Panda87 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Another heartbreak, it just never stop. Found out she's been texting to someone new she meet on dating site. I went through her phone (i know its wrong but my gut telling me there is something happen), this is the 2nd time happen. When i confront her she said it just friend, i am being paranoid. The thing i cant accept is, if its just friend why she need to hide it? why she need to tell her she is single? tell me i am not wrong for break up for this. She begged me to not leave her, i am her soulmate and the only one who understand her. I misunderstood the situation. Those words are just sweet nothing isnt it? sweet to hear but it means nothing. How can someone look for friends in dating site? help me to understand her point of view. Is it me or her who has problems? I was still giving her chances to show me not with words but with her action that i really do mean something for her like she always say. I asked her if she is really your friend, tell her the truth about us or just ignore her. She said she cant tell her the truth and she doesnt want to lose a friend. This statement of her slap me hard enough to realize she really do like this girl to ruin our relationship. She said how come i want to ruin her friendship? when she doesnt realize it is her who ruin this relationship over this friendship. Every affair start from friendship, i cant find myself trusting her again. It just hard, as much as i love her. The trust is gone, it wont be the same again. I cant see her the same again. It is over i guess? yet again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda87 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 anyone can give advise on this will be appreciated thank you Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yes, it's over. You know what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 How can someone look for friends in dating site? Indeed. Seems like you have your answer here. There are plenty of websites for finding friends (meetup dot com etc). If she wanted friends she would have used one of them, not a dating site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 She's putting a value of a friendship over your relationship. Therefore, you now know that it's not just a friendship. She's protecting this other relationship. Well, if she wants it that badly, she can have it. But, she can't have you either. Besides, you're right! No one goes to a DATING site looking for a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 "on a dating site" "the 2nd time happen" "need to hide it" There, 3 red flags in a single post. Want some more? Another red flag is that she's choosing the "friendship" over your relationship. Tries to push the faults to you and that you're "just not understanding" and "misunderstanding the situation". 6 red flags. Enough yet? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 She is hiding her friend from you, she is hiding you from her, she won't tell this other person about your real relationship together, the truth is you don't have a relationship. Find someone that is only into you and doesn't have a Bio registered on a dating site. She values this person she met on the dating site more than you. If she can't do it in front of you she shouldn't be doing it. Don't waste anymore time on her, she a trainwreck waiting to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 How can someone look for friends in dating site? help me to understand her point of view. Is it me or her who has problems? The trust is gone, it wont be the same again. I cant see her the same again. Your "problem" is that you want to believe the best rather than seeing the evidence right in front of you. Nobody looks for friends on dating sites. There are tons of places to find friends. On dating sites you look for dates / hook-ups / relationships not friends. When the trust is gone there is nothing left. Even if she begs, you can't trust a liar. Her perspective at best is that you are a chump she can take advantage of. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 "Don't worry. He's just a friend." Translation: We've been f***ing our brains out behind your back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda87 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Thank you guys for all the responses. I have finally breakup with her, cut all contact and blocked her everywhere. At first it does hurts, but i am not sure why after 1-2 days, i dont feel the pain anymore. It is more feeling of relieve, perhaps i never actually love her. I am happy now, it feel so weird and bizzare. Because my previous breakup was crucially painful. While i was in rs with my recent ex, i always the one who cried over and over again as she never treat me well. I cant emotionally feel her although she always say she loves me. I was so depressed, we always quarell over her selfishness. She only think of herself, even after we breakup she can still send her selfies to me, ask me to hang out, said she is sorry for whatever i want her to be sorry of. She cant control her feeling, she loves her current crush or perhaps gf now? who cares? LOL. What kind of behaviours is that? her mind is so twisted. No contact makes me see clearer why we are not right for each other. So many red flags that i ignored. I feel so dumb feel like i have been dating crazy person for 8 months, luckily i have this forum to wake me up to face the reality. I almost 80% believe she has BPD, as she did the following - Overly attached but emotionless - Push and pull, sometimes she loves me so much sometimes doesnt even care - Self mutilation (cutting herself, inject needle and send the pic to me while i was on holiday) - Praising herself alot yet hate