I told my close friend I love her, now she ignores me.

[notsointerested]

Last week I asked out a girl on a date and she rejected me. She was a close friend and unfortunately I read her signals wrong.

 

We were literally inseparable for the few weeks we got close, we would text and message each other late into the night, I would walk her home nearly every day and we helped each other at college with work.

 

Now she ignores me as if I don't exist. I didn't expect that response from her because she said we would still be friends. I know we won't be close like before but I would lose so much investment if she cut me off completely and that is something I can't get over.

 

Those memories haunt me now because I have lost someone close to me. Having someone I care about not reciprocate the feelings is a terrible thing to experience.

 

The rejection doesn't hurt me as much as the thought of losing her forever.

 

My other female friend is trying to help out but there is only so much she can do. I just want to be able to talk to the girl 1-to-1, so I can let out everything and tell her what I feel now.

 

I honestly feel like an idiot for rushing into things, maybe if I had known her longer I would have had an idea of what guy she is into and I wouldn't have to ask. Now a friendship is ruined. Please tell me I did the right thing...

 

What can I do to salvage back my friendship? How much space should I give her?

[whichwayisup]

Send her one email, then give her space and time.

 

Just be honest and speak from your heart. Tell her what you said here, you misread her signals and hope that as time goes on you two can be friends again.

 

But, with that said, how invested are you in her? Meaning, is it serious? Are you in love with her or are you just starting to have feelings. You need to think about yourself too...You may miss her friendship but if you are into her deeply romantically, then it's going to be harder on you to be 'just' friends. Your feelings will be fed, you'll look for hope and little signs that she is into you and has changed her mind.

[somedude81]

IMO, she is doing the best thing she can in her situation.

 

She has no interest in you, and is doing you a favor by not continuing to be your friend. She knows that you will interpret her continuing to be a friend as you having a chance.

 

When you express your feelings to a friend, you should only do so if you understand that you are essentially risking it all on the big score. Though most likely when you develop feelings, the friendship is over.

[notsointerested]

Send her one email, then give her space and time.

 

Just be honest and speak from your heart. Tell her what you said here, you misread her signals and hope that as time goes on you two can be friends again.

 

But, with that said, how invested are you in her? Meaning, is it serious? Are you in love with her or are you just starting to have feelings. You need to think about yourself too...You may miss her friendship but if you are into her deeply romantically, then it's going to be harder on you to be 'just' friends. Your feelings will be fed, you'll look for hope and little signs that she is into you and has changed her mind.

 

When i say I am invested, I mean we share the same interests and take a similar course at university. I have spent a lot of time helping her with job applications and she has helped me quite a bit too. I spent a lot of time with her, as company and I miss that a lot. I still care for her as a friend.

 

I can admit that I had feelings for her which is why I asked her out. Now I have come to realise that she isn't into me like that, i have accepted it but would still like to keep our friendship platonic.

 

I don't really want to lose her forever, even if we just talked a bit each day, it would make me feel better. I care because she is/was a good friend to me and I don't have that many close friends so it would be a huge loss to me.

 

 

IMO, she is doing the best thing she can in her situation.

 

She has no interest in you, and is doing you a favor by not continuing to be your friend. She knows that you will interpret her continuing to be a friend as you having a chance.

 

When you express your feelings to a friend, you should only do so if you understand that you are essentially risking it all on the big score. Though most likely when you develop feelings, the friendship is over.

 

I guess this is the harsh reality of it all. But I want to tell her personally, in person, like I did when I asked her out that I'd like to see how things go and continue as friends. I don't know if I should call her or message her. She is keeping her distance away from me so she doesn't give me hope... I can say I will get over it and won't be interested in her romantically anymore but it's hard if she isn't co-operating.

Edited March 12, 2014 by notsointerested

[whichwayisup]

. I can say I will get over it and won't be interested in her romantically anymore but it's hard if she isn't co-operating.

 

Then downplay it and let her know that it really is no big deal, it's okay, you'll get over it and hopefully some day if she wishes to, you two can be buddies again. The ball is in her court now.

[somedude81]

 

I guess this is the harsh reality of it all. But I want to tell her personally, in person, like I did when I asked her out that I'd like to see how things go and continue as friends. I don't know if I should call her or message her. She is keeping her distance away from me so she doesn't give me hope... I can say I will get over it and won't be interested in her romantically anymore but it's hard if she isn't co-operating.

