HappyLove Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 The point is the "relationship" you have is shady at best and dysfunctional. You are most likely being used but you justify it because she's young and somehow you're saving money...that's a good one. Whatever, why even bother. Like I said... More proof men love CRAZY! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 HappyLove, and others.... I never said I wouldn't date someone my age. I have plenty of single female friends that are my age. Remember, Suzy came around purely by accident. It just happened to coincide with me becoming a single man. I never really had thought of dating anyone when Suzy came around. Accidentally or opportunistically? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustaGoodMan Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 The point is the "relationship" you have is shady at best and dysfunctional. You are most likely being used but you justify it because she's young and somehow you're saving money...that's a good one.I'm not justifying anything. And the saving money part??? Come on! Whatever, why even bother. Like I said... More proof men love CRAZY! Hey, nobody forced your fingers to the keyboard. I came here looking to vent and maybe get some advice. I am definitely taking ALL advice. But it seems as though your letting your past cloud your responses. I don't love CRAZY.... I'm a very conservative traditional man. All of my relationships have been long term, and I'd like to think none would be considered CRAZY. Sorry to blow up, but the tone your post projected justified this response. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) I'm not justifying anything. And the saving money part??? Come on! Hey, nobody forced your fingers to the keyboard. I came here looking to vent and maybe get some advice. I am definitely taking ALL advice. But it seems as though your letting your past cloud your responses. I don't love CRAZY.... I'm a very conservative traditional man. All of my relationships have been long term, and I'd like to think none would be considered CRAZY. Sorry to blow up, but the tone your post projected justified this response. Your dating a 29 year old virgin who can't support herself, lives in a rooming house, has a questionable relationship with some guy named Phil who bruised her arm for dating you. She sexts you and you give her money sometimes yet your adults who's relationship is secret. Yes, this isn't crazy AT ALL perfectly normal. Don't know how anyone could think this wasn't perfectly normal. You're right though my past is definitely making this cloudy. My past of having common sense that is. Good luck to you! I'm sure everything will work out just fine. Then in your very first post you ask to be told as it is "let me have it" you say but when people speak the truth you get upset. Edited March 16, 2014 by HappyLove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 An argument could be made that you "really shouldn't be having children" at your age, either. Research is finding that babies born to older men maybe be more likely to develop autism, for example. Ditto........ Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Well, I doubt your relationship will make any progress. Guess you'll turn away on your own after a few months of... nothing. Nothing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 A young, sexy, flirtatious, fell in your lap, can’t support herself, abused, virgin + a soon to be divorced, well-off, older man, who seems a bit naïve. It looks like she might be setting you up for a big rescue and marriage (the virgin bit). Don’t marry her. And if you do, have a VERY solid prenup. Really. Rules of thumb in the first two years after a divorce: don’t sign any documents re a new love, and don’t comingle any funds. Newly divorced folks are marks for many unscrupulous people. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Just my opinion .... She's definitely a tease. She's in a relationship with Phil, not you. A sexual relationship. You're being played like a fiddle at a square dance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustaGoodMan Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 A young, sexy, flirtatious, fell in your lap, can’t support herself, abused, virgin + a soon to be divorced, well-off, older man, who seems a bit naïve. It looks like she might be setting you up for a big rescue and marriage (the virgin bit). Don’t marry her. And if you do, have a VERY solid prenup. Really. Rules of thumb in the first two years after a divorce: don’t sign any documents re a new love, and don’t comingle any funds. Newly divorced folks are marks for many unscrupulous people. Yeah, don't worry about that. Not getting married, and I'm going to start coming up with excuses for anymore money leaving my wallet. I'll see how things progress. Just my opinion .... She's definitely a tease. She's in a relationship with Phil, not you. A sexual relationship. You're being played like a fiddle at a square dance. Time to rosin up the bow?! haha As much as it does look like it, I really don't think Phil and her are doing anything. There is the two other friends of mine that would have figured something out and told me. The one lives with Phil and Suzy. So, could they be sneaking into each others rooms late at night and keeping it quiet? Sure, just seems like somehow this activity would be spotted by the 3rd roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) Suzy sounds very immature, and you sound very naive. Or maybe you are indeed blinded. Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, and Phil. That is Phil 19 times, if I'm counting correctly. That is how many times you mentioned him in your first post. You start the thread by stating you are in a secret relationship. Later you say this: Here, Phil was hanging with the other friend and they were drinking and the other friend slipped and told Phil that I was dating Suzy. Apparently, Suzy and Phil had an argument and Suzy stuck up for me and said that yes, she is dating me. So is it a secret or not? There is absolutely no plausible reason this relationship needs to be a secret unless someone is cheating. Then we have this: The good thing is, there is NOBODY else. Phil wouldn't let that happen. Yes. I expressed to her that the Phil issue is not healthy. It's preventing Phil from dating, and Suzy from furthering our relationship (or at least freeing things up more). I feel that she knows if she breaks her friendship with Phil, and god forbid something between her and I would happen that she'd be homeless and several states away from her family. Just a few questions. Why