Author Lookin4awayout Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 Lookin: You failed to mention that you had slept with the man. I can see why you felt compelled to respond to this woman. You gave the impression that you only talked to him online or saw him once, but had not been intimate. (of course this is your business however). But you left out a lot of details. I hope that you get out of this mess very quickly. It seems like you have pooped and stepped in it. I would run far away from him and her. Good luck to you! To be honest with you, I guess I just didn't see a reason to mention here that I had slept with him. Does it really make a difference in the grand scheme of things? It wouldn't make him any less of a cheater if we HADN'T slept together. He was/is still on the prowl looking for ass on the side from unknowing women. Link to post Share on other sites
uneek74 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Lookin: It would have changed my response to you, if you had stated that in the original post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Truthfully, I didn't know you had slept with him, either. That is quite a difference from just "hanging out" which is what you did in your original post. But, it wouldn't change my answer to you. Just take care of yourself now. BW doesn't have your best interests in mind and obviously, neither does he. Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah, sure whatever. I'm in a small town and you can file a report, get the paper trail started, but they probably wouldn't create a task force. Not all police departments are the same. Many police departments have a "turn no potential victim away" policy which requires them to take the report...doesnt mean it goes anywhere...except maybe passed around for a chuckle... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 It would be great if this kind of thing was rare but it isn't. I have done online dating and have encountered MANY men who lie and say they are divorced, separated, etc when they are not. The most recent one was someone I dated a couple of times and then ran into him and his wife in a department store. That was fun. Don't waste any time over it, but keep in mind that this is not rare and conduct yourself accordingly.... Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 U handled the situation brilliantly but I think u should tell her the truth... imagine if u were in her shoes... she's desperate to know the truth and we all know how that feels... put her out of her misery.. x Sorry this happened to u x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yes I picked up from her very quickly that she is manipulative and judgmental. Like her trying to get me to send her a screen shot..like uh I'm not doing your investigative work for you.. Not to make this about her, but again: she's just found out her husband's cheated on her. I don't think it's manipulative and judgmental to ask the person who slept with him questions. Angry, hurt, looking for answers, etc....yes. But I think you're making this too much about her personality and not considering the circumstances she's asking these questions under. If that's the standard, then ALL BS's are judgmental and manipulative. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 It would be great if this kind of thing was rare but it isn't. I have done online dating and have encountered MANY men who lie and say they are divorced, separated, etc when they are not. The most recent one was someone I dated a couple of times and then ran into him and his wife in a department store. That was fun. Don't waste any time over it, but keep in mind that this is not rare and conduct yourself accordingly.... A friend of mine was involved with someone she met online. Every bit of information he gave her checked out down to the apartment he lived in. A few months down the line and she was at a movie and sat almost directly behind he and his W. You are so very correct it's not rare. OP I think you've done the right thing straight through. I also agree that it doesn't matter in the least if you slept with him. He was cheating on her by trawling through dating sites. That would have been enough for me to tell him to take a hike. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 So..long story short I met a man on a dating site, we talked for a bit ..of course he gave no indication of being married or in a relationship. Now granted, I'm not looking for anything serious right now so I wasn't really digging for info on what his level of commitment would be to a woman. We just kept it friendly. Anyway..about a week after we hung out, I get a text from his phone from someone stating they were his wife..of course I was stunned. At this point that was all of the info I needed and I deleted and blocked his number immediately from my phone as I'm just not into dating another woman's man. Well she then text me from HER phone with some expletives..I also at that point just blocked and deleted her number as well. Well I was a bit shaken up, but left it alone. THEN about a week later, I for some reason decided to check my "other" inbox on fb..and sure enough I had an message from who I suspected was his wife! I have no idea how she found me to be quite honest with you. Her message only says "hi". I've yet to respond, because I really don't want to get involved..I mean I had NO idea he was married and as soon as I found out it was a done deal for me. I guess I'm wondering what she's expecting to accomplish by talking to me. Am I doing the right thing by not responding to it? I just don't want to have to deal with misplaced anger you know? I also don't like drama of any kind. If it were me I wouldn't want the details of what's going on..the knowledge of knowing he is a cheater would be enough for me to take action..but I guess I'm different. I would simply respond and explain that I had no clue and tell her what you told us. It's possible that that may be enough to stop her from searching high and low for you, as perhaps in her mind you blocking and ignoring is read as you're guilty so she is even more persistent to find out about you and your relationship with her husband, whereas explaining you went on one date and didn't know he was married and want nothing to do with him, might be enough. If after that she still wants further info or contact then you can go right ahead and ignore. You're not obligated to speak with her; however, for the sake of possibly allowing this to die down sooner, it may help to respond with a message explaining the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 In the past several years I've been getting a background report on any men I intend to date - for a small fee and a lot of peace of mind I can find out what I need to know before considering becoming interested/invested in a man. More than half of the me that asked me out were married, some with criminal history. Yet they posed as single and appeared to have a lot to offer. Small fee = totally worth it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 In the past several years I've been getting a background report on any men I intend to date - for a small fee and a lot of peace of mind I can find out what I need to know before considering becoming interested/invested in a man. More than half of the me that asked me out were married, some with criminal history. Yet they posed as single and appeared to have a lot to offer. Small fee = totally worth it! I am to that point as well. I'm just tired of surprises and having my time wasted. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts