Why won't girls date me?

[anthonyc]

Like for real! I know that I'm not the "sexy" at my school. 16 year old, 220 LBS, 5 10' guy who doesn't left weights. I talk to girls. But here's the thing, I can't talk to them for very long. I can't maintain a conversation. Those "hey" conversations don't do so well for me. Conversations with them get very very very very very awkward. I'm a very shy quiet guy.

 

When I say shy I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY shy! Plus my confidence level is pretty low due to girls talking behind my back saying I'm pretty ugly. A lot of girls talk bad about me. Mostly due to my past of me being creepy like THREE YEARS AGO! A lot of people know I changed but I'm guessing a lot of people didn't get that message. I feel like girls look at guys who are cuter then me.

 

I have a lot of guy friends and they're a lot good looking then me(people are gonna judge me after saying that I know). I also feel like girls now days want a guy that looks like Harry Styles or a Ryan Tedder or something. I differently don't look like those two at all what so ever! My question is of course, why won't girls date me or try to talk to me? This has been going on for the past 4 years. Don't even start to say I'm too young to date or stuff like that. I'll be honest, I cried because of this issue.

 

I just am very lonely. Loneliness is the main cause of me crying. I technically never had a girlfriend in my life. Just wanted to add that there.

Edited March 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

You aren't too young to date. However many teenagers are ill equipped to handle the torrent of emotions & urges that come from dating.

 

 

First take a deep breath.

 

 

Second, realize that there is a world out there beyond your high school. I didn't have much luck dating people from my high school; I was too nerdy. I did manage to meet kids from other nearby schools & that worked out better.

 

 

Lots of teens are shy. It's an awkward time. Think about the things you like, your hobbies, your interests & the things you are good at. Join some clubs around those things. When you are enjoying yourself you will feel more confident & you will have something to talk to the girls about.

 

 

If you truly don't like the way you look, do something about it. Exercise more. Get a new hair cut. Buy some new clothes.

 

 

Also remember that graduation is just around the corner. At some point you will be on to the next phase of your life, any you will rarely see the people from high school.

[normal person]

I think you need to consider why people date other people and then think about why girls date certain guys. What are the deciding factors between dating someone and not dating someone? Adopt the deciding ones to the best of your ability and lessen the others.

 

Why would a girl go out with a guy? Because they're good looking? Smart? Hilarious? Exciting? Resourceful? Talented? Successful? You need to figure out how adopt traits that people like and you'll build confidence, which is perhaps the most attractive trait. I know you're in high school, and high school girls can be merciless, but if anything you need to maintain an air of self-respect otherwise all is lost. Just keep in mind that it's an ongoing process and things will get better if you work at it. I know it seems like your entire universe now, but in the course of your young life, high school dating can be pretty insignificant so don't stress about it too much.

Edited March 16, 2014 by normal person

[anthonyc]

 

If you truly don't like the way you look, do something about it. Exercise more. Get a new hair cut. Buy some new clothes.

 

I'll be honest, the way I dress sucks. But I can't do anything about exercising. I just chose not too. Every time I do some sort of exercising activity such as running or lifting weights, I run out of breath and chest starts hurting. Thats another story though. But my other question is, do girls really like chubby guys? Like I said I'm 220 pounds. Thats pretty fat don't even lie.

[somedude81]

First of all, you're very young and so are the girls. Everybody is immature.

 

Next, you're lucky that you're tall but don't ruin that by being fat. When you're young it's the easiest time to lose the fat. Replace the fat with muscle and you'll have to beat the girls away with a stick.

 

To start with do a lot of walking. Control what you eat. No junk food or soda.

[anthonyc]

 

Next, you're lucky that you're tall but don't ruin that by being fat. When you're young it's the easiest time to lose the fat. Replace the fat with muscle and you'll have to beat the girls away with a stick.

 

To start with do a lot of walking. Control what you eat. No junk food or soda.

 

I been working on losing weight for the past 2 years. But like I said, thats a totally different story.

[organizedchaos]

I been working on losing weight for the past 2 years. But like I said, thats a totally different story.

