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Why would a 9 girl be interested in a 6 or 7 guy


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Charlie Harper

Women are not like us men, where looks are 80 to 100% important, they only give looks 40 to 60% they like men who are confident, reliable and strong.

 

enjoy...

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pickflicker
Stop rating people by numbers. It's mean.

 

That said, I suspect she likes you -- which is DUH -- why she agreed to go out with you.

 

Using your number system, if you asked her, she'd probably tell you the assessment you offered: her a 9; you a 6-7 is backwards. She's just as insecure about her looks & place in the world as you are.

 

Since you now have a date, plan something nice. Be gracious & cordial. Listen to what she has to say. Be attentive. If you do this correctly you could have a GF.

 

Yeah, I never got the numbers thing. How can you distill a person's looks down to a number between one and ten? And it's not a universal scale, because beauty is the eye and all that.

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Yeah, I never got the numbers thing. How can you distill a person's looks down to a number between one and ten? And it's not a universal scale, because beauty is the eye and all that.

 

I disagree with the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing.

 

Beauty is generally universal. Someone that has a good-looking face will be attractive to more people. This is why scales work and make sense. OP was trying to emphasis how universally attractive this girl is.

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Speakingofwhich

Medium.Lumo, topaMAXX, it very well may be your authenticity that is one of the qualities you have that is attracting these women. Many guys at your age think they have to be kind of gamey and arrogant in matters of the heart. Read some of the posts here on LS. The guys often advise games, games, games and will argue to the death with you if you suggest otherwise to someone.

 

Both of you seem real in your posts by assessing your situations honestly, not trying to make yourself seem cool but admitting cool women are attracted to you and you're a bit surprised about that. I totally don't get the humble bragging someone tried to tag you with. It ain't there.

 

Most people have insecurities of some sort but people with low self esteem feel threatened by revealing that they feel they are anything but cool.

 

Whereas vulnerability is very appealing to a woman because only the truly confident and competent are comfortable being vulnerable. A woman naturally gravitates towards both of these traits (confidence and competence) in a man and innately (maybe not consciously) recognizes vulnerability indicates he probably possesses these strengths.

 

People who are reared in loving environments feel safer being vulnerable because they've experienced being accepted for who they are, warts and all. These people are in turn emotionally safe to be involved with intimately and women know this intuitively.

 

People who've been reared in critical and/or abusive environments have sometimes learned to erect walls for protection and often try to mask their self loathing with arrogance.

 

This is why a bad boy type can be so appealing to women. He may have been reared by indulgent parents, not critical ones. Because he has known only acceptance by at least one person in his developmental years though he has faults he feels safe in exhibiting vulnerability toward women. Because this trait is so attractive, he attracts many women and ends up not valuing them because he has opps with so many. He then may mistreat them and then other guys mistakenly think women like him because he treats them poorly. When in reality it's his vulnerability women are attracted to and only later into the R that she gets treated poorly. And this poor treatment is not the quality in him that attracts her to him. It's merely a bad habit he's developed.

 

That's not to suggest you two will become bad boys. A man with access to lots of women doesn't always become a bad boy type.

 

A vulnerable man is appealing to women but not all men who are authentic and confident enough to be vulnerable with women will abuse them.

 

The ones who are both authentic and vulnerable who do not abuse women are the real winners! Because they have many opportunities to end up in great intimate relationships with emotionally healthy women and are often able to sustain and maintain those relationships over the long term.

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pickflicker
I disagree with the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing.

 

Beauty is generally universal. Someone that has a good-looking face will be attractive to more people. This is why scales work and make sense. OP was trying to emphasis how universally attractive this girl is.

 

But "beauty" encompasses a lot more than looks. And it is arbitrary and can't be properly applied.

 

Plenty of women think Brad Pitt is attractive - I don't see it. He looks like a hobo. Plenty of women think David Beckham is attractive, but every time he opens his mouth, I mute the television.

 

The OP needs to have faith that she is interested and give a go at asking her out. And don't tell her that you're suspicious of her motives, OP. That'll ensure you get no chance with her.

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I can't believe it! She accepted. I was kind of not expecting that. So now... what do I do? Not really sure.

Well, definitely stop hiding behind Facebook.

 

I'm 6'3, not great shape, slightly square shaped actually. Used to be more toned but it's gone. Dark hair and dark blue eyes. Glasses / contacts. Some people joked that I look like Harry Potter on steroids.

