is there such a thing as "only good enough for sex but not for dating"?

[Revolver]

I thing you have already figured it out. Guys will have sex with women who are 2 or maybe 3 points below them on the 10 point scale, but they will generally get in relationships with women at their level or above. Conversely, women are able to pretty easily have sex with men 2 or 3 points higher than them on the 10 point scale, but have trouble turning that into a relationship.

 

Dating near your level (and knowing what that is) will increase your chances of getting into a relationship.

 

Thread should've stopped here

[d0nnivain]

h0000

 

I wasn't trying to judge you when I asked if you seek dates at places other than clubs. I like clubs. I had tons of fun in them when I was your age.

 

I also agree with you that you can get some satisfaction by occasionally indulging in casual sex while searching for a relationship. There are some folks who think that if you do that you are damaged goods. They are entitled to their opinion but your divergent opinions on the subject make you two incompatible for a relationship. So what if you have now eliminated from your dating pool a small group of people whose opinions differ from yours?

 

The fact that you say you derive much of your self esteem from external sources worries me. Yes, the validation you can get from having a man flirt with you or even pick you up can be uplifting but it's not long term. True self esteem has to come from within. Work on that.

 

When you meet the guys who you think have relationship potential but who still turn out to only want sex, is it possible that you are either misinterpreting their intentions or are you unconsciously doing something to signal that you aren't relationship material? Is it at all possible that you give even the slightest desperate vibe? Have you asked your close friends for any feedback? It may hurt to hear but they could give you insights that we can't.

[man_in_the_box]

and plus most guys I meet arent in my social circle.

 

Ok...? So they are just random people? You are pursuing guys outside of the club scene right?

[RedRobin]

I probably need some pep talk..I don't know if i secretly make guys have their tongues out but my self esteem is starting to get distorted. It's a problem..I form my self esteem heavily on how others think of me and worst part is I believe their opinions matter more cuz if only I think I'm awesome then I'm probably delusional.

sometimes I'm boosted other times I think every girl is beautiful and I'm the ugliest..

I want to change it so badly..but I just can't reach the stage that I feel confident from within..

 

 

The first step is learning how to evaluate men on THEIR merits... not necessarily worrying if you are meeting theirs other than the basics of honesty and integrity.

 

 

Also, everyone looking for a relationship needs to be a person whose words and actions line up. Yours currently are not. No matter what your preferred sex/relationship style is... most people who are looking for a relationship want to know what they are dealing with up front. They are looking for consistency.

 

 

It's why you keep ending up with the flakes and users. If you can't define what you want... you can't expect others to give it to you or define it for you.

 

 

Anyway, you don't have anything to be ashamed about or feel bad about. This is obviously a learning process for you. I'd argue that you are pretty fortunate if the worst that has happened to you picking up guys at bars is a relationship dead end. Seriously. Now, go out and get some hobbies... develop some friendships. You need something else to focus on than the ever changing whims of these boys you come across.

 

 

Grumpybutfun had some good advice on not internalizing other's choices. Once you get clearer on yours, you'll have a much easier time sorting them out.

[janedoe67]

lol

We won't die for having sex either.

 

Masturbation is fine but having a real partner is also fun. Also I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell us how we should have orgasms.

Thanks.

 

Hey, I have no problem with sex. I think it's great, and I don't understand people who pooh pooh it (especially married people).

 

I just think if you're gonna pick up random people every time you get an itch, you can't then turn around and complain that the people you pick up only want casual sex.

 

BTW, I didn't tell anyone how to orgasm. Just gave them an option in case they were tired of picking up random people.

[h0000]

Ok...? So they are just random people? You are pursuing guys outside of the club scene right?

 

Hey, I have no problem with sex. I think it's great, and I don't understand people who pooh pooh it (especially married people).

 

I just think if you're gonna pick up random people every time you get an itch, you can't then turn around and complain that the people you pick up only want casual sex.

 

BTW, I didn't tell anyone how to orgasm. Just gave them an option in case they were tired of picking up random people.

 

I said people outside of my social circle I didn't say they are completely random. For example I meet guys through company balls and some of them are from different department who I haven never seen. Some of them don't even work within the same company.

Seriously people everyone you date is someone you know?! Otherwise they must be from clubs? that's just bizarre to me.

[h0000]

h0000

 

I wasn't trying to judge you when I asked if you seek dates at places other than clubs. I like clubs. I had tons of fun in them when I was your age.

 

I also agree with you that you can get some satisfaction by occasionally indulging in casual sex while searching for a relationship. There are some folks who think that if you do that you are damaged goods. They are entitled to their opinion but your divergent opinions on the subject make you two incompatible for a relationship. So what if you have now eliminated from your dating pool a small group of people whose opinions differ from yours?

 

The fact that you say you derive much of your self esteem from external sources worries me. Yes, the validation you can get from having a man flirt with you or even pick you up can be uplifting but it's not long term. True self esteem has to come from within. Work on that.

 

When you meet the guys who you think have relationship potential but who still turn out to only want sex, is it possible that you are either misinterpreting their intentions or are you unconsciously doing something to signal that you aren't relationship material? Is it at all possible that you give even the slightest desperate vibe? Have you asked your close friends for any feedback? It may hurt to hear but they could give you insights that we can't.

 

The most recent guy who I thought was relationship potential just disappeared after two dates haha..If really it was me, and if he was really decent he would have at least said goodbye first.

My friends aren't very helpful. All they say is " you are amazing.What's wrong with those guys? Don't worry you will meet that special one" blah blah blah..

[ktya]

Only low class men act like you describe. Good looking or not good looking, of any age.

 

 

That's why I advise women who are looking for a relationship to simply dump guys who push for early sex.

 

 

High class men don't do it... and as far as choosing to wait until their are older. I dunno about that either. The best and most successful men I've met or know of, got married to women they met in college or not long after.

 

Wow you have no idea how it works from a man's perspective girl.

 

Lets make a word problem.

 

Joe is dating 2 girls and has had sex with both of them. Joe meets a new girl and goes on two dates with her and does not have sex with her. All girls are smart, funny, and have good jobs. Which girl does Joe call first to set up a date?

[joystickd]

Men and women tend to put the opposite sex into categories. Men its:

1. women I just want to have sex with

2. Women I want to have a relationship with

 

Physical attraction is the same requirement for both, but the feeling isn't there. A woman he has sex with lacks attributes that he would be able to deem her relationship material. In a sense it's no different than friendzoning a guy because you are seen as not being relationship material.

[joystickd]

I agree! And honestly' date=' if that were my decision, to not hop in the sack right away, I would hope that the guy would respect that. If he couldn't, then he can go do what he wants...without me.[/quote']

There are some guys that would play the role and wait but not really be interested in a relationship.

[KathyM]

I agree! And honestly' date=' if that were my decision, to not hop in the sack right away, I would hope that the guy would respect that. If he couldn't, then he can go do what he wants...without me.[/quote']

There are plenty of guys who would respect your decision to wait, and are interested in a relationship. You just have to weed out the users and the losers to find them. Holding off on sex is a good way to weed out the pumpers and dumpers, the users and losers.