ptrprspct Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 for those who have experience dating with a 10 year age gap - any thoughts or advice if it is difficult for a 34 year old guy and a 24 year old girl to build a meaningful relationship? i think it's important when thinking longer term that a partner is a good match intellectually and, to some extent, has a career track in mind that would be compatible. To the first issue it's no question we get on really well. and there is quite a bit of physical and emotional affection between us. i guess at 34 and having been single and dated around for a while now, i am ready for something more substantial now (sometimes difficult to find in NYC, where 20 and 30 somethings often behave like they're in perpetual vacation mode). any thoughts or comments appreciated.
KathyM Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 It's too much of an age gap. She is just out of college age. You are practically middle aged. Different perspectives. Different level of maturity. I've dated older men when in my late teens. 8, 9 and 10 years older. That was a mistake. We were in a different stage of life, and it made for compatibility issues.
mtber75 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 If your looking for something long term, you"ll probably won't get it with a 24 year old. At that age, she still has a lot of growing up to do. It depends on where you are at in your point of live... At 34 your really to settle down, at 24 she's still exploring life. But good luck, I have seen age gap relationship work more of an exception than the rule.
RonaldS Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Meh...I'm 39, and I've dated a bunch of 24-26 year old women. That age gap is not a big deal in terms of compatibility. Some gap in life experience, sure...but it's not like you're going to sit there staring at each other with nothing to say to each other. Career track? Overrated. As long as you have a career path that satisfies you independently of another person and can be self-sufficient, it doesn't matter that much. 2
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I think it's a case by case evaluation. Does she have dating experience? has she been in relationships before? What was her longest relationship? Does she have a little bit of living in her? 10 years difference is not that bad depending how old you are. If you're 34/44 no big deal, if you're 24/34 not too much of a big deal, if you're 19/29 then this is when I would be concerned. I personally am dating someone 12 years younger than I. He's 36 and I am 48. Even though we have a 12 year gab we both have the same type of life experience in us, we were both married, both are parents, both were single for a while, both of common interest and values, both stable career wise. If at 36 he had spend the past 20 years going from gf to gf I would not be dating him. I think you understand where I am getting at with this. 5
ASG Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My mom started dating my dad when she was 21 and he was 32. They got married, had 2 kids. Didn't live happily ever after, no, but they were together for almost 10 years, which is a long term relationship. My mom then went on to date my step dad, who is 21 years older than she is. They're still together now, almost 20 years later. A good friend on mine started dating her bf when she was 21. He is 22 years older than she is. They have been together for 12 years now. Some people will tell you that there is too much of an age difference, but that doesn't have to be a problem. It could be. But it's not an automatic thing.
organizedchaos Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Age gap is not the issue. I've dated girls 10 years younger. But at 24, she likely still has a lot of growing to do. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My parents are 20 years apart. Mum was 25, dad 45 when they met. They are still together 40 years later. It's a case by case basis though, It worked for them because although dad is a lot older, he was quite inexperienced whereas mum had been married and divorced already. 2
Phantom888 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 10 years difference is not a huge deal when one is 40 and one is 50. But 30s and 20s seem to be more pronounced because you are at different stages of your lives. She will likely change more than you will, as you are about done growing intellectually and emotionally. She has a ways to go. The risk of such age gap in earlier years is that people's preference change over time. Even your taste buds! When I was in my 20s, I LOVED sweets and slim women. Now I'm 39, I hate sweets and love curvy women. That's only a small part of my overall changes. Bottom line: For long term dating, that age gap is too big. 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I think people need to realize our parents and grandparents generations were much different from ours. OP, as others have said, a 24 yr old woman likely doesn't want to settle down right now (esp women in nyc). 3
Janesays Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 34 is practically middle aged? Well, yeah. Considering that the average life span is about 70 years or so. What ages are right in the middle? Mid 30's-mid 40's. Therefore, middle aged. I'm 35 and I consider myself middle aged. Nothing wrong with it. I enjoy it more than I enjoyed being 'young.' Growing older isn't a sin, people.
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My parents are 20 years apart. Mum was 25, dad 45 when they met. They are still together 40 years later. It's a case by case basis though, It worked for them because although dad is a lot older, he was quite inexperienced whereas mum had been married and divorced already. Yup, same sort of thing here; my father was 11 years older than my mom, and he died in 2010, after 57 years together. My father is the only man my mother ever loved and laid with; 3 kids later, and what a history. However it bears considering that in old age, the younger spouse also becomes the carer... 2
StanMusial Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 for those who have experience dating with a 10 year age gap - any thoughts or advice if it is difficult for a 34 year old guy and a 24 year old girl to build a meaningful relationship? i think it's important when thinking longer term that a partner is a good match intellectually and, to some extent, has a career track in mind that would be compatible. To the first issue it's no question we get on really well. and there is quite a bit of physical and emotional affection between us. i guess at 34 and having been single and dated around for a while now, i am ready for something more substantial now (sometimes difficult to find in NYC, where 20 and 30 somethings often behave like they're in perpetual vacation mode). any thoughts or comments appreciated. It depends on the girl. You have to get to know her as a person and honestly evaluate the situation. I'm 11 years older than my gf but I heard good things about her before we met, and I went into it with the appropriate amount of skepticism. 1
Author ptrprspct Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 thanks all for the thoughtful comments!
