Natasha94 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 My heart has only been broken once about a year ago. After all the crying-myself-to-sleep, the constantly-not-feeling-good-about-anything, the thinking-of-him-24/7 without telling him a word about it, though we kept in touch from time to time. It took me almost 10 months to realize that I don't want him in my life anymore. I even know now he has someone in his life, he doesn't say that and keeps trying to contact me, to apologize, to say he was wrong and blah-blah.. I just realized what a liar he is, I don't want someone like that in my life. If think of him being with someone else and the idea does not bother me at all.. I hope he's happy.. I just don't want him around anymore. I'd be lying if I said I'm 100% over him, I still think of him but no feelings. I can't let myself suffer anymore. No one is worth the pain you go through, and I really mean NO ONE. I'm pretty sure I will totally heal once I meet someone worth being with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keii Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 BU was in early January 2014, now I feel mostly indifferent. Last time I saw him about a week and a half ago to get some of my stuff back, I felt nothing. If anything, I hoped he was happy, and that he gets into medicine. Although, recently, he has been really pushing this girl in my face, and continually asking me about my life. This is slowly turning my indifference into annoyance haha... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I still have residual feeling for my ex, but when looking back, I can't help but to think "Oh well..." Honestly? It feels good. I was walking into my room today and saw the engagement ring that I planned on giving to my ex on my dresser drawer. I stared at it for a bit. My roommate came in, put his hands on my shoulder, and asked how I felt. I said "It's whatever." A large part of my really didn't care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I'm only speaking about girls that I loved. You have to understand that some people are meant to be in your heart but not in your life. this repeated for emphasis...a little gem from david87....people you love stay in your heart when you love someone truly love them ...it doesn't go away.......it changes and adapts but they stay in your heart......loving someone is never bad neither is moving on when it has to be that way......and it doesnt mean you cant love someone else just as much......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I don't ever want to feel indifferent towards my ex-fiance. I care about him and I want him to be happy. I don't mind at all anymore if he's with someone else. But I don't want to feel indifferent towards him. I love him no matter what. Sometimes feelings have gotten in the way of that. But I truly do want him to be happy and at peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I still have residual feeling for my ex, but when looking back, I can't help but to think "Oh well..." Honestly? It feels good. I was walking into my room today and saw the engagement ring that I planned on giving to my ex on my dresser drawer. I stared at it for a bit. My roommate came in, put his hands on my shoulder, and asked how I felt. I said "It's whatever." A large part of my really didn't care anymore. Wow, you actually bought a ring? Damn dude. You must have gone through hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Wow, you actually bought a ring? Damn dude. You must have gone through hell. Yeah man. Starting saving up after about 8 months of dating. I planned on proposing on a trip we planned for this upcoming summer. Link to post Share on other sites
TrishWick Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Wow... This is so sad Link to post Share on other sites
BeccaCurts Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 So what do you plan on doing with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 So what do you plan on doing with it? Paper weight 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 6 months in and still not indifferent. Still thinking about her all the time but things are different. First 2/3 months I was missing her. That dissappeared. Was a very nasty breakup with a lot of accusations and hateful words from her side in and out of the relationship. Mostly I am just analyzing and trying to make sense of it all. But also that is getting less as time goes by. Memories are beginning to fade, and have a hard time thinking back about what happened when. In the end it probably doesn't matter anyway. Last month has been the best, mostly because something my mother said. She dumped all her baggage on me, and I was happy to pick it all up and carry the burden. I should just forget about it all and focus on the 'not in love with you anymore'. The rest is just empty space and is all the closure I need... But by my estimate, I won't really stop thinking about her till I meet someone else. Can hardly remember exes before the last, so I do have a lovable forgettable brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Can hardly remember exes before the last, so I do have a lovable forgettable brain. Yeah I'm starting to forget the good times with my ex. Which is what I want. But overall I'm starting to forget her in general. Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineOnMe Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Paper weight What? Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Sun: I'm being sarcastic, but honestly I don't have any uses for it. I might just sell it. All it's doing is reminding me what could've been. Things like that I don't need in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I think when one can go a full day without thinking of an ex, they are well on their way to recovery. Perhaps in the "olden days" it was easier to get over someone, as there were no emails, facebook, texting, etc. In other words, it was just the telephone. I have made a mistake of looking up old boyfriends on-line, and it just takes longer to get over them, when you can instantly find out new information about them. In addition, if a relationship ended and it was not totally clear why it ended, (miscommunication and misunderstanding) it can take longer to get over it, as there are so many unanswered questions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I think when one can go a full day without thinking of an ex, they are well on their way to recovery. Perhaps in the "olden days" it was easier to get over someone, as there were no emails, facebook, texting, etc. In other words, it was just the telephone. I have made a mistake of looking up old boyfriends on-line, and it just takes longer to get over them, when you can instantly find out new information about them. In addition, if a relationship ended and it was not totally clear why it ended, (miscommunication and misunderstanding) it can take longer to get over it, as there are so many unanswered questions. I think there might be a lot of truth in this. I have chosen not to go totally NC because of an organization we are both involved with, and that has made it harder with some work emails or seeing her at meetings. I also really didn't understand why it was over, she kept changing her story for why we were broken up and then I found out that basically the real reason was that she left me for a guy I thought was my friend. Another complication is that we have dozens of mutual acquaintances and friends. Breakup was last July, NC in terms of personal conversation since January, right after I found out she and my friend were together and had been moving towards that for months while lying to my face about so many things. It still hurts every day. Somedays really intense, others just sort of bitter and maybe a little angry. By October, if not sooner, I will be done with the organization most likely, and I should have run out of any reason to have any contact with her by then. If I am not indifferent by 2015, maybe at that point the best thing is therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Loooool - I may date girls in future haha!! This specific ex we were together 6 months but it was intense and an awful lot happened. That took me 9 months. My ex husband however... That took me 4 years, I think everything is dependant on how long you were with them and how it ended. If you do date girls in future hopefully my advice will help you out. And yes you're right, its all relative and factors such as intensity and time do tend to play a significant role in how long it takes to recover. Keep your chin up though! We live and learn from all our experiences good or bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 If you do date girls in future hopefully my advice will help you out. And yes you're right, its all relative and factors such as intensity and time do tend to play a significant role in how long it takes to recover. Keep your chin up though! We live and learn from all our experiences good or bad. Thanks sweet cheeks!! I'm sooooo over my ex now I don't even know what I was thinking to begin with 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Sun: I'm being sarcastic, but honestly I don't have any uses for it. I might just sell it. All it's doing is reminding me what could've been. Things like that I don't need in my life. I don't think it's something you can "refurbish" anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thanks sweet cheeks!! I'm sooooo over my ex now I don't even know what I was thinking to begin with Ah that's good. Sounds like your progression has become swift and true. Its liberating when we do reach that state where we know how to live without them. At this moment in time its all a little hilarious to me....the way that one day someone can mean the world to us then the next day its over. My outlook on intimacy and relationships has changed a whole bunch lately but it really is a great thing for me because its the first time I've ever really questioned myself internally like this before. I'm not quite in the same boat as you where I don't know what I was thinking......for me I'm glad for the recent experiences as they have helped me realise my own faults and insecurities when it comes to love and intimacy....I mean after all these are the only things that we can really control when we are sharing our life with someone else. Why do we feel the way we feel? How can someone else's actions have such a massive impact on the way we feel? Why do we allow the way we feel to be dictated by if our partners show us enough love and affection? etc. As long as a relationship is good and healthy there is no reason to close yourself off and internalise things but for me in future when I start to get that uneasy feeling that comes along when things start to get a little sketchy I'm ready to be ruthless and protect my own well being from now on. Even at 29-31(now 32 years old) I was a little naïve in my last relationship believing(like an inexperienced teenager) that this love would last forever but I was wrong. Everything has changed for me. Its more about riding the wave and seeing how long it lasts before I jump off the board and swim back to shore instead of getting engulfed by the waves when they become turbulent to the point of no return. Don't get me wrong....I'm not a quitter and never will be but I'm not willing to leave myself vulnerable like I have in the post by putting my faith in another human being to ride out the turbulent waters with me and come through on the other side. We can not predict or control