What can I do here

[ScaredAlien2]

On top of my recent breakup, I come to find out that my sister has in my thoughts been experiencing emotional abuse from her husband. They are a relatively new couple, 2 years in.

 

He berates her for making decisions on her own, tells her he hates her, and ignores her for days in a row if she pisses him off. He also brings us, our side of the family into the arguments, saying we are all against him and have been from the start. I dk where that came from? We have only helped, and my parents have gone out of their way for them.

 

How do I help without getting to involved? I have told her I am here for her if she needs a place to stay or just want to talk. She feels its near the end of them. What can I do? Or is there nothing I can do?

 

I am so angry, this doesn't help my already emotional state, form my nasty breakup. But no one treats my sister this way, I feel like kicking his ass.

[ScaredAlien2]

Sorry mods, I realize this May not be the correct category to post in.

[Snow101]

Personally, I would go over there and give him a stern talking to.

 

And if that didn't work, I'd resort to a good ol'fashioned beat down. That probably is more effective than any words you can say. But thats not PC these days and people will say thats crazy, still my advice

[somecamel]

On top of my recent breakup, I come to find out that my sister has in my thoughts been experiencing emotional abuse from her husband. They are a relatively new couple, 2 years in.

 

He berates her for making decisions on her own, tells her he hates her, and ignores her for days in a row if she pisses him off. He also brings us, our side of the family into the arguments, saying we are all against him and have been from the start. I dk where that came from? We have only helped, and my parents have gone out of their way for them.

 

How do I help without getting to involved? I have told her I am here for her if she needs a place to stay or just want to talk. She feels its near the end of them. What can I do? Or is there nothing I can do?

 

I am so angry, this doesn't help my already emotional state, form my nasty breakup. But no one treats my sister this way, I feel like kicking his ass.

 

Please be very careful with this, it can't be healthy you being involved with this when you are still in a mess with your situation.

 

Is there someone else she can go to for some perhaps more unbiased advice?

 

It normal for couples to argue, and 9 times out of 10 they can sort things out between them, I've never been a fan of having family involved in my emotional decisions because they can't look objectively.

[ambientplace]

I'm not a counselor, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. But, as a adult survivor of child abuse, I know what it feels like to grow up in a highly dysfunctional family. It is suffocating. It is physically painful, and mentally exhausting. I hated every moment of it and still suffer that after effects.

 

If I were you, I would urge your sister to get out of that relationship as soon as possible, and then to seek help from a therapist so that she does not repeat her relationship patterns. My mother was first emotionally abused from my father, and when he realized that she could tolerate that, he then proceeded to physically abuse her as well. I will be clear right now: these people do not change; abuse is a never-ending cycle. So, please, tell your sister to get out of there before she has any kids with that horrible man. Spare her and her future kids from that abuse now.

[Radu]

On top of my recent breakup, I come to find out that my sister has in my thoughts been experiencing emotional abuse from her husband. They are a relatively new couple, 2 years in.

 

He berates her for making decisions on her own, tells her he hates her, and ignores her for days in a row if she pisses him off. He also brings us, our side of the family into the arguments, saying we are all against him and have been from the start. I dk where that came from? We have only helped, and my parents have gone out of their way for them.

 

How do I help without getting to involved? I have told her I am here for her if she needs a place to stay or just want to talk. She feels its near the end of them. What can I do? Or is there nothing I can do?

 

I am so angry, this doesn't help my already emotional state, form my nasty breakup. But no one treats my sister this way, I feel like kicking his ass.

 

There was a guy on this forum who was in this position.

So he went, and kicked his ass.

Even the police were on his side, because they realized the guy was garbage.

But he filed charges, and he spent 7yrs in prison for it.

She ended up staying with him.

 

You cannot do anything for your sister because in the end it's her choice.

What you already said about their relationship is already grounds for breaking up many times over, but you cannot break them up for her, she has to do it.

She has to leave, she has to make that decision, and until she does, nothing will change.

Read up on enablers and why they are 'needed' by toxic ppl in toxic relationships.

[ScaredAlien2]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I ended up just calling my sister and telling her I'm here for her if she needs.

 

If it ever gets physical.. That's when I will act. That's my line he shouldn't cross.

 

It really sucks to watch and be helpless, and all at the same time coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship myself. People are just downright selfish and do not see how their actions affect people.

[Radu]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I ended up just calling my sister and telling her I'm here for her if she needs.

 

If it ever gets physical.. That's when I will act. That's my line he shouldn't cross.

 

It really sucks to watch and be helpless, and all at the same time coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship myself. People are just downright selfish and do not see how their actions affect people.

 

If you throw the first punch, he wins.