Emilia Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Case by case basis but life experience and maturity differences can be a problem. When you have gone through relationship ups and downs several times, it can be hard to appreciate - and find the patience for - someone else's lack of experience. Applies for other things in life too.
MidwestUSA Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Well, yeah. Considering that the average life span is about 70 years or so. What ages are right in the middle? Mid 30's-mid 40's. Therefore, middle aged. I'm 35 and I consider myself middle aged. Nothing wrong with it. I enjoy it more than I enjoyed being 'young.' Growing older isn't a sin, people. Never said it was a sin. Just haven't read any definition that includes 34 as middle aged. At 52, coming from a long line of peeps who hit 100, I consider myself to have hit it, oh, maybe at 45. And I said maybe. As in kinda sorta. On second thought, nah, not there yet! 1
BJP56 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Im 31 and got interested in a girl of 22. It a question of maturity with what I am going through. The key thing is to communicate and be open about things.
WrinkledForehead Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 My love is 20 years older than me. I'll be 30 this year. We get along famously: similar backgrounds, common interests, open and lively communication, etc. We just celebrated our one year. Age in and of itself isn't an end qualifier for many people. I say go for it!
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 for those who have experience dating with a 10 year age gap - any thoughts or advice if it is difficult for a 34 year old guy and a 24 year old girl to build a meaningful relationship? i think it's important when thinking longer term that a partner is a good match intellectually and, to some extent, has a career track in mind that would be compatible. To the first issue it's no question we get on really well. and there is quite a bit of physical and emotional affection between us. i guess at 34 and having been single and dated around for a while now, i am ready for something more substantial now (sometimes difficult to find in NYC, where 20 and 30 somethings often behave like they're in perpetual vacation mode). any thoughts or comments appreciated. I dated someone who was 40 when I was only 25 The thing we found important was to be ourselves. Love the things we each loved and at least attempt to enjoy the others? He was a fairly young soul and I'm an old soul. We didn't break up through something age related. It can work very very very well although is unfortunately frowned upon!
Negative Nancy Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 for those who have experience dating with a 10 year age gap - any thoughts or advice if it is difficult for a 34 year old guy and a 24 year old girl to build a meaningful relationship? Yes it is because the man looks ridiculously old compared to the young fresh woman. He has probably a receding hairline or lost all his hair completely, has a beer gut, his fertility and quality of sperm is on the rapid decline and and top of all that, intellectually a 34 year old man who is already settled in his ways just can't keep up with the wits and the wisdom of a 24 year old young woman. Besides, when he is already 60 and ready to enter nursery care, she is only 50 and in the prime of her life. Such huge age gaps are always a mismatch, I would stay cleer! I would never entertain dating such an old, lame geezer, men at 34 have hit the wall or are about to, and why should a 24 year old in her prime be stuck with someone who is obviously 5 leagues below her.
StanMusial Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Yes it is because the man looks ridiculously old compared to the young fresh woman. He has probably a receding hairline or lost all his hair completely, has a beer gut, his fertility and quality of sperm is on the rapid decline and and top of all that, intellectually a 34 year old man who is already settled in his ways just can't keep up with the wits and the wisdom of a 24 year old young woman. Besides, when he is already 60 and ready to enter nursery care, she is only 50 and in the prime of her life. Such huge age gaps are always a mismatch, I would stay cleer! I would never entertain dating such an old, lame geezer, men at 34 have hit the wall or are about to, and why should a 24 year old in her prime be stuck with someone who is obviously 5 leagues below her. I understand the tone of the post due to the user name, but are you sure you thought some of these points through? 2
ASG Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Yes it is because the man looks ridiculously old compared to the young fresh woman. He has probably a receding hairline or lost all his hair completely, has a beer gut, his fertility and quality of sperm is on the rapid decline and and top of all that, intellectually a 34 year old man who is already settled in his ways just can't keep up with the wits and the wisdom of a 24 year old young woman. Besides, when he is already 60 and ready to enter nursery care, she is only 50 and in the prime of her life. Such huge age gaps are always a mismatch, I would stay cleer! I would never entertain dating such an old, lame geezer, men at 34 have hit the wall or are about to, and why should a 24 year old in her prime be stuck with someone who is obviously 5 leagues below her. I know I'm feeding the troll, but... really?!?!? Ready to enter nursery care at 60?! I guess my 76 yo stepdad should already be dead, by your standards, not working 12h a day 5 days a week! And the thought that men at 34 are basically finished is... wow! I recently met this guy. He's an actor and has been in some quite famous TV shows and a big name movie. He's in his mid 40's. Not only is he an amazing guy to talk to, he could very easily be in a Calvin Klein ad! I would say he is far from a lame geezer that has hit a wall. And that is obviously just an example... *Sorry everyone... I just couldn't resist... I had some food, the troll looking hungry... it was stronger than me...* 4
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 It can work. There are 24 year olds who are ready for commitment. In fact I'd say there's a pretty good amount of them. Not necessarily the majority, but they're out there. I met my partner when I was 23 and he was 30. 7 years instead of 10 years, but I was a year younger than the girl you're talking about. Now we are 26 and 33, and getting married this year. Everyone's different. You know this girl in person and the rest of us don't, so use your best judgement and just proceed with caution. 1
Woggle Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 As long as everybody is a consenting adult more power to them. Also I am in better shape at 35 than I was ten years ago and the doctor checkups actually prove it. 1
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