 

No, it's not a different story. It's part of your problem. You don't have any confidence, probably partly due to your appearance. Women pick up on your self loathing. Get in shape, lose weight, and you'll be surprised not only how confident you feel, but the attention you'll get due to the positive vibes you give off.

[d0nnivain]

I'll be honest, the way I dress sucks. But I can't do anything about exercising. I just chose not too. Every time I do some sort of exercising activity such as running or lifting weights, I run out of breath and chest starts hurting. Thats another story though. But my other question is, do girls really like chubby guys? Like I said I'm 220 pounds. Thats pretty fat don't even lie.

 

 

If the way you dress sucks change it. You don't have to have money & designer clothes but you can look at magazines & other media to get ideas.

 

 

You may be winded when you exercise because you are out of shape. Ask your parents to take you to a doctor to get a check up. Otherwise, start slowly & work your way up. Any movement will help. Sitting on your computer will get you no where.

 

 

Every girl is different. Some like beefier guys. However, HS is tough because there is so much pressure to conform. Sometimes bigger kids who may be a little overweight get teased.

[Chubbi]

When you're a girl in high school, you want a couple of things:

 

1. You want to date guys who look like girls: Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, young Justin Timberlake, Taylor Lautner. Basically, pretty boy face, lean/skinny body with some urban clothes.

 

When I was 16, i could not figure out what women found attractive in men that actually looked like men: beard, hairy, beefy, muscular, regular guys. I liked boys more than I liked men, and I liked pretty boys more than I liked anything. I hated the idea of a good man would treat you right. I didn't want a good (unattractive) man, I wanted a hot man; I didn't care how good he was. Insync, Backstreet boys, 98 degrees, most shows geared towards young girls promised me a hot, pretty boy. Twilight, Hunger Games (nowadays) add to this.

 

2. You want to date guys who are popular.

 

It doesn't really matter what their interests or personalities are, what kind of douches they are. You want to date them because everyone keeps talking about them. It doesn't matter if everyone is talking about what kind of manwhore the guy is. I still wanted to date him. If you date them, it boosts your own position in society; everyone will talk about you. The popular guy is your ticket to the 'in-crowd' and that's where you wanted to be. You wanted people to admire you.

 

3. You have very little interest in quiet boys.

 

Do they even exist? If nobody's talking about the guy, because he is a quiet, good, shy boy, the interest/attraction will not be there. When I was sixteen, I found charitable, good men boring. Maybe they reminded me of my kind dad, and who wants to date that? I found douches to be the most interesting/dynamic thing I've ever seen. I found people who didn't like me more interesting than the people who did.

 

As you get older, you realize how attractive real men are. You grow to hate douches. Your values change. You start having more interest in quiet, shy guys and your wants change. You start ignoring those who don't like you and focus on those who do.

Edited March 16, 2014 by Chubbi

[anthonyc]

When you're a girl in high school, you want a couple of things:

 

1. You want to date guys who look like girls: Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, young Justin Timberlake, Taylor Lautner. Basically, pretty boy face, lean/skinny body with some urban clothes.

 

When I was 16, i could not figure out what women found attractive in men that actually looked like men: beard, hairy, beefy, muscular, regular guys. I liked boys more than I liked men, and I liked pretty boys more than I liked anything. I hated the idea of a good man would treat you right. I didn't want a good (unattractive) man, I wanted a hot man; I didn't care how good he was. Insync, Backstreet boys, 98 degrees, most shows geared towards young girls promised me a hot, pretty boy. Twilight, Hunger Games (nowadays) add to this.

 

2. You want to date guys who are popular.

 

It doesn't really matter what their interests or personalities are, what kind of douches they are. You want to date them because everyone keeps talking about them. It doesn't matter if everyone is talking about what kind of manwhore the guy is. I still wanted to date him. If you date them, it boosts your own position in society; everyone will talk about you. The popular guy is your ticket to the 'in-crowd' and that's where you wanted to be. You wanted people to admire you.

