maggieL Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 My long term boyfriend wants to get engaged after I have been pushing the issue (told him I was leaving), but we discussed some issues why he is hesitant...I know this sounds so shallow and that is why I am posting to this site for some advise. Well he says he is scared that I will gain weight, my weight tends to fluctuate since I am a small...He is concerned about me gaining weight. Also, I have a slightly big nose, and he thinks I am pretty but would look much better if I fixed it.. Ok, Please tell me your thoughts, My boyfriend doesn't think we shouldn't get married because of this, but it is an issue to me.... Should I leave him???? Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Sorry, but I wouldn't marry him. If he loves you on the inside & loves you for who you are, then you will be beautiful in his eyes no matter what. Or, at the very least, he will love you enough so that your physical flaws don't matter to him. That may be a cliche thing to say, but I think it's true. Don't stay with someone who can't appreciate you. On the other hand, could this just be an excuse for not wanting to get married? Even if it is, it's a horrible one. But you did say that you pressured him into getting engaged, and it sounded like it was against his will. Maybe he's just looking for a way out of it? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by maggieL Ok, Please tell me your thoughts, My boyfriend doesn't think we shouldn't get married because of this, but it is an issue to me.... Should I leave him???? I think his comments on your appearance show that bigger problems lie ahead. Everyone's weight fluctuates, especially if you're a woman who is going to have children. When you marry someone you usually have kids, get old and often fatter together. Its just a fact of life. If he's scared of a few pounds, how is he going to handle the crap life really throws you? As a married couple, you're supposed to deal with things as a team. How old are you guys? Sounds like it may be a maturity issue. Of course, some people never grow out of immaturity. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I agree with Spira. You know the ole' saying if you want to know what your future wife looks like in 20 years, look at her Mother? Mrs. Moose's Mom is 5'3" and 290lbs. That didn't stop me at all! When I met her Mom and Dad, their personality blew me away! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm blessed.....Mrs. Moose is 5'9" and weighs around 120lbs, even after having all 5 of our little, "Cling-ons". Outside appearances matter, but shouldn't be the reason you're marrying someone. I heard a story the other day about a couple that just got married and was driving to Florida for the honeymoon. They went under and overpass and some hoods through a boulder over, going through the windshield and into the bride's face. Of course she was massivley disfigured. She's had to have tons of reconstructive surgery while the whole time, her new husband stayed by her side. It's clear to me that he loves her a great deal to go through this with her. American's are losing this kind of committment more and more everday and it's a sad thing to watch. Soon, noone will believe they'll be happy unless they're spending money on something, stuffing their faces, sleeping with several sexual partners......or is it already too late? Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Oops. I think it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
mt_joy Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 That is really shallow. If his love for you is dependant on teh way you look, what if you get pregnant? Or get in a car accident and can't workout at all? Oh, gasp, the horrors! I'd say to leave him. You didn't say what HE looks like, but I bet he isn't perfect either. Get rid of him and find someone who loves you for YOU, not for what you look like. Joy MT Student Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Wh t?! There is no way I would even want to DATE someone like this... Sheesh! My only thought here is.. maybe you should have told him you didn't think you wanted to date for so long because he might turn into a ****er Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Everyone's weight fluctuates, especially if you're a woman who is going to have children. Incidentally, men's appearances decline as they age as well. This is not strictly a female issue. Does HE believe that he will resemble Michalangelo's David for the rest of his life? If so, there are grave disappointments ahead! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Scott S Incidentally, men's appearances decline as they age as well. This is not strictly a female issue. Does HE believe that he will resemble Michalangelo's David for the rest of his life? If so, there are grave disappointments ahead! Amen! Tell him that you don't want to get married because he might go bald! Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Amen! Tell him that you don't want to get married because he might go bald! And because someday he may have little tufts of hair growing out of his ears! Link to post Share on other sites
tigerskye Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 OH MY GOSH. I cannot believe you are letting him put you down like this. Even though I think my nose is awful and my weigh goes up and down and I know I am gonna probadly gain weigh because of looking at my mom. BUT if any, I mean ANY, guy tells me he doesn't know if he wants to marry me because of those reasons He would be out the door in a minute no matter how much I loved him. Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 If he critizes you like this before the wedding, can you even imagine after? Next is the way you do your hair, your cleaning habits, etc etc. I definatley would bail on this one! Run Run Run! Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 I believe that I should clarify my earlier statements. While I agree that it is the person inside that really matters, I also believe that if you love someone, you seek to please him/her. One seeks to keep a pleasing appearance. Personally, I take considerable pride in my appearance. I keep in fairly good shape, dress professionally, I'm well groomed & attentive to hygiene, etc., & Gina appreciates it. Gina also keeps herself well groomed, & is attentive to hygiene, etc. Neither of us would care for the other being unbathed, unshaven, & with body odor one could smell in the adjacent room. Another issue with weight is far more important that aesthetics, & that's health. Obesity is an unhealthy condition, which can diminish one's quality of life as well as one's lifespan. We love each other, & want to have each other around for a long time, until we're grey-haired, wrinkled, old people. Link to post Share on other sites
MaggieL Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 I'm 5'0 weight 104lbs my heaviest was 120, I run/walk 3 -4 times a week and eat healthy, my boyfriend says that when i get comfortable I put on a few pounds...and he likes me fit...I like to be fit and healthy myself, but when someone tells you that, it does nothing for your self image... I still think he is very shallow, and I think I am going to break things off with him, if we got married, I would always wonder if he was going to leave me if I gained weight........Some things are out of our control... Link to post Share on other sites
mt_joy Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 I agree that you should try to be attractive for your partner and remain in good health. But every one will still gain some unattractive characteristics... cellulite, baldness, ear hair, whatever. You shoud love the inside above all. After all, have one seen one 75 year old hottie? Joy MT Student Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 I agree with you, Scott. Everyone needs to make that effort. But it didn't seem to me like in her specific case it was an issue of her not keeping up with her health & hygiene or like she was letting herself go. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by Spira I agree with you, Scott. Everyone needs to make that effort. But it didn't seem to me like in her specific case it was an issue of her not keeping up with her health & hygiene or like she was letting herself go. Yes, that's correct. It is a separate issue. I had posted such beliefs in other threads, & was considering the possibility of confusing people. I would not wish to be accused of being a flip-flop, after all! Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by mt_joy I agree that you should try to be attractive for your partner and remain in good health. But every one will still gain some unattractive characteristics... cellulite, baldness, ear hair, whatever. You shoud love the inside above all. After all, have one seen one 75 year old hottie? That is correct. What I was specifically referring to was someone "letting him/herself go to seed," so to speak, once the marriage licesne is signed. He gains 200 lbs, & lies on the couch all day in his underwear, unshaven, unbathed, etc. She gains 200 lbs, & spends the day in a grimy bathrobe & housedress with her hair up in curlers, etc. Nice mental image right before lunch! Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 uh...yeah, you should leave him. this is his problem not yours. tell him you don't want to marry him because your worried he'll become bald, fat, and have no money. sure he's got some flaws on his head too, point them out to him. then find a man worth your time. forget marriage, he's not even worth a freakin' casual date. loose him! Link to post Share on other sites
holdon42 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 it seems to me that there are more issues to this, it probably is just an excuse, i would not marry this person Link to post Share on other sites
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