When is appropriate to start flirting and what are some good ways to start doing it?

[Eternal Sunshine]

If it's any consolation SD, I also have a hard time telling when a guy is friendly vs interested. It happens to all of us.

[xxoo]

What can you say about a girls' appearance if you aren't dating her? I can kind of tease but I'm more opportunistic. Thankfully after finally getting a GF I have no issues with touching but I'm a bit unclear on when it's OK to start hugging girls.

 

Don't hug unless you're dating, or if she initiates a hug. Put your arm around her when walking, or knuckle punch her arm in a teasing way, but keep it playful rather than mushy until dating is established.

 

Comments on appearance:

 

Morning, lovely! (smile)

Later, brown eyes! (smile)

Damn! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

Nice jeans! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

Nice dress! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

 

If she giggles, she likes it. If she doesn't like it, who cares!

[somedude81]

 

 

You need to change her opinion of you somehow. You need to do, say, or be something that's attractive to her or that makes feel something about you. This is a little sexual tension itself.

That's what I'm asking how to do.

 

I'm very aware of what I have to do. What I don't know is how to do it.

 

That is what frustrates me on this dating game because I know I should be making girls react to me in certain ways but I'm not able to make it happen.

 

 

 

Unfortunately there's no secret password that'll make her like you more than she does. Every girl is different. What's attractive or impressive to one might be off-putting to the next. Think about attraction on a basic level. Why do people like some people but not others? Some universally attractive traits are confidence, humor, wit, talent, modesty, intelligence, skill, etc. Adopt these traits as best you can to cast the widest net. Still, there will be some who won't like you for whatever reason. To get her to like you, the first step is action. You need to proactively put a thought, idea, feeling, whatever, from you out into her world. It will require some vulnerability. Whatever the thing is that you do, say, or be will induce judgment and opinion forming of you. You want that, and you want it to be the good kind and not bad. But doing nothing won't cut it, you need to do something that shapes opinion and/or feeling, whatever it is.

And I need to figure out how to do it.

 

I have wit, intelligence and humor. Though how often they present themselves depends on how comfortable I'm feeling at the time, and with who it's with.

 

If you're worried about just being friends, you have to let her know that you want a little more. She'll get the idea when you cross the threshold into flirting with her. So take it a step further. Introduce the sexual undertone. Touch her a bit (respectively), tease her a little, tell her you think she's cute (confidently), whatever. Communicate interest verbally or non-verbally. If she's receptive or even better, reciprocal, just ask her out. If you have attractive qualities that she likes and you show interest in her, I don't see why she wouldn't go out with you if you ask.

Communicating interest is what I suck at. I want to build up a girl's interest

in me before I ask her out. That way I avoid asking out a bunch of girls I have no chance with.

 

From my experience, with me, a girls default answer to me asking her out is "no." So I need to change her opinion of me, before I ask her out.

 

I am working more on the teasing and touching. There is this one girl I've mentioned a few times already and she's basically my practice dummy. But she's so laid back that nothing I do is really having an impact on her. It doesn't seem to be registering to her that I'm interested, or perhaps she does know, but doesn't care because she's told me that she has a boyfriend. So as long as I don't cross a line, I have free reign with her.

[normal person]

That's what I'm asking how to do.

 

I'm very aware of what I have to do. What I don't know is how to do it.

 

Yeah, but how you interest a girl is very dependent on the girl. I'm sorry for being vague, but you need to do/say/be the thing that she likes. It's irrational and hard to put into words. If you made a thread on here asking all the women "what do you like in guys?" you're likely to get as many different traits as their are respondents (although universally attractive traits will always come up). You need to find out whatever the thing is for her and do/say/be it. The hardest part is that you probably don't know what it is. The best thing you can do is be a confident, funny, honest, charismatic, charming version of yourself and hope that does the trick. Yes, it's hard and you might not succeed no matter what you do.

 

Communicating interest is what I suck at. I want to build up a girl's interest

in me before I ask her out. That way I avoid asking out a bunch of girls I have no chance with.

 

Build her interest in you with the stuff written above. You need to do/say/be what she likes in guys. If you can. Also accept the fact that a lot of girls will just never like you no matter what. I know it sounds like a phoned in answer but it's the best I can give you.

 

Communicating your interest to her should be the easiest part. Touch her, tease her, tell her she's cute or that she looks good. Bam, you're done. Women are subtle. They know subtlety. When you like them, they'll figure it out very easily. What you need to do is communicate interest/flirt a bit, gauge their reaction, and then act on it confidently if the reaction is welcoming. If you tell her she's cute and she backs away in terror, she's not very receptive. If she blushes/smiles/seems to be flattered, it's a good sign.