 

She's 5'7, blonde, green eyes, amazing body, slim, tight butt, medium sized boobs... but what really makes her a 9 is that she isn't stuck up. She's so sweet with everyone. I really couldn't believe my luck when she showed interest in me :)

So let's look at this for a minute. You rate her highly, largely based on a positive personality trait. Yet when you rate yourself, you refer strictly to external appearance, and don't factor in your own personality. That's not using the same yardstick, and it's impossible for you to be "objective" as you claimed in your opening post. So give yourself a little more credit than you have been, and stop trying to measure yourself against her, to make sense of it all, because your yardstick is understandably warped.

 

Throw the damn yardstick away, accept that she is interested in you, and go enjoy being the guy she's interested in. What the hell are you taking issue with here? ;)

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She's probably been cheated on a 100,000 times by other 9s or has body dismorphic disorder. I'll tell you right now though, if you don't lose that idea in your head shes better than you there's not much of a chance.

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She's probably been cheated on a 100,000 times by other 9s or has body dismorphic disorder.

What a weird pair of possibilities to suggest. Your comment only reinforces the OP's anxiety by suggesting that the only way she could be interested in him is if there's something abnormal or broken about her. That's messed up.

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Medium.Lumo

Icredibly interesting and insightful post :) Not sure it all applies to me personally but it's very deep.

 

Medium.Lumo, topaMAXX, it very well may be your authenticity that is one of the qualities you have that is attracting these women. Many guys at your age think they have to be kind of gamey and arrogant in matters of the heart. Read some of the posts here on LS. The guys often advise games, games, games and will argue to the death with you if you suggest otherwise to someone.

 

Both of you seem real in your posts by assessing your situations honestly, not trying to make yourself seem cool but admitting cool women are attracted to you and you're a bit surprised about that. I totally don't get the humble bragging someone tried to tag you with. It ain't there.

 

Most people have insecurities of some sort but people with low self esteem feel threatened by revealing that they feel they are anything but cool.

 

Whereas vulnerability is very appealing to a woman because only the truly confident and competent are comfortable being vulnerable. A woman naturally gravitates towards both of these traits (confidence and competence) in a man and innately (maybe not consciously) recognizes vulnerability indicates he probably possesses these strengths.

 

People who are reared in loving environments feel safer being vulnerable because they've experienced being accepted for who they are, warts and all. These people are in turn emotionally safe to be involved with intimately and women know this intuitively.

 

People who've been reared in critical and/or abusive environments have sometimes learned to erect walls for protection and often try to mask their self loathing with arrogance.

 

This is why a bad boy type can be so appealing to women. He may have been reared by indulgent parents, not critical ones. Because he has known only acceptance by at least one person in his developmental years though he has faults he feels safe in exhibiting vulnerability toward women. Because this trait is so attractive, he attracts many women and ends up not valuing them because he has opps with so many. He then may mistreat them and then other guys mistakenly think women like him because he treats them poorly. When in reality it's his vulnerability women are attracted to and only later into the R that she gets treated poorly. And this poor treatment is not the quality in him that attracts her to him. It's merely a bad habit he's developed.

 

That's not to suggest you two will become bad boys. A man with access to lots of women doesn't always become a bad boy type.

 

A vulnerable man is appealing to women but not all men who are authentic and confident enough to be vulnerable with women will abuse them.

 

The ones who are both authentic and vulnerable who do not abuse women are the real winners! Because they have many opportunities to end up in great intimate relationships with emotionally healthy women and are often able to sustain and maintain those relationships over the long term.

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Medium.Lumo

Thanks Trimmer :) I guess I'm just still trying to process the whole thing. I've seen her (kindly) rejecting much better looking guys than me in clubs etc... the idea of her being interested in me romantically really didn't seem like a remote possibility.

 

Well, definitely stop hiding behind Facebook.

 

 

So let's look at this for a minute. You rate her highly, largely based on a positive personality trait. Yet when you rate yourself, you refer strictly to external appearance, and don't factor in your own personality. That's not using the same yardstick, and it's impossible for you to be "objective" as you claimed in your opening post. So give yourself a little more credit than you have been, and stop trying to measure yourself against her, to make sense of it all, because your yardstick is understandably warped.

 

Throw the damn yardstick away, accept that she is interested in you, and go enjoy being the guy she's interested in. What the hell are you taking issue with here? ;)

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Thanks for the message but I have to disagree :)

 

I'm not insecure, just realistic.

 

It's not mean to rate her a 9 - she's VERY hot.

 

To describe us...

 

I'm 6'3, not great shape, slightly square shaped actually. Used to be more toned but it's gone. Dark hair and dark blue eyes. Glasses / contacts. Some people joked that I look like Harry Potter on steroids.

