"Can I kiss you?"

[Standard-Fare]

Figuring out when you have the green light for a first kiss really isn't that hard.

 

First, the girl/woman will allow herself to be in a position close to you where you have full access for the kiss. For example, sitting on a couch right next to you, or standing with her face in front of yours. (If she had no desire for a kiss at all, she wouldn't let herself be in that position to begin with, trust me.)

 

Second, there'll be a point where she gets even closer to you or establishes direct contact (i.e. hand brushing your arm or leg) to give you more of a clear go-ahead.

 

Then there needs to be eye contact. Your eyes will meet. You WILL see some kind of glimmer in there if she wants to be kissed. Even if it's just like a "What the hell, I guess we'll go for this."

 

A girl who plays major mind games for sport might let you get up to the fringes of Step 2 without following through, but Step 3 doesn't happen without intent.

[Phoe]

First, the girl/woman will allow herself to be in a position close to you where you have full access for the kiss. For example, sitting on a couch right next to you

 

Welp, let me be sure to never sit on a couch next to a man ever again, lest he think it's an invitation to kiss me. -___-

[Keenly]

Many many men are horrible at reading a woman's signals.

 

For those guys, going for the first kiss is just a shot in the dark and all they can do is hope the girl will reciprocate.

 

If a woman wants to be kissed, really the only thing she can do is be friendly and affectionate during the date so the guy will have no doubt that you like him. Aside from puckering your lips, most men won't understand a kiss me signal.

 

Women have all kinds of tiny signals.

 

She will play with her hair. She will look at your lips. She will position herself close to you.

 

 

Its not super obvious, but if you pay attention, the signs are there.

[Keenly]

Welp, let me be sure to never sit on a couch next to a man ever again, lest he think it's an invitation to kiss me. -___-

 

I think he means if there is a whole couch, and she sits RIGHT next to you, as opposed to the other side, its one of the signs.

[somedude81]

Women have all kinds of tiny signals.

 

She will play with her hair. She will look at your lips. She will position herself close to you.

 

 

Its not super obvious, but if you pay attention, the signs are there.

If I'm on a date with a girl and we're doing stuff, walking around, going places, there is a very big chance that none of those will happen, or if they did, I wouldn't notice.

 

The last girl I had a first kiss with, really wanted me to kiss her and I didn't have a clue. I just went for it and the risk paid off.

[Phantom888]

I did it differently, and luckily I did them correctly with the right women. I went on many 1st dates, and I always kiss on the 1st date. Up until recently, I always asked, "can I kiss you?" and the women all thought I was respectful and charming. I guess it was the way I asked, and the fact they already liked me a lot at that point. If I sensed any disinterest, I wouldn't even ask.

 

But the last 2 people I went on a date with, including my fiancee, I just swooped in for the kiss because I couldn't wait. The week before I met my fiancee, I went on a date with a young, pretty, busty teacher. I was very sexually attracted to her, so after dinner, we got in my car and I went for the kiss. We ended up kissing for almost an hour, and she showed me her tattoos. She wanted me to come up to her place (implying sex), but I declined. I told her I wanted to get to know her better. Then she said, next date we WILL end up at her place, which was set to be a week later.

 

Then I met my fiancee, and I was completely smitten. I went for the kiss after dinner and she kissed me back passionately. We made out in the car for a good 90 minutes. She said she wanted to wait to have sex with me, because she feels this is something really special and don't want me to think lowly of her. I agreed. Later she told me she was SO GLAD I didn't ask to kiss her, because she liked the way I was aggressive and took charge. If I had asked, she would have been turned off. Wow! That was a close call!

[Rainbowx]

My current boyfriend, when it first happened all the signs were probably there from me, but he didn't ask me, he TOLD me he was going to kiss me and then he did it. Something along the lines of "I'm going to kiss you now", and I thought it was hot!

[David87]

I'd love other women to chime in here. Can we agree that having a guy ask you "Can I kiss you?" is simply not attractive or compelling?

