Do you even want to understand the struggles of the opposite sex?

[joystickd]

In terms of dating/relationships. I notice discussions of dating/relationships turn to men do this and women do this.

 

Ex. Woman says she has trouble dating. Man doesn't believe it because he sees women get all types of attention from men.

 

It comes off a man negating the struggles of the woman. The reality is that is what he sees in real life and based his opinion on that.

 

another ex. Guy complains about getting sh*tted on for being the nice guy. Women question whether he is really a nice guy.

 

The reality could be his is a genuinely nice guy that is just frustrated from repeated rejections.

 

We could go on and on with examples.

 

Men/women do you really want to understand the problems of the opposite sex or just prefer to do the ol' women do this and men do that argument with really no insight into the struggles

[Phoe]

That's definitely a big problem in the dating world.

 

An inability for either gender to truly empathize with the experiences that the other gender has.

 

 

Even worse is when one has the desire to completely negate the experiences of the opposite gender.

[joystickd]

That's definitely a big problem in the dating world.

 

An inability for either gender to truly empathize with the experiences that the other gender has.

 

 

Even worse is when one has the desire to completely negate the experiences of the opposite gender.

The sad thing is when a person tries to explain their gender's struggle it gets taken as negating the other side. Had that happen on here once.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, I want to understand the struggles of all human beings, irregardless of gender. As a woman I can still appreciate the fact that men are sufferers of domestic violence, that they face enormous pressure to be the providers in relationships and to finance all of the dating process in many cultures, that they are expected to be virile and up for sex at any given time, that they face the same pressures as women to settle down and procreate even if deep down that's not what they really want. The list is endless, they obviously are generalisations.

 

The struggles that women go through in dating and relationships don't negate the struggles that men go through. Because I am neither a misogynist nor a misandrist. Many things around here are viewed too black and white. Sure, women usually have an 'easy ride' in that they are generally the ones asked out, so men are doing the initial legwork. But men also benefit from being the ones, generally, to determine the speed and intensity of a relationship (I'm thinking primarily of that BS notion that women need to sit back and patiently wait for a guy to pop the question, when marriage is something that impacts upon both parties equally and should be wanted by them both). Women who want to take control and ask a guy out or propose to their boyfriend may face societal pressure not to do so. There is usually a positive and a negative to most aspects of dating, for the man and the woman...

[somedude81]

Frankly, I have a very hard time sympathizing with the dating problems women have.

 

The way I see it, the only problems women have with dating is because they've made a few poor decisions.

 

I believe that women have it infinitely easier than the vast majority of men.

[GoreSP]

Honestly - I don't believe there are dating problems - for men and women.

 

Usually, problems come from the person complaining. You'll notice that people on here who complain about their dating life (well, absence of dating life) blame others?

Men are using them for sex, women prefer a-holes that treat them like crap.

 

Not a lot of them do some introspection to figure out what they are doing wrong.

Think about it - if one person has the same problem with almost everyone - it is most likely that the problems doesn't come from almost everyone.

 

I stay away from the posts that go in this direction because frankly, I have nothing nice to say to these people…

 

I've spent years being lonely during which no one I was interested in showed any kind of interest whatsoever - to the point of not even returning messages.

 

I sat down and looked at myself to figure out what what wrong with me. I fixed it.

[Grumpybutfun]

In terms of dating/relationships. I notice discussions of dating/relationships turn to men do this and women do this.

 

Ex. Woman says she has trouble dating. Man doesn't believe it because he sees women get all types of attention from men.

 

It comes off a man negating the struggles of the woman. The reality is that is what he sees in real life and based his opinion on that.

 

another ex. Guy complains about getting sh*tted on for being the nice guy. Women question whether he is really a nice guy.

 

The reality could be his is a genuinely nice guy that is just frustrated from repeated rejections.

 

We could go on and on with examples.

 

Men/women do you really want to understand the problems of the opposite sex or just prefer to do the ol' women do this and men do that argument with really no insight into the struggles

 

Great thread...and yes, I have always wanted to be an insider to the dynamics of women's issues, ideas and feelings.

Honestly, the reasoning for tearing down the gender you want to date and make a life with is baffling to me.

My wife and daughters make my son and I better men, and we make them better and more mechanically inclined women.

Love my girls,definitely am open to their struggles,

Grumps

[somedude81]

Great thread...and yes, I have always wanted to be an insider to the dynamics of women's issues, ideas and feelings.

Honestly, the reasoning for tearing down the gender you want to date and make a life with is baffling to me.

My wife and daughters make my son and I better men, and we make them better and more mechanically inclined women.