Odds are the friendship is over.

 

Why would you still want to be her friend if there is no chance of dating her?

 

She is cooperating with you by keeping her distance. She's enabling you to get over her faster than if she were to remain your friend. All women should fallow her example.

 

There really isn't any point in talking to her in person. She knows you like her, you aren't going to be able to convince her to like you if you talk to her in person.

[notsointerested]

Odds are the friendship is over.

 

Why would you still want to be her friend if there is no chance of dating her?

 

She is cooperating with you by keeping her distance. She's enabling you to get over her faster than if she were to remain your friend. All women should fallow her example.

 

There really isn't any point in talking to her in person. She knows you like her, you aren't going to be able to convince her to like you if you talk to her in person.

 

Harsh words but you have a good point.

 

However, I didn't mention that she is in my close circle of friends, which is why I am trying to stay friends. It would make the social group very awkward if we ignored each other like that. I'm not asking for a close friendship like before as that will never happen.

[somedude81]

Harsh words but you have a good point.

 

However, I didn't mention that she is in my close circle of friends, which is why I am trying to stay friends. It would make the social group very awkward if we ignored each other like that. I'm not asking for a close friendship like before as that will never happen.

Yeah I know I'm being harsh but I've been friendzoned more times than I'd like to admit, so I know what usually happens.

 

The fact that she is in your circle of friends does make it more difficult.

 

That is something I'm unable to relate to as the female friends that I have liked/and or asked out, weren't part of my circle. So it was easier for us to go our separate ways.

 

I don't know what to do in your situation. Good luck.

[CC12]

My other female friend is trying to help out but there is only so much she can do. I just want to be able to talk to the girl 1-to-1, so I can let out everything and tell her what I feel now.

 

You need to handle this on your own. Don't involve your other friends in this and don't even involve the girl. How would it benefit her to know what you're feeling now? It wouldn't. You would be the only one benefiting from that conversation. She already knows what you're feeling now. It's the same way everyone feels when they're rejected by a friend. No need for a conversation about it.

 

There are certain things in your posts that really show how you're mostly concerned about your own feelings. You say how hard it is for you, and how much you had invested, what a terrible experience, it would be a huge loss for you, etc. You even took into consideration the feelings of your social group.

 

It doesn't look like you're thinking about how she might be feeling about it. She rejected your advances, and now she isn't talking to you. Based on that, what do you think she wants right now?

[notsointerested]

You need to handle this on your own. Don't involve your other friends in this and don't even involve the girl. How would it benefit her to know what you're feeling now? It wouldn't. You would be the only one benefiting from that conversation. She already knows what you're feeling now. It's the same way everyone feels when they're rejected by a friend. No need for a conversation about it.

 

There are certain things in your posts that really show how you're mostly concerned about your own feelings. You say how hard it is for you, and how much you had invested, what a terrible experience, it would be a huge loss for you, etc. You even took into consideration the feelings of your social group.

 

It doesn't look like you're thinking about how she might be feeling about it. She rejected your advances, and now she isn't talking to you. Based on that, what do you think she wants right now?

 

Well she's not just any friend. She is one of my good friends and we have known each other since we started college. My other friend is also a good friend and talked with her and now she wants to talk to me in person tomorrow.

 

It's just a matter of what to say and repair what's left of our friendship.

[preraph]

Just like any other time this happens, once someone tells you they're not interested, you need to leave them alone and move on unless they initiate a friendship otherwise, but even if they do, you're just going to be mooning over her so it's healthier to just leave her completely alone. It doesn't matter if she's in your circle of friends. Just don't interact with her when you're all somewhere as a group. Say "hi" politely and leave her alone. Move on. That's all anyone can do. You can't make someone like you or feel comfortable with you after they know there's an imbalance of feelings.

[maskedpianoplayer]

hey bro. Just don't talk to her for like a week or 2 then text her just saying wassup like you never asked her out. Chances are she misses you but don't want you to have feelings for her romantically. It works. Just text her like you would usually text her like you never asked her out. She will eventually respond. Then you guys will be friends again before you know it and yall will act like that moment never happened. The reason she aint talking to you is because it will feel awkward. Once she realize it's not awkward because you wont bring it up anymore then she will be back hanging with you in no time. Don't sweat it

[whichwayisup]

Well she's not just any friend. She is one of my good friends and we have known each other since we started college. My other friend is also a good friend and talked with her and now she wants to talk to me in person tomorrow.

