Older man, younger girl...Secret relationship.

[JustaGoodMan]

Time WILL tell!

 

Texts went all through the weekend. 2 phone calls. No indication of wanting to see me in person. But did comment that I'm the first BF to ever break up with her and still text/talk to.

 

And as far as money went. It was only twice. Once to help rent, the other for cell. Rest of the time it was shopping or going out to eat.

 

But, I'm done with the money. And was going to be regardless if we broke up or not.

 

Maybe now I can concentrate on life, and hopefully run into someone closer to my age and much more mature.

[kaylan]

Shes not a virgin.

 

Youre a chump for giving her money.

 

Shes playing you, move on.

[CarismaLeoni]

She is not treating you right.

 

She has responded well only when you were direct demanding what you wanted. She is afraid of losing you. Good.

 

I am not gonna tell you to move on and dump her with all her confusion.

 

I am going to tell you to demand what you want from her and get that, like real men do.

 

If she won't bend to your manly decision, then you should move on.

This will be the clear sign that she is emotionally involved with Phil as well.

 

There are way too many questions unanswered...

 

Why is she living with him?

 

Why is she hiding you from him?

 

Why is she sexting you and nothing happens sexually?

 

Are you letting her decide about the sex or are you taking the initiative in your hands in EVERY WAY trying little by little to get what you want? (She's a naughty virgin, don't you think?)

 

Does she respect you?

 

Seems to me like she is waiting for you to take the initiative in every way or she is afraid of hurting Phil's feelings.

 

Just because she is a virgin doesn't mean you shouldn't push the boundaries a little more to make her more comfortable physically and mentally with you.

 

I think she wants to feel safe with you and at the same time feel your manly power over her - that could be the reason she is sexting you and provoking you to finally overwhelm her with wanting her - gently but persistently and passionately.

 

Just be who you want to be with her, show her your horny side too, even though she is a virgin. She wants that - she is sexting you for a reason.

 

Remember one thing... if a woman is confused, she needs a leader. BE that leader, don't wait for her to lead you. Females take it as a turn off.

 

She might have put Phil in the friend zone, but it seems that Phil wants her for himself - so you better get this stuff handled soon, old sport!

[TAV]

Musicmusk you did not get your wife till you paid for her???? Weirdest thing I read here all week. I suppose that's bitterness talking.

I think the OP stated already he is done and will look for someone mature and his own age. End of.

[CarismaLeoni]

spidy senses are telling me that he can not afford her! what is she a volunteer working in shady acres retirement home. why would she want to move into a home when she's already got a place to stay. what's he going to next- ask her to clean the house and now she's maid working for board and keep.

 

probably has enough sugar daddies to met her needs. sorry but this is not a win win situation for her. this is what happens dream girl is short on tomorrows rent so what happens she sends a few sexts and voila the money appears, needs to go shopping hey call him up after all he'd be happy to spend money for her time.

 

why doesn't she have a full time job becos there are alot of suckers in her little money making book. I would know since I didn't get my wife until I paid for her. can you think of any other reason that she might want. maybe Phil is good in bed who knows maybe they talk like long best friends.

 

Admit it you don't got enough money to satisfy her! how much have you spent on her 150 bucks.

 

 

 

Why are you so sure she doesn't love him? Maybe she is inexperienced and just confused?

 

How can you judge her so poorly and that man as well for choosing her?

 

I think the best way here no matter what is to find the most practical way to solve his problem - not just jump to ugly assumptions here.

 

Plenty of young women are in love with older men, and they get confused, especially if the man is newly divorced, etc.

 

The truth is, none of us knows exactly the reasons why she acts this way.

Not you, not me, not him.

 

So the wisest thing to do is to FIND OUT before making a decision.

After all, he cares for her. Let him find out the truth for himself.

[CarismaLeoni]

One more thing that could help in the future:

 

Dating Advice: How can I stop being clingy and needy?

 

[JustaGoodMan]

Wow, lots of action on this thread of mine....Again, thanks for everyone's input.

 

I'll give you all an update.

 

Today is a week since I've seen her. Tomorrow will be a week since I broke things off and told her that I need to cool off and take a break.