herself? - Bad childhood (being raped) - Lack of intimate moments, only beginning of is good after that it went downhill So far she has been the worst gf i ever had, maybe thats why i dont even grief over the breakup. But i do pity her, i hope she can be truly recover someday. It is not my problem anymore. I take this as my lesson and experience, i will never ignore those red flags anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Panda87, I almost 80% believe she has BPD, as she did the following - Overly attached but emotionless - Push and pull, sometimes she loves me so much sometimes doesnt even care - Self mutilation (cutting herself, inject needle and send the pic to me while i was on holiday) - Praising herself alot yet hate herself? - Bad childhood (being raped) - Lack of intimate moments, only beginning of is good after that it went downhill Sadly, this person has a lot of emotional problems. You can't fix them for her - she needs to do that for herself- and you can't wait arond until she decides to address these issues. Maybe she doesn't see them as issues, in which case no-one can help her until she does. She may not want help, she might be enjoying things just as they are (although I doubt it). Trying to understand confused, damaged people like this can suck you dry emotionally and psychologically. They pull you down into their morass until you lose your boundaries and your perception of what makes a healthy relationship becomes skewed. Please, please put as much distance between yourself and this person as possible. Good Luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Probably the reason why you're not so broken up about this break up as compared to other girlfriends that you've ended a relationship with is because those others girls probably weren't even as half as bat sh*t crazy as this one was. Link to post Share on other sites
a0009 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Let me be the devils' advocate here It could be that you were not satisfying her in some areas like giving her attention. Girls love attention and they may get it somewhere else if you are not giving them, in this case it was from a dating site. Its good you have broken up and reflect back and see your mistakes and improve on them for the next one Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda87 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Let me be the devils' advocate here It could be that you were not satisfying her in some areas like giving her attention. Girls love attention and they may get it somewhere else if you are not giving them, in this case it was from a dating site. Its good you have broken up and reflect back and see your mistakes and improve on them for the next one Thanks for your response but lack of attention is totally wrong here, because i was emotionally and physically there for her. Everyday, every minute. I always the one who go to her place, clean her mess at her room, paying all her meals, cook for her, buying stuff that she needed. That makes me looks pathetic if i see it now, cause i was basically more like caregiver or a nanny to her. I did my best, and it was enough. this is not my fault, even if the relationship healthy or not healthy she still has no right to find the solution outside this rs. Perhaps you need to know more about what is BPD. then you can actually give your best advice here, otherwise your statement above just meaningless, sorry to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Well, technically you can't say she's Bi Polar as she wasn't (as far as I've read) diagnosed as such by a professional. But, I agree with what you said 100%. This wasn't your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda87 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Well, technically you can't say she's Bi Polar as she wasn't (as far as I've read) diagnosed as such by a professional. But, I agree with what you said 100%. This wasn't your fault. Hi chitown, yes she is not bipolar. She has borderline personality disorder, all the signs is there. But you are right, i am not the professional here. Anyway, i just want to give an update and rant at this forum. I am not perfect, i do has mistakes. But it cant be justified by cheating after all the things i have done for her. Oh well, after all i cant control her action. No point on holding on something broken as it only delays disappointment when it shatters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panda87 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Well, technically you can't say she's Bi Polar as she wasn't (as far as I've read) diagnosed as such by a professional. But, I agree with what you said 100%. This wasn't your fault. Also her psychiatrist told her before she might have bipolar and adjustment disorder. But she wasnt 100% honest with her psychiatrist. I've been there with her, i know what sort of crazy things she did to herself and to me. So i conclude she has BPD based on my experience with her. But i can be wrong, but 1 thing i am very sure. She does have deep and dark issues inside her head. Only she knows about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Also her psychiatrist told her before she might have bipolar and adjustment disorder. But she wasnt 100% honest with her psychiatrist. I've been there with her, i know what sort of crazy things she did to herself and to me. So i conclude she has BPD based on my experience with her. But i can be wrong, but 1 thing i am very sure. She does have deep and dark issues inside her head. Only she knows about it. And do you know what? There's nothing you can do about that. The only person that can help her is herself. Link to post Share on other sites
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