Love my girls,definitely am open to their struggles,

Grumps

I don't see it as tearing down women, just that the issues they have to deal with pale in comparison to most mens'.

 

Aside from the issues that both men and women have to deal with, most women are living in "easy mode." I believe that life is easier if you're a woman.

[ltjg45]

One of the reasons why I am not as judgmental as I was in the past is because I was able to understand the issues both genders has faced in the dating game. So when someone actually mentiones their dating problems to me or, even worse, shows me what their issues to me in person because his/her partner has just demostrated it, then I shake my head and tell him/her that I understand clearly what he/she means.

 

It took quite a lot for me to understand a few things:

1. I can't blame either gender as much for the issues that I have witnessed first-hand.

2. I can't say that I am worthless when a woman that I have met would think I am a good partner, despite she is typically far more successful than me, since I was able to understand something almost no other male she met ever can (or would even try).

3. It is not a bad thing to remain single. When some people tell me they wish they was in my shoes (single, 27 years old, and a virgin), at first I didn't believe them but after a year of experiences of seeing other couples and how they act, I finally do realize why they said it the way they do.

 

I still got work to do on my own but I can't ignore the major issues this country has. I doubt it will ever disappear anytime soon either.

[ltjg45]

I don't see it as tearing down women, just that the issues they have to deal with pale in comparison to most mens'.

 

Aside from the issues that both men and women have to deal with, most women are living in "easy mode." I believe that life is easier if you're a woman.

 

This, I do not agree. I can understand their issues.

 

For me, I don't want to just have sex. I want to have sex with a woman I want who also want me.

 

Isn't this one of the biggest dating issues women have here? Last I checked it is.

 

And I understood that completely.

 

Whereas, for you, you just want sex. You don't want the commitment as badly as some women who post here wants.

 

So, no, life is not "easier" for women. It is if she just wants what you want, which is no commitment sex. Otherwise, she will catch the same hell any other non-casual sex male would deal with.

 

Anyone, male or female, who says "the other gender have it easier" truly don't understand.....and I don't have faith that they will anytime soon, if at all.

[somedude81]

This, I do not agree. I can understand their issues.

 

For me, I don't want to just have sex. I want to have sex with a woman I want who also want me.

 

Isn't this one of the biggest dating issues women have here? Last I checked it is.

 

And I understood that completely.

 

Whereas, for you, you just want sex. You don't want the commitment as badly as some women who post here wants.

 

So, no, life is not "easier" for women. It is if she just wants what you want, which is no commitment sex. Otherwise, she will catch the same hell any other non-casual sex male would deal with.

 

Anyone, male or female, who says "the other gender have it easier" truly don't understand.....and I don't have faith that they will anytime soon, if at all.

I don't buy for a second that it's hard for a woman to find a guy who wants more than sex with her. It's very easy for women to spend years in serious relationships. If something goes wrong with the one she's in, it will take very little time to find another one if she desires that, as long as she sticks to her morals.

 

As for women's dating issues. Where a woman is worried that a guy just wants sex from her. Most likely it's a situation where, the guy the woman wants the most, just wants sex from her, because he's one of those guys that everybody wants. Her choices are

 

1. She can either chose to give in, possibly hoping he'll change his mind.

2. She can chose to go with the next best guy she likes. Or give a chance to one of the dozes of men who are into her.

3. She can choose to be single with the mentality that it's him or nothing.

 

It seems most women prefer 1 and 3.

 

I don't have a clue where you got the idea That I wanted casual sex. Though even if I did, it seems to be easier for a guy to have sex in a relationship than to find a woman who is fine being a FWB with, unless that guy is one of the few that are highly desirable.

[joystickd]

I don't see it as tearing down women, just that the issues they have to deal with pale in comparison to most mens'.

 

Aside from the issues that both men and women have to deal with, most women are living in "easy mode." I believe that life is easier if you're a woman.

Not really. You belief it just in the same way some women think men have it easier with dating. This is just based on your own experience. It's like me saying because of my own experience that women in relationships are easier to have some success with than single women. Sadly in my case it's true.

 

One of the big problems is a lot of men and women's problems is at different levels of the dating/ relationship spectrum. Men particularly late bloomers have problems at the beginning stages primarily just getting someone to date them or beyond a first date. Women it's a different level. The problem as I see it is that men see women constantly getting dates and assume because there is no struggle because they are getting dates that she has no struggle. He looks at her situation through the male perspective. Just like women look at the struggle of men through female eyes. An example of that is the "nice guy" or the friendzone. Women assume the nice guy getting mad shows that is was never really a nice guy to begin with and it can be true in some cases but a lot of times the anger is out of frustration. Picture being nice to a woman and doing the stereotypical nice guy things and getting rejected. Now picture that on a consistent basis. Imagine being friend zoned on a consistent basis. How would one feel? In some ways it would be like a woman constantly getting used for just sex. I know you will women will say it's different but take a min to really think about it. Men and women in these situations want more but aren't getting it.

