It's been coming, and now it's here. Wife having affair, I'm prepping for divorce

[bubbaganoosh]

Yeah well today was a tough, tough day. First really emotional day so far.

 

Started off this morning when she posted on FB her usual #TBT picture. Don't know how she did it but she picked the pic of her I happen to think was the day she was at her utmost most beautiful. She looks like a super-model. That tugged on me.

 

Then we went to lunch together to a place we go nearly every day. We are like their best clients. Anyway out of nowhere when they brought our food as usual but brought us a bunch of goodies and thanked us for being such nice clients and always coming in.; F*** I nearly balled it crying right there and then. Couldn't finish my food, wife didn't understand what was wrong with me.

 

Then I was *sure* they were going to meet up and I'd get the evidence, but didn't happen, and now I am back on edge waiting for next step.

 

And then to top it all I had that make-up sex urge. We were both in the bathroom, she was getting ready to go out exercising. She was looking happy and I have to go to say it's probably the first time in like 5 years where I looked at her and thought "s**t I'd like to f**k you right now". How TF does that happen?

 

So yes when this escalates beyond this stage I get it's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better. At least tomorrow I go see another lawyer and that will get my mind back on the game rather than the emotional side of it. I will conflict the two of them out of every decent lawyer in the county before the reveal

 

No one said this will be easy. Your emotions will come at you hard and heavy. It makes you human but IMO, the next time you check out her bottom while she's getting ready to go out remember that someone else is also checking out her ass and she was more than willing to give him that honor and a whole lot more. If that doesn't bring down your hard on then nothing will.

[VanillaLife]

No one said this will be easy. Your emotions will come at you hard and heavy. It makes you human but IMO, the next time you check out her bottom while she's getting ready to go out remember that someone else is also checking out her ass and she was more than willing to give him that honor and a whole lot more. If that doesn't bring down your hard on then nothing will.

 

Thanks that cheered me up no end LOL

[Chi townD]

And then to top it all I had that make-up sex urge. We were both in the bathroom, she was getting ready to go out exercising. She was looking happy and I have to go to say it's probably the first time in like 5 years where I looked at her and thought "s**t I'd like to f**k you right now". How TF does that happen?

 

 

 

This is called hysterical bonding. It's a primal, animalistic and subconscious urge to reclaim what you believe is yours. But that's all it is. You need to fight that urge.

 

 

Remember, having sex with her constitutes forgiveness in your state.

[aliveagain]

Remember the back of the pick up at the car park and that they always look for affair partners with more problems than themselves so they can feel better, ya, they always affair down.

[trippi1432]

Bible Belt has it all covered..after all where are the most sinners?. Sex in a car is against NC law too. Senator Edwards probably wrote a lot of them.

[2sunny]

When she looks attractive to you - remind yourself how ugly she really is on the inside.

 

Her level of betrayal should be a buzz kill for any man looking longingly at her.

 

Is her OM married? If so, develop a plan to expose to his spouse.

[VanillaLife]

Thank you everyone. I just have to stop and say this site and you people have all been a tremendous support both mentally and emotionally. I am sure I will be saying TY a lot more!

 

Ok so back with my feet on the ground this morning. After she got back last night she was going on about "John* this" and "John* that" (*name changed to protect the guilty). I was like are you f**ing serious to be that blatant about it?

 

Then she wakes up in middle of night and is texting him right there next to me, I can see the whole thing. Oh yeah now I am back into I am going to f**k you two not I want to f**k you.

 

So this morning she dropped the guard and I got a look on the iPhone and see them talking about being horny, making good boyfriend/girlfriend and that they have to meet today. I have sent a barrage of emails to the PI to just track her all day today. I will feel much better once I have the evidence in hand as it's very hard just sitting back waiting for s**t to happen. I want to move forward NOW! (just got confirmation that the PI is on her right now)

 

@Chi townD yes I am a big sucker for this hysterical bonding concept. I always want something I am losing no matter how much I didn't really want it before it was gone. It has caused me relationship problems in the past in keeping bad relationships too long. I need to learn to deal with it this time.

