Cousin issue

[Raven2010]

Hey

 

This is regarding a family matter that has been painful and tedious at best. I was living with my cousin and his wife for couple of years and we lived together sorting out a lot of issues and helping each other out with hard times in our lives. My cousin's wife is involved in a serious business which I helped with as well. However I did not agree with her stance towards her employees who would always take liberties with both my cousin and his wife. They would often ask for favors both monetary and personal favors. Her employees always struck me as a little crude and love to come over and get drunk.

 

When I discussed my concerns with her she maintained the fact that they were good people and that she trusted them and considered them a part of her family. However her husband, my cousin ,has also voiced his concerns regarding these employees, her friends/employees, numerous times to both her and me to no avail. Later on down the line I was informed that one of the employees were speaking quite vulgarly about me to my cousin's friends in my absence. It was that particular friend that informed me regarding this matter.

 

This issue festered in me for awhile until on a certain family event that I blew up in her face, accusing her of being blind to their character and that her ignorance has caused me harm. Her employees confronted me and tried to allay my concerns by saying that any insults were made while they were under the influence of alcohol and meant no harm which set me off further. However since that incident I have had to move out of my cousin's house and now I'm treated with a cold shoulder everytime I try to speak to her.

 

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on what to do regarding a matter such as this.

[d0nnivain]

If you genuinely like the cousin & his wife, sit them down to clear the air. explain that while you may disagree with them about their employees you love them & you sincerely hope that you all can put this past you. Then just don't talk about their business or their employees again.

[Raven2010]

Thanks Don I've already done that..Now I guess it's upto them if they can put it past everything.

[Radu]

Good, and on a personal note, i don't think you were paranoid [though exploding like that in her face was bad].

 

There has to be a certain level of difference between the employee and the boss; trying to be the cool boss without solid boundaries will result in them eating you alive, as most ppl do not have a noble characters, but act like pigs ... give them a finger and they'll take the hand.

[CC12]

Thanks Don I've already done that..Now I guess it's upto them if they can put it past everything.

 

Did you ever sincerely apologize for any of it? It's clear to me that you owe her an apology for blowing up in her face and accusing her of being blind and ignorant.

 

You also may need to apologize for what looks to me like overstepping your boundaries by trying to have a say in how she dealt with her employees. You had already "discussed your concerns" with her and she didn't agree with you. Why couldn't you have let it go then? It seems like this is more of a mind-your-own-business scenario.

 

When you spoke of harm being done to you, were you referring to someone saying mean things behind your back? I don't know what was said, but claiming that you were harmed seems like an overreaction. And certainly your cousin's wife has no control over what comes out of other people's mouths so it seems strange to blow up at her over it.

 

You were vague in your OP so maybe more detail would clear things up, but given the information so far, I'd say a sincere apology is in order. Then you can say, "It's up to them now."

[Raven2010]

Hey CC,

 

I believe I've done the best I can to apologize. I personally met them several times and spoke to them regarding overstepping boundaries and apologized sincerely for blowing up in her face especially in that scenario.

 

With regards to harm being to me I'm referring to the comments mentioned behind my back to their friends in my absence and with regards to letting it go I had planned to let it go but unfortunately one of the employees that I approached regarding this matter became somewhat hostile towards me and the friend that mentioned this to me during that event despite me telling him to leave it alone.

 

As far as my apology is concerned I have spoken to her on several occasions expressing my regrets over what transpired and she has mentioned that it's okay. However things remain as they are and I believe the remainder of this mess is out of my control.