Money Instead of Wedding Gifts

[pickflicker]

It's becoming more and more common. In Asian and European countries, it's been a long standing tradition. I've been to two weddings that both had a "wishing well" (literally a wooden box with a small lock on it that people tucked the money into).

 

This site might help you to find the correct wording. Don't put bank account details down, just have the wishing well at the reception.

 

List of Wishing Well Poems and Ideas | Gift Registry

 

Wedding traditions are changing, just like all traditions evolve over time. Just word it nicely on the invite and if people are rude about it, don't worry. The odds of them having the balls to say it to your face are pretty slim.

Edited March 16, 2014 by pickflicker

[Silly_Girl]

On the wording front. In case it's relevant I'm in the UK and everyone I know or interact with in forums HATES smart poems that basically ask for cash, and would far rather it was a simple, polite sentence in the invitation. I don't know why it's so offensive, but it is

[pickflicker]

On the wording front. In case it's relevant I'm in the UK and everyone I know or interact with in forums HATES smart poems that basically ask for cash, and would far rather it was a simple, polite sentence in the invitation. I don't know why it's so offensive, but it is

 

I'm not sure why it's offensive either. Personally, I'd want money donated to charity, but I completely understand the bride and groom wanting money instead of presents. If they've lived together, why buy them a gift they don't want?

 

Traditions change. Meh. If I do it, I want to get married in a park barefoot and the only thing I give a toss about is the music playlist. I'd be the worst bride ever.

[almond]

I personally find asking for anything at all somewhat crass. If you strongly prefer cash and aren't worried about offending anyone, then I would word it carefully...something along the lines of: "Gifts not required of course, however, if you would like to contribute there will be a wishing well on the day."

[Els]

You could just have a Chinese-themed wedding. They don't give gifts at all! You just get tons of red envelopes containing enough money to cover the cost of each person at the reception... which is 50-150 per person typically

 

 

Well, yeah, but the thing is that no Chinese will ever request for it - that's the bit that people take issue with. In fact, if you went up to a Chinese and asked, "Hey, what should I give you for your wedding?" they would say, "No, please, don't worry about it!"

[Arabella]

Well, yeah, but the thing is that no Chinese will ever request for it - that's the bit that people take issue with. In fact, if you went up to a Chinese and asked, "Hey, what should I give you for your wedding?" they would say, "No, please, don't worry about it!"

 

Haha I know. Chinese people seem extremely polite and regard their customs very highly.

 

I do still believe, however, that if done right, there is no reason why the preference cannot be stated in a tasteful way.

 

After all, people attending a wedding spend money on gifts hoping that these will help the new couple. I'm sure many would be disappointed to find out that it is not the case, and would prefer to give something that is more needed (ie cash).

[Silly_Girl]

I'm not sure why it's offensive either. Personally, I'd want money donated to charity, but I completely understand the bride and groom wanting money instead of presents. If they've lived together, why buy them a gift they don't want?

 

Traditions change. Meh. If I do it, I want to get married in a park barefoot and the only thing I give a toss about is the music playlist. I'd be the worst bride ever.

 

Yep. I upset a lot of people (mostly older) by not providing a gift list. Only when it became apparent that it was actually a source of upset/stress for some people did I stick something on our wedding website. I didn't care either way but I didn't really want to cause anxiety to family I hadn't even met yet

[iris219]

I'm not sure why it's offensive either.

 

Me either.

 

If someone told me they'd prefer money or a gift card for their birthday or another holiday, I'd have no problem with that. I'd be glad they told me so I don't waste time or money on something they don't want.

 

A wedding is a celebration where I know I'm going to purchase something, so I'd like to know what the couple actually wants.

 

I'm shocked a few people are actually seriously offended.

 

I'm thinking we're going to do the honeymoon fund.

[veggirl]

Some people dont feel comfortable giving cash/gift cards because its glaringly obvious what they spent.

 

If they don't have a lot of money, they may prefer to give a creative gift that was $20 but looks like $100 rather than a check for $20 when everyone else is giving much more.

 

Asking for cash is awkward and there are reasons some people give actual tangible gifts. Please don't ask for money. Set up a honeymoon fund if you want and include a link to it but don't word your invites in a way that makes people feel obligated to contribute to that.

 

"If you prefer, we have a honeymoon fund at XYZ" or something.

Edited March 16, 2014 by veggirl

[Janesays]

Me either.

 

If someone told me they'd prefer money or a gift card for their birthday or another holiday, I'd have no problem with that. I'd be glad they told me so I don't waste time or money on something they don't want.

 

A wedding is a celebration where I know I'm going to purchase something, so I'd like to know what the couple actually wants.

 

I'm shocked a few people are actually seriously offended.

 

I'm thinking we're going to do the honeymoon fund.

