Michelle Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 hey, i need some help. i am currently a senior in high school. last year i started going out with this guy (he was a senior). we fell in love and when he went away to college we decided to stay together. recently, when he came back for winter break he proposed to me and i said yes. so now i applied to colleges back east so i could go move there with him when i graduate. my parents are actually okay with this, but his mom his pretty upset about it and i mean i don't think she'll try to stop it or anything and i don't even think that it's me she doesn't like because we always get along really well and i like her a lot, but she just doesn't like the whole idea of us getting married so you. how can we convince her that everything will be alright and calm down her anxieties? thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 It would probably be pretty hard to convince her because I don't even know you and I'm extremely concerned myself. The only way I could feel better about a situation like this is if I knew it would be a very long engagement and no marriage would take place until after the two of you graduate from college. So if that works for me, a total stranger, it'll probably work with his mom. Waiting until after you get out of college will be great for the two of you and you will be very happy you did it that way all the days of your lives...if that's what you decide. And his mom will love that you did so as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 wedon't want to wait though. we want to get married as soon as possible. we love eachother very much and we don't really see any reason to wait. i don't know how we can make his mom understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
talvi Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 wedon't want to wait though. we want to get married as soon as possible. we love eachother very much and we don't really see any reason to wait. i don't know how we can make his mom understand that. If you truely love each other marriage is no issue.. it's the goverments approval of your coupleship. Marriage doesn't insure anything, except maybe getting a ring, and a divorce hearing. What is so great about being married? Are you waiting for sex untill your married? Are you planning on having children soon, and don't want a kid born out of wedlock? If you wait to be married and still end up together out of college, I think that's incredibly great. If you break up during some point of that and you haven't married you've saved yourself a lot of trouble. Yes of course this is true love and true love will conquer everything, but really waiting is the best choice. Marriage offers no big promises of anything, just a hassle if it was jumped into too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 well, you got a few things right, neither of us believes in premarital sex and of course i don't want kids out of wedlock, who does? neither of us is the divorce type, and we are difinitely getting married this summer and it's not like his mother totally disapproves she is just worried. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 There is no reason for you to wait as long as you have a job, you have a steady income to be able to take care of and provide for the other, you two have your own place to live in, money for the electricity, phone, water, gas and food bills. Don't forget about transportation, gas money, auto insurance and medical and dental insurance/coverage either. And that's just the material things. Getting married this summer? How well do you know him? Have you two discussed your future in detail? Marriage sounds wonderful, but make sure you will be able to handle the responsibility that comes along with it. You two are young and relatively new to relationships. Think about what makes his mother concerned. Is she concerned that you two are young? Yes! You have so much to experience. I'm in college now and let me tell you, all my years of high school did not compare AT ALL to one month of college. It is such a different experience. You meet SO many people, you have increased freedom, increased responsibilities, it is a completely new experience, and you may miss out on this if you rush into marriage right now. Is she concerned that your college education may be affected? It will DEFINITELY be affected. Trust me. I'm 21, and a few of my college friends are married. They've told me sometimes they become stressed out, they have so much to do at home and focus on their marriage or problems/arguments with their spouse that sometimes they fall behind in school. Is she worried that while he's off at college, he may become interested in someone else? Or you may do so? Again, that's possible. And in this case, the chances are greater since you two are young, and curiosity creeps into your mind. You start wondering whether the grass is greener elsewhere? Sit down and talk to his mother, talk to her about her concerns. And REALLY take the time to LISTEN and hear what she has to say. You may not like what she's saying but really listen to what's bothering her. If I was his mother, I'd be REALLY worried! Link to post Share on other sites