 

She initiates a text every morning and we will share a group of 10-20 texts several times throughout the day. I get a phone call maybe every other day, depending on our schedules. Most of the time, the texts are of a sexual nature. If they don't start out that way, she'll twist one of my responses into a sexual innuendo. From there, she'll sometimes take things pretty far always telling me how horny she gets just thinking about me. I play along, and have to admit, we both share a healthy appetite when it comes to sexting!

 

Lately, I've been talking to my buddy (my best friend) that's known Suzy for over 5 years. Him and I do share a lot with each other in general. So, when things happened this past week, our conversations gradually started to focus on Suzy. He tells me that Suzy was in a 4 year relationship with a guy named Bill. This is where I scratch my head... I'm having a hard time understanding how I dated Suzy for several months, and didn't get anywhere with her sexually. Am I to believe that a guy (that is Suzy's age), hung around and dated Suzy for 4 years without sex? From what my buddy says, their break-up was his doing, and Suzy still loved him. I never met Bill, but Suzy and Bill are Facebook friends. I took a look at his page and while it isn't locked down tight, I can see that she wished him a Happy Birthday the past 3 years. This guy Bill also just had a Baby sometime this winter. Don't know if he's married, but pretty sure that the Baby, Mommy and Bill live in the same house.

 

Well, my buddy and I were talking some more about this Bill guy the other night. He tells me that on several occasions while he was giving Suzy a ride home from work (My buddy is Suzy's main source of rides), that she asked him to drive past Bill's house to do a "drive-by" and see if he was "hanging out"!! On one occasion, I was on the phone with Suzy as my buddy was driving her home. They said they were just leaving this particular 7-11. I questioned it, but dropped it as her excuse didn't sound solid. I told my buddy that this seemed a little childish of Suzy. I was more concerned that these few times that they did these "drive-by's", I was happily dating Suzy. No biggie, but I guess I'm a bit more mature as I don't find myself doing drive-by's past my ex-girlfriends house. I highly doubt there is anything going on with this Bill guy, but who knows.

 

So, halfway through typing all this, she gave me my daily phone call. My buddy was taking her into work and called from the car. To answer the work situation for Suzy. It isn't too easy to land a FULL time job in retail. Most retail jobs around here are 20-25hrs per week and don't offer benefits. Most are paying only $8-10/hr. Trying to live on this is very difficult. Trying to get ANOTHER PT retail job to supplement a this is also very difficult as your limiting your availability. Some prevent you also from working for a competitor. And to add to all this, Suzy doesn't have a car. These jobs must be close to the Public transportation bus. Not making excuses, but it's not as easy as some think. I am helping her by looking for jobs. Even went so far as to make her a resume.

 

Hey, I'll be the first to admit. Suzy may just be like a drug to me! A cute young girl telling me how hot and horny she gets thinking about me. What guy doesn't want to hear that!? Am I addicted?? I'd like to think I'm not.

 

Musicmusk,

 

I don't think any of your assumptions are even worthy of my energy to reply, but I will attempt to with some general responses.

 

No drugs. Both Suzy and myself are drug free and I have no reason to believe it was in her past.

 

I never claimed to be rich. I'm sorry if I somehow led you to believe this. If anything, I was simply trying to explain that there is quite a difference between my income level and lifestyle and Suzys.

 

There are no wedding bells anytime soon in Suzy's life or mine.

 

There are no Sugar Daddies in her life. I do think that she gets periodic help from her Mom & StepDad and maybe her real Father.

 

I hope this clears some things up.

 

Thanks for reading.

[JustaGoodMan]

Popular....Not really. Maybe in her home state, but I'd say she's a little shy for this.

 

But here where she is living now....1 close girlfriend, and our circle of us 4 guys that I've talked about throughout this thread. She does talk to some girls at her job. Not all that close with them though.

[JustaGoodMan]

Your saying to follow every penny I give her? I've cut that off. Last thing I gave her (early last week) was a couple dollars in quarters so she could do some laundry. Ever since I told her that we're gonna take a break, she hasn't even mentioned money.

[Realist3]

It isn't too easy to land a FULL time job in retail. Most retail jobs around here are 20-25hrs per week and don't offer benefits. Most are paying only $8-10/hr. Trying to live on this is very difficult. Trying to get ANOTHER PT retail job to supplement a this is also very difficult as your limiting your availability. Some prevent you also from working for a competitor.

