ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Its cool man. We're not in the game of making fun of people or rubbing it in their face. I wish we were not right. Sorry dude that's a real bummer. The good news is that now you can focus on you now! No more will you sit and wonder what is going on. It's not an easy road, but it will get better. Edited March 19, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KevinC Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this Hey man...don't beat yourself up. Lache pas la patate...another girl will come along who won't do this to you. I said what I said earlier because I have gone through it. Listen man...she is thinking about you because you were a challenge. Who knows what goes through her mind when you cut her off, but I always pictured my ex thinking like this: "Did I really just dump a guy who is that strong?" "How did he move on so fast, did I make a mistake?" etc. I know it sounds lame, but its an internal ego boost for myself. Now that she feels like what she did to you was OKAY, she probably ditched you and has such a big ego boost to know you cracked and are having such a "miserable" time without her. I hope you maintained self-control and just shrugged it off like you don't care, deleted her number and started to try to move on and away from this girl. I hate to say it man, but 99% of the time when she loses interest in you, there is such a low shot of you ever raising it back to the point where she loved you again. Only way you can potentially do that is moving on, proving to yourself that you have the CONFIDENCE that you can find someone better then her, because trust me, you will. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this It's not pathetic. We get it. The heart is one crazy organ!! I know exactly how you feel. The brain saying one thing and the heart saying the complete opposite. Frustrating and painful to say the least. I'm sorry you're hurting. (hugs!!) Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this You'd probably laugh at how many times I made the same mistakes over and over again when people told me not to? It was pathetic. With that said, just realize that keeping contact with her will hurt even worse than today. Its okay to fall....as long as you get back up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Just use this as a lesson to move forward. Most people on this forum have done the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this You aren't the first and you won't be the last. Don't beat yourself up over it -- just use this knowledge for next time. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 The heart is one crazy organ!! Actually, when cremating a human body, it is the hardest part to burn. Harder than bone Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Kevin - Like I said before. Get tough. Get mad. Kick some a$$!!!! And remember, us veterans will be here for ya, through thick and thin Have you been listening to PON?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this Hopefully lolablue has learned something here too. That maybe every situation is basically the same and maybe people here know what they're talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Actually, when cremating a human body, it is the hardest part to burn. Harder than bone Never knew that but it doesn't surprise me. The human heart is amazing. It can get destroyed and yet somehow fights to live. Just look at us Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 no i deserve it, you guys tried to tell me and i didnt listen, i really thought my case was different and it wasnt, its pathetic really...let this be a lessen to all those who might read this Sorry it didn't work out for you, at least now you'll stick to NC, and this also proves that NC isn't a religion right Lola? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Hopefully lolablue has learned something here too. That maybe every situation is basically the same and maybe people here know what they're talking about. Yep, while every relationship is different, the way people react at the termination of a relationship is remarkably similar. It's best to consider every breakup the same unless the dumper goes above and beyond the call of duty to prove otherwise. I know people want to try to reinvent the wheel sometimes, as lolablue tried to in this thread, but the wheel as it is is effective for a reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Hey Kev..just chiming in to say that I'm so sorry you had to learn the hard way, but we have ALL been there. I guarantee that almost everyone here has had an experience like you've just had. It hurts like hell. You'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Sorry it didn't work out for you, at least now you'll stick to NC, and this also proves that NC isn't a religion right Lola? It's not a game and we are not fans. Every step in life is a gamble. I've never pretended to know the future, and i've never thought NC is bad. I just think its not always the only option. I feel sorry for Kevin. But until today he was obsessed with hopes, which didnt let him to move on. My hope is that the slap on the face (if) he got today will give him a push to move forward and heal. (as i mentioned the example about the act of burying the body in a funeral), Which he failed to do before. So now its my turn to say... There's a chance (who knows) that in a month or two he will glad he met her today because that's what he needed as a boost to heal faster, faster than he could before. Yes - try to be consistent in your way, but sometimes it good to stop for a minute and think again. Edited March 19, 2014 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 It's not a game and we are not fans. Every step in life is a gamble. I've never pretended to know the future, and i've never thought NC is bad. I just think its not always the only option. I feel sorry for Kevin. But until today he was obsessed with hopes, which didnt let him to move on. My hope is that the slap on the face (if) he got today will give him a push to move forward and heal. (as i mentioned the example about the act of burying the body in a funeral), Which he failed to do before. So now its my turn to say... There's a chance (who knows) that in a month or two he will glad he met her today because that's what he needed as a boost to heal faster, faster than he could before. Yes - try to be consistent in your way, but sometimes it good to stop for a minute and think again. You said it sister 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 It's not a game and we are not fans. Every step in life is a gamble. I've never pretended to know the future, and i've never thought NC is bad. I just think its not always the only option. I feel sorry for Kevin. But until today he was obsessed with hopes, which didnt let him to move on. My hope is that the slap on the face (if) he got today will give him a push to move forward and heal. (as i mentioned the example about the act of burying the body in a funeral), Which he failed to do before. So now its my turn to say... There's a chance (who knows) that in a month or two he will glad he met her today because that's what he needed as a boost to heal faster, faster than he could before. Yes - try to be consistent in your way, but sometimes it good to stop for