Spanish translation ?

[Chi townD]

Dude, it's a quote. I means nothing. She KNOWS you blocked her and you happened to see that by chance. Therefore, she's still under the impression that you can't and haven't seen that. Therefore, maybe it wasn't meant for you at all.

[Mr.Pine]

Dude, it's a quote. I means nothing. She KNOWS you blocked her and you happened to see that by chance. Therefore, she's still under the impression that you can't and haven't seen that. Therefore, maybe it wasn't meant for you at all.

 

Chi Town,

 

Like I posted previously, he just THINKS it was meant for him because he is grasping at emotional straws. He's in NC, and his girl hasn't reached out. So, in his cloudy, muddled, depressive state, he thinks that anything with the pronouns "he" or "him" is about him.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I hope no one will be angry with me. I think you should consider calling her, meet her and talk to her a real conversation.

 

This NC doesn't help you much right now. Yes I know the rules but sorry, If after two month it didnt help a bit, why not try something else?

 

Because those who support NC always at any term - What will they say if after 2 years you will still be missing her not over her yet? they will tell you "wait another year" as if we live for ever and years are unlimited resources.

 

If you are stunned by this sentence in spanish, it proves you didnt make any progress. So, call her, meet her. What on earth can possibly happen? what apocalypse are you afraid of?

 

The worst scenario is that you will be in the same spot as now, but I hardly imagine that. Most chances that you will feel a lot better. even if she will treat you like ****, it will help you to move on. One thing I think for sure - Now you have no control of yourself. get up and get some control and stop trying to fake "moving on" while you're not!

 

Talk to her. not by mail, not by phone or SMS. only a meeting.

 

Such an awful, awful idea, especially because of the bolded. Two months is a drop in the bucket (and he's been in No Contact for a month, not two). He's never going to get where he needs to go if he keeps caving in the way you described. No Contact takes time to work, it takes effort, it takes perseverance. It's supposed to be hard. You aren't supposed to break it on a whim saying "Oh well, I tried it, it didn't work."

 

You are basically advising him to do a line of cocaine because being in rehab for a month hasn't radically transformed his life. You are advising him to eat a bucket of fried chicken because he doesn't have a six-pack after a month of dieting. You are advising him to take the lazy, fast-food way out. Not to mention that this is one of the lamest breadcrumbs ever.

 

Cliffs: I couldn't disagree more with what you've written.

Edited March 18, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[mtnbiker3000]

^^^^ Yes. 1 month. 2 months. It's still the very beginning stages. Of course, different people take different amounts of time depending on many, many variables.

 

For me... I'm at 1 year and still not as healed as I would like to be. Much better than before though. That much I can guarantee!!!

 

OP - Continued contact will kill you. Slow and painful!!!

[lolablue17]

^^^^ Yes. 1 month. 2 months. It's still the very beginning stages. Of course, different people take different amounts of time depending on many, many variables.

 

For me... I'm at 1 year and still not as healed as I would like to be. Much better than before though. That much I can guarantee!!!

 

OP - Continued contact will kill you. Slow and painful!!!

 

You make it sound like a religion:

 

1. You should worship the NC god.

2. this religion like all religions demands many sacrifices.

3. It must be painful but in the end you will get to the promise land. When? only the lord knows. maybe months, maybe years.

4. like all religion its all based on threats and intimidations.

5. Like all religion, its totally forbidden to question your belief. You're not allowed to even think for a minute about what is good for you. you must obey and obey to the one stiff rule of the mighty god! NC!

 

Oh' come on... NC can be a great healing tool. For SOME PEOPLE and in SOME CASES! Not all of them. You cant dismiss out of hand all the other options.

 

I strongly "belive" that people should always question their way, and be ready to make changes and adjustments in that way , and use their brain and senses as navigation tools. The re-thinking might lead to stick to their basic plan, but might also not.

 

Last thing - NC helps better and faster if you have a closure. Because when you have lots of things remained open and unsolved, it hurts more and in this case maybe he needs his closure. like in a funeral when you see with your own eyes the body buried under solid ground it helps you to accept death, maybe by seeing her now he will have his closure, he will find some answers, and he will see and feel inside that is over. not like he is now.

Edited March 18, 2014 by lolablue17

[mtnbiker3000]

Because when you have lots of things remained open and unsolved, it hurts more and in this case maybe he needs his closure

 

And where does said closure come from?? Contact with her??? No way...

Edited March 18, 2014 by mtnbiker3000

[mtnbiker3000]

You make it sound like a religion:

 

1. You should worship the NC god.

2. this religion like all religions demands many sacrifices.

3. It must be painful but in the end you will get to the promise land. When? only the lord knows. maybe months, maybe years.