 

 

People have given you plenty of reasons why it's offensive....you are just ignoring them. And it's not just 'a few' people, either, it's the MAJORITY. If you have your heart set on being rude, offensive and crass, then go ahead and do it. I just don't see why you bothered to ask for advice you plan to ignore completely. It just wastes everyone's time.

[xxoo]

I'm curious why you feel you need to ask for money, or create a honeymoon fund, rather than simply not registering for gifts. Do you feel that you will get more money this way? Because that's what it looks like when the couple brings up money gifts: an effort to get MORE money from their guests. Guests who would otherwise being giving money, anyway!

 

It's like you described Christmas with your partner's family. They gave money. How crass would it be if, next year, you approached them before Christmas and said, "I really don't need anything this year, but would appreciate money!" Unnecessary and tactless. Now imagine saying the same to a relative who normally gives gifts rather than money

 

What are you afraid will happen if you don't mention money?

 

How do you want the guest who can not afford to give a substantial cash gift to feel?

Edited March 16, 2014 by xxoo

[iris219]

I'm curious why you feel you need to ask for money, or create a honeymoon fund, rather than simply not registering for gifts. Do you feel that you will get more money this way? Because that's what it looks like when the couple brings up money gifts: an effort to get MORE money from their guests. Guests who would otherwise being giving money, anyway!

 

Personally, I hate being confused about an event and like very clear instructions.

 

I hate having to ask a bunch of questions to figure about info about someone's wedding. I'd rather them just come out and ask for money, rather than having to figure out through others they aren't registered anyway. That's so annoying to me, but I guess others are different.

[xxoo]

Personally, I hate being confused about an event and like very clear instructions.

 

I hate having to ask a bunch of questions to figure about info about someone's wedding. I'd rather them just come out and ask for money, rather than having to figure out through others they aren't registered anyway. That's so annoying to me, but I guess others are different.

 

What is confusing?

 

Money is always appropriate. In lieu of money gifts, the couple often offers a registry to help guests choose a gift that would be useful. And of course, if a guest REALLY wants to give something else, the guest is free to give anything he or she wishes.

 

But money has always been the default.

[sweetjasmine]

IMO, writing anything about gifts on the save-the-date or invitation is extremely tacky. I set up one of those wedding sites and put the URL on a separate little slip of paper in the invitation. A link to our registry was on there, and that felt awkward enough, but many of our guests wouldn't have known how to contact a family member and ask them whether we had a registry. Letting close family know and letting guests ask THEM what you prefer is the best way to handle it, if it's possible.

 

Asking for cash or any type of specific gift is extremely rude and crass. What's the big deal if you have to return a freaking toaster to the store? The person who got it for you had their reasons for giving it to you, and getting irritated that they didn't give you cash is just ungrateful.

[veggirl]

Personally, I hate being confused about an event and like very clear instructions.

 

I hate having to ask a bunch of questions to figure about info about someone's wedding. I'd rather them just come out and ask for money, rather than having to figure out through others they aren't registered anyway. That's so annoying to me, but I guess others are different.

 

Weddings arent that confusing. People usually register. Some ask for money only. I personally think you should read my other post again and think about just asking for money. Offer the option but don't make people feel obligated to give you cash.

[d0nnivain]

Personally, I hate being confused about an event and like very clear instructions.

 

I hate having to ask a bunch of questions to figure about info about someone's wedding. I'd rather them just come out and ask for money, rather than having to figure out through others they aren't registered anyway. That's so annoying to me, but I guess others are different.

 

 

 

How can you be confused about a wedding. You get an invite. It tells you the who what when where. If you are lucky it spells out a dress code.

 

 

Conventional wisdom says you bring the happy couple a gift. If you want to get them a thing, great. If you want to give them money that's fine too.

 

 

For the bride & groom to tell you what you have to give is offensive. What's next: suggested donation $100 pp? Why not just sell tickets.

 

 

Stop focusing on the gifts & focus on the correct part: the lifetime commitment. whether it's yours or someone else's

[iris219]

What is confusing?

 

Money is always appropriate. In lieu of money gifts, the couple often offers a registry to help guests choose a gift that would be useful. And of course, if a guest REALLY wants to give something else, the guest is free to give anything he or she wishes.

 

But money has always been the default.

 

Weddings arent that confusing. People usually register. Some ask for money only. I personally think you should read my other post again and think about just asking for money. Offer the option but don't make people feel obligated to give you cash.

 

Hmm...I'm always confused at weddings!

 

I was confused when the couple set up a pay pal account; I somehow missed that they had a website, but I don't remember it being made clear. I was also concerned at another wedding when we were supposed to tie envelopes to a tree with money in them. It was really windy and I never got a thank-you note, so I was convinced it blew away.