 

She's 5'7, blonde, green eyes, amazing body, slim, tight butt, medium sized boobs... but what really makes her a 9 is that she isn't stuck up. She's so sweet with everyone. I really couldn't believe my luck when she showed interest in me :)

 

THIS part is probably the key. She is obviously someone with enough depth not to base her affection for someone solely on an outside package. She sounds like a keeper to me :)

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Medium.Lumo
THIS part is probably the key. She is obviously someone with enough depth not to base her affection for someone solely on an outside package. She sounds like a keeper to me :)

 

Thanks Jane :) You are so right!

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Thanks Frost. Inspiring post. The problem is I don't know how to make smooth moves.

 

There should be a manual on women.

 

You are walking around holding hands with her and have snogged a few times, you are passed the hard part. Just escalate things the next time you make out with her. Either ask her how does she feel about going further this time, when you two are in the throws of passion or just go for it and start taking her clothes off or let your hand wander down between her legs.

 

As for her being way sexier compared to you, it would be a little weird and naturally you wonder whats the catch with this girl, but really just be very happy with your good fortune, and make the most of it. Don't let on to her that you think she way above you, but don't hide the fact that you are really happy enjoying her company. Don't thank your lucky stars until you actually sleep with a 'gorgeous but she's so sweet with everyone' type girl, but things certainly seem to going well for you

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Thanks Jane :) You are so right!

 

Stick with girls of substance and not shallow snobbery, and you'll never go wrong.

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You might not be that far off the mark than you think. So you rate yourself a possible 7. I assume like lots of people it based mostly on your face and somewhat your build, but don't underestimate being 6'3 form the girl's perspective in terms of attraction. that could easily add on 1 for her. Then their is your personality. She could just the same bump you up again for that just like you boosted her physical appeal up based on her sweet nature.

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Medium.Lumo

Lol. Thanks man :)

 

Although I'm definitely not in the same league as her personality wise either. She's very sweet with everyone. She will take a lot of crap and still be nice to people.

 

I tend to say things straight out if someone irritates me.

 

 

You might not be that far off the mark than you think. So you rate yourself a possible 7. I assume like lots of people it based mostly on your face and somewhat your build, but don't underestimate being 6'3 form the girl's perspective in terms of attraction. that could easily add on 1 for her. Then their is your personality. She could just the same bump you up again for that just like you boosted her physical appeal up based on her sweet nature.
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Speakingofwhich
.

 

I tend to say things straight out if someone irritates me.

 

An attractive trait in a man, for me anyway. And also, you sound more attractive physically than you're giving yourself credit for.

 

You mention that you aren't as fit as you'd like but women often don't care as much about that type of thing (having a man who's got a six pack, say) as a woman does. She probably sees you as being very physically attractive, from your description of yourself.

 

Btw, how's it going with her by now?

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Medium.Lumo

I don't know. I've seen her rejecting better looking guys than me. So it might be something else.

 

It's going well. She's really happy that we are in a relationship :)

 

I am trying to think of first date ideas now.

 

An attractive trait in a man, for me anyway. And also, you sound more attractive physically than you're giving yourself credit for.

 

You mention that you aren't as fit as you'd like but women often don't care as much about that type of thing (having a man who's got a six pack, say) as a woman does. She probably sees you as being very physically attractive, from your description of yourself.

 

Btw, how's it going with her by now?

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I just realized that you are the guy looking for 1st date ideas. Based on this thread if you really want this relationship to last do not try to buy her affections with an over the top date. Definitely do not schedule anything with a hotel room attached to it. You try for sex with this girl the 1st time you take her out you will probably get shot down & there won't be a second date. Get it in your head now that there will be no sex on your 1st date.

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acrosstheuniverse
Although I'm definitely not in the same league as her personality wise either. She's very sweet with everyone. She will take a lot of crap and still be nice to people.

 

Not to put the girl down as I obviously don't know her at all, but that's not always seen as a particularly attractive trait: the term 'doormat' sprung to mind. To continue being really nice to somebody who has given you a lot of crap is often a signal of low self-esteem. I find it more attractive when people are more direct and, as you say about yourself, actually stand up and say something if they are annoyed by something. I find it very frustrating when friends keep giving the time of day to people that are continually hurting them. So you may not be as 'out of her league' as you think.

 

Anyway, congrats :)

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Medium.Lumo

I wouldn't say she's a doormat. She's just a lovely person.

 

Thanks :) I can't believe my luck, really !

 

Not to put the girl down as I obviously don't know her at all, but that's not always seen as a particularly attractive trait: the term 'doormat' sprung to mind. To continue being really nice to somebody who has given you a lot of crap is often a signal of low self-esteem. I find it more attractive when people are more direct and, as you say about yourself, actually stand up and say something if they are annoyed by something. I find it very frustrating when friends keep giving the time of day to people that are continually hurting them. So you may not be as 'out of her league' as you think.

 

Anyway, congrats :)

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