Unrequited love. There seems to be no end.

[Terkatt]

So, basically, there's a long and annoying story about my unrequited love to one girl whom I'm forced to see every day in my class. I know that she probably has a boyfriend / receives a lot of attention / isn't a perfectly honest person / made use of my feelings and so on, but still it hurts to see her around.

 

It all started in fall 2012, when we were put into one class of ~15 students. Then I was feeling depressed because I couldn't even become friends with her. She was sometimes nice to me, sometimes asked for my help or talked to me, but in general it didn't look like she was always open for a long friendly conversation. I don't like boasting, but I'm a good student in the group and many people, including her, used to ask for my help with studies. When the examinations period began, once she asked me to help her understand one topic, and a couple of days later I felt like we finally became friends. During every exam we talked on different topics, sometimes I helped her and so on. I was feeling happy and didn't try harder, thinking that it was enough for me to have.

 

But when exams and holidays ended, suddenly she stopped talking to me that much. You can imagine how I felt, after such an euphoria, when I saw her laughing with someone else and ignoring even my greetings. It all gave me the feeling that she only used me for help. Then I sent her a message, just asking how she was. Her response looked pretty friendly, but ended in a phrase "Sorry if I'm ignoring you:(". Next day I found out from rumors that she'd noticed my feelings and trumpeted about them to a couple of her friends. I didn't even think it was a betrayal from her side, I worried that I'd fed her up with my attention.

 

Then I just stopped talking to her. One of my friends told me that she does have a list of guys with whom she talks mainly when she needs something. Sure I was deeply offended and was afraid of her since then I could expect her to do whatever she wanted.

 

When the next examinations period was in store, she suddenly became closer to one of my best friends and made attempts at talking to me, even though I still felt offended. One day she directly started flirting with him, tickling his neck when I was sitting beside. During the semester there had been nothing of the kind. So I considered this as an attempt to make me feel pain and get back to her. Finally I gave up, because it became really, really hard to watch them together and to see her beside. I thought it was already bad enough and resuming the friendship wouldn't hurt a lot.

 

But then the hell started. Every day I went home from studies in doubts, because I understood she was probably using me and at the same time couldn't so easily ignore her. The feelings grew dramatically. Should I have spent a lot of time at university with her, next day I was missing her. Yet she kept teasing us, frequently asking my friend something like "do you love me?", putting her hand on his shoulder in my presence or saying other "warm" things to us both. All this while she was in a more serious relationship. And, of course, she kept asking us for help. That was a month-long nightmare...

 

After the beginning of a summer break, it took me more than a month to get over her. Obviously I didn't try contacting her. I needed a serious recovery. She didn't write to me either, not even once. But this didn't surprise me knowing her temper. I firmly decided to stay away from her during the following academic year.

 

And when this year started, she again asked me and some other groupmates for help, and we all refused for different reasons. She got offended and didn't talk a lot to us. However, soon she understood that I kept ignoring her. There was simply no other way for me, any contact with her could destroy me for at least a day and give my heart false hope. I was making myself believe that she is a dishonest person playing with others' feelings, that I don't need her presence, that I feel happy only when I don't worry about her... It seemed to help.

 

During the third examination period she was actively "liking" all my contents and statuses on Facebook, which she'd never done before. It started two days before the first exam and finished two days before the last one. Obviously another hint for me. I didn't give up ignoring her. It was easier to live so.

 

The problem is that now I get very nervous in her presence. Both of us understand that there are a lot of unspoken thing between us, plus, I'm afraid to become attached to her again... And when I see her talking with my friends in an intimate manner, like smiling to each other or walking together to a bus station, I begin to feel anxious. I can't stand this. And she probably notices this. I imagine how cool it would be to stop there and talk to her in this very moment, but my head realizes it could result in a very deep depression afterwards. And I still have the same feelings to her. I don't think it's a good idea to talk to her about this, because she may not be honest about everything and because I'm simply losing my control over the situation when she's talking to me.

 

I just can't be happy knowing that every day I must return to this place where everything is so reminiscent of her. I just don't feel the same way as usual in university, whether she's beside or not. Seems there is no happy end until I graduate, which will be in three months.

 

Help me, please. I want to live, not just exist.

Edited May 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Terkatt]

Any advice? I don't expect you to solve my problem once and forever, it isn't a piece of cake, but at least I would appreciate any comments on the situation or general opinions.

[Candy_Pants]

She craves attention, you gave it to her. Sounds to me like you're infatuated, not in love.

 

My advice is keep ignoring her. Don't give her the attention she desires. OR THE HELP!!!

 

You'll get over it in due time. Meanwhile, every time you find yourself thinking of her, force your thoughts away. Train your brain.

[angel555]

We all have/meet people like this in our lives.I had a friend who had to travel a long distance from my university(had to travel in 2 buses).

And my best friend had a car and she lured him into picking her up and dropping her everyday even when my friend had nothing to do at the university.

So coming back to your point,she isnt much of a clever person who doesnt make things obvious.

Shes using you.And you know it as well.

Id say stop talking to her.

You gave the answer yourself.She acts all flirty around your friends WHEN YOU are around.So she knows you kinda like her,she knows what she can get from you and the only way is to make you fall for her.

Be smart.Ignore it.Its easier said than done,but ignore once and make it a habit.Dont encourage people to take advantage of you even when you know it.

[devilish innocent]

The best thing to do is to stay away from her. Avoid her completely if you can. If you really can't stop talking to her, you might as well ask her out. Assuming she'll probably reject you, you'll be more depressed for a little while. But it could give you the kick you need to get over her completely. Right now, you pretend to be her friend so that you can get some attention from her. That needs to stop.

[Terkatt]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

 

If it wasn't clear from my first post, actually I have been ignoring her completely for over half a year now. This really helps when I don't see her for a couple of days.

 

The problem is that it seriously gets on my nerves now. I seek ways to avoid her everywhere, because she clearly notices my elusive behavior and can begin a conversation anytime she sees me beside, despite knowing that I'm not happy to talk to her. It does influence the way I morally feel in university, consequently does influence my behavior, because I often behave in a nervous fashion. Plus, it hurts to see guys I know kissing or cuddling her. All this knowing that resuming friendship will be a way to more powerful mood swings and a deeper depression, which I have experienced and no longer want to.

 

What to do about this? I'd be glad to know that it's possible to resolve the problem by simply changing the attitude.

[Terkatt]

Again, I feel that I'm not going to get over this anytime soon. Every time I see her, that is, almost every day, I feel the same attraction which doesn't fade away even though I've been staying away from her for months. This makes seeing her flirting with others a pain.

 

I understand perfectly well that if I become friends with her again or hug her even once, I will get a very hard time overcoming my feelings later. I've been through it once and don't want this nightmare, when you don't know where to stop, any longer. While I'm ignoring her, which already is my habit, it is hard, but after half a day of not seeing her my feelings eventually calm down. However, this repeats every day, and I'm just choosing the least painful way.

 

Can anyone give me any tips on how to be less anxious about this? Just don't give any advice before reading my story, because any false advice can be painful for me.

[Bantosm]

The girl gave some red flags when she suddenly stopped talking to you after the holidays. I would yielded at that point. I had a case like that when I was 20. I tried everything I could to get this girl to notice me. She once asked me to get her a sundae. I drove out and gave it to her and thought she was going to change her ways but she ended up sharing it with some guy. That forced me to get angry enough at her to change my thought pattern for her. I didn't place her on a pedestal anymore and it was like night to day. She started flirting with me and trying to get my attention, but at that point I had lost allure for her and that was that.