 

On a different subject, I was confused about what to wear to a wedding last year that was having the ceremony at 10 am and the reception at 8 pm. I find weddings really stressful!

 

Oh my, if other people's weddings stress me out this much, mine is going to kill me!

[Janesays]

If weddings are so confusing to you, why not pick up a book on wedding etiquette? I like the Miss Manners one myself.

[xxoo]

Just stick with the classics: a gift table with a big box to hold the cards (which most likely contain money).

 

Was the money tree part of a cultural tradition? It sounds like a good way to tempt the servers into stealing

[d0nnivain]

Hmm...I'm always confused at weddings!

 

I was confused when the couple set up a pay pal account; I somehow missed that they had a website, but I don't remember it being made clear. I was also concerned at another wedding when we were supposed to tie envelopes to a tree with money in them. It was really windy and I never got a thank-you note, so I was convinced it blew away.

 

On a different subject, I was confused about what to wear to a wedding last year that was having the ceremony at 10 am and the reception at 8 pm. I find weddings really stressful!

 

Oh my, if other people's weddings stress me out this much, mine is going to kill me!

 

 

You don't tie money to a tree on a windy day. You walk up to the B&G and you hand them the envelope.

 

 

If you didn't know about the website or the paypal account, that's on the B&G too because they weren't clear.

 

 

The wedding ceremony ay 10 am with a reception at 8 pm is a selfish B&G because what the heck are the out of town people, especially the ones who only came in for the day supposed to do for 9 hours. However the answer to your wardrobe questions are you wear a church appropriate day dress to the ceremony & a cocktail dress to the reception. Men can wear the same suit to both.

 

 

Getting an etiquette book sounds like a great idea.

 

 

Finally if you aren't already a member -- join the Knot. Post your original Q there. When those women leave you a bloody corpse on the side of the information highway, come back here & you will see we're being nice to you about this.

[Tayla]

A gift of choice is just that, a GIFT...of Choice!

 

Money can't buy you love.

 

I say buy them two fishing rods with a note that says " May you learn how to fish so others dont have to feed you" With no receipt inside.

 

Seriously though, as the guest its your choice what to give and to what extent. I gave a gift of money one time because I knew full well the couple were investing in a new home...we were all welcomed to the Open house and enjoyed seeing them establish a place of love and warmth.

[iris219]

The wedding ceremony ay 10 am with a reception at 8 pm is a selfish B&G because what the heck are the out of town people, especially the ones who only came in for the day supposed to do for 9 hours. However the answer to your wardrobe questions are you wear a church appropriate day dress to the ceremony & a cocktail dress to the reception. Men can wear the same suit to both.

 

Getting an etiquette book sounds like a great idea.

 

Finally if you aren't already a member -- join the Knot. Post your original Q there. When those women leave you a bloody corpse on the side of the information highway, come back here & you will see we're being nice to you about this.

 

That is what you'd think about the wedding with the split ceremony/reception (I did lots of research!), but we didn't know that the reception was going to be around a pool and was super casual. I wish I had known that so I wasn't so stressed about wardrobe for weeks before the wedding. People showed up and went back home or to their hotels to change into shorts and bathing suits. I rarely go to a wedding where everything is clear.

 

I plan to get some books and do some reading to figure it all out.

[Silly_Girl]

 

 

The wedding ceremony ay 10 am with a reception at 8 pm is a selfish B&G because what the heck are the out of town people, especially the ones who only came in for the day supposed to do for 9 hours.

 

Selfish? Maybe it suited them and lots of others but just not everyone. It's hard to get it right, to suit all comers. No one is obliged to attend just because they receive an invite.

[MidwestUSA]

A gift of choice is just that, a GIFT...of Choice!

 

Money can't buy you love.

 

I say buy them two fishing rods with a note that says " May you learn how to fish so others dont have to feed you" With no receipt inside.

 

Seriously though, as the guest its your choice what to give and to what extent. I gave a gift of money one time because I knew full well the couple were investing in a new home...we were all welcomed to the Open house and enjoyed seeing them establish a place of love and warmth.

 

 

 

I wish just ONE person had thought to buy me a fishing rod!

 

 

I had to return five toasters to get one DECENT rod!

[carhill]

Been to a few 'youngster' weddings over the last couple years where no registration was included in the invitation or by social network, so enclosed a nice handwritten note and a c-note in a tasteful card and left it on the gift table or in the card box, as appropriate. Didn't seem too difficult.

 

About the only time I didn't do that was with some family members (at the time) whom I provided the air travel and lodging for their honeymoon. In that case, a nice card with 'Enjoy your honeymoon!' was all they got.

 

Weddings, IME, are pretty easy and straightforward. Been to a few dramatic ones too. The 'best' of those was aligned with the traditions of a middle Eastern culture and I think the 'money dance' paid for the down payment on the couple's house!