 

I am working more on the teasing and touching. There is this one girl I've mentioned a few times already and she's basically my practice dummy. But she's so laid back that nothing I do is really having an impact on her. It doesn't seem to be registering to her that I'm interested, or perhaps she does know, but doesn't care because she's told me that she has a boyfriend. So as long as I don't cross a line, I have free reign with her.

 

This is just weird. Plus she has a boyfriend. "Practice" is odd. I think you should just try flirting with an available girl you like. If she's receptive, great. If not, move on and learn from it.

Edited March 18, 2014 by normal person

[somedude81]

Yeah, but how you interest a girl is very dependent on the girl. I'm sorry for being vague, but you need to do/say/be the thing that she likes. It's irrational and hard to put into words. If you made a thread on here asking all the women "what do you like in guys?" you're likely to get as many different traits as their are respondents (although universally attractive traits will always come up). You need to find out whatever the thing is for her and do/say/be it. The hardest part is that you probably don't know what it is. The best thing you can do is be a confident, funny, honest, charismatic, charming version of yourself and hope that does the trick. Yes, it's hard and you might not succeed no matter what you do.

Though aren't there standard things that work on most girls?

 

Like showing interest in their hobbies and giving compliments? Or am way off and none of that actually matters?

Build her interest in you with the stuff written above. You need to do/say/be what she likes in guys. If you can. Also accept the fact that a lot of girls will just never like you no matter what. I know it sounds like a phoned in answer but it's the best I can give you.

Yeah that is kind of vague as you said. I guess that's just the nature of the beast.

 

I know I'm not physically attractive and that I somehow have to overcome that. I know that it is possible because guys in my situation can and do do it, and I've done it once in my life.

 

 

Communicating your interest to her should be the easiest part. Touch her, tease her, tell her she's cute or that she looks good. Bam, you're done. Women are subtle. They know subtlety. When you like them, they'll figure it out very easily. What you need to do is communicate interest/flirt a bit, gauge their reaction, and then act on it confidently if the reaction is welcoming. If you tell her she's cute and she backs away in terror, she's not very receptive. If she blushes/smiles/seems to be flattered, it's a good sign.

Yeah I can work on that more. I also realized that most women won't show interest in you until after you've shown interest in them. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

This is just weird. Plus she has a boyfriend. "Practice" is odd. I think you should just try flirting with an available girl you like. If she's receptive, great. If not, move on and learn from it.

The reason I practice with her is because she's so fun to be with, and I can touch and tease her and she doesn't care. She's also everything I want in a girl, so it's like if I can touch and play with her, I can do it with somebody who isn't as cute or whatever.

 

Also very few girls are as receptive as she is. It's frustrating that she's so fun and easy to be with when I know she's taken and other girls are more cold. There is another girl in the class I'm really attracted to but she isn't receptive to me at all. I think she may be single but I haven't been able to have a real conversation with her and find out. I just can't connect with her like I can with the girl who has a boyfriend.

[normal person]

Though aren't there standard things that work on most girls?

 

Like showing interest in their hobbies and giving compliments? Or am way off and none of that actually matters?

 

Talking about that stuff and giving genuine compliments won't hurt. It might put you over the edge and make someone give you a chance. Yes it's nice and flattering, but at the end of the day, that likely won't be the reason she's attracted to you (although to be fair, I've won over college girls merely by taking a legitimate interest in their lives, but those are extenuating circumstances). You can spend all night at a bar telling a girl how beautiful she is and asking her all about her life, but if she just doesn't like you for whatever reason, it's all in vain. You like her, it's obvious, but what will compel her to like you? It's one of those things you just have to try and figure out. Everyone's different.

 

Yeah that is kind of vague as you said. I guess that's just the nature of the beast.

 

Yup, people like what they like. No sense in trying to rationalize it. Just always work on bettering yourself and hope you fit the person's criteria.

 

Yeah I can work on that more. I also realized that most women won't show interest in you until after you've shown interest in them. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Not necessarily true. If a girl likes you, her MO is often to get you to notice her and then wait for you to pursue her. It can be subtle -- bumping into you, looking at you then away and back again, or something more obvious. A lot of times if you don't act they'll assume you don't like them.

 

The reason I practice with her is because she's so fun to be with, and I can touch and tease her and she doesn't care. She's also everything I want in a girl, so it's like if I can touch and play with her, I can do it with somebody who isn't as cute or whatever.