is a 29 year old woman only working part time in retail when that job can't support her financial needs? Full time jobs in retail aren't that hard to find. Does she have terrible skills? Where does she think she is going in the future with this approach? (Immaturity) Why is a 29 year old woman living in what is basically a housing commune with a guy who won't allow her to date anyone else, physically abuses her for doing so, and makes her feel like she would be homeless without him(your words)? (Red flags x 100) You said this nice little arrangement is keeping Phil from dating. Why is that? Why would this supposed brother/sister relationship be so controlling in prohibiting each other to date? I know of no 29 year old woman who would stand for that type of arrangement. I told her I want to be with her, not hide anything, put it up that I'm "In a Relationship with Suzy" on Facebook, meet the parents, etc. Things that NORMAL couples do that love each other. Well....That didn't go over too well. Got a call back and we just about broke up. So she will stand up to you, but not to good ole' Phil. What does that tell you? What it should tell you is that her 'friendship' with Phil ;) is more important than dating you officially. You are being used. You are being played by a woman who can't afford her own rent; who accepts your money, infrequent dinners/movies/entertainment 'dates', because of Phil. All for what???? Breadcrumbs. -------------------- Let's move on to another issue. You said you were a person that is into long term relationships. Do you really think you could have a successful long term relationship with someone so immature? Sure she is great arm candy, but this is where the age and maturity difference comes in, especially with this one. (Note, I do not think the age difference is a deal killer in most instance.) This woman seems to have little to no drive/ambition, confidence/self esteem, ability to make her own decisions, etc. etc.. How you have described yourself it doesn't seem like these two personality types have a very promising future together. It has only been four months of this 'secret dating' and texting so you really don't know her, much less really love her. I think you are caught up in an ego boost that is transitioning you from your divorce. If by some chance you still think you have a future relationship with this woman, then lay down the law, "Either we are together openly to everyone, or we are done." If you can't have that then you are just wasting your time. My opinion is that you should find a real woman, whether she be 29 or 40, becuase this one doesn't seem like a good catch. Good luck. Edited March 20, 2014 by Realist3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 A young, sexy, flirtatious, fell in your lap, can’t support herself, abused, virgin + a soon to be divorced, well-off, older man, who seems a bit naïve. It looks like she might be setting you up for a big rescue and marriage (the virgin bit). Don’t marry her. And if you do, have a VERY solid prenup. Really. Rules of thumb in the first two years after a divorce: don’t sign any documents re a new love, and don’t comingle any funds. Newly divorced folks are marks for many unscrupulous people. He can't even date her as he would like because of Phil's schedule. I don't think marriage is a concern at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Another gem. I look at it this way. Any other girl I would have spent MUCH more money on going to much finer restaurants, shows, weekend trips, etc. Hot looking poor girl you were hoping to boink, but she won't give it up. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 A couple of thoughts.... I think you are her "sugar daddy." What may not seem like alot of money to you definitely could be alot of money to her. You are allowing her to keep her lifestyle on a lower income job. I don't believe in coincidences or "just happened" too often. And with the connections the two of you have, I question it here. One has to wonder if the falling in your lap was helped by her. Have you considered that this relationship is simply a rebound for you? You have been going through a rough time for a few months or years and you are ending a relationship. What better time to have a young pretty woman available! And you are right. This Phil thing is weird. So much so that I would be out of there as quickly as I could....unless the addiction of this woman kept me there. Speaking of addiction....she is keeping you attached to her with one of the older tricks in the book. It is called the anticipation of sex. Once you have had sex with her, then she loses some mystique and allure. Think about it when you have sex with someone the first time. Think about how you feel the second time. Think of the first time when you unclothe a woman and reveal her beautiful body. Think of how the second time just isn't quite so amazing. She is keeping the foreplay of the first time going so as to keep you wanting her and wanting her. Virgin? Possible. Not probable. Innocent to sex play such as oral sex? Not probable or even possible. Enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe it is helping you get through a rough time. I don't think you can expect a long term relationship from her. Note...this is all coming from a guy about five years older than you who totally understands how you might feel...even if I haven't been quite there. The admiration of a younger woman like her already gets me let alone the seemingly real possibility of a wonderful sex fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 JustAGoodMan :” Yeah, don't worry about that. Not getting married, and I'm going to start coming up with excuses for anymore money leaving my wallet. I'll see how things progress.” Good! That's wise. I’m a bit wary of damsels in distress (and tragic men, the version I encounter since I’m a woman). I agree with JamesM. Add in the looming possibility of crisis (threat from Phil, possible homelessness, low income) and I see a perfect setting for a White Knight. Link to post Share on other sites