4. like all religion its all based on threats and intimidations.

5. Like all religion, its totally forbidden to question your belief. You're not allowed to even think for a minute about what is good for you. you must obey and obey to the one stiff rule of the mighty god! NC!

 

Holy Sh*t... Are you nuts???

[David87]

Lolablue17 About NC being like a religion , that's bul*s*it. You completely misunderstood nc. He is the dumpee, he doesn't have to do anything to get the girl back. That's her job.

Edited March 18, 2014 by David87

[David87]

KevinC you're a smart guy I sugest you read this thred when you calm dawn a little. You sound like a little boy who found a shiny new nickel on the street. This isn't even a breadcrumb. Ignore it, and don't break NC ( our religion )) lol )

[TaraMaiden]

lolablue17 when you've been around situations like these for as long as we have, you will see that the repeated mantra of 'No Contact' is not only effective, but vital.

 

When you've had to face as much repetitive heartbreak as some long-term members have had to witness, and been through hell yourself - then, maybe you might see what we mean.

Until then - your advice is ill-timed, misjudged and wholly inappropriate, here.

[Simon Phoenix]

You make it sound like a religion:

 

1. You should worship the NC god.

2. this religion like all religions demands many sacrifices.

3. It must be painful but in the end you will get to the promise land. When? only the lord knows. maybe months, maybe years.

4. like all religion its all based on threats and intimidations.

5. Like all religion, its totally forbidden to question your belief. You're not allowed to even think for a minute about what is good for you. you must obey and obey to the one stiff rule of the mighty god! NC!

 

Oh' come on... NC can be a great healing tool. For SOME PEOPLE and in SOME CASES! Not all of them. You cant dismiss out of hand all the other options.

 

I strongly "belive" that people should always question their way, and be ready to make changes and adjustments in that way , and use their brain and senses as navigation tools. The re-thinking might lead to stick to their basic plan, but might also not.

 

Last thing - NC helps better and faster if you have a closure. Because when you have lots of things remained open and unsolved, it hurts more and in this case maybe he needs his closure. like in a funeral when you see with your own eyes the body buried under solid ground it helps you to accept death, maybe by seeing her now he will have his closure, he will find some answers, and he will see and feel inside that is over. not like he is now.

 

You are advocating he break NC for a random message (not necessarily about him) written in a foreign language. That's unbelievably absurd and one of the worst pieces of advice I've seen on this board. I think laps are in order for you. Not to mention that your whole explanation is very rarely how it goes down -- if anything, breaking NC in the OP's situation causes more angst, more questions, more confusion, just more bad. He's better off keeping NC and moving forward, especially since he has barely been in it a month. You are advocating a lazy, destructive solution and then you call others cultists? Yeesh. It's one thing to have a different perspective, but you are basically flipping a set of car keys to a drunk right now and telling him to drive home.

Edited March 18, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[lolablue17]

lolablue17 when you've been around situations like these for as long as we have, you will see that the repeated mantra of 'No Contact' is not only effective, but vital.

 

When you've had to face as much repetitive heartbreak as some long-term members have had to witness, and been through hell yourself - then, maybe you might see what we mean.

Until then - your advice is ill-timed, misjudged and wholly inappropriate, here.

 

What made you think I havn't been in situations like these? I've been a very miserable dumpee two major times (big dramatic ones) and 2-3 small ones. I also have friends M and F that also went through this, and I participate forums Like LS in my country for 15 years.

 

in addition I've read hundreds of stories and more here on LS, and sorry to reveal, but i wrote a very successful TV serial about dating, break ups and and jealousy (I'm a TV + cinema script writer, I know my english is poor:o)

 

So I think a person with 'some' experience like me, deserve not to called "inappropriate".

 

for all the people who know everything and think that they shouldn't learn anything more in life - I can tell you that i learn a lot from you every day. there is a lot of inspiring wisdom here. You're one of the members here i like very much to read.

 

And i say again - There isn't only one way!

 

In this story she broke up with him by surprise, telling him some BS excuses. She told him 3 different reasons for her break up twice. He was left stunned with no real explanation of What did he do wrong and what were her reasons. i think that him, living in the dark is the main reason he cant move on.

Edited March 18, 2014 by lolablue17

[TaraMaiden]

If she can repeatedly lie, and prevaricate, and confuse and mislead, nothing he says or does now, will change that. She's untrustworthy, unreliable, fickle, and a liar.

 

The main reason for starting this thread - and the main factor the OP is referring to - is this stupid quotation in Spanish, she happened to load up on her profile.

He's reading too much into it, and making too many assumptions.

That's from a position of a broken heart, desperate to see or hear anything from her camp that she is changing her mind.