 

@trippi1432 yes for once I am feeling good to be in the bible belt! the big irony is the OM is a big tea party guy. not exactly being the wholesome family guy by f**ing his wife's neighbor huh? pretty sure all those church goers read something about that being a sin

 

@2sunny yes her behavior is getting really ugly in covering up her tracks like there is nothing in the world happening. shows you we can all be good actors when we want to be. I had mentioned previously but yes OM is married to a really beautiful woman (being 100% blunt she is much more taste than my wife and I joked - half - that we should just swap wives!). First atty I met said I should stay clear of her, I am meeting another one today to discuss the whole situation again. I *want* to be able to tell her. The reveal in my head is I sit down with STBXW and hand her a letter from the lawyer detailing what we know and my settlement demands, simulatneously having a legal letter delivered to OM informing him that we plan to file suit for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation, and then after it's done and they run into each other's arms I planned to reach out to OM's wife and let her know the two of them are having an affair, that I plan to sue her husband and if she wants to talk about it I'd be willing to meet in a public place like a coffee shop. The atty advice is on the basis that she will have similar claims against my STBXW and so I should not help her case as we are fighting over the same assets. But this is something I personally want so I may let my heart rule my head. Anyway that is a long way off still unfortunately

[VanillaLife]

Another day, another car park. They are at a car park together right now. Today they unknowingly have the company of a PI taking their pictures. WTF is with them and car parks?

[Chi townD]

And this early in the morning too?

 

 

STAY STRONG DUDE!!!

[VanillaLife]

And this early in the morning too?

 

 

STAY STRONG DUDE!!!

 

turns out she just called him on cell phone, he did not show up. still i saw enough of the messaging this morning to know we will catch them today. it has me quite pumped again.

 

still bizarre to think how crazy my life has become since monday... but so glad i found out then and not in three months time or whenever they work out they want to do something.

[MsOptimist]

I feel for you having to sit back and wait on the hard evidence. You'll get it soon, hang in there. Hopefully you're getting a good idea on which attorney to retain soon as well.

 

This is how my boyfriend's D-day played out:

 

He had the PI evidence and initial papers drawn up from his retained lawyer. He sat her down to let her know that he knew about the affair and that he was filing for divorce.

 

She was actually shocked that he wanted a divorce even though she was mentally checked out of the marriage and mothering the kids (this is why he initially wanted sole custody, she wasn't being a parent at all - I'm glad your stbxw is still being a good mom to the kids). She had no intentions of ending the affair, yet she was still shocked that he was proceeding with divorce and kicking her out of the house - unbelievable! She then went on to alienate herself from her family and several friends, presumably out of guilt.

 

Be prepared for any kind of reaction from her - shock, anger, denial, wanting you back, etc. Stay your course.

[VanillaLife]

Yeah that is how I plan to handle it, plus the legal letter to the OM at the same time. I fully recognize there is no way to know how she will react. Anything from begging me no to laughing and running out happy to pulling a knife on me. I plan to have a VAR and I am checking with atty if it's legal for me to run a hidden camera too

[aliveagain]

Yeah that is how I plan to handle it, plus the legal letter to the OM at the same time. I fully recognize there is no way to know how she will react. Anything from begging me no to laughing and running out happy to pulling a knife on me. I plan to have a VAR and I am checking with atty if it's legal for me to run a hidden camera too

 

You can if it's part of your security system, a hidden camera that she doesn't know about may not be able to be used in Court but may save your a$$ if false allegations are made against you.

 

Stay strong, today may be the last day of her fantasy. She will get to decide if the back of the pick up was worth what she lost.

[VanillaLife]

You can if it's part of your security system, a hidden camera that she doesn't know about may not be able to be used in Court but may save your a$$ if false allegations are made against you.

 

Stay strong, today may be the last day of her fantasy. She will get to decide if the back of the pick up was worth what she lost.

 

Actually even if we get the evidence I have to wait a couple weeks. We are going on a huge vacation starting Wednesday, I have got to go through with it as the kids are super pumped and I can't break their hearts. My hope though is we will have the evidence in place so at least I will know while we are out there when I get back it can be done

[bubbaganoosh]

Actually even if we get the evidence I have to wait a couple weeks. We are going on a huge vacation starting Wednesday, I have got to go through with it as the kids are super pumped and I can't break their hearts. My hope though is we will have the evidence in place so at least I will know while we are out there when I get back it can be done

 

Hoo boy! How are you going to manage being on vacation with her knowing all that she's done especially if the PI gets the pictures you need to hang her out to dry?

 

If it was me, I would go on vacation with the kids after the dust settles and let her stay home or where ever she winds up. To me that's a waste of good time and money.

 

IMO, wait until the divorce and take a vacation with the kids and one with the OM's wife. Just kidding.

[stillafool]

When she looks attractive to you - remind yourself how ugly she really is on the inside.

 

Her level of betrayal should be a buzz kill for any man looking longingly at her.

 

.

 

Also remind yourself what the OM has been doing with her body and mouth.