 

3. You have very little interest in quiet boys.

 

Do they even exist? If nobody's talking about the guy, because he is a quiet, good, shy boy, the interest/attraction will not be there. When I was sixteen, I found charitable, good men boring. Maybe they reminded me of my kind dad, and who wants to date that? I found douches to be the most interesting/dynamic thing I've ever seen. I found people who didn't like me more interesting than the people who did.

 

As you get older, you realize how attractive real men are. You grow to hate douches. Your values change. You start having more interest in quiet, shy guys and your wants change. You start ignoring those who don't like you and focus on those who do.

 

I'm a guy look for a girl. It seems like you're giving advice to girl. Unless you meant I should become a douchebag or something...

[d0nnivain]

I'm a guy look for a girl. It seems like you're giving advice to girl. Unless you meant I should become a douchebag or something...

 

 

 

I think Chubbi was trying to tell you what HS girls want: skinny little fem boys who are popular & who aren't quiet. I'm going to disagree about the fem boy thing because even in high school I liked boys who looked masculine Anyway, Chubbi was also trying to assure you that as the girls grow up they see a broader based world & they will eventually be able to see you even if they overlook you now.

[Chubbi]

I'm a guy look for a girl. It seems like you're giving advice to girl. Unless you meant I should become a douchebag or something...

 

Sorry. I'm trying to answer your question about why I think you've been unsuccessful with high school girls. I'm trying to tell you the mindset of a high-school girl.

 

If the girls you are dealing with in high-school are anything like I was back in high-school (superficial and immature) you'd have some trouble.

[topaMAXX]

High school is mostly about social status. Looks don't really matter all that much.

 

Have you considered playing sports? When I was in high school, I went from a loser that got picked on to popular because I started playing lacrosse and football. I didn't do it to get girls, but after I started playing sports, the hot popular girls started liking me.

 

It wasn't my looks that changed nor was it my confidence. It was my social status.

[anthonyc]

High school is mostly about social status. Looks don't really matter all that much.

status.

 

 

I totally agree with you on the social status part 100%! A lot of people know me at my High school. Everyone knows my name so I'm guessing my social status is on its way to being to near perfection? But I kinda disagree with you on the looks part. At my HS, its about looks as well. Thats how it feels like to me. A few girls liked me before but heres the thing, Its those weird girls that are just straight up creepy or I don't have interest in. I also wanted to add that.

[NYC-BigKat]

Like for real! I know that I'm not the "sexy" at my school. 16 year old, 220 LBS, 5 10' guy who doesn't left weights. I talk to girls. But here's the thing, I can't talk to them for very long. I can't maintain a conversation. Those "hey" conversations don't do so well for me. Conversations with them get very very very very very awkward. I'm a very shy quiet guy.

 

When I say shy I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY shy! Plus my confidence level is pretty low due to girls talking behind my back saying I'm pretty ugly. A lot of girls talk bad about me. Mostly due to my past of me being creepy like THREE YEARS AGO! A lot of people know I changed but I'm guessing a lot of people didn't get that message. I feel like girls look at guys who are cuter then me.

 

I have a lot of guy friends and they're a lot good looking then me(people are gonna judge me after saying that I know). I also feel like girls now days want a guy that looks like Harry Styles or a Ryan Tedder or something. I differently don't look like those two at all what so ever! My question is of course, why won't girls date me or try to talk to me? This has been going on for the past 4 years. Don't even start to say I'm too young to date or stuff like that. I'll be honest, I cried because of this issue.

 

I just am very lonely. Loneliness is the main cause of me crying. I technically never had a girlfriend in my life. Just wanted to add that there.

 

 

Girls never dated me either in hs so don't feel so so bad ok. I know how it feels to be get rejected lots of times & feel so very bad about it . You'r not alone ok? Just gotta try to work on bettering yourself that's it.

[somedude81]

I been working on losing weight for the past 2 years. But like I said, thats a totally different story.

If you're not willing to do anything, then you have no right to complain.