[joystickd]

I don't have a clue where you got the idea That I wanted casual sex. Though even if I did, it seems to be easier for a guy to have sex in a relationship than to find a woman who is fine being a FWB with, unless that guy is one of the few that are highly desirable.

A guy doesn't have to be highly desirable to have an FWB. It helps if you have good D though

[joystickd]

 

Anyone, male or female, who says "the other gender have it easier" truly don't understand.....and I don't have faith that they will anytime soon, if at all.

They will and can. I was a women have it easier guy. Hell I been rejected so much my first success terrified the sh*t out of me.

[somedude81]

Not really. You belief it just in the same way some women think men have it easier with dating. This is just based on your own experience. It's like me saying because of my own experience that women in relationships are easier to have some success with than single women. Sadly in my case it's true.

I don't see how women can believe that men have it easier.

 

If any women believe that men have it easier, I'd love to hear why.

 

One of the big problems is a lot of men and women's problems is at different levels of the dating/ relationship spectrum. Men particularly late bloomers have problems at the beginning stages primarily just getting someone to date them or beyond a first date.

Yes actually getting a date is the most common problem that most men struggle with.

 

Then there is the trouble of getting a woman to go on a few more dates with you.

 

Once men and women are in the serious relationship stage, that's when things become even in maintaining the relationship. Though I still believe that women are more likely to dump then men are. If a man dumps a woman, he's going to have go through the whole dating stage again, which just absolutely sucks. Unless he already has a woman lined up.

 

Women it's a different level.

What problem do you think that women have?

In some ways it would be like a woman constantly getting used for just sex.

There is no such thing as getting used for sex unless the guy flat out lies about what his intentions are.

 

A guy who tells a girl that he isn't ready for a relationship but is OK with having sex with a girl, did not use that girl for sex. She chose to have sex knowing that he didn't want to date her.

 

A guy doesn't have to be highly desirable to have an FWB. It helps if you have good D though

Eh, I don't really agree with that. Women aren't going to have sex with guys they aren't attracted to.

[Els]

I think the biggest problem is viewing men and women as two 'sides', or different species.

 

I've always sought to understand the struggles of the men I care about - friends, family, and SO. But I don't think there's any point in understanding the struggles of 'men' in general, because different men have different problems. In short, I guess I prefer to empathize with individual struggles rather than gender generalizations.

[Woggle]

People are too busy trying to get one over on the other gender to ever do that.

[kodakgirl]

I want to. I don't see any point in arguing over "who has it worse"-- not in dating and not in life. I don't think it's right to judge people's feelings like that. Dating can be hard. Life can be hard. Putting other people's difficulties down isn't going to make anyone feel better. Feeling compassion for other people's difficulties can make both (all) of you feel better. I know which outcome I'd rather have.

[ltjg45]

I don't buy for a second that it's hard for a woman to find a guy who wants more than sex with her. It's very easy for women to spend years in serious relationships. If something goes wrong with the one she's in, it will take very little time to find another one if she desires that, as long as she sticks to her morals.

 

Really?

 

Last I checked, dating is a two-way street and if the guys she is interested in doesn't share the same feelings concerning her, then no matter how bad she wants commitment, she can't get it.

 

It is no different for me. No matter how bad I may want the women that I personally desire for commitment, it means nothing if she doesn't feel the same towards me.

 

I don't have a clue where you got the idea That I wanted casual sex. Though even if I did, it seems to be easier for a guy to have sex in a relationship than to find a woman who is fine being a FWB with, unless that guy is one of the few that are highly desirable.

 

Why did I get that idea about you? It is because you said this:

 

Aside from the issues that both men and women have to deal with, most women are living in "easy mode." I believe that life is easier if you're a woman.

 

I believe that women have it infinitely easier than the vast majority of men.

 

Think about it: Every serious successful heterosexual relationship involves one man and one woman. That's common sense.

 

For every man that is in a successful relationship, there is also one women within that same relationship.

 

The only way your statement would be true, in any form, is if there is more males that wants commitment and marriage than there is women therefore the women's dating pool would be bigger, on average, than it is for the men.