what our partners are gonna do when things get tough in future and if they don't show enough commitment and willing then its us or them, dog eat dog and you better believe I intend to win since it really does become a game at that point. I don't wanna play games....but if it that's what it boils down to I'm ready to use all the experiences I have had in my life and use them to my advantage from now on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ebt100 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 In a two-year relationship in college, it took me about two months of separation (not NC) before I woke up one day and it just hit me I didn't care. My last BU was more complicated, and I don't know how long it will take. I can tell you, however, that I'm quite burned out from the pain of separation. So, whether or not I'm "indifferent," the feelings are kind of "burning out" not much unlike how the vertigo symptoms of Meniere's Disease (an inner-ear disorder causing dizziness) burn out in later life. Link to post Share on other sites
WYSWYG Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 this repeated for emphasis...a little gem from david87....people you love stay in your heart when you love someone truly love them ...it doesn't go away.......it changes and adapts but they stay in your heart......loving someone is never bad neither is moving on when it has to be that way......and it doesnt mean you cant love someone else just as much......deb todreaminblue, I'm very impressed to see you've been a member here since 2007 and still contribute. I'm here less nowadays as I'm feeling better and getting comfortable being solo again - not really needing to vent as much or seek solace w/ those that can relate. But i hope to have your loyalty to a community kept me afloat in my desperate days. It's been 6 months since my BU and I kept NC since. Occasionally wonder about her. A song, place or certain things still gets me sentimental but it's less potent. The warm weather and approaching summer makes me appreciate life again......BEACH!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Joangel Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 There is no "set" time. I was married 12 years. Realistically, took me about a year of separation to really be indifferent. After we separated I jumped right into another relationship and I was all over the place. I didn't take the time to address my issues. When that didn't work out, I did the same thing again, with even more issues. When I finally took some time to be alone, I did some soul searching and only then was I at peace with the whole break up. Finally officially divorced in February. Papers came on my birthday, and I didn't even flinch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Esoteric Elf Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Well, I carry indifference toward all things dating/relationship/sexwise with respect to myself. I have for about two years now. It was the realization that I excel in some things (i.e. lifting, creativity, writing, academia, etc.) and am irrevocably poor in others (i.e. dating/reltionships/sex), so I gave up with apathy to follow. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) First serious relationship lasted 5 years; I was in my 20s. Very hurtful breakup; took a year before I found myself enjoying life again and seeking new adventures...but several years after that before I could see photos of him with his new girlfriend, now wife, and my heart not skip a beat. Second relationship lasted 1.5 years. In retrospect he was a rebound. It took a while to become fully indifferent to the damage caused by his presence in my life (he was a narcissist, full-on), but the breakup didn't hurt that much, mainly because I didn't love him (as I realized well after the fact). It took about 6 months to a year, but I never pined for him, just felt humiliated by my own poor choice (I moved cross-country to be with him after having only known him 6 months). Most recent relationship: 3.5 years, ended in August, zero contact after October after he severed all ties permanently in an email. By far the most painful for a variety of reasons. I am coping better every day but I suspect it will be another year before I feel like I've coped with the losses associated with this breakup sufficiently to fully and truly open a new chapter. I agree with other posters who say that once you love someone, especially if it wasn't you who wanted the relationship to end, a part of you will always love them. And that's okay. I also agree with those who said that it can be particularly difficult to move on when there are a lot of unanswered questions. It's really hard to relinquish the desire for those answers--sometimes as hard or harder than it is to deal with the loss of that person from our life. Also, I don't believe there's a point where ALL grieving ends, and ALL love subsides, like a switch that flips from on to off. It's all on a continuum and new events and people in our lives can trigger old feelings, regrets, and pain that we thought we had dealt with long ago. It is only after the demise of this most recent relationship, for example, that I see how some parts of the hurt and confusion from the breakup of my first serious relationship SEVEN years ago have lingered, in spite of my very best efforts. It's not because I'm still "in love" with that first serious ex, but more because of old wounds from my childhood that these relationships have stirred up and that I need to address before I can create a new life chapter. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, OP. Hope you can find a good use for that ring Edited May 3, 2014 by GreenCove 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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