know what I mean.

Actuialy no I dont know what do you mean? explain..let me get this right so you wouldn't blow off your gf like that but you do the women you cheat on her with? pleaseeee forgive me if I got it wrong but yea this post just hit me as odd..

 

Now to the OP yeah ive had this done to me and admittedly ive prob done it to friends in the past *smacks hand* I say "going to bed" but get caut up on line doing this or that.

 

I guess its just like saying your going to bed but ending up watching a move or something like that yes its a blow off to some extent but not usually intentionality. Just now a days we are all so connected every one knows when you sneeze and what brand tissue you use just about..

 

Another thing with FB ive learned never to trust the dam thing ive woken up to odd messages from friends cause it showed me as connected when I never was so yea I never trust it fully anymore..

[Treasa]

Happened again lol. She texted me around noon. I reply back with a joke. Figure she'd text once she got off work like she always does but nope, nothing. Didn't hear back until 10 pm with a "goodnight <3." I didn't reply back. Then she was up until 1:00 am. Good convo heh.

 

Her personality can be a bit.. bland. One of those "how are you?" or "whats up" texters. Never really sends anything interesting or humorous. So maybe texting isn't her thing. Though in person it's not much better

 

Between the bolded and your other thread, it sounds like she isn't that interested in you, nor you in her.

 

Maybe you should pull back and think about this for a bit. And don't go playing that silly "Let's take a break" game. Just kinda go quiet. And definitely do consider if she actually adds to your life, or if things are pretty much the same either way.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Between the bolded and your other thread, it sounds like she isn't that interested in you, nor you in her.

 

Maybe you should pull back and think about this for a bit. And don't go playing that silly "Let's take a break" game. Just kinda go quiet. And definitely do consider if she actually adds to your life, or if things are pretty much the same either way.

 

^lol yep plan has already been set in motion! She invited me to go out with her tonight and go to some event tomorrow morning, but I declined.

 

Yeah she can kind of be aloof. The day before the day of no text except a "goodnight <3" she literally begged me to come over and stay the night so I did. And then today she's been texting a lot and inviting me out. So she can be pretty hot and cold.

 

Though.. I never brought up the facebook thing with her and don't plan to. Apparently that guy was a fwb that wanted more with her after a while and she cooled it off. It doesn't matter she can do what she wants. I will spill something new that I didn't bother to post because it's such an obvious red flag that I didn't need advice to know to "RUN AWAY" from this one lol. Soooo... Get ready for the train-wreck... Here it is lol..

 

She still is close friends with her most recent ex (this is a totally different person than the facebook fwb guy) and they hang out alone sometimes. I knew about this baggage going into the relationship but figured, "eh, what that hell.. we'll see how this goes.." Because she dumped him around a year ago. Though he still has a thing for her. Sooo.. Usually I think that if a girl like the new SO, she'll kind of detach from the ex. At least, that's what a sane person would assume... And that once we became exclusive (which was upon her request also, btw) that she would just not hang with him.

 

Well, she uploaded a new selfie pic of her and him cheek-to-cheek smiling after she accompanied him to some event I was like "wtf are her priorities here??" and I told her "I don't mind you being friends with an ex but the whole hanging out thing makes me uncomfortable. I'm not telling you to do anything. I want you to do what you want. Just letting you know how I feel." Now she never really hid any thing. Was always open about what she does or who she hangs with. So she's not being deceiving.. Just.. Disrespectful.

 

So she starts giving me the "You're being insecure and jealous.." ect, ect.. I'm like, "I'm not telling you to disown him! You can still be cordial friends. Just the whole hanging out thing.." And she has the gall to say, "Well I should be able to be friends with who I choose. He's always been there for me." (and the worst of all -->) "He doesn't have many friends." Me: "..." lol so then I say, "Hey if you're worried about hurting the ex's feelings more than the current bf's then that's your right."

 

So, yeah.. I've been around the block a time or two so I can tell she really does like me a bit. She just seems to like attention and wants her cake and to eat it too. And maybe she's used to dating beta guys that'll put up with that **** but not this guy lol So I'm not posting the above looking for advice because I already have decided on my own that she's no LT'er. Just figured I'd provide an upate of the ****-storm for your viewing pleasure!

Edited March 15, 2014 by Hello_is_it_me

[veggirl]

eta: NM didn't know this had a backstory.

Edited March 15, 2014 by veggirl