LeggzDiamond Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I don't really know how to go about this... This month has been really hard on me and really eye opening. I was abused as a child. And I can't remember any of it. My little sister was also abused and I was supposed to protect her. I'm the oldest and the stronger of the two of us. I don't know what to say. I know I'm young but at 21 the only relationships with men that I thought were meaningful backfire in my face. I pick out users and the needy types. I'm a caretaker. I don't really know how to be anyhting else. I don't take care of myself and I wouldn't know how to start if I tried. I don't want this to sound like a pity party cause that's just not me but I don't know what to say. I need to know how to deal with this and make better choices for myself. I feel so guilty all the time and I've attempted suicide and prostituted myself for a while. I got an abortion 2 years ago when all I've ever wanted to be was a good mother. Please if anybody has anything books, articles, groups something that could help me. Please let me know thank you Leggz Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Leggz, Seek help on co-dependency. Do a google search on it and find some information on the subject. You have all the classic signs. Mrs. Moose is a co-dependent, she used to go to alanon classes and they've helped her out bunches. But you don't have to have an alcoholic husband or boyfriend to be a co-dependent so don't let that stop you. I wish you the best of luck! Moose Link to post Share on other sites
Saving Grace Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 {{{{{{LD}}}}}}} First you are not alone! Second this was not your fault! Third you need to begin to heal and take care of yourself. You need to seek some type of counseling, if you have no insurance there are plenty of non-profit women's services that can help you. Talking about it really helps. It will also help you understand why you seem to pick losers. I know why you think you always find loser men, you think you are broken, defective, used and that no normal person could really love you for who you are. You don't think that you deserve to have someone loving and fullfilling in your life, but you do, we all do regardless of the past. It has taken me 10 years with my H to realize this, mind you I have made alot of mistakes along the way. Where were your parents through all this if I might ask? They were the ones that were supposed to protect you and your sister! I am a child of an alcholic, a incest victim, father died when I was 11, raped at 19, I am also a co-dependent, always had loser boyfriends, met my wonderful husband and had an affair, possibly carrying another mans child. I have issues let me tell you, but I am struggling to overcome being a victim. I am struggling to find the soul that was taken from me and take it back....I hope you will find the strength to do the same. If you ever need to talk, I'm here! SG Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeggzDiamond Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Just to let you know my mom was there for me the whole time. She took me to EVERY child therapist in the area. I just wasn't ready to deal with it. I don't know if I'm totally ready now. I'm just tired of wondering why my relationships fail. Why I can't stand my sister. And mostly why I can help solve everyone else's problems but have so many that I can't deal with. I'm getting ready to start college and find my place in life and I don't want this hanging over my head and my descisions. Thank you so much for letting me know that there are others out there willing to not only talk but to support. I have plenty of support at home but it's hard to look into faces you've virtually been lying to for years. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Saving Grace Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 LD- Just like me, I went to therapy when I was a kid but was to angry to deal with it then. I am going on 32 and I am finally ready to turn my life around. I have accepted therapy along with depression meds and they are going and helping alot. I'm glad your mom was a support for you. Mine however was not. No one in my family was, except for 1 aunt and uncle but they thought since my dad just died it were be to hard to then be taken away from my mom. I wish they would have. My life may have different but yet I wouldn't have changed a thing because everything has made me stronger. I understand how hard it is when you talk about those you've lied to, I was reverse I couldn't go to those that were ignoring or covering up the lies. You are headed in the right direction, seeking the therapy you need now will only help you. Goodluck with school and when you least expect it the "right man" will come along. I wish you well~ SG Link to post Share on other sites
asshole Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by LeggzDiamond I don't really know how to go about this... This month has been really hard on me and really eye opening. I was abused as a child. And I can't remember any of it. My little sister was also abused and I was supposed to protect her. I'm the oldest and the stronger of the two of us. I don't know what to say. I know I'm young but at 21 the only relationships with men that I thought were meaningful backfire in my face. I pick out users and the needy types. I'm a caretaker. I don't really know how to be anyhting else. I don't take care of myself and I wouldn't know how to start if I tried. I don't want this to sound like a pity party cause that's just not me but I don't know what to say. I need to know how to deal with this and make better choices for myself. I feel so guilty all the time and I've attempted suicide and prostituted myself for a while. I got an abortion 2 years ago when all I've ever wanted to be was a good mother. Please if anybody has anything books, articles, groups something that could help me. Please let me know thank you Leggz Link to post Share on other sites
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