Isabella82 Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I have this problem and it is really starting to worry me. Ever since me and my ex broke up about 9 months ago, I can't seem to get emotionally attached. I have been dating this guy since July, and he wanted to be exclusive and I said no I just want a friend with benefit type of relationship. I have never done this before, I have always had some type of attachment to some extent with people that I have been with. I have had other bad breakups before and I was still able to get emotionally attached after a short period. But for some reason I have been dating this guy for 6 months and I feel nothing. I care about him as a person, but if I found out I would never talk to him again I wouldn't care. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced having no emotional attachment. I am just worried that I will never be able to open my heart again and be attached. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 well, luckily this is not some disease that cannot be treated. but it is something that only YOU can help. and it is best to start slow. you do not have to offer up your entire heart in every relationship. but you will find if you do not try to open up, your relationships will not be satisfing or even that deep. it does work both ways, and eventually your partner will realize that you are a heartless person for what ever reason and leave. so, yes...opening up can hurt and it will a little, until you find someone that you truely click with, and do not have to break away from. But that will not likely happen unless you open up. so you are damned-possibly- is you do, but you are definately damed if you do not. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 man...emotionally..i cant even open up physically.. been trying to get over my bf... cant sleep with this other guy... well yea my bf was the only person i slept with but i really wanna get over him.. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 whatever you do do not sleep with him! that is a great thing that you havent slept with him...it shouldnt be knocked or add to the confusion.... bc if you do, it will only add to your confusion and end up hurting you more (and possibly him if he has a heart and is not in it for your sex, which i am sure he isnt if he has stayed with you thorugh this and not gotten it yet) so nooooo, dont think you have to sleep with him and then it will open you up! BC IT WONT! you have to be emotionally ready to just let go and become one with him bc you love him and want to experience that with him.. if not, we are no better than animals that just **** for pleasure and to procreate.....so many people go out and sleep with the first person that they are attracted to or is attracted to them....so please realize to do this is to eventually become worse off since your self worth will likely take a hit dont get pressured into this and def dont think it will curethings please internalize d Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I'm with Derek (head/heels) Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Was this guy your first serious boyfriend? Did you have your heart broken for the first time? Maybe you are too scared to open up incase of getting hurt again. I bet most people have felt that way one time or another. You are still not over your Ex boyfriend either. Maybe you shouldn''t have started seeing someone if you weren't to sure about it. If your hearts not in it maybe it's best to stay single and look after yourself for a while before you are ready to date again. You may have to do something for yourself that will help you bring closure from your last relationship. Maybe that will help? Or If you decide to stay with this guy. Do things slow. Go with the flow and see if things will work out. Don't sleep with him till you start having feelings for him. It will just mess with him. Don't be exclusive with him unless you are ready to be. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 yes 1st relationship..serious one 5 years.. 2 months since break off.. and he has now decided he will never be back... Link to post Share on other sites
beejsea2 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I guess my take on this topic is just give things time. My therapist the other day told me that each person goes through this at their own pace. She said just because of friend or someone tells you that you should be over your ex that only you will know when that time has arrived. I've been reading a book "Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay" I recommend people in long term relationships that ended to read it. It's been an eye opening experience for me...I think I should have left him a long time ago but my reasons for staying weren't good ones! It's only been three months since my ex left and the furthest thing from my mind is getting involved or meeting someone else...Isabella when the time is right for you, you'll know it and be ready to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isabella82 Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Thanks so much for all the replies. I know that I need to be single and improve myself, beable to be on my own. I still consider myself single, even though I am just sleeping with this guy. I used to be against this, but for some reason it seems to be working out fine with me, he seems to be okay with it....well of course most guys would. So I am not hurting him in any way. I know I shouldn't even sleep with him, if im not emtionally attached I just haven't had to go without it for a long time. I mean a girls got needs too. I just hope that in time I will eventually met someone and have an emtional attachment with them when the time is right. Its only been 9 months and I'm still not ready for another relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isabella82 Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 I seem to be having such a bad day. I just signed onto AOL and my ex had his away message up, and even though I try so hard not the read them, I did. It said, "Im all naked and wet....I'm in the shower you sicko's." It has been 9 months since the break up, and I still get so sad about it. He was always there for me, he always did nice things for me, and we really did have a meaningful relationship. When he broke up with me he never called me, never told me he missed me or anything. It just hurts so bad to know that I am still hurting and not over him, and he is just going on with his regular day not thinking about me or anything. His away messages are always so upbeat and happy. Some of my best memories are with him, I got very close to his family, and him to mine since we thought we were going to get married. I know that after 9 months I should be over him, and realize that it wasn't meant to be, but sometimes I get so sad and think that it was all my fault, and that I lost such a great guy, and that I am always going to be alone and not get over him. I know it sounds so stupid but that is how I feel. I know he lied to me, but for some reason I keep thinking what if he had some good reasons to lie to me, what if they were justified. Then I lost a great guy. Please help me.... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 There is no justified reason to lie isabel... find the courage to delete him.. just find it.. its difficult but do urself this favor.. i am going thru the same thing.. maybe i was too irritating, not givign his space..impatient.. but the thing is....he cud have given it another chance.. if he loved me...just 1 more chance.... he didnt love me enough to give me another chance... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isabella82 Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 emotionsmessedup, Thanks for your response.....I too say to myself if he loved me enough he would have given us another chance. But that just hurts more to think that they didn't love you enough. I mean why, why didn't they love you enough! It drives me crazy. I just put so much into this relationship, I think I did everything I could have, I gave up so much to be with him, and work things out. Why couldn't he love me? I know not everyone in this world isn't going to love you, but at one time he did love me. At one time he did want to be with him, when I was going to leave him on time he cried to me beggin me not to leave him. I just don't understand what the hell changed. What the hell did I do wrong, yes I'm not perfect, yes there are things that I could have done differently, but why did he just give up on us, on everything we had, on a great relationship.... It just hurts so bad, I'm sorry if I'm going on, I am just still hurting. The thing is I will never know why because we don't even talk, and we probably never will. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 dont ask me this.. because i am still trying to find out the answer to it.. all i can do is have faith in myself and believe that it mus be for some good reason...which i have not come across.. which is yet to come... it will come to u... it will come to me... you just have to wait patiently and learn to be happy in urself... Link to post Share on other sites
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