Ageing in-Laws

[luvmyl00ny2ns]

My H's parents spent a few days with us recently. They are both getting on, and they brought their dog with them who is also rather elderly. We love having them, and have created a guest suite downstairs for them so that they don't have to struggle with the stairs.

 

They have very set routines at home, and they are very different to ours. When they come here we try to accommodate them as much as we can but some things are just very different. My MIL is always fussing about at home making tea for everyone and here my H and I take care of that. Our kitchen surfaces are higher and she cannot reach things comfortably and last time she tried to make tea she dropped the kettle and nearly scalded herself. So she sits about and feels useless. We try to find little tasks for her to do but there isn't really anything she can do because of her frailty and her arthritis and her mobility issues, and now she is also starting to suffer from senile dementia and keeps getting confused about what she is doing or where she is.

 

My FIL also likes to keep busy and usually looks for chores outside and the dog follows him everywhere. She is a very big, very hairy dog who sheds everywhere (my H is badly allergic) and as it has been so wet here the garden is waterlogged and of course the dog was tracking in mud all over the cream carpets my H had just steam cleaned and he was struggling to bite his tongue. (With my MIL's dementia, my FIL has been turning more and more to the dog for companionship and the dog can do no wrong in his eyes.) Also the dog is getting old and several times wet herself - twice on the carpets. And she are something dead or decaying from the compost heap and threw up inside.

 

They are lovely people and we are very close, but it is hard seeing them getting old and slipping away, and it is hard for them to feel "at home" here if they feel they are not being useful. We love having them but short of redesigning our entire home it is hard to know how we can meet their changing needs to feel they are still useful - when we just want them to relax a little and enjoy themselves.

 

They live four hours' drive away so we really appreciate them making the effort to come and stay but we need to find a way to make it better for all of us, especially as they will only get older and things will get more difficult for them.