irc333 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I sometimes feel the same way, but I'm handling it in a sense of just enjoying working on my current friendships with both men and women in my social circles. Attempting to enjoy "the moment" and not concern myself with any outcome. Though I do wonder why some attractive, single women who are doing well for themselves are chronically single. I've seen disturbing accounts of very attractive women who, for the life of them, can't meet a man...even though she's had countless opportunities of meeting them through her active, social circles. Said she had no interest in men in her church, volunteer activities, or ANY of the countless things she's does where she's interacting with people. She had been single for FIVE years, because no man was good enough for her. So she resorted to online dating *sarcasm*. Yeah good luck with that, if you are having issues dating in real life, chances are online will not help. Even more shocking...some I know of have a rather large network socially. There's this one woman in Meetup, she's an organizer and a well known member of the community, but I found her on POF....as if she really NEEDS to be on a dating site with tons of single men around her? She even ended her profile, "If we know each other, no need to say hello to me." Meaning, "If you're a member of my social circles, chances are I wasn't interested in you then, so I won't be interested you on POF either. So don't bother emailing." I am wondering this emotionally "dead" situation is more prominent with women than men? As women seem to take years off from dating, while men's breaks last a couple of months. LOL. Anyhow, this could be a theory, but I think it may have something to do with women in the workforce and a lot more independent than they used to be...and I hate to throw this out there...tend to be selfish. I know of this one woman in my area, age 45, single, never married, no kids and a rather attractive woman. She's currently living in an area where it's unheard of in her family or even among her social circle to not be at least involved in some kind of marriage or long term relationship. She's been engaged, but said upon her engagement that her fiance expected her to give up an activity with friends to spend time with him or he would start popping up at her house too frequently than she would like. Things like that. I think she was a bit spoiled in life because she worked with her mother, family owned business since she was in her mid 20's. Has her own home, has job security obviously...she lucked out because most jobs in her area, as a woman, you're either a Wal Mart worker or a waitress. It's not that I don't know what I am looking for. I know and I know very well. I haven't been able to find it which suggests that what I am looking for is not realistic for whatever reason. So to get into a relationship, I would have to give up on some of what I need and want. Yet, when I do that I am miserable. None of the options I have and have had for years were/are appealing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I am just coming out of the same mindset after years. You need to heal. I dated a few men during that time but nothing came of it and I wasn't really disappointed, to be honest. Fortunately, I've never felt pressured to date or marry. Never needed the validation of The Boyfriend on my arm either. Something just 'clicked' for me the past week (full moon?) and I am ready for major, positive changes in every area of my life. I'll be getting a style makeover soon, have lost two of the five holiday pounds I gained, looking for a new job, investigating possible places to move. I am sick of being in this rut. Time waits for no (wo)man! So good luck to everyone in the same boat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 I am just coming out of the same mindset after years. You need to heal. I dated a few men during that time but nothing came of it and I wasn't really disappointed, to be honest. Fortunately, I've never felt pressured to date or marry. Never needed the validation of The Boyfriend on my arm either. Something just 'clicked' for me the past week (full moon?) and I am ready for major, positive changes in every area of my life. I'll be getting a style makeover soon, have lost two of the five holiday pounds I gained, looking for a new job, investigating possible places to move. I am sick of being in this rut. Time waits for no (wo)man! So good luck to everyone in the same boat. Thanks FitChick. As it weird as it sounds, I would even prefer to get hurt than to feel nothing. I am not comfortable with this feeling at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Canucklehead Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Hey ES, Thank you for posting this thread..... It is obvious that many people here can relate as I am and it may help a few of us face up to what can be a confusing issue. Perhaps, the thing I am realizing the most from all of the discussion is how important it is to do what makes us happy in the moment and not get burdened by expectations we place on ourselves Good Luck and keep on posting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Hey ES, Thank you for posting this thread..... It is obvious that many people here can relate as I am and it may help a few of us face up to what can be a confusing issue. Perhaps, the thing I am realizing the most from all of the discussion is how important it is to do what makes us happy in the moment and not get burdened by expectations we place on ourselves Good Luck and keep on posting Exactly. I realized that what makes me really unhappy is doing things because others expect them of me. It's hard when it's someone you love, like my parents for example and I want to make them happy so bad. But making them happy would be doing things that make *me* unhappy. I just think that I need to release that burden from myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Canucklehead Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Exactly. I realized that what makes me really unhappy is doing things because others expect them of me. It's hard when it's someone you love, like my parents for example and I want to make them happy so bad. But making them happy would be doing things that make *me* unhappy. I just think that I need to release that burden from myself. Very well put..... I feel that if there is a way you are able to convey these thoughts to those you love..... then all the better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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