Breaking Up

[SmellyMelly]

This is my first post so please bear with me. My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me in November. Before that he was saying things like, "I think we need a break" and things like that but wouldn't specify anything like would we still call each other, see other. would we (meaning him) see other people?....He would just get mad and say I don't know and wouldn't talk. Anyway, in November he broke up with me on the phone and finally said, "It's over." A couple of days later he called me on my birthday....he really didn't have much to say. Since November I've called him and he's called me. We went out a couple of times....ended up having sex....then ended up fighting. He has 2 kids who I adore and am very close to so I bought the kiddos Christmas presents and I did buy my ex a present (just a CD). I haven't seen the kids since November. That just devastes me. I love the kids so much and I sure do miss them. I haven't seen my ex since January 6. I went over to visit him and we talked for hours. He has been out of town since then. I was very upset before I left his house. I still don't know why he broke up with me. He just says that the relationship got stale. Anyway, I have been COMPLETELY DEVASTATED! I am a big emotional, crying mess. I still love him with all my heart. I told him the last time I saw him that I think its best if we don't call or see each other for awhile. He agreed but then a week later on January 15 he called me. At the beginning of the call he said that, "it's been forever since I've talked to you. I was just thinking about you...."Then he went on to tell me about what he's been up to and the kids. He kept asking me if I'm okay. I didn't have much to say to him. He told me to call him sometime and I told him that's not a good idea and he got quiet and said then I'll have to call you...we'll talk later. HE DUMPED ME! WHY DOES HE WANT ME TO CALL HIM? WHY DOES HE WANT TO CALL ME?

 

Like I said I am heartbroken. I have NEVER felt like this before. I don't know what to do. I've been doing really bad for the last couple of days....don't know why.....I just miss him I guess. I had a very weak moment today and I called him. I KNOW I shouldn't have and I am so mad at myself. He sounded happy to hear from me.....sounded suprised.....He asked if I had thought about coming to see him? I said What For? He got quiet and said I don't know. Then he tells me the hotel he is staying at and the room number. He told me to call him at the hotel or call him on his cell. I'm still baffled. I told him that I didn't know why I called him, that I'm mad at myself and he said it's so good to hear from you. He kept telling me that. He said that he will only be gone for 4 more days and I can come see him if I want....if not I can see him this weekend when he gets home. He asked if I would call again....and I said I don't know...I told him that it's his turn to call....he said that he would call me soon.

 

I don't know. When I talk to him it's like nothing happened sometimes.....This has been going on since November and we've had several great phone calls....and went out a couple of times and had a great time.....I just don't understand this. I have had sex with him three times since Nov. I know I shouldn't have but it happened. I don't want to be his sex buddy. I refuse to let our relationship end up like that. I guess that's what he wants. He made a couple of comments about sex on the phone today. I won't and can't do that. I'm still in love with him. He already know how I feel about it and it won't happen again. I don't know.

 

I guess I want to know why he tells me things like, "I've been driving by your house." and why does he call me and want me to call him? And what do I do about the kids? Leave it be. I miss them like crazy! I don't want my ex to think I'm using the kids to see him because that's not the case. I would call his ex wife but we have never had a good relationship....I haven't seen or talked to her in awhile and I think that would just cause problems.

 

I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. I thought as time passed I would feel better but I feel worse in a lot of ways. He sounded fine on the phone today and that just KILLS me! He has been a jerk a lot over the last couple of months...sometimes he's like a completely different person.

 

What do I do now? I would love to be friends with him but I still have feelings for him and I can't just turn that off. I think I need to wait and see what he does. I'm sick of being the one that calls all the time. I had a weak moment today and I hope I can keep that in check.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm just confused and don't understand my ex at all. I didn't see the break up coming and I still don't understand it. He didn't really talk to me about it....He decided this and now I'm left to deal with it....which I'm not doing very well.

 

I hope some sense can be made of my post. Any advice is welcome and very much needed.

 

SmellyMelly

[L1234]

Sorry that things are so bad for you right now. What's worse is that there are children involved. Has he told you the real reason he wanted a "break?" How were things prior to the break-up? Some men want to seek other relationships to figure out what's right for them, present compnay or someone else. Yes, that's crappy and you have to try and move on as best as you can. I know you still love him, but I'm sure you're a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to be strung along. There is someone out there who can love you unconditionally. You just have to cut all ties with him. We all have weak moments, so don't feel alone. When you have a weak moment try and do something, anything to keep yourself busy.