Zappp Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 well, you got a few things right, neither of us believes in premarital sex and of course i don't want kids out of wedlock, who does? neither of us is the divorce type, and we are difinitely getting married this summer and it's not like his mother totally disapproves she is just worried. Well , I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 3 years now , and we have always been serious , and I think she wants to marry me , but I'm not so sure , because we alwasy have the same old petty arguments , and I don't know if I could live with that , because then you know its not so easy to get up and go ya know?, you kinda gotta sit there and take it. LOL. Anyways , I want to marry her because I do love her more than anything , but there is a lot of things that I don't want to sacrifice , so remember that if you do get married , you will have to sacrifice a lot of things , like not spending to much time with your friends and spending more time with your "husband/wife" so you see marriage isn't what people think it is, thats why a lot of them fail. Most people say marriage is a 50 , 50 way , no it should be 100 100, (hope your getting all this) So remember Michelle I hope that you know what you are doing here. If this is your first love then I wouldnt hold my breath because more than 85% of peoples first loves dont last , I think you should explore with more people , and live your life beside getting married at a young age, wait till your 25 or something , most people I talk to say they wished that they waited longer , because nobody wants to grow up fast , all adults will tell you they wish they were a kid again. Anyhow , if you really love the guy and you will feel it in your heart , and if you really wanted to marry him , you would have other wise you wouldn't be on here asking for advice , think about it. Well Good Luck! Regards , Zappp ---- Link to post Share on other sites
Yumi Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 Personally, I don't see a problem... but I'm probably the only one here. My parents got married young and they'er fine, so I guess I have this mindset that getting married at 19 is normal... in any case, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage affords you a greater level of closeness, and the chance to be together in ALL matters, not just at times when you're out on a date... of course, you DO need ot be sure that you're prepared to pay the bills, etc, but being young has nothing to do with that... there are 30-year-olds who couldnt support a family... only you know if your situation is appropriate, so do consider it carefully. As far as parental approval... the only thing I can think of is this: get married, manage responsibly, don't ask either of your parents for help, if either or both of you is in school (As it sounds like you want to be) make sure your grades stay at whatever level is expeected of you... basically, show her that you can be mature about it, and she will have no choice but to admit that you made things work. Especially if she doesn't have another reason to dislike you, showing her that the two of you can function as a married couple should make her realise how capable you are... but please remember that it won't be easy. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted February 2, 2001 Share Posted February 2, 2001 Hey I totally agree with the people who say a long engagement till u two graduate is the way to go I'm no expert but lemme tell you what happened to my friend: Her name is Anna. She came to Canada after her bf moved here with his family, and after soem time they got married so that she could live here legally (that's why they didn't wait longer. they didn't want to be apart, and she couldn't pay the foreign student tuition anymore) SO they got married. Happy. They're a REALLY good couple. AFter a few months she calls me up... OOPS she's pregnant! Anyway, the kid is 1 year old now. They're both in 2nd year university. She loves her husband and the kid to death but she calls every now and then and cries to me... because she has to stay home with the kid, because her marks have never been as low as now, because she has never been in a worse financial situation (they rent an apartment, but there's also tuition, they have probs even though parents help), that she has NO time to go out with her girl-friends, etc She's 20 soon. She's totally losing her youth... DO u know what i mean? It's a great family, i believe they will get thru the difficulties and be okay, but how much better and easier would it be if they got married ,say, 4 years later........ keep it mind they basically HAD to marry in order to keep each other. Do U have a reason like that?? Think. Love blinds you. Be rational for a moment. That's it. Just wanted to tell u this story... u can ask for more details if you want... - JustAGirl Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 well, actually i do kind of have a reason like that, my parents would never in a million years let me move to the east for college and i miss him so much. i know we could make it even if we stay apart but he proposed to me and now that we'll be married i can move with him to the east and we can be together. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Your parents choose for u to get married over simply letting u go east for college??? Make it a choice like that. East or marriage (so east anyway). I'm sure they'll let u go... Just my opinion. I dunna yr family, o'cours.e well, actually i do kind of have a reason like that, my parents would never in a million years let me move to the east for college and i miss him so much. i know we could make it even if we stay apart but he proposed to me and now that we'll be married i can move with him to the east and we can be together. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 no, trust me they won't let. but, if i'm getting married then of course they're gonna let me move with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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