Did the OW/OM's children know you?

[StillHurtin]

The OW has two children, the oldest is her son, around 14 or 15. During the time H and I were seperated he had his A. Three of my friends told me they heard they were having an A (one worked w/ them and the other two had H's that worked w/ them). I didn't want to believe them but I knew they wouldn't lie about that. I was in denial. I tried being sweet to him so maybe he would change his mind about the D and come back home and work on our M. Anyhow, one day H came over and mowed the lawn for me and we had a long talk. He invited me and our children to a new Chinese Buffet in town. When we were going through the buffet I was behind H. This young man said hello to H and asked him how he was. When he walked passed me he gave me a very dirty look. I didn't know who he was and was wondering why he gave me such a nasty look. When he walked away I asked H who it was. H was kind of hesitant about telling me but he finally told me it was the OW's son.

I don't know if he knew me. I don't even know if he knew H was even married but I do know he didn't like that H was w/ another woman! I bet he didn't even realize I was his wife.

 

I noticed this guy sit down at a table across from us and I am sure he figured out who I was by our conversation (if he heard us). He finished eating and came over to H and put his hand on his shoulder and said "See ya later." and walked out. Of course my smart a$$ said "I am sure he will see you later!"

 

When he gave me that dirty look and when H told me who it was I thought "How dare HE give me the dirty look! His mom is the one who is the f@ckin whore and screwing MY H, I am the innocent one here!"

 

If the OW/OM in your spouses life had older children, did you know them?

[Mr Spock]

My current MM's kids know me, know who I am. They're cute, and deserve a better father.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

The OW has two children, the oldest is her son, around 14 or 15. During the time H and I were seperated he had his A. Three of my friends told me they heard they were having an A (one worked w/ them and the other two had H's that worked w/ them). I didn't want to believe them but I knew they wouldn't lie about that. I was in denial. I tried being sweet to him so maybe he would change his mind about the D and come back home and work on our M. Anyhow, one day H came over and mowed the lawn for me and we had a long talk. He invited me and our children to a new Chinese Buffet in town. When we were going through the buffet I was behind H. This young man said hello to H and asked him how he was. When he walked passed me he gave me a very dirty look. I didn't know who he was and was wondering why he gave me such a nasty look. When he walked away I asked H who it was. H was kind of hesitant about telling me but he finally told me it was the OW's son.

I don't know if he knew me. I don't even know if he knew H was even married but I do know he didn't like that H was w/ another woman! I bet he didn't even realize I was his wife.

 

I noticed this guy sit down at a table across from us and I am sure he figured out who I was by our conversation (if he heard us). He finished eating and came over to H and put his hand on his shoulder and said "See ya later." and walked out. Of course my smart a$$ said "I am sure he will see you later!"

 

When he gave me that dirty look and when H told me who it was I thought "How dare HE give me the dirty look! His mom is the one who is the f@ckin whore and screwing MY H, I am the innocent one here!"

 

If the OW/OM in your spouses life had older children, did you know them?

 

Because he knows you think his mom is a dirty whore? Maybe that's why the dirty look? It's not rocket science.....

[StillHurtin]

Spock, I don't even think he knew who I was. I don't think he knew that H was even married. I am sure his mom wouldn't of told him "Yea, my new BF is married and has kids!" Maybe he thought that he was stepping out on his mom w/ some other woman.

 

And if he did know me, he wouldn't of known how I felt about his mom, I never told him, never knew him. I know the OW wouldn't of told him b/c I never called her that, not even when I talked to her. I never even called her that to H. If my mom was messing around w/ a MM I surely wouldn't give his W dirty looks, it's not her fault they are screwing around. I would probably feel badly for her that my own mom would do such a thing.

[Mr Spock]

I bet, stillhurtin, that he does know who you are. What gives anyways? Why did I think you and your H were back together and the OW out of the picture? Please forgive my ignorance about your situation, I haven't been following the boards lately-I'll go back thru and read a bit.

[StillHurtin]

We are still working on our marriage. And things are improving as each day passes. There is still a little trust issue but it's getting better. I don't know why I posted this thread. I guess b/c when I come here and read other ppl's post it makes me think about things that were never clear to me. For one, her son giving me the dirty look. Why should it matter, it's over and done but it just got me to thinking about other ppl's situation and was curious what their answers will be.

 

I am still hurting about it. Even though dh gives me all the answers when I ask him ? it bothers me to this day that he slept w/ her. I guess it hurts the most b/c it was HER that he slept w/. It is hard to explain. I even asked if he was going to have an A why her? Anyone but her! It still confuses me why. She isn't anyone H would be attracted to. I guess looks, the way her appearance is (hair, clothing), her past, didn't matter to him b/c she was there to fill his mind w/ crap when he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do w/ his life. It also confuses me how much he was upset when I told him how many lovers I had, that I smoked pot (b4 we met) but yet she had many more and did a lot worse drugs. It was ok for her to have that past but not me? He knew her past b4 they got involved ( he told me years b4 they even had their A). We were already dating after he found out about my past. I honestly feel he felt she was better than me but I know that is not true. Sounds stupid? Maybe, but that is the way I feel.

[Mr Spock]

No, it just sounded like he had left again by your post.

 

Her son probably blames you for THEIR relationship ending...regardless of he knows of your wife status if he liked having your H around he'd view any woman as an interloper.

 

I'm pretty sure he's well aware of who you are, and remember, he loves HIS mother-regardless of right or wrong he'll be sticking up for her.