 

And you bought this line of BS? It is not difficult at all. "Limiting your availability"? Limiting your availability to what exactly? Even if some employer did require a non-compete clause, there are many many other retail operations available that are not competing directly. Secondly, they would never find out anyway. No company is going to spend the time to investigate whether their $8-10/hour cashier is working for a competitor.

 

 

All that aside, it sounds like you are content with having a sexting buddy that boosts your ego. Enjoy.

[Snipercatt]

now how do I get out of this messy situation?

 

Perhaps by starting your own thread instead of hijacking this one.

[JustaGoodMan]

Whoa there Musk!

 

I'm not in this frame of mind at all!??

 

I don't know what I've said to lead you in that direction?

 

I do think she cares about me. She wouldn't text me every couple hours throughout EVERY day, call me at least once if not twice, and make a point of texting me when she wakes and goes to bed if she didn't somehow have an attraction or addiction to me.

 

I still haven't physically SEEN her in person since this breakup. And she hasn't asked for a ride, money or anything. I would be fine giving her a ride if needed, but money and gifts came off the table a while ago.

 

She and I jokingly kid about us being BUDDIES (before, during and after her extreme sexting)! But yesterday, while on the phone with her, she mentioned that she's a free and single woman (just after I jokingly, but teasingly, told her that she's a tease) and can tease me all she wants. <----Don't know what to think of that?

 

I'm trying to get the point across to her, that while I somewhat enjoy the sexting and dirty talk, I'd really prefer something along those lines IN REAL LIFE! And say to her.... "Hey, that's what BUDDIES are for, right?!?!"

 

I'm ready to confront the sexting, but don't want to totally embarrass or turn her totally away from me. But it is getting a little old, as she interrupts my normal "how MY days' going" texts with...."I'll show you 'a good day', when I f-your brains out"!!!!

Edited March 28, 2014 by JustaGoodMan

[TAV]

Whoa there Musk!

 

I'm not in this frame of mind at all!??

 

I don't know what I've said to lead you in that direction?

 

I do think she cares about me. She wouldn't text me every couple hours throughout EVERY day, call me at least once if not twice, and make a point of texting me when she wakes and goes to bed if she didn't somehow have an attraction or addiction to me.

 

I still haven't physically SEEN her in person since this breakup. And she hasn't asked for a ride, money or anything. I would be fine giving her a ride if needed, but money and gifts came off the table a while ago.

 

She and I jokingly kid about us being BUDDIES (before, during and after her extreme sexting)! But yesterday, while on the phone with her, she mentioned that she's a free and single woman (just after I jokingly, but teasingly, told her that she's a tease) and can tease me all she wants. <----Don't know what to think of that?

 

I'm trying to get the point across to her, that while I somewhat enjoy the sexting and dirty talk, I'd really prefer something along those lines IN REAL LIFE! And say to her.... "Hey, that's what BUDDIES are for, right?!?!"

 

I'm ready to confront the sexting, but don't want to totally embarrass or turn her totally away from me. But it is getting a little old, as she interrupts my normal "how MY days' going" texts with...."I'll show you 'a good day', when I f-your brains out"!!!!

 

Must have worked for her in the past to approach men with those sort of lines. Maybe Phil is quite partial to that?

[JustaGoodMan]

Well, she is pretty shy until you get to know her. So I don't think she's approaching just anyone with these lines. I'm not saying Phil never heard these lines....but I think there are only a few (maybe 3) guys that ever got to hear her talking/thinking this way. But she DOES know what she's doing as far as what to say to get my interests peaked. And I do think that she enjoys doing the teasing!

 

And as I'm typing this response, she's sexting me with what she wants to do to me, and how hot she is for me.

 

I just responded "I'm home all day!"

[xxoo]

Well, she is pretty shy until you get to know her. So I don't think she's approaching just anyone with these lines. I'm not saying Phil never heard these lines....but I think there are only a few (maybe 3) guys that ever got to hear her talking/thinking this way. But she DOES know what she's doing as far as what to say to get my interests peaked. And I do think that she enjoys doing the teasing!

 

And as I'm typing this response, she's sexting me with what she wants to do to me, and how hot she is for me.

 

I just responded "I'm home all day!"

 

What do you think is the reason she doesn't come over and actually have sex with you?

[JustaGoodMan]

Now?.....Because I broke things off with her.

