TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 With each passing year I feel my life gets worse. I recently lost my job, fired because I just couldn't leave my personal issues at the door, and now I'm unemployed, watching Fraiser reruns literally all day, and struggling to get out of bed for anything more than half an hour. My therapist switched me to new meds and gave me a month away from therapy till they take affect. She told me to find a routine, find a passion, and take strength from those things. I did this for a few days before I fell back into habit. I don't know what it is, why I can't motivate myself. I can't stop this voice in my head that says 'why bother, you'll just fail anyway; you know you will.' Everything I do, I hate. I tried writing a short story, I hated it. I tried painting, but I'm no Picasso. I sat for a while with my guitar and tried to learn some new songs before I got frustrated and threw it. I'm just falling apart and there's no strength to be found from anything. I applied for a job with a TV company. Really good job with good prospects. They emailed me yesterday to tell me I wasn't successful. I then got a text from an old Uni friend who informed me he had got the job. I couldn't deal with the resentment I felt. I hated myself even more for begrudging my friend a job that he's more qualified than I am for. I took to bed and I'm still here now. One week left before therapy resumes but I don't know how I'm going to hold out. There's no strength to be taken from anything. I'm failing on all sides. I just want this life over and done with. It's a lost cause. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I'm sorry that you feel so bad and you struggle with medical issues. You are only human. But indeed, you have to start getting back on track somehow. Have you tried physical activity? Going running with Pearl jam on the headphones for example? Exercise can energize you and make you feel happy (maybe not from the beginning, but if you do it consistently, you will see!). Watch videos on youtube with 30 day short workout challenges and do them. Nothing comes without persistence. You are not picasso today. But if you make a small stroke of paint each day, in 365 days you will have 365 strokes on the canvas -> A finished work of art. Think about it. Be patient. Believe that it's going to be allright. Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I can imagine being in you shoes, and, when you are down in a slump, words seems to have little meaning from others, and really all we can do is offer you kind words. We can not promise you it will get better, but hope to encourage you to take a little step you can to expand outside of the world you currently live, no matter how small it is, or how little time you spend, see if you can focus on something that brings joy to you...I get it, that is the particular thing you want motivation for, and it something that has to come from within you (even its just taking a little time out to enjoy the rays of the sun or hear the sound of the rain), kind of getting your own primitive state stirred up with nature surroundings or something .. Plus...I think If were completley in your shoes, and wasn't employed, I'd probably get a dog, (dogs are awesome!), they are loyal as can be, obedient, and a lot of fun, great companions...I don't know if you like dogs, just a thought.... AND.. I honestly think the ad here planted THAT seed. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Making a gratitude list helps me when I'm in a depressed mood. are you grateful for anything in your life?? Reading the bible also helps me, I'm not sure what your faith is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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