 

I disagree with that. I believe that this cultural change has made both genders not give much of a care when it comes to marriage anymore and, therefore, there is a lot less people that is willing to get into and, most importantly, protect their long-term serious relationships.

 

For every woman that wants marriage and is looking hard to find it, there is at least one other man that is looking for the same thing. The problem is these people are basically a needle in a haystack and, therefore, we would waste years just to find one of the opposite gender that has that mindset. Some even opted out and instead focused on bettering themselves. Makes sense to me. Why waste years trying to hit the jackpot dating-wise when you can focus on being the best person you can using that same amount of time? Of course, that line of thinking doesn't help the dating issue since that will remove even more marriage-minded people off of the already slim dating market.

 

And, to think, we hasn't even covered whether or not they are even compatible with each other?

 

Yeah......I don't believe that marriage-minded women have it any easier than marriage-minded men. They are equal to me. The only advantage a woman has is if she wants non-commitment sex then she can get it much quicker and with higher quality than almost any guy but that means nothing to a woman that wants commitment in order for her to enjoy sex.

[joystickd]

Yeah......I don't believe that marriage-minded women have it any easier than marriage-minded men. They are equal to me. The only advantage a woman has is if she wants non-commitment sex then she can get it much quicker and with higher quality than almost any guy but that means nothing to a woman that wants commitment in order for her to enjoy sex.

That is the thing about beliefs they have some basis in reality. He sees women that get asked out and get attention from women so essentially based on reality he formed the belief that women have it easier because they can get past the initial stage. This is essentially why men and women have trouble understanding each other's dating/relationship struggles because they still look at it from the POV of their own gender. It's why we essentially have trouble with a lot of issues in dating/relationships we hate to look at things from the other gender's POV.

[somedude81]

I would say that both men and women have around the same amount of trouble when the relationship gets serious.

 

Though women have a much easier time getting to that point then men do.

Think about it: Every serious successful heterosexual relationship involves one man and one woman. That's common sense.

 

For every man that is in a successful relationship, there is also one women within that same relationship.

And yet women on average go out on a hell of a lot more dates then men do.

 

Another thing is that it seems all the cute girls are already taken, and there are a lot more single guys than single girls. That's why there in many single events, there are so many more guys than girls there. But there aren't really more single guys than girls.

 

The problem is that girls are more content being single than guys are. Just about every guy wants a date, but girls aren't like that.

 

The single guy can ask out 10 girls and they all turn him down. The girl can get asked out by 10 different guys and turn them down because she believes that none of of them are "good enough" for her.

 

A guy wants a cute girl. A girl wants a prince.

[JamesM]

I only want to understand the struggles and pains of my wife. That is all I desire and all I need to know. Anyone else simply makes my life more confusing than it is.

 

Of course, as you will find out, the opposite sex has a tendency of changing soon after you think you have them figured out.

[joystickd]

I would say that both men and women have around the same amount of trouble when the relationship gets serious.

 

Though women have a much easier time getting to that point then men do.

 

And yet women on average go out on a hell of a lot more dates then men do.

 

Another thing is that it seems all the cute girls are already taken, and there are a lot more single guys than single girls. That's why there in many single events, there are so many more guys than girls there. But there aren't really more single guys than girls.

 

The problem is that girls are more content being single than guys are. Just about every guy wants a date, but girls aren't like that.

 

The single guy can ask out 10 girls and they all turn him down. The girl can get asked out by 10 different guys and turn them down because she believes that none of of them are "good enough" for her.

 

A guy wants a cute girl. A girl wants a prince.

 

You would be surprised the women thst havent been on dates for a long time thst are attractive. Men ask out women they think are attractive and women accept dates or etc from men they think are attractive.

Edited March 19, 2014 by joystickd

[somedude81]

You would be surprised the women thst havent been on dates for a long time thst are attractive. Men ask out women they think are attractive and women accept dates or etc from men they think are attractive.

Have those women not been on a date on a long time, or have they not been asked out in a long time?

[ThaWholigan]

I have always been able to understand both sides by default for some reason. Whether I want to or not - but I'm glad I do. It at least enables me to empathize to a larger degree than most.

 

It disadvantages me because people don't like it if you don't conform or choose a side. I'm a misogynist to some women and a captain save-a-ho white knight to some men. So in trying to reconcile both sides, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. That's why it's futile in getting someone like SD to empathize because he truly believes women have it easier - and why someone like........I dunno, pbjbear who used to be here believed it was easier for men. Differing levels of vitriol perhaps .

 

Either way, all of our struggles are difficult to us as individuals. It is where we must learn, it is where we have the most pain but it is where we will learn the most. And some will learn. Others won't.