[StillHurtin]

I agree Spock, and honestly, I don't blame him for sticking up for his own mom.

The time we ran into him H and his mom had not broken up yet, he was still w/ her. It was a month after H filed for a D. H kept telling me he thought he made a mistake about the D but he was still seeing her. Somehow I felt I rushed him into making a decision about filing. I ran a daycare business out of my home. If H and I were going to get D I was going to move back to my hometown. D said he was going to wait on filing for the D b/c he didn't know what he wanted to do, end the M or not. If we were going to work on our M I was going to continue watching these children. I had already given families notice of me closing b4 H said he moved to fast. I wanted to continue caring for my dc children if we were going to work on our M. One mom said she needed to know w/in a day or two if we were going to work on our marriage b/c she had already found care for her children. When I talked to H and asked him what he wanted to do about the D b/c a DC mom needed to know he became upset. Said he couldn't make a life decision in that short of time. Three hours later I got a call from my lawyer stating he had filed!!! I felt I rushed him into making that decision all b/c of my stupid job!

[Mr Spock]

No, it was because he was being a sh*t and wanted you to beg for him....

 

He was being selfish, and that's also something you still are dealing with, that you still want him back may be bugging you too. Like WHY do I want this guy back after all I've hurt? Why can't I just kick him to the curb-why do I WANT to work on this?

 

No easy way to cure your hurts....

[izzybelle]

i never met my exMMs kids but he did meet mine once although it was a few years before we got involved and they don't remember.

 

if your H's OW had told her son that H had filed for divorce of course he probably wouldn't have seen a problem with his mom seeing your H. my kids knew about my MM. they knew how much i cared and i know they saw how much i was hurt. i had also told them that MM would be getting a divorce soon since that's what i had been told. needless to say, i'm sure my kids would have reacted the same was as your OWs son had they seen him with his W. i have no doubt that if my daughter would have been in that position and could have shot arrows out of her eyes at him, she probably would have. she didn't and i'm sure still doesn't understand that the divorce isn't final until the paper work is done and saw nothing wrong with my seeing someone who was still married, since i was so, so sure he was getting divorced and had been completely honest with them about the situation.

 

kids can be, and most are, pretty protective of their parents, especially boys and their moms, in my experience anyway. and in many cases they may not understand the subtleties of divorce. if he'd been told that your H had filed for divorce and he knew your H was seeing his mom, he probably didn't see that they were doing anything wrong and therefore you were the one who was in the wrong in his eyes.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

No, it was because he was being a sh*t and wanted you to beg for him....

 

He was being selfish, and that's also something you still are dealing with, that you still want him back may be bugging you too. Like WHY do I want this guy back after all I've hurt? Why can't I just kick him to the curb-why do I WANT to work on this?

 

No easy way to cure your hurts....

 

 

I agree, he is very selfish and I know ppl shouldn't blame others for their attitudes but I blame my mil for H's selfishness. He is an only child. She never taught him responsibilty. All he did in HS was play sports. He didn't have to pay for anything, his mom and dad bought everything. I had to work my a$$ off 6 days a week (after school and Saturdays) to buy my car and things I wanted (and my dad made $100,000 a year so we had money). My parent's weren't going to buy it for me, I had to work for it. They taught me how to be responsible. H also gets a lot of things from his mom. She is always spending money on him. She even pays for his yearly golf membership (she is a HUGE golfer and wants him to be able to play), and last year paid for his season baseball tickets. She needs to stop doing this. If he can't afford it on his own, he doesn't do it, period! He needs to grow up and be a man and she needs to cut the damn apron strings. Sorry, that is a touchy subject w/ me. I love my mil very much but she needs to stop spoiling him.

I did ask myself those ? when I first took him back, and I had my doubts and that is why I waited over a month to decide what I really wanted to do. I wasn't going to move back there and if he wasn't willing to move where me and the kids were, I was letting the M go. I figured he screwed up by having the A, HE needs to be the one to move where we are. I found a job I loved and I wasn't going to leave it. He did move here and I think that was a HUGE step for him b/c he had so many friends there. He could of stayed and told me if I didn't want to move there then the M wasn't going to work b/c he wasn't going to move where I was.

I want this M to work b/c I do love him, and I do want to spend the rest of my life w/ him. And TBH, even though it hurt like he!!, the A was one of the best things that could of happened. If it weren't for the A I would still be in a job I hated, living far from my family that I missed so much, not getting a job that I finally love, and living in the country again. I have been so much happier in my life since I moved away and got a better job. My M is even better. H doesn't go out all the time, doesn't play a bunch of sports, and he spends a lot more time w/ me and the kids.

 

 

 

kids can be, and most are, pretty protective of their parents, especially boys and their moms, in my experience anyway. and in many cases they may not understand the subtleties of divorce. if he'd been told that your H had filed for divorce and he knew your H was seeing his mom, he probably didn't see that they were doing anything wrong and therefore you were the one who was in the wrong in his eyes.

 

I can understand that, to some point. But if that is the case, shouldn't he have been mad at H too? I mean, he was the one seeing me and his mom on the side. He should of been upset w/ H too b/c he was seeing both of us.

Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore. She is out of my H's life and I am so thankful for that. I even heard from someone that she quit the job where she worked w/ H when they had their A. I wish she would of quit it when H was working there b/c none of this would of happened. But then again, like I told Spock, if the A didn't happen I would still be in a job I hated, still not close to my family (which I am close to). My life is so much happier than it was 2 years ago.