iDrumKing Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I know every situation is different but I just wanted to compare my progress to others who have "gotten over the fence." I'm close to two months NC and I'm doing better. Some parts of the day I don't give two cents about my ex GF, and sometimes I break under the stress and cry my eyes out. I've accepted the BU long ago. I don't want to get back together, but at the same time I kinda do. If there were stages, where would you say I'm at? Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I think I am on the brink of indifference. I changed cities, cut off all lines of contact with my 'old' life including family and I am Flipping a new page in life. Since then, I hardly think about her at all, I have a new romantic prospect on the horizon and we like each other albeit she is in my old city. Those times I think of her, I am not so certain I would take her back. Not at least in the same state of mind she was then. I emerged as a new better person, I found my passion, rekindled some older relationships and met new people, sheltered a dog I adore, I earn doing what I like. I am sorting my life out from all crap that dragged me under. I now see she is more lost and damaged than I am/was. It took me 6 months. Twice the length of our short lived relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 When I met someone else x even tho thats over now and was only short it put that distance there from my LTR BU x Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) Absolute indifference towards ex's who we were totally in love with? I'm not sure I can answer this but I will try. When I was about 18 I was madly in love with a woman who broke my heart. I was very young and inexperienced when it came to actual love. That has taken me years to fully recover from. I see her on facebook with her husband and I honestly feel kinda happy for her because I have grown so much since then. Kinda indifferent but also kinda happy for the memories If things end real badly in a relationship though I'm not sure if the anger will eventually disappear someday. I'm guessing it will but if too many questions are left unanswered I'm not sure it ever will. You will give less of a sh*t about her someday but I bet deep down inside you still think "f*ck you!". But who knows? the mind is a very powerful tool and we can programme ourselves to forget anything if we really want it badly enough Edited March 18, 2014 by L1ght Link to post Share on other sites
4everalones Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I don't want to get back together, but at the same time I kinda do. I feel the same way, and sometimes I think I'm going insane. Never thought I'd want my ex back and don't want him back at the same time Sometimes I'm indifferent, sometimes I think I'm better off without him, but most of the time, I just miss him and cry a lot. It's been almost 3 months after the breakup and I'm still crying, feeling lonely and hopeless. I don't know what stage it is. But hopefully it's some sort of progress. I just wish I could be angry at him or hate him, but I don't. I hope things get better for everybody here! Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Absolute indifference towards ex's who we were totally in love with? I'm not sure I can answer this but I will try. When I was about 18 I was madly in love with a woman who broke my heart. I was very young and inexperienced when it came to actual love. That has taken me years to fully recover from. I see her on facebook with her husband and I honestly feel kinda happy for her because I have grown so much since then. Kinda indifferent but also kinda happy for the memories If things end real badly in a relationship though I'm not sure if the anger will eventually disappear someday. I'm guessing it will but if too many questions are left unanswered I'm not sure it ever will. You will give less of a sh*t about her someday but I bet deep down inside you still think "f*ck you!". But who knows? the mind is a very powerful tool and we can programme ourselves to forget anything if we really want it badly enough It's taken me almost 9 months and every so often even I get memory pangs Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 It's taken me almost 9 months and every so often even I get memory pangs Nine months is normal. If a relationship lasts a year or more I would expect it to take at least a year for the dumpee to begin genuine positive recovery. The memory slips become less and less and other women you meet in life will begin to occupy your mind more than your ex did. I think forgetting about ex's can be a dangerous game....on the one hand its good to move on and find happiness somewhere else but on the other hand do we really want them to mean nothing to us? Balance the scales and find out which direction you wanna take. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) Three months and 48 cases of Bud Light http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130512102337/glee/images/c/c3/Funny_gif_julia_robers_smile.gif Edited March 18, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing 8 Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 It's taken me almost 9 months and every so often even I get memory pangs or should I say in your case the more men* you meet. Sometimes I just assume the gender of the person I'm talking to without checking the name. Lol its all good in the hood Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 About 3 years, but we weren't NC. That made it much worse. I was over wanting to be with him, but I still didn't want him to be happy or find someone before I did. I thought he deserved to suffer. I don't exactly feel indifference now. I rarely ever think about him, but when I do, I hope he's happy and has met someone he's compatible with. I think that's even better than feeling indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 For me, it was about 2 years from the point I went totally NC until I could say that he was nothing but a memory. At one point, I even saw a picture of him with his new girlfriend and I felt nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 or should I say in your case the more men* you meet. Sometimes I just assume the gender of the person I'm talking to without checking the name. Lol its all good in the hood Loooool - I may date girls in future haha!! This specific ex we were together 6 months but it was intense and an awful lot happened. That took me 9 months. My ex husband however... That took me 4 years, I think everything is dependant on how long you were with them and how it ended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 R #1: two months. R #2: nearly a year R #3: 20 minutes R #4: 3 months R #5: No time at all R #6: Still current. I'll let you know..