 

I think a lot of guys assume this is polite and respectful, or even romantic. But in my book it completely robs the first-kiss experience of any legitimate passion and puts the guy more into "friend zone."

 

I've been hanging out with a male friend recently and because we get along so well, have wondered a few times if there could be anything more between us. But he basically killed that with the "Can I kiss you?" question -- after waiting nearly three hours of sitting close to me on a couch in a darkened room. I actually did kiss him, but it was lame and passionless and I won't be repeating it. Friend Zone for sure!

 

So, men:

 

If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her.

 

If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue.

 

That's my take. Any other opinions?

 

Wow there's still guys out there who ask this stupid question. This should come naturally, as you said the woman looks at you a certain way, thats when you go fore it.

 

He waited 3 hours on a couch with a beautiful woman in a darkened room .....no wonder he got friend zoned.

[BJP56]

I'd love other women to chime in here. Can we agree that having a guy ask you "Can I kiss you?" is simply not attractive or compelling?

 

I think a lot of guys assume this is polite and respectful, or even romantic. But in my book it completely robs the first-kiss experience of any legitimate passion and puts the guy more into "friend zone."

 

I've been hanging out with a male friend recently and because we get along so well, have wondered a few times if there could be anything more between us. But he basically killed that with the "Can I kiss you?" question -- after waiting nearly three hours of sitting close to me on a couch in a darkened room. I actually did kiss him, but it was lame and passionless and I won't be repeating it. Friend Zone for sure!

 

So, men:

 

If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her.

 

If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue.

 

That's my take. Any other opinions?

 

Here is my take on it......

 

I dont assume, I ask. Making any kind of a pass no matter how harmless can turn into something unwanted in hurry.

[Chalkdust89]

Nobody has asked to kiss me since 7th grade, when my "boyfriend" tapped me on the shoulder in the movie theater and said, "do you want to kiss?" and tried to use tongue. If someone asked me today, I'm not sure I would be able to hold off an eye roll.

 

I do get similar questions on OLD that annoy me, though. "Hello. May I introduce myself?" Just DO it!

[topaMAXX]

I'd love other women to chime in here. Can we agree that having a guy ask you "Can I kiss you?" is simply not attractive or compelling?

 

I think a lot of guys assume this is polite and respectful, or even romantic. But in my book it completely robs the first-kiss experience of any legitimate passion and puts the guy more into "friend zone."

 

I've been hanging out with a male friend recently and because we get along so well, have wondered a few times if there could be anything more between us. But he basically killed that with the "Can I kiss you?" question -- after waiting nearly three hours of sitting close to me on a couch in a darkened room. I actually did kiss him, but it was lame and passionless and I won't be repeating it. Friend Zone for sure!

 

So, men:

 

If a woman wants you to kiss her, she'll catch your eye and give you a mischievous little flash of a look that lets you know you can move forward. From there you better seize the moment and swoop in to kiss her.

 

If you hesitate too much and let that moment pass (esp. if you make that mistake multiple times), you'll kill any chance of real chemistry or intrigue.

 

That's my take. Any other opinions?

 

When I was younger and less experienced, I used to say "Would you like to kiss me?"

 

Did that quite a few times. Usually the girl would say yes or I don't know. Worst I ever got was maybe. Then I kissed them and they were all into it.

 

So yeah it worked for me, for sure.

[suladas]

I'm actually on the other side. I don't mind at all a man asking if he can kiss me. I actually find it very sweet and appealing and it doesn't ruin anything for me. Probably makes me think more highly of them that they wouldn't just "assume" and be more of a gentleman about it. I've had enough guys misread the signals.

 

One guy was a bad first date that I had no interest in seeing again. I tried to be nice and went in to give him a hug before I left, and he grabbed my face and proceeded to shove his tongue down my throat. It was pretty disgusting and I couldn't pull away quick enough. Another one was a bad first date that did the same thing except I was in the middle of a sentence and not even looking at him.