P1nginLOVE Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I was 30 when I was with him. Now I'm 31. I'm Asian and he's an expat (French) working in my country as a ceo. So in love with him even before he succeeded to be in a relationship with me. I dumped him 3 months ago, because I knew I was hurting his W. He's a great singer, great salsa dancer, great lover, funny...handsome. Made love only 3x in 6 months we're together. His vital is still promising. Rejected him alot in real action. But we would often sextext, mostly he triggered that. Didnt make love to him frequently because though i love him, i was just too scared of being blown away and fell deeper due to the physical contacts. We normally met once or twice a week over lunch or dinner. Never asked for his money except for that one night I left my wallet at my office. Just money for the cab. We, younger girls can fall in love with older men....if they do have those charming traits. Your GF might have some consideration why she doesn't want to give up that soon. But...imo... Phil sounds like a dangerous competitor. Watch your back! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Yes. I expressed to her that the Phil issue is not healthy. It's preventing Phil from dating, and Suzy from furthering our relationship (or at least freeing things up more). At this point, I really don't want/need a move in GF. I'm having a hard enough time getting her alone long enough to come over and have dinner and watch a movie (which she keeps saying SHE wants to do). Yeah, I think the sexual knowledge is there, but there are signs of inexperience at times. For instance....She likes to reach over and grab my "package" (boy that seems funny to type!), while we're driving somewhere, or even while we're in her room kissing. But she REALLY grabs. I don't know many guys that like their jewels squeezed anywhere close to how hard she grabs! Her kissing is also rather rough and quick. So, that and a few other things shows that this may not have happened too many times in her past. She keeps saying over and over that her and Phil are NOT BF/GF type at all. They really are like brother/sister from what I can tell. Problem is, I wouldn't want Suzy telling me what guy friends I can hang out with either. Though I don't have any (Close) friends that are girls that she could be jealous of. I'm thinking of pushing things a bit with other girls and flirt in real life and on FB. Maybe she will question some of this and I can more or less see how she likes it? She may be a paid escort. That would explain her habit of grabbing your privates while driving. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 hey man, you are too old to be having this kind of drama. Leave the drama to the young people. Not that you are too old, but you are definitely not suited for dating an IMMATURE 29 year-old. If you want sex with a younger lady, there are lots out there, but this is not gonna work out between you two. Way too much drama for a short period of time. Never ends well.....trust me I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustaGoodMan Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 Well after thinking things over, I sorta broke things off with her this afternoon. Told her I need a break. And she says that she is ok going back to being single and happy. Less than two hours later, I get a text. "Yo" I responded neutrally and within 5 texts, shes back to her sexy texts and telling me what she wants to do to me, etc! Two hours prior she was yelling and crying, saying that I need to get MY life in order....etc! As I'm typing this, she says she loves texting dirty to me!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Tell her actions speak louder than words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I think this girl is using you. If she was truly in love with you, there would be no need to hide your relationship. All that sexting means nothing as she cant even kiss you properly. Did you feel her passion when she kissed you? One doesnt have to be experienced for real feelings to come out in a kiss. You would have felt it. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you, Phil shouldnt even be an issue. This woman knows what she is doing, she's playing with you. And btw, i did have a relationship with a guy 15years my junior and who was more successful than me (he made more money etc) he was a solicitor and im just a normal working gal. But he never hid our relationship or made me feel i should be kept in the back closet. My best wishes to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Pineappls Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Hmm, i hear a lot of sexual stuff. Makes me think you are more sexually attracted to her. ANd sounds like she is to busy with Phil and it also sounds messy that he is abusive. They may be more into each other then just room-mates. Because i dont know of room-mates that dare acting like that and people stay room-mates with them if they dont want whatever that is going on. Beside did she report him for abuse? Sounds also like you are forcing a relationship. Or there is to little real heart to heart communication. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Well after thinking things over, I sorta broke things off with her this afternoon. Told her I need a break. And she says that she is ok going back to being single and happy. Less than two hours later, I get a text. "Yo" I responded neutrally and within 5 texts, shes back to her sexy texts and telling me what she wants to do to me, etc! Two hours prior she was yelling and crying, saying that I need to get MY life in order....etc! As I'm typing this, she says she loves texting dirty to me!?!? How do you feel about this drama? I'd find it disturbing. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 RUN AWAY.... she is a teenager trapped in a 29 year old body.. She is boiling water and never dropping the pasta on it...if you catch my drift... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustaGoodMan Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 So now, we text almost as much as before, but calls me buddy (in a joking way) and when we talk on the phone, only difference is she doesn't say goodbye with an "I Love You". Other than that, still the same sexy texts. No hints of other guys for her, and right now, I have no interest in any other girls. We'll see how it goes. Money has and is going to stay cut-off. This will be the litmus test. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 So now, we text almost as much as before, but calls me buddy (in a joking way) and when we talk on the phone, only difference is she doesn't say goodbye with an "I Love You". Other than that, still the same sexy texts. No hints of other guys for her, and right now, I have no interest in any other girls. We'll see how it goes. Money has and is going to stay cut-off. This will be the litmus test. Time will tell. She knows you'll pay to play. Since she texted again has she seen you in person? When you gave her money in the past was it when you saw her or were you giving her money when you weren't with her? Link to post Share on other sites
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