I feel lame and 'Uncool' around rock n roll dudes....

[Company & Camco]

Thanks for your Help....

 

I'm 25 and I don't really drink or I don't smoke. I'm in a band and we tour around

and hang out with other bands, do tours together, so a lot of shows for fun, I go to school and

work a job. I live alone and have an awesome girlfriend.

 

My problem is...I'm a cool guy, down to earth, easy going, like to dress

hip and in my own style...Don't have tons of friends, but a few good ones.

Whenever I hang with the guys in my band or we go on a tour and hang with

other bands, I never know what to say. I'm not a football loving, beer drinkin',

"bro" kinda guy. So I end up being a bit made fun of or get all the "Scott's

in his own world, he's a strange one" kinda comments.

 

I'm not seen as cool because I don't talk about 'screwing chicks' nor do I get

s***faced with the boys at the bar after the show. Yet, the other guys

can strike up conversations and be buddy buddy with the dudes in the other

bands, exchanging phone numbers to hang out later on and what not.

 

Anyway, I just feel out of place and it bugs me. I don't and want to & will Not become a

party animal to just to 'fit in'... But I just want to be able to hang with the crew

and not be considered lame. Since I don't drink or smoke, the guys just automatically

assume that I'm a prude and 'haven't been around the block' or i'm a 'momma's boy'

or 'squeeky clean' right off the bat...And then I notice that as much as I try to joke and

pal around in my own way, it's the other dudes in my band that get the calls or

that are remembered.

 

Do I need to be more outgoing? Maybe I need to come out of My shell a bit more.... I mean

I am a tad quiet, but respected as a musician and My band buddies do compliment my

Straight Edge-ness and responsibility and loyalty to the band. They'd never want to

lose me, yet, I just feel UN COOL.

[moimeme]

Well, I have always thought it was bogus that enjoying getting drunk, being loud and stupid, and doing drugs and sleeping around defined 'cool'. To me, there isn't thing one that's 'cool' about that sort of behaviour. It's just boring.

 

It's unfortunate that your peeps feel they need to belittle you for being not like them. There's not a lot you can do about that unless you have another hidden talent that might win their respect, like being very funny or being a judo champ or something.

 

You could try talking to them and asking them to lay off the snark, but I doubt it'll work.

 

In the end you might just have to contend with being the 'different one' and know that it's their loss for not recognizing your good points.

[Beth]

Try to find some other common ground to talk about. Start or steer a conversation toward music and musicians and focus on that. If others talk about all their 'women' or 'hot chicks' pitch in and talk about how lucky you are to have an awesome girlfriend. Even people in committed relationships can tell some good dirty jokes -- maybe learn some new jokes and learn how to tell them and that will help everyone relax with you. You might be able to find some commonalities in relationship issues and end up being the one who is respected and known as the guy others can talk to seriously. That's not such a bad thing, and if you can relate your own dating experiences to theirs (dating experiences, not sex unless you and your gf are comfortable with you talking about intimate details) that could be kinda cool too! Since you don't drink, you can still party and be the designated driver sometimes. As everyone grows and matures you might find that respect goes a lot farther than 'cool' in all of your relationships.

 

Being comfortable with yourself is a key ingredient in being popular and being accepted. If others sense that you feel out of place, they will tend to keep you there because they don't know how to talk with you either.