[VanillaLife]

Hoo boy! How are you going to manage being on vacation with her knowing all that she's done especially if the PI gets the pictures you need to hang her out to dry?

 

If it was me, I would go on vacation with the kids after the dust settles and let her stay home or where ever she winds up. To me that's a waste of good time and money.

 

IMO, wait until the divorce and take a vacation with the kids and one with the OM's wife. Just kidding.

 

I hear you but seriously this is a trip to the other side of the world with over $10k in non-refundables already into it. I'd rather not but I can deal with it. We are going diving and my son is going to be learning, I will focus all my time and energy on the kids

[Mr.Milked]

I hear you but seriously this is a trip to the other side of the world with over $10k in non-refundables already into it. I'd rather not but I can deal with it. We are going diving and my son is going to be learning, I will focus all my time and energy on the kids

Be sure to do exactly that. You are really asking for the vacation from hell though. I can easily imagine your tipping your hand during a flare up, or worse yet, forgiveness sex! But hey, it's your life.

[mikei880]

So the first emotional feelings have hit, MANY more will be coming. Your old wife is gone, replaced by someone you don't know. In several years you will look back and say "who is that person?" . For now you are going to be calm cool and collected. No venting to her! You are fighting for YOUR FUTURE, not the past. Fighting for the future means : getting the evidence from the PI, whatever you can draw out with the recorder going and possibly going over your wireless provider statements regarding the texting and such. Listen to your lawer explicitly. She is checking out on your marriage now, maybe even subconsciously sabotaging it because she doesn't have the guts to leave. Been there , done that! Try to get as best sleep as you can, exercise and find someone to vent to ( therapy?) , it helped me tons. Lastly take care of the kids, somebody has to be their rock.

[2sunny]

I hear you but seriously this is a trip to the other side of the world with over $10k in non-refundables already into it. I'd rather not but I can deal with it. We are going diving and my son is going to be learning, I will focus all my time and energy on the kids

 

A vacation with her now?

 

Holy cow - that's crazy to consider including her at this juncture.

 

You're going to have to do a LOT of pretending with her... And doing so may cause you to feel physically sick...just warning you.

 

Living the lies and pretending on a level such as this is a betrayal to self - because of what you now know.

 

No vacation is worth that kind of pretending.

[VanillaLife]

A vacation with her now?

 

Holy cow - that's crazy to consider including her at this juncture.

 

You're going to have to do a LOT of pretending with her... And doing so may cause you to feel physically sick...just warning you.

 

Living the lies and pretending on a level such as this is a betrayal to self - because of what you now know.

 

No vacation is worth that kind of pretending.

 

Understood, but really I don't have a choice

 

And while they are obviously not counselors, both of the attorneys I have spoken to also recommend I complete the vacation. If this were just a vacation with her I would bail in a heartbeat, but for the kids this would be like telling them Santa just got shot and won't be coming again. I will deal with it and be as pleasant as I can be. and the feeling sick thing will help with my renewed desire to eat leas and get back in shape!

[aliveagain]

Once you have proof, copy your lawyer and have her served while your on holidays, you'll know where she is all the time. She ruined your life, ruin her holidays. Have the O/M served with the Alienation of Affection suit while you are travelling, see how fast it back to your soon to be X wife.

[stillafool]

Understood, but really I don't have a choice

 

And while they are obviously not counselors, both of the attorneys I have spoken to also recommend I complete the vacation. If this were just a vacation with her I would bail in a heartbeat, but for the kids this would be like telling them Santa just got shot and won't be coming again. I will deal with it and be as pleasant as I can be. and the feeling sick thing will help with my renewed desire to eat leas and get back in shape!

 

Does she have to go with you and the kids? Can't you tell her you want to take them alone. I doubt she would put up too much of a fuss because she will be thinking about all the cheating she will be doing while you are away with the kids.

[Mr.Milked]

Does she have to go with you and the kids? Can't you tell her you want to take them alone. I doubt she would put up too much of a fuss because she will be thinking about all the cheating she will be doing while you are away with the kids.

Ooooh! Man...all that time with her new plaything might be appetizing. I agree, any excuse to let her off the hook should be totally verbalized in an innocent manner, of course. lol

[VanillaLife]

No I am quite happy splitting them apart for a week or two while I focus on the kids and get plastered with wine at night to ignore her. I can make her feel pretty f;ing miserable in paradise

 

It's actually critical to the legal strategy to not condone the affair. If I imply she is ok to stay at home and screw him, that could ruin the whole thing