 

For me personally, the more restraint a man has in the beginning stages, the more appealing he is to me. During the first date with my guy, he had SEVERAL opportunities to kiss me, but I could see him holding back each time because he was afraid to mess things up. By the end of the date, I just wanted to eat him up with kisses!

 

The waiting has paid off for me to. When she ends up kissing me because she can't wait any longer, it's awesome. I much prefer to just wait a bit longer to make sure, and let her build anticipation. Unless signals were incredibly clear, I wouldn't go for a first date kiss.

 

Signals can be impossible to read. I've been told after "I wanted you to kiss me so bad" and I was totally Never crossed my mind, it was ALL friendly, no touching or anything that would make me think it. Granted, the night she finally kissed me was a first real date and I knew it was coming, I just was nervous and putting it off Even then, didn't notice any signals. It was in the middle of my sentence and I wasn't looking at her either, super hot! Didn't see it coming, i'm talking next thing I know bam her tongue is down my throat. But I guess it's totally different when the kiss is wanted.

 

Every women is going to be different though. But in general, I think waiting a bit longer for a kiss isn't going to hurt.

[suladas]

Some years ago, I'd probably say "no!".

 

But now, I'd actually think of it as naively sweet and refreshing. I wouldn't reply anything though, I'd just kiss him.

 

If the first kiss is not a bit nervous and awkward, then it's not as tasty. There has to be some self-consciousness involved, some amount of stress, some anxiety (gone after the kiss of course). Call me weird if you may, but I think it's irressistible when someone gets anxious around me.

 

Yes! There is nothing hotter then a girl being anxious or nervous, it's such a turn on when they like you so much they get like that.

[Trimmer]

Here is my take on it......

 

I dont assume, I ask. Making any kind of a pass no matter how harmless can turn into something unwanted in hurry.

So you're saying, essentially, that you insist on asking, to make sure you have clearance, instead of ever just going for it? Am I understanding your comment correctly?

[todreaminblue]

a current boyfriend asked for me to kiss him when i met him....he didnt waste time...it wasn't feminine it was confronting and more of a demand, and i do prefer a guy to ask if he can kiss me first......but thats me......which seems to not be in line with what has been said here...i don't find it a turn off...i find it courteous and old school.....deb

[David87]

Yes! There is nothing hotter then a girl being anxious or nervous, it's such a turn on when they like you so much they get like that.

 

I just love it when this happens. That's so hot:)

[David87]

I have to ask since I don't read non verbal cues.

 

Asking a girl if you can kiss her is a huge turnoff, it's like you have no ba**s. Yesterday a dude asked what went wrong, why this girl that he was going out with blew him off. He asked her if he could hold her hand and if he can kiss her....

[todreaminblue]

Asking a girl if you can kiss her is a huge turnoff, it's like you have no ba**s. Yesterday a dude asked what went wrong, why this girl that he was going out with blew him off. He asked her if he could hold her hand and if he can kiss her....

 

 

i think that is sweet.......dont understand the turn off bit unless she wasnt attracted to him in the first place.....deb

[David87]

An unwanted kiss is sexual harassment or worse. Until women stop with excessive sexual harassment claims I'll ask before I kiss. If I ever get the opportunity.

 

Well you dont just kiss the girl like that. She sends you some signals that it's ok to do it. Look her in her eyes and you can tell if it's ok or not.

[thecrucible]

I don't like when guys asks 'cause I am turnedon by taking charge. It depends on the girl. But for some reason I find it kind of creepy.

[David87]

Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Wouldn't you be creeped out more by an unwanted kiss?

 

You don't kiss the girl if she doesn't want to. She gives you plenty of sings when she wants to be kissed.

[GravityMan]

If you're able to tell when someone's angry, or sad, or flirty...then you're capable of sensing when a woman wants to be kissed. It's not hard, and you'd have to be pretty dense to miss it.

 

One of the advantages of confident men is that they seldom second-guess themselves. "Uncertainty" often lessens or kills the moment, for both women and men.

 

Most people figure this out between the ages of 15 and 21.