 

Also very few girls are as receptive as she is. It's frustrating that she's so fun and easy to be with when I know she's taken and other girls are more cold. There is another girl in the class I'm really attracted to but she isn't receptive to me at all. I think she may be single but I haven't been able to have a real conversation with her and find out. I just can't connect with her like I can with the girl who has a boyfriend.

 

Ehhh... it just seems a little strange to me to treat a girl like that for "practice." But to each their own. As for the other girl, if she's not having it, she's likely not interested. Cut your loss and try with someone else.

[somedude81]

OK now I'm really into a different girl in my class. Due to circumstances in my favor I ended up dancing with her for at least half the class and she didn't seem to mind at all.

 

Today I found out what her class schedule and she is free after after our class. I almost invited her to have lunch with me today but I wasn't mentally ready to do it.

 

I want to invite her to lunch with me on Monday, but, I don't know if she is single or not.

 

I'm going to try to find out her relationship status when I talk to her on Monday. If I don't confirm that she's single, I don't know if I should still proceed with the invite.

 

I'm trying to avoid getting excited about her, because I know that I will most likely be disappointed.

[clia]

OK now I'm really into a different girl in my class. Due to circumstances in my favor I ended up dancing with her for at least half the class and she didn't seem to mind at all.

 

Today I found out what her class schedule and she is free after after our class. I almost invited her to have lunch with me today but I wasn't mentally ready to do it.

 

I want to invite her to lunch with me on Monday, but, I don't know if she is single or not.

 

I'm going to try to find out her relationship status when I talk to her on Monday. If I don't confirm that she's single, I don't know if I should still proceed with the invite.

 

I'm trying to avoid getting excited about her, because I know that I will most likely be disappointed.

 

You over think this stuff way too much. I see a lot of analyzing and not a lot of action...

 

Don't worry about her relationship status. Just ask her if she wants to have lunch with you. If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you then. And then you'll know. That is how most guys handle this stuff.

 

Frankly, since you danced with her for half the class, it probably would have been very seamless and normal to invite her to lunch today. You should've seized the opportunity. Hopefully you will find yourself in a similar position on Monday.

[somedude81]

You over think this stuff way too much. I see a lot of analyzing and not a lot of action...

 

Don't worry about her relationship status. Just ask her if she wants to have lunch with you. If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you then. And then you'll know. That is how most guys handle this stuff.

 

Frankly, since you danced with her for half the class, it probably would have been very seamless and normal to invite her to lunch today. You should've seized the opportunity. Hopefully you will find yourself in a similar position on Monday.

Yes it would have been very natural to invite her to lunch with her today. Especially since I walked with her for a few minutes after class. The only reason that I didn't was that I felt myself getting nervous because I didn't mentally prepare myself to do so. It's hard to explain. But assuming that she shoes up on Monday, which I really hope she does, I'll invite her then. Yes I do wish I asked her today, but I just didn't feel comfortable enough doing it.

 

The reason I want to know if she has a boyfriend first, is because there is a big chance that even if she does have one, she'll accept the lunch invite and believe that I just want to be friends with her. I want her to know that I'm interested in her before she gives me her answer.

 

And yes, I'm very big on over-analyzing everything.

[normal person]

 

And yes, I'm very big on over-analyzing everything.

 

Clia's right, and I think you over thinking things is counterproductive. It probably stresses you out way more than necessary and gets you thinking about variables that aren't even important.

 

Ask her if she wants lunch. If she says yes, great. Go and flirt and have a good time. She'll get the message and if she likes it/you she'll reciprocate.

 

If she says no for whatever reason, who cares? Move on.

 

There's no need to dramatize it all. Good luck.

[somedude81]

Ugh, I wish I could just tell what girls are interested in me. Life would be so much easier.

 

If I knew which girls liked me, even a little, I could just focus on them and try to build up their interest.

 

There is way too much guessing in this game and I don't like being dependent on luck. I hate starting to get thoughts about a girl and what it would be like to date her, and not even knowing if she has a freaking boyfriend.

 

Flirting has got to be so much easier for women.

[normal person]

Ugh, I wish I could just tell what girls are interested in me. Life would be so much easier.

 

If I knew which girls liked me, even a little, I could just focus on them and try to build up their interest.

 

This is usually how it goes. You need to make them like you. Do what you can do to try and attract them. If it doesn't work (keep in mind this will happen a lot), who cares? On to the next one. It seems like you stress about it much more than necessary.

 

There is way too much guessing in this game and I don't like being dependent on luck. I hate starting to get thoughts about a girl and what it would be like to date her, and not even knowing if she has a freaking boyfriend.

 

Flirting has got to be so much easier for women.

