Afraid of marriage

[lonegirl]

I'll try to make it short, I promise.

 

I'm about to get married. Everything happened too fast, after I ended my past relationship I have met this lovely person and we are together now for 7 months. I truly love him, and he says he loves me very much too, is sweet, caring and is currently my best friend and partner. Everything happened too fast and we had a few issues in the beginning but now things seemed to go well, except for one thing.

 

Marrying him is currently the only way we have to be together, as we are from different countries and it would be hard for me to get a working or study visa at the moment. I'm going to live with him in there as I don't have a fixed job right now in here and he does.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love this man. I never wanted someone as I want him. Never felt so loved and complete in my life before and he doesn't have major flaws. But I'm dead scared of getting married, because I fear marriage!

 

I was married once for only 1 year and it went bad. I was scared before too but I decided to give it a try, and my bad experience didn't help afterwards (I got even more afraid of being married).

 

I am not a cheater, I didn't have many boyfriends. I don't want several partners and I truly fall in love with the men I am with... I am not afraid of commitment and fidelity. But I fear the state of being married. I fear being called a wife, being treated as one... I fear my "husband" looking at me as many men look at their wives after so many years of marriage. I don't want to risk finding my husband having an affair. I don't wanna see him getting used to me and letting the passion dies with the passing of time this is not only a normal fear... This is truly causing me a lot of nightmares and constant fights between us everyday as I see myself finding a way to escape but I can't.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm hurting my boyfriend... Because I'm unable to explain this to him without hurting him. And I don't think he deserves it. But I also dont want to lose him. I let him go several times. I don't think it's fair keeping him by my side. He refuses. I'm not selfish and keeping him by purpose. I said please go... He doesn't want to.

 

Is my case something for therapy? Or am I crazy? I sometimes think I am. I think I am a terrible person and I don't deserve to be with anybody. I'm so tired of feeling this way.

Edited March 15, 2014 by lonegirl
Adding info.

[d0nnivain]

Personally I think you are marrying for all the wrong reasons: economics & politics. I don't hear enough love.

 

 

I was always afraid of the labels. I actually broke up with the 1st guy who called me his girlfriend. The label terrified me that I was going to lose myself & become merely an extension of him. So I do understand your fear of being called a wife & wondering if the passions will cool over time.

 

 

Let me tell you with the right person, it's just the opposite. I'm thrilled to be called his wife. We grow closer & stronger.

 

 

Your fears are telling you to slow down. Listen!

[CarrieT]

For starters, one should NEVER marry someone they have only known seven months.

 

You are still in the honeymoon period of your relationship and no one should tie themselves to another for life until they have known each other through - at least - all four seasons.

 

Also, I am going to be 50 years old in a few months and I *just* got married. I had had a handful of long-term relationships before this (including one that was 11 years long!), but knew those were not going to stand the test of time.

 

If you are going to marry someone, you will KNOW that it is right and not be so worried about it You said it: It has all happened too fast. Stop it now before you regret it later.