family finances are ruining my life!

[worried]

Hi!

 

I found this site very helpful and i'm hoping to hear some advise about my situation. I'm 21 years old and i still live at home with my parents, i'm a full time student and don't have a job because i wouln't have time to study. I had a job before and my grades suffered greatly. my problem is the following: My biological dad passed away when i was 6. my mom remarried to a military man, he has never been physical abusive but the way he spends his money is hurting us badly. I have a younger brother living at home with us neither my brother or me are his biological kids. He doesn't have any kids.

 

My mom is very ill, she's been unemployed due to a severe case of arthritis. my step dad is the only financial support for us. but he overspends his money in things he doesn't need like going out to eat but not taking us. he is overseas at this moment and he is overdrawing money like crazy. sometimes we don't have food to eat or enough money to pay the bills! we don't receive any help from the government. i'm desperate he only apologizes and finds excuses to continue his spendings. how can i talk to him to make him stop he's been doing this for the past 5 years. HELP!

[Laurynn]

i am sorry that you, your mom and brother are going through this.

 

being from canada, and not familiar with the military, i could be all wrong.....but i wonder if your mom is entitled to some kind of disability pension from the military, due to the fact that she's married to him........is this something you could look into ??? if so, i would think [i could be wrong] that she'd receive the payments in -her- name...if so, could she set up her own private bank account..so that he can't touch this money ???

 

do you know what all your stepdad is spending this money on ??? how much money is he blowing her month ???

 

does your mom not have access to this bank account ??? is it possible that when his check is deposited into it, that she go right away and withdraw whatever monies are needed for rent, food, utilities, etc.......even if she has to transfer this money into a private account.....so that he can't spend that money ???

 

also, if you're mom is disabled from working due to her health/arthritis, could you or she look into whether she's entitled to some kind of governmental/state disability pension ???

 

hopefully someone can give you better advice......being that i'm not from the u.s., i don't know how things work there [i assume you're from there]

 

laurynn

[Tony T]

Call your area congressman and have that office get you the name of the commanding officer of the base where your stepfather is stationed. Let them know why you need it on an emergency basis.

 

Then write a detailed letter to your stepfather's commanding officer, outlining specifically what the problem is.

 

I unconditionally guarantee, your stepfather will start getting enough money for food and other necessities.

 

There are also many charitable and church organizations where you can get help. Call your local government representative (city council, board of aldermen, county commission, etc.) and find out the name of government social agencies available to lend a helping hand during this time.

 

At age 21, you may not be entitled to any help but there may be some provisions for students. Your disabled mother is certainly eligible for a lot. As laurynn said, she may even be entitled to disability from your father's branch of service.

 

Furthermore, unless there is some compelling reason why your mother wants to remain married to this worthless bum, she can divorce him and, because she is disabled, she will be entitled to have a good portion of her husband's pay sent to her in an allotment each month and she will also be entitled to a portion of his retirement.

 

I am really sorry this bit of life is falling upon you at this time. But I promise things will get better.

[worried]

Tony,

 

thank you for responding. my mom would get a divorce if she had enough money to survive by ourselves. I do have the commander's adress but we are afraid that my step dad may be fired from the U.S army and would leave us homeless. I DO want him to stop should i write a letter to his commander?

 

Thank you for your help.

[Tony T]

I don't think failure to send money home is a dischargable offense under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice). However, you can quickly find out by calling your nearest U.S. Army base or Army Reserve Training Center and asking for the JAG's or legal office. Without giving your father's name, tell them the circumstances and ask if military regulations would allow him to be discharged. They may also offer other suggestions on how to get your stepfather to pony up with some cash.

 

As I told you in my previous post, if your mother divorces your stepfather, since she is disabled there will be provisions in the court ordered divorce decree requiring a specified amount of money be taken out of his pay every two weeks and mailed to her. That would be more than she is getting now. The same decree should award her a healthy share of his retirement pay. Just be sure she has competent counsel, and he would be required to pay for her represenation if stipulated by the court.

 

You really need to be sharp in this thing and you need to call around and get highly competent legal and other advice before taking any action. But to me it sounds like there is no way you could be much worse off than you are now.

 

In the unlikely event your stepfather was dishonorably discharged from the military, his oblitations under a divorce decree would still be in force and a portion of his pay could be attached wherever he decides to work to support himself.

 

You might even want to see a divorce attorney in your town on behalf of your mother, or take her to his office with you. Most attorneys offer an initial consultation that is free. Find one in your town that does or call the Legal Aid Society or your state's Bar Association for the names of attorneys who do legal work pro bono (at no cost) for those who can't afford it.