 

How about this:

Just ask her if she has a boyfriend. It's a small flirt, you wouldn't care if you weren't interested in her.

 

If she says she does, she'll tell you and you can just let that be the end of it. No one will think twice about it.

 

If she doesn't, she'll pick up on the fact that you like her and

 

A). if she doesn't like you, she might just say that she does have one so it's a convenient excuse for her not to be subjected to further advances from you.

B). if she's unopinionated/positive about you, she'll just tell you that she doesn't.

 

Interest communicated. Foot in the door. Simple.

 

 

Another thing you can do is say "Does your boyfriend like that you..." or some variation. If she has one, she'll tell you that he likes or dislikes the thing. If she doesn't, she'll quash the whole inquiry with "oh, I don't have a boyfriend."

 

You can take it from there.

[somedude81]

This is usually how it goes. You need to make them like you. Do what you can do to try and attract them. If it doesn't work (keep in mind this will happen a lot), who cares? On to the next one. It seems like you stress about it much more than necessary.

Yeah I know that's how it is. It's basically hunting while blindfolded. Just shoot wherever you hear a noise.

 

The reason I'm stressing about this so much is that I really want a girlfriend again; I hate being single. Plus I tend to start liking girls fairly quickly and I take rejection too personally.

 

Making girls like me has never worked. Ever. I always got rejected.

 

As for my first and only girlfriend. Early on I found out that she had a boyfriend, and I gave up pursuing her and settled on a sort of friendship. Without me doing anything to make her like me, she did anyways. Once I found out that she did like me, then I started the heavy flirting and closed the deal.

 

I don't expect to get lucky like that again. In my 32 years on this planet, she's only the 3rd girl that I realized liked me. She was also far more attractive than the other two who were both obese.

 

So here I am, in college regularly interacting with pretty girls that I would be happy to be in a relationship with, and I have a few favorites.

 

Right now my plan of actions is to ask out all of my favorites as well as build some ground work with the other cute girls. Though honestly, I would be happy with any girl as long as she met my bare minimums.

 

 

 

How about this:

Just ask her if she has a boyfriend. It's a small flirt, you wouldn't care if you weren't interested in her.

 

If she says she does, she'll tell you and you can just let that be the end of it. No one will think twice about it.

 

If she doesn't, she'll pick up on the fact that you like her and

 

A). if she doesn't like you, she might just say that she does have one so it's a convenient excuse for her not to be subjected to further advances from you.

B). if she's unopinionated/positive about you, she'll just tell you that she doesn't.

 

Interest communicated. Foot in the door. Simple.

 

 

Another thing you can do is say "Does your boyfriend like that you..." or some variation. If she has one, she'll tell you that he likes or dislikes the thing. If she doesn't, she'll quash the whole inquiry with "oh, I don't have a boyfriend."

 

You can take it from there.

Thanks. I actually have a lot of ways of finding out if a boyfriend exists. I just have to remember to use them.

 

I should have used one of them on the girl Wednesday, but it slipped my mind. I was too caught up in the conversation and doing the tango with her, that I forgot.

 

I'll make some progress with her on Monday, if she's taken or not interested, I'll move on to another girl.

[pickflicker]

Ugh, I wish I could just tell what girls are interested in me. Life would be so much easier.

 

If I knew which girls liked me, even a little, I could just focus on them and try to build up their interest.

 

There is way too much guessing in this game and I don't like being dependent on luck. I hate starting to get thoughts about a girl and what it would be like to date her, and not even knowing if she has a freaking boyfriend.

 

Flirting has got to be so much easier for women.

 

Flirting is easier for confident people, that's all. Build flirting into daily interactions. The more you practice it, the easier it gets.

[somedude81]

Don't hug unless you're dating, or if she initiates a hug. Put your arm around her when walking, or knuckle punch her arm in a teasing way, but keep it playful rather than mushy until dating is established.

I've always been confused about hugs. The only time I have ever initiated a hug with a girl, is when I'm on a date. For every other time, it's a girl who initiates.

 

Sounds like I was doing it correctly. I just don't know if it's a bad sign that girls aren't initiating hugs with me when I'm trying to make them like me.

 

 

 

Comments on appearance:

 

]Morning, lovely! (smile)

Later, brown eyes! (smile)

Damn! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

Nice jeans! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

Nice dress! (obnoxious eyebrow wiggle)

 

If she giggles, she likes it. If she doesn't like it, who cares!

Should I have some level of rapport and flirting before I call a girl lovely or something like that?

 

BTW, it seems that you really enjoy the eyebrow wiggle

 

Unfortunately I don't the necessary facial muscles to pull it off. I can make them go up and that's about it.