[topaMAXX]

I totally agree with you on the social status part 100%! A lot of people know me at my High school. Everyone knows my name so I'm guessing my social status is on its way to being to near perfection? But I kinda disagree with you on the looks part. At my HS, its about looks as well. Thats how it feels like to me. A few girls liked me before but heres the thing, Its those weird girls that are just straight up creepy or I don't have interest in. I also wanted to add that.

 

I could only go by my experiences. When I was in high school, popularity was first. Bad boys were second.

 

But I graduated from high school 9 years ago. So things may have changed since then.

[anthonyc]

If you're not willing to do anything, then you have no right to complain.

I've tried to loose weight but then quit. I was trying too hard. I tried for at least a good 3 months.

[hasaquestion]

OP, if you're a big guy you could probably fit some muscle onto your frame. Ever consider football?

 

Playing a sport is a great way to both improve your health and advance your social life.

 

I guess if you're in Texas or Florida the logistics are different. But where I went to HS....

 

1. The bar wasn't that high. A strong 5'10/200 lbs was good enough to at least play rotationally.

 

2. Most of the kids who played were too busy working on their biceps to do the work that actually gets you ahead in the sport - deadlifts, squats, box jumps.

 

You're still a freshman, right? You've got a whole summer ahead of you. Get a guy to teach you proper form for the lifts and do the nutritional research. Work your tail off for 4 months. You can be in good football shape by the start of your soph year. The actual football skills -hitting and taking hits, hand fighting technique (which you'll be doing a lot of as a lineman), pulling if you're on the offensive line, etc. You can learn that later.

[topaMAXX]

OP, if you're a big guy you could probably fit some muscle onto your frame. Ever consider football?

 

Playing a sport is a great way to both improve your health and advance your social life.

 

I guess if you're in Texas or Florida the logistics are different. But where I went to HS....

 

1. The bar wasn't that high. A strong 5'10/200 lbs was good enough to at least play rotationally.

 

2. Most of the kids who played were too busy working on their biceps to do the work that actually gets you ahead in the sport - deadlifts, squats, box jumps.

 

You're still a freshman, right? You've got a whole summer ahead of you. Get a guy to teach you proper form for the lifts and do the nutritional research. Work your tail off for 4 months. You can be in good football shape by the start of your soph year. The actual football skills -hitting and taking hits, hand fighting technique (which you'll be doing a lot of as a lineman), pulling if you're on the offensive line, etc. You can learn that later.

 

Yeah the bar isn't high at all.

 

At 5'6, I was a starting safety and a rotating receiver that started occasionally. I was really fast though.

[hasaquestion]

Yeah the bar isn't high at all.

 

At 5'6, I was a starting safety and a rotating receiver that started occasionally. I was really fast though.

 

Haha I played safety too. And as a pretty ectomorphic guy at 5'10, I can speak to how low the bar was there. Got dragged around all the time and the coaches still let me on the field.

 

At safety, merely knowing your keys gave you an advantage over the "bicep warriors" who were like 3/4 of the team.

 

Not to mention, at the level I played at, the quarterbacks couldn't it the backside of a barn on corner routes or go routes. So you could play faster by just cheating the ones you expect. For me outside release was basically a green light to drive on something and hope I guessed right.

 

That said, OP's physical profile sounds like it would only play on the line.

[anthonyc]

Football doesn't interest me. I might join the school track team not sure.

[Catwoman13]

Do yourself a huge favour and address the REAL issue. Which is about *you* - not girls. If you are getting chest pains at this young age, and you do nothing about your health you will just feel worse. The moment you take control of your health is the moment you are in charge of the rest of your life. Take baby steps, but day by day, do what it takes to make the difference. I am sure you have it in you to be all the things you want to be with the girls, but you have to make a start with yourself and the rest will follow.

[Chalkdust89]

It really is all about confidence. Girls are pretty good at picking up on things like that. You have to like yourself (or at least be very good at pretending you like yourself) before other people will like you.

 

Have you ever tried a "Couch to 5K" program? It's a great way for people who have never run before to build up to running a 5K (about 3 miles). I know many people of various shapes/sizes/fitness levels who have completed it and ended up with a new hobby!