 

It's not going to happen.

 

Forgive the "bait" about having been through hell yourself. It provoked the response I was awaiting.

I acknowledge your experience and input - but it's important to look at this at face value. Sometimes, a floating iceberg really isn't all that big under the surface, after all.

 

The advice to the OP concerns the input in this thread alone.

previous history really shouldn't be a factor.

it's all about this quotation.

Edited March 18, 2014 by TaraMaiden

[lolablue17]

He's reading too much into it, and making too many assumptions.

That's from a position of a broken heart, desperate to see or hear anything from her camp that she is changing her mind.

 

That's exactly the reason i think that if he asks her to meet with him - seeing her after a while will help him to really burry his hopes he cant manage to eliminate now.

 

Even if she refuses to meet him, that will hurt him localy but will eventually help him to move on.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

That's exactly the reason i think that if he asks her to meet with him - seeing her after a while will help him to really burry his hopes he cant manage to eliminate now.

 

Even if she refuses to meet him, that will hurt him localy but will eventually help him to move on.

 

While every opinion is obviously valid, I dont think you are going to win over very many people here with your suggestions.

 

No disrespect or anything, just stating the facts.

 

OP, I'd HIGHLY suggest keep moving on. If she REALLY wants to be with you, she will find a way I assure you. Random Facebook statuses dont mean jack squat.

[TaraMaiden]

The sad thing is, he can never gain closure from this, and in his present state of mind, he will grasp at anything that even remotely resembles a straw.

 

The time to 'arrange to meet her' (should such a thing ever be deemed appropriate!) is when he's "in a better place" in his mind.

He needs to be emotionally stronger, and more self-willed, less desperate and more in control of his own feelings.

 

Right now (bless him) he sounds in a complete befuddled mess.

[lolablue17]

While every opinion is obviously valid, I dont think you are going to win over very many people here with your suggestions.

 

No disrespect or anything, just stating the facts.

 

All i wanted is the OP to read some other views. I wanted to give him another option to consider.

 

And also I'm not saying that NC is a bad advice. NC may heal him even faster then i think. BUT MAYBE NOT and i want him to be aware of it.

[TaraMaiden]

No Contact is going cold-turkey fro the heart.

Rather like withdrawal from any 'drug' one is addicted to, the "addict" has to want to heal.

 

NC is absolutely futile and pointless if -

 

(a) it isn't adhered to, to the letter, and

 

(b) the 'addict' isn't completely committed.

[lolablue17]

NC is absolutely futile and pointless if -

 

(a) it isn't adhered to, to the letter, and

 

(b) the 'addict' isn't completely committed.

 

Agreed!

 

My own experience:

 

When she dumped me, I was heart broken, couldn't sleep at night, couldn't focus on anything, crashed ego... . She cut me completely didnt want to communicate. She forced NC. But i missed her so much, and finally after 2-3 weeks she agreed to talk to me and meet me.

 

So i did go and talked with her (something you all against it) Of course i wanted her back and hoped she will change her mind, but when we talked she was nice to me, and explained things, and eve said that "maybe in the future bla bla" (which i didnt belive of course). But the existence of communication built my confidence. Suddenly I wasn't a wreck any more. I understood she needs something else in her life...

 

I healed very fast! without contact it could take me 10 times more to heal.

[Chi townD]

You make it sound like a religion:

 

1. You should worship the NC god.

2. this religion like all religions demands many sacrifices.

3. It must be painful but in the end you will get to the promise land. When? only the lord knows. maybe months, maybe years.

4. like all religion its all based on threats and intimidations.

5. Like all religion, its totally forbidden to question your belief. You're not allowed to even think for a minute about what is good for you. you must obey and obey to the one stiff rule of the mighty god! NC!

 

Oh' come on... NC can be a great healing tool. For SOME PEOPLE and in SOME CASES! Not all of them. You cant dismiss out of hand all the other options.

 

I strongly "belive" that people should always question their way, and be ready to make changes and adjustments in that way , and use their brain and senses as navigation tools. The re-thinking might lead to stick to their basic plan, but might also not.

 

Last thing - NC helps better and faster if you have a closure. Because when you have lots of things remained open and unsolved, it hurts more and in this case maybe he needs his closure. like in a funeral when you see with your own eyes the body buried under solid ground it helps you to accept death, maybe by seeing her now he will have his closure, he will find some answers, and he will see and feel inside that is over. not like he is now.

 

 

Okay, now this is stupid. I could give a damn if a person doesn't want to do NC. This is a advice forum and ultimately people are going to chose NC or not (however, the VAST majority come back on here wondering why they're not healing at all....Hmmmm....wonder why.)