a minute and think again. In a way, I kind of agree with this…but I think sometimes the negatives effects can outweigh the benefits if the person isn't strong enough. Sometimes we need that extra push to put us over the edge. However, a lot of us don’t have the control to start to move on after we go through this. Our emotions take over and we start to think there may be some hope. Talking to an ex is like a drug and every time they would reach out a lot of us would be so tempted to talk. Now that NC was broken, I can see a lot of breadcrumbs coming his way. I seriously hope Kevin has the self-control to delete these messages and ignore those calls moving forward. I remember I was NC for 3 months, I broke it and it set me back another 4. Hell, I still don’t know if I am 100% over my ex. If I stuck to NC I would have probably been able to avoid all the extra heartache and pain…could have kept myself respect and got back at my ex by living a good life. Instead, I was more concerned with trying to do anything to get my ex back and show her she made a mistake. I never actually went through with any of those things I thought, but it consumed me (thank god I didn’t, I would have looked so weak). I know now all the mistakes I made…I just wish no one else would have to go through these things like many of us here. Anyways Kevin, I think you did what you felt was right and there is nothing wrong with that. You’ve learned something valuable and I know you are capable of moving on. Just realize that girl you once loved is dead – things will never be the same. I promise you can find someone who will treat you with a lot more respect, that will love you a lot more and that will never hurt you like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 It's not a game and we are not fans. Every step in life is a gamble. I've never pretended to know the future, and i've never thought NC is bad. I just think its not always the only option. I feel sorry for Kevin. But until today he was obsessed with hopes, which didnt let him to move on. My hope is that the slap on the face (if) he got today will give him a push to move forward and heal. (as i mentioned the example about the act of burying the body in a funeral), Which he failed to do before. So now its my turn to say... There's a chance (who knows) that in a month or two he will glad he met her today because that's what he needed as a boost to heal faster, faster than he could before. Yes - try to be consistent in your way, but sometimes it good to stop for a minute and think again. I called all of this yesterday haha. OP, how you doing today? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Look, no one is going to blast you (well, I may be harsh), but the point is, each relationship is different. However, how each relationship ends and each scenario are similar in a LOT of ways. Not too many break ups have me scratching my head and saying, "Wow...didn't see that coming.." Therefore, a lot of us see the path you're taking on certain things and there's nothing but bad things at the end of it. How do we know it? Because we've walked the same path and we know what the outcome is. If you started to walk down a dark path and we say, "Dude, you might not want to go that way, nothing but sharp cliffs down there." There's a reason we're saying it and we have the scars to prove it! So, we would rather you not have unnecessary scars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KevinC Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 Today i am wondering what is wrong with me that i cant let this girl go. I mean after all that has happened i know its over now but still stuggling to accept it...totally unrational. Hopefully in a couple days or weeks it will sink in because im really trying. I have other problems that this BU has made resurface wich i cant ignore any longer. It all seems insurmontable, i will have no choice but to get help because this is not healthy or saine. I have to accept the consequences of what i did and forgive myself for it. I dont think i will be hearing from her anymore tho she seemed pretty irritaded at the end, its like she flipped a switch from one day to the next totally different attitude but i guess that doesnt matter now. Thanks to everyone for your support even after my incredibly stupid mistake. NC day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Today i am wondering what is wrong with me that i cant let this girl go. I mean after all that has happened i know its over now but still stuggling to accept it...totally unrational. Hopefully in a couple days or weeks it will sink in because im really trying. I have other problems that this BU has made resurface wich i cant ignore any longer. It all seems insurmontable, i will have no choice but to get help because this is not healthy or saine. I have to accept the consequences of what i did and forgive myself for it. I dont think i will be hearing from her anymore tho she seemed pretty irritaded at the end, its like she flipped a switch from one day to the next totally different attitude but i guess that doesnt matter now. Thanks to everyone for your support even after my incredibly stupid mistake. NC day 1 There's nothing wrong with you. It's a real biotch to let go. I know how you feel. (actually, we all do) Day 1 NC! You're on your way Don't beat yourself up when you feel bad. The first three weeks NC were absolute HELL! (for me anyway) After that, I still felt bad but it wasn't as intense. I still have bad days but they seem to pass rather quickly the longer I am in NC. Keep venting here. This site has really saved me, especially at first. My thoughts go out to you. You can do it! ((hugs!!)) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I have to accept the consequences of what i did and forgive myself for it. Thanks to everyone for your support even after my incredibly stupid mistake. NC day 1 There's nothing wrong with you. She deeply hurt your feelings, and your behavior and reactions are perfectly normal and more common than you imagine. Be strong!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Been lurking on this thread for a few days now and just wanted to let you know I'm disappointed that this didn't work out for you. I was rooting for you but I hope that you can find some closure now and move on and continue healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 It takes several months of NC to really realize it's over, which is one reason for NC. It pretty much forces you to accept it's over at a point. It's also a conscious decision to let go. Your mind is naturally going to want hope because it shields you from the awful feeling of it being over. I've found that I accepted it in pieces as time went on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Today i am wondering what is wrong with me that i cant let this girl go. I mean after all that has happened i know its over now but still stuggling to accept it...totally unrational. Hopefully in a couple days or weeks it will sink in because im really trying. 1 There's nothing wrong with you. It's normal to be in some denial. I found that I would have to keep trying to accept it everyday. Maybe it's just like that for some people. Just stick with NC this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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