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 R #1: two months. R #2: nearly a year R #3: 20 minutes R #4: 3 months R #5: No time at all R #6: Still current. I'll let you know..... I've only had my heart broken twice. All the rest I am actually indifferent to because there was always someone or something I wanted more than them. Might sound harsh but its the truth. Been dumped enough times too so its not as if I was always the one just hanging those girls out to dry. Only 2 women my whole life have found a way to really touch my soul. Funny that. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Haven't reached indifference. First relationship from 2005,I sill care for the girl.... I've spoken to her 2 weeks ago (we had sex,I cheated on her with her best friend in front of her, I've messed up good , I have a thread on this matter) 2009 Loved her to death still haven't reached indifference. We say hello to each other and that's it. 2012 I still love the girl. Haven't spoken to her since december 2013, haven't seen her either, she disappeared. I'm only speaking about girls that I loved. You have to understand that some people are meant to be in your heart but not in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'd still consider getting back with my ex's. Some, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'd still consider getting back with my ex's. Some, anyway. That's a very bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Lmao they don't like me, not like I have a chance. They all seriously thought I was cheating on them. Never cheated on a single one. What are the odds that I date so many paranoid girls? Maybe it's me... but I don't know how, I don't even flirt when I'm in relationships Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 That's a very bad idea. there's one or two for me that I would consider getting back with simply due to the fact that I look back and think that at the time we didn't fill our relationship potential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I feel the same way, and sometimes I think I'm going insane. Never thought I'd want my ex back and don't want him back at the same time Sometimes I'm indifferent, sometimes I think I'm better off without him, but most of the time, I just miss him and cry a lot. It's been almost 3 months after the breakup and I'm still crying, feeling lonely and hopeless. I don't know what stage it is. But hopefully it's some sort of progress. I just wish I could be angry at him or hate him, but I don't. I hope things get better for everybody here! I am similar. We broke up after 5 years together, last July. We met at a summer job that we had while on break from university and kept coming back. Now it's coming time to decide if I am going to work there, and if she is too. Just yesterday she told me that it was for the best if I planned on only one of us being there. It was strange because our communication has been only about the job since I found out the real reason she left me was to get with my "friend" but in the email she sent about only one of us working there, she described a few things that would make her summer "anything but dull." I am not sure if she was bragging, trying to convince herself that not working at this place is right, or just wanting to talk to me about something other than work, since we were each other's confidants for so long. After the BU lied to me, deceived me, and used me in breaking up with me and going after my friend. My "friend" was much more into her than he ever let on, even as I confided to him about the breakup and my regrets. I was completely lied to dozens of times, and accepted unquestioningly what they said as the truth. But even after that monumental betrayal, when she told me (in a polite way) that she wouldn't work at the summer job if I was there, it made me realize just how much I had hoped, deep down, that we would reconcile in some way. It was July we broke up, and January when I found out the real reason she did it was to get with my friend. And I am anything but indifferent. I know I am not ready to date again because part of me wants my ex to find out. And so many of my other major decisions still involve her. I want to take this summer job so that I can do a great job for the organization, in part so she sees that and wants me back. I DON'T want to take the job in part because she will then take it, and miss me because for the first time in 6 years she will do that job without me to work with her. I want to take a job halfway across the country partly so that she will see that I am trying to move on and she will think me strong, and I DON'T want to take a job halfway across the country because it will really kill the chances of us reconciling. I guess I am still in denial that I could mean so little to someone who meant so much. I think I really do love her, but there was also a lot of unhealthy attachment in addition to that love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'm three and a half months broken up from my GF of six months who suddenly dumped me with no warning. Nowhere near the indifference phase yet. Every day I wish she would call me. I would do whatever she wanted. I haven't dated anybody since she dumped me. That may be the trick to help me get over her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DontBreakEven Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 With complete NC I'd say the longest it has taken me (so far) in the past was around a year to feel indifferent. It's definitely not a quick process. That particular one took me 5 months just to get out of bed, another 3 months of hard partying and trying to stuff my feelings, and a few more months of just finally accepting it all and letting go somehow. It wasn't fun by any means. Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Haven't ever gotten over my first love. To this day, I see her and still get those butterfly feelings when she smiles, even though she is happily married to another man. As for my most recent ex? I doubt I'll ever become indifferent. But I've chosen to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
purplehues Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Hmm…it's been 2 months since the break-up and I think I may be getting very close. I just really don't care anymore--she's been sending me e-mails and I am no longer analyzing every word she says. Au contraire, I'm exceedingly annoyed at attempts to contact me. It's as if the fog has lifted and I'm finally seeing the relationship for what it really was the past few months. And I can't believe I put up with it. I dunno how and I dunno why, but she feels like a stranger. A part of me feels guilty for moving on so quickly… Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 They say it takes half the length of time of the relationship to reach indifference. But I find that too black and white. It took me a year to get over my ten year marriage and five months to get over a 6 week relationship. Go figure. I think it depends on your self esteem at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
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