 

 

And closure is a joke. You want closure? Here you go, they dumped you. Action speaks louder than words. They chose to have you out of their lives. That should be closure enough.

 

 

That's why I hate it when people want to meet up with their Ex's to get "closure". Why?!?! So you can sit there and have them tell you why they don't want to be with you? To have them tell you that they don't like this, that or the other about you? Having them tell you what YOU did wrong to make them not want to be with you? Making you feel like sh*t and you feel 10x worse after you get your "closure" meeting out of the way?

 

 

Closure is a joke.

[legion113]

I agree, "closure" is a bull**** excuse to talk to them..

 

Okay, now this is stupid. I could give a damn if a person doesn't want to do NC. This is a advice forum and ultimately people are going to chose NC or not (however, the VAST majority come back on here wondering why they're not healing at all....Hmmmm....wonder why.)

 

 

And closure is a joke. You want closure? Here you go, they dumped you. Action speaks louder than words. They chose to have you out of their lives. That should be closure enough.

 

 

That's why I hate it when people want to meet up with their Ex's to get "closure". Why?!?! So you can sit there and have them tell you why they don't want to be with you? To have them tell you that they don't like this, that or the other about you? Having them tell you what YOU did wrong to make them not want to be with you? Making you feel like sh*t and you feel 10x worse after you get your "closure" meeting out of the way?

 

 

Closure is a joke.

[KevinC]

Wow didnt expect this thread to blow up like this plz guys be nice to each other no need to be harsh.

 

So i called her last night and we talked for about an hour and i feel good about it, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She said the usual i guess, she was very shocked to hear from me and i caught her off guard. She said she has been thinking about me alot and misses and loves me etc etc. She also said that she is not ready to get back together and still needs to think if she can accept our differences.

 

So we are suppose to meet tonight and talk about said differences and make them clear. I have no illusions about this meeting and to be honest our conversation had the opposite effect i thought it would have on me. Now that i know that its a possibility that we might be together again in the future its got me thinking if thats want i really want. The possibility of her showing up at my door and telling me she wants to try again now makes me uneasy. If that ever happens i want her to know that we cant go back to the old RS and that she needs to understand that certain things needs to change and certain conditions need to be met for this to even be plausible hence the meeting.

 

Anyway you guys may flame me for this but it had to be done and idont regret it. I intend to go back to NC after the meeting and continue my healing.

 

Before i called all i wanted was to get her back and be with her and to hell with everything else, now i find myself asking do i actually really want this, is this the woman i really want or do i simply want what i cant have.

 

Anyway im not appologizing for doing it and i will live with the consequences of my actions.

 

I still greatly appreciate and respect all you guys advice.

[Chi townD]

Geez...another "closure" meetup. Okay! Good luck! (if she doesn't cancel on you).

 

 

Oh, and the reason you feel "good" right now is because you're an addict that just got a hit. If nothing gets resolved, you be back at square one in a few days.

 

 

I hope I'm wrong though....so, again. Good luck!

[esteem-jam]

I think she may cancel as Chi said... that will leave you hanging.

Imagine she wont answer anymore and will say to leave her alone. This chit chat about loving you will become meaningless and/or will stir up a question in your mind: "why?"

 

Prepare for worst.

[TaraMaiden]

Wow didnt expect this thread to blow up like this plz guys be nice to each other no need to be harsh.

 

So i called her last night and we talked for about an hour and i feel good about it, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She said the usual i guess, she was very shocked to hear from me and i caught her off guard. She said she has been thinking about me alot and misses and loves me etc etc. She also said that she is not ready to get back together and still needs to think if she can accept our differences.

 

So we are suppose to meet tonight and talk about said differences and make them clear. I have no illusions about this meeting and to be honest our conversation had the opposite effect i thought it would have on me. Now that i know that its a possibility that we might be together again in the future its got me thinking if thats want i really want. The possibility of her showing up at my door and telling me she wants to try again now makes me uneasy. If that ever happens i want her to know that we cant go back to the old RS and that she needs to understand that certain things needs to change and certain conditions need to be met for this to even be plausible hence the meeting.

 

Anyway you guys may flame me for this but it had to be done and idont regret it. I intend to go back to NC after the meeting and continue my healing.

 

Before i called all i wanted was to get her back and be with her and to hell with everything else, now i find myself asking do i actually really want this, is this the woman i really want or do i simply want what i cant have.

 

Anyway im not appologizing for doing it and i will live with the consequences of my actions.

 

I still greatly appreciate and respect all you guys advice.

It's up to you to evaluate where you believe you are in the healing process.

I hope you can see your way through this, successfully.

But if it DOES all go four-legs-up....

Well, we're here....