 

Previously?....I'm still trying to figure that out. I really do think that there was some abuse of some type, or a life changing event that has permanently affected her ability to become intimate with someone.

 

I'd really like to talk to this guy she dated for 4 years, or even her Mom or Dad. There is definitely something as she gets pretty intense, then it's like someone hits a switch.

[JustaGoodMan]

Well, I do know that her parents split when she was in middle school. She moved away from her childhood home then when her Mother met and married a man who's job took him to where we all live now. I'm pretty sure that She was in High School when she moved here. Spent, I think a few years here, but then She moved back to her hometown and then graduated there.

 

Her birth Father was abusive to her Mother, and was an alcoholic. This much she told me. Now whether SHE was abused (in any way), she never mentioned. She has reached out recently to her Father, but don't believe they've seen each other for a decade.

 

I do know that it's very rough when kids that move cross country in their high school years! She has friends from high school both here and back home.

 

So I think I touched on the "Daddy Issue" in the beginning of this thread, but this is a known trait that girls that were denied a Father, Father figure, or even a decent Father/Daughter relationship, tend to look for older more stable men as far as relationships go. This could also be a block for her. While I'm looking at her as a beautiful younger woman, she may be having conflicting thoughts as I may be a type of "Father figure" towards her. So the sex issue (in person) may be a mental block as in person I may be more of a "Father figure", while in text/phone, I'm a sex toy??

[TAV]

You would only be a sex toy if she actually wanted to have sex with you. She obviously doesn't.

The impression I get from her texting is that she was taught that this is what men like to hear. That is why I said that Phil must like this sort of behaviour. There is no emotion, no personal stuff in it. They are just crass messages. She thinks this is what keeps a man interested. Or that this is what you expect of her. And you not cutting contact will make her keep believing that they do. The messages do not express how she feels about you. If it would she would say something that only related to you and not just every human being with a penis.

As you said before this is the first time in your life you feel so wanted and therefore you are not seeing things clearly. Obviously you need this (whatever you want to call 'this') as much as she does. I'm not sure what you want to hear from the LS community? Confirmation that you are attractive enough to be wanted so much by such a sexy young woman maybe?

[JustaGoodMan]

Hmmmm...Don't think I ever mentioned that I was a sex toy. Maybe I did, who knows? That is not my intention here.

 

Yes, I do agree that she KNOWS what this sexting does to guys. And I'm sure that she's done it to other guys for attention, and could quite possibly be doing it all along with Phil and for all I know, other guys.

 

She does however, personalize the sexts....for sure. Replaying past activities that WE actually did (most only once) in the early stages of our relationship. And adding in things that I told her I wanted to do. Like I said before, these are quite explicit texts, but some things she says, biologically CANT happen. It's these things that brings me to believe that she is truly a virgin.

 

Is/was my vision clouded, probably.....No, definitely! It's much clearer now thanks to airing this all out anonymously on LS. So, that leads me to your last question. I guess, I just came here just looking for advice. And, I sure did get it! Thanks to all! I'm not seeking confirmation that I'm attractive or capable of attracting a younger woman. Thats up to the woman in question.

[Realist3]

What is her reasoning of why you two can't be a couple?

[JustaGoodMan]

What is her reasoning of why you two can't be a couple?

 

Without re-asking Suzy, I'd say because she wants to....S L O W L Y... let Phil know about us. I don't want a hidden relationship.

 

Also, from what I can tell, she really has no immediate plans to take our relationship to the next level as far as sex and intimacy go. I think 6 months of getting to know each other (and we do!), and it's time to move on to taking things further as far as intimacy goes.

 

Then you have the last "date" that we had..... she was ALL over me. From us simply attempting to watch a movie, which progressed to making out and grabbing all over my house. Then it's as if someone flicked a switch and she wanted me to take her to get some food. And it wasn't like I was pushing her. I would have been totally fine just watching the movie on my couch. So, she definitely has some type of issue. But then again, maybe I'm the one with the issue?

[Realist3]

Seems like a whole lot of 'beating around the bush', pardon the pun.

 

Some things still don't add up. A few posts ago you said she said she was a single woman and could tease you. Whatever that means. But everything still hinges on Phil. It doesn't seem like you are getting the straight story from regarding Phil and their relationship. To me there are some obvious frank discussions you two could be having, but for whatever reason avoid. A lot of game playing for no reason.