 

It's just a matter of what to say and repair what's left of our friendship.

 

Let her talk and listen to what she has to say.

 

Your reaction and how you handle this is important.

 

I still think downplaying it and letting her know that you're totally fine that she isn't into you that way doesn't upset you, that you understand and hope that she doesn't feel uncomfortable. That some space if she needs it, you'll give that to her if need be.

[notsointerested]

Let her talk and listen to what she has to say.

 

Your reaction and how you handle this is important.

 

I still think downplaying it and letting her know that you're totally fine that she isn't into you that way doesn't upset you, that you understand and hope that she doesn't feel uncomfortable. That some space if she needs it, you'll give that to her if need be.

 

It turned out to be better than expected. We had the talk, shared a joke or two and moved on as friends. We had a long chat but it was mainly about how we can still be friends and how things will be from now on. She told me she doesn't want a boyfriend at this time, it's nothing to do with me as a person but she'd rather concentrate on college at the moment. I told her I was willing to move on and still talk as friends. She agreed to being friends but said we shouldn't be as close as we were before, which I said I was fine with.

 

She was actually the first girl I asked out and she acknowledged my bravery. I can use this experience to build on how I approach girls in the future so I can avoid falling into this trap again.

 

My mistake was I risked asking a close friend out after only being close for a month. If it wasn't for my close circle of friends, it would be the end of everything. Next time, I will make sure I don't read the wrong signals and get to know more about what kind of guy she is into, before asking the big question again.

[whichwayisup]

She is genuine nice person and it make me happy to read that you two had a good talk and an understanding. It takes two people to make a friendship work and I bet as time goes on you'll both forget about it all and things will be totally fine.

[notsointerested]

She is genuine nice person and it make me happy to read that you two had a good talk and an understanding. It takes two people to make a friendship work and I bet as time goes on you'll both forget about it all and things will be totally fine.

 

Thank you for acknowledging the friendship we had before.

 

I feel a lot better too. This is something I can look back on and laugh it off. I do believe our friendship will still be strong. She is incredibly attractive, but we weren't meant for each other and there are other girls out there who are a better match for me.

[topaMAXX]

It turned out to be better than expected. We had the talk, shared a joke or two and moved on as friends. We had a long chat but it was mainly about how we can still be friends and how things will be from now on. She told me she doesn't want a boyfriend at this time, it's nothing to do with me as a person but she'd rather concentrate on college at the moment. I told her I was willing to move on and still talk as friends. She agreed to being friends but said we shouldn't be as close as we were before, which I said I was fine with.

 

She was actually the first girl I asked out and she acknowledged my bravery. I can use this experience to build on how I approach girls in the future so I can avoid falling into this trap again.

 

My mistake was I risked asking a close friend out after only being close for a month. If it wasn't for my close circle of friends, it would be the end of everything. Next time, I will make sure I don't read the wrong signals and get to know more about what kind of guy she is into, before asking the big question again.

 

This doesn't sound too bad. I think you should focus on other girls and treat this one totally as a friend. Don't be afraid to ask out other girls. Rejection is a part of the whole thing.

 

This still can go your way. I can't tell you how many times I asked out a girl, was friendzoned, then dated other girls....and had the original girl develop feelings for me.

 

She knows you like her. It's out there. So she WILL look at you that way, whether or not she wants to. This is a good thing for you if you play it right.

 

Good luck!

[notsointerested]

Well, I don't want to try for this girl any more. She's giving me a chance and that's to stay as friends. She knows I like her but she knows I also value the friendship just like her. It's time for me to move on. She's highly attractive but she isn't interested in me like that. Maybe she will change her mind but I'm not thinking about that now.

 

In fact this experience has given me more confidence to ask out other girls in the future. I asked out one of the hottest girls in my course and didn't look like an idiot in front of her. Every rejection is just an experience I can build from.

 

Thanks everyone for the advice, things have cleared up now and we're still on talking terms.