Standard-Fare Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I'd love other women to chime in here. Can we agree that having a guy ask you "Can I kiss you?" is simply not attractive or compelling? I think a lot of guys assume this is polite and respectful, or even romantic. But in my book it completely robs the first-kiss experience of any legitimate passion and puts the guy more into "friend zone." I've been hanging out with a male friend recently and because we get along so well, have wondered a few times if there could be anything more between us. But he basically killed that with the "Can I kiss you?" question -- after waiting nearly three hours of sitting close to me on a couch in a darkened room. I actually did kiss him, but it was lame and passionless and I won't be repeating it. Friend Zone for sure! So, men: If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her. If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue. That's my take. Any other opinions? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 If she lets out a little fart during an intense moment then that means she wants you to kiss her immediately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Ahh OP I agree completely! What a turn off! BUT! I have to say, that question HAS saved me from an awkward situation!! Namely, a guy I had no interest in asked if he could kiss me! I said no! So that was good! But in any other situation... yeah... horrible thing to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 A girl I knew in high school once asked a guy if his lips were clean when he went in for a kiss. Personally, I'll probably be the guy who says "can I kiss you" whenever I get my first kiss. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Trust me... its just as bad when a woman does it. She paused our drunken game of Gauntlet : dark legacy, and said " so can I kiss you now? " There was no moment, spark, romance, or excitement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 I guess the big point is: If you're doubting yourself enough where you'd have to ask this question rather than just straight-up going for it, the answer is already no, you cannot kiss her. But even if you're just doubting yourself due to low self-esteem -- no one finds that attractive, so we circle back to the original conclusion: No, you cannot kiss her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 Trust me... its just as bad when a woman does it. She paused our drunken game of Gauntlet : dark legacy, and said " so can I kiss you now? " There was no moment, spark, romance, or excitement. P.S. Dude just giving you a hard time here, but if you actually found a woman to play "Gauntlet: Dark Legacy" with you, the mistake was yours if you didn't let her kiss you. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yup. It's better to risk her wrath and kiss her when she doesn't want it, than to ask if you can kiss her, when she actually does. I'll never forget my most recent first kiss Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 P.S. Dude just giving you a hard time here, but if you actually found a woman to play "Gauntlet: Dark Legacy" with you, the mistake was yours if you didn't let her kiss you. I still kissed her. This girl is still completely in love with me. She's very sweet and innocent but borderline asexual. She's a great girl, but doesn't spark enough passion in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Oh man, this brings back such memories. When I was in high school, I went over to one of my buddies house before a football game and his mom makes him go to the basement to do some laundry. She walks up to me really slow, and puts her hand on my chest and whispers, "Darling, can I kiss you?" I am all like, "Sure, Mrs. Gundersen." Hey, I thought she was going to be all motherly and kiss me and hug me like mothers do. Well, she kissed me so hard she pushed me into a wall. Her breasts were in my hands when my buddy came back. My wife asked me if I was so polite in high school I didn't know it was okay to say no. G 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'd love other women to chime in here. Can we agree that having a guy ask you "Can I kiss you?" is simply not attractive or compelling? I think a lot of guys assume this is polite and respectful, or even romantic. But in my book it completely robs the first-kiss experience of any legitimate passion and puts the guy more into "friend zone." I've been hanging out with a male friend recently and because we get along so well, have wondered a few times if there could be anything more between us. But he basically killed that with the "Can I kiss you?" question -- after waiting nearly three hours of sitting close to me on a couch in a darkened room. I actually did kiss him, but it was lame and passionless and I won't be repeating it. Friend Zone for sure! So, men: If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her. If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue. That's my take. Any other opinions? That's me right there with my first gf and "kiss", i probably caught the signals but i wasn't sure if to just go for it, by the time i DID do it, it was to late and she lost all interest. She like did a "mhm" sound when i did it, not pleased i reckon ^^. I steal beat myself over it every time i remember, what a failure. Not to mention that it's the only time i ever kissed someone. So yeah i guess it is a turn-off, living proof right here xD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 Unless you're totally clueless and overstepping your bounds, no one's going to "scream bloody murder" or charge for sexual harassment over an unwanted kiss. We're talking here only about circumstances where two people might naturally be inclined to kiss, and one person is doubting themself on whether to initiate. In those situations, better to try and fail -- if it's unwanted, the receiver will make that known. (Unless they're a teenage boy being cougared by a friend's man, apparently.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 yeah right. god knows when she naturally wants a kiss. her body language is totally impossible to understand. maybe females should get so offended when they don't want to be kissed. your all impossible to read. No, we're not. We're actually quite clear. And if we do WANT a kiss you'll know. Maybe the fact that you can't read people is what's hindering you... Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 yeah right. god knows when she naturally wants a kiss. her body language is totally impossible to understand. maybe females should get so offended when they don't want to be kissed. your all impossible to read. I don't know, when a guy complains about women's body language being difccult or "impossible" to understand, I've found the issue usually isn't that she's not being clear enough with her signals. If you're in an intimate setting and a woman is hoping, or at least open to being kissed, she'll be quite clear. I've seen women do practically everything short of setting off an emergency beacon to send "signals" only to be ignored... Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 it's because you females aren't clear. your ultra sutle hints and just readable by other females. never know what you all want but your always angry that we can't read your minds. I'm not a mind reader. :rolleyes: This is where you're wrong... It's not just readable by other females. Most men pick up on our not so subtle cues. Most women don't act like men are mind readers. We make our intentions quite clear. Apart from that one guy who asked me if he could kiss me (where I thought I had given no hints at all that I was interested, since I wasn't), most guys that I have been interested in picked up on it and acted accordingly. Just as an example, not long ago, I was working with this guy. I thought he was really sexy! I was subtle in my interest, but not so much that he wouldn't notice it. He did, almost straight away and things developed from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'm actually on the other side. I don't mind at all a man asking if he can kiss me. I actually find it very sweet and appealing and it doesn't ruin anything for me. Probably makes me think more highly of them that they wouldn't just "assume" and be more of a gentleman about it. I've had enough guys misread the signals. One guy was a bad first date that I had no interest in seeing again. I tried to be nice and went in to give him a hug before I left, and he grabbed my face and proceeded to shove his tongue down my throat. It was pretty disgusting and I couldn't pull away quick enough. Another one was a bad first date that did the same thing except I was in the middle of a sentence and not even looking at him. For me personally, the more restraint a man has in the beginning stages, the more appealing he is to me. During the first date with my guy, he had SEVERAL opportunities to kiss me, but I could see him holding back each time because he was afraid to mess things up. By the end of the date, I just wanted to eat him up with kisses! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Even when I was a virgin I knew better than to ask. Very nice instructional thread. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Some years ago, I'd probably say "no!". But now, I'd actually think of it as naively sweet and refreshing. I wouldn't reply anything though, I'd just kiss him. If the first kiss is not a bit nervous and awkward, then it's not as tasty. There has to be some self-consciousness involved, some amount of stress, some anxiety (gone after the kiss of course). Call me weird if you may, but I think it's irressistible when someone gets anxious around me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne08 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 In my experiences, I've always just gone in for the kiss with her. I figure it like this: if I misread the signals and she doesn't have any interest, I'm going to know that immediately when I go in for the kiss. Asking, "Can I kiss you?" seems awkward to me. I have a related question for the ladies primarily, but everyone can chime in. I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Since we're talking about moving from friends to lovers, would you prefer that a guy you're friends with make a move on you (by going for a kiss or whatnot) or that he come out and tell you he has feelings for you beyond friendship? Does him telling you about his feelings kill the attraction like asking for a kiss does? I'd love to hear opinions on this. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her. If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue. And yet when people get all comfy in a relationship, they do the equivalent of this with: "Honey, can we have sex now?"...Then they wonder why there is no mystery haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 I have a related question for the ladies primarily, but everyone can chime in. I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Since we're talking about moving from friends to lovers, would you prefer that a guy you're friends with make a move on you (by going for a kiss or whatnot) or that he come out and tell you he has feelings for you beyond friendship? Does him telling you about his feelings kill the attraction like asking for a kiss does? I'd love to hear opinions on this. For me, yeah, you don't TALK about this stuff -- you just do it. Twice I've had longtime male friends confess to me, years into the friendship, that they've harbored romantic feelings for me. In both cases they did so through IMs online. So we were already in a position where we had no option for any physical intimacy... they were obviously wanting to "analyze and discuss." Big turnoff for me. For one, it seems pretty cowardly to hide behind words in this type of situation. Sure, you have the balls to talk about this on IM, but what about making a move in person? It even made me doubt their authenticity, because... why wouldn't have something happened between us already after years of knowing each other? Why has this come to an online discussion? Also, making a move in person would have demanded a more honest, immediate response from me -- while online I did a lot of hemming and hawing. And in both cases, it was super awkward when I saw the guy in person at whatever point afterwards -- because guess what, neither of them had the balls to follow up on their romantic confessions. In one case, the guy wanted to "talk things out" more with me... in the other, the guy didn't even have the courage to bring up the topic! These are guys with ZERO game, and no, it is not appealing. Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) What can u do some people have no game, i don't have any whatsoever . No ideea how this works, like i was born yesterday. With that girl whom i kissed for the very first time, her initial reaction was bad, idk how else to interpret the "meh". So when we parted ways, i didn't go for another kiss, i just dug my grave while hugging her close. "I guess the lips are off-limits eh?"<--i said this because of her initial response to my first kiss wich i thought was okay...like she gave me the signal, i think...so this time i figured i'd ask ^^. So she replied by shaking her head "no, it's off limits". So i just kissed her on the forehead and went bbye xD. This is as far as i've ever got with someone , and i probably killed it when i asked. In fact i know i did, she kinda told me later, wanted me to just go for it ^^. Edited March 18, 2014 by FrostBlaze Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Just as an example, not long ago, I was working with this guy. I thought he was really sexy! I was subtle in my interest, but not so much that he wouldn't notice it. He did, almost straight away and things developed from there. See, I failed at this! haha. Whenever I had interest in a guy, they NEVER picked up on it, haha. Asking for the kiss: Yes it's polite, but yes, it will make the moment way less special. I actually ruined mine and my boyfriends first kiss. We were in a bookstore browsing books, he suddenly turned around, grabbed my face, and pulled me in until our lips were only millimeters apart. Apparently he expected me to close the space, so he waited there. I had NO IDEA that's what he was expecting, so when he stopped I was thinking "what???" - quite confused. I just stood there frozen haha. He said "WOW" and pulled away, went back to book browsing. I immediately said "No. Get over here." grabbed his face, pulled him in, and kissed him properly. He still laughs sometimes though about my first kiss fail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Many many men are horrible at reading a woman's signals. For those guys, going for the first kiss is just a shot in the dark and all they can do is hope the girl will reciprocate. If a woman wants to be kissed, really the only thing she can do is be friendly and affectionate during the date so the guy will have no doubt that you like him. Aside from puckering your lips, most men won't understand a kiss me signal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 And yet when people get all comfy in a relationship, they do the equivalent of this with: "Honey, can we have sex now?"...Then they wonder why there is no mystery haha. The smart man never asks his wife for sex, either, and for much the same reason described in this thread. Took me a little trial and error to figure that out, though. And I'm not saying that a husband shouldn't take no for an answer, because of course he should. Just that the question itself should remain unspoken. Link to post Share on other sites
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