Boyfriend has a girl friend.

[jen_r]

I'll probably get $H!t for some of this but, whatever.

 

So my boyfriend was at work the other day and we were texting back and forth all day. I kept asking how work was going, if it was busy, etc. So, the next day I see that a girl friend of his stopped by his work to visit him and stayed and had a beer and he was "making her ****ty day so much better." And I was thinking, why didn't he mention that? I wouldn't have thought it was a big deal if he said so&so is stopping by to visit me. So, I asked him about it and he said "I didn't tell you because it's not worth mentioning." And I was like "umm..ok?"

 

We met up a few days later and (this is the part i'll get $h!t for) I decided to go through his phone. I don't make a habit of this because I feel like I'd rather not find something small that I'll make a big deal out of. Anyways...he had deleted the texts between him and her. Why? Does that not seem like he's hiding something?

 

Should I persue this situation further or does it seem innocent?

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah... it 'seems' innocent - but then, why delete the texts?

 

Just be alert and watch for flaky behaviour.

 

But I'd be a tad concerned in your shoes too....

[jen_r]

Yeah... it 'seems' innocent - but then, why delete the texts?

 

Just be alert and watch for flaky behaviour.

 

But I'd be a tad concerned in your shoes too....

 

 

They've been friends for a while now, before I ever met him. I decided to ask about the deleted texts and he said "because of memory on my phone." Which, was a bs answer.

 

Also a little tidbit, this girl was dating his best friend and now they're broken up, but he told the best friend that he hoped he didn't mind that he was going to continue to stay friends with her.

[pteromom]

Him not telling you she came by doesn't concern me.

 

But deleting the texts does. People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

 

Watch his other actions, and see if he starts acting secretive, guarding his phone, getting irrationally defensive when you are talking about his friend, etc.

[jen_r]

Him not telling you she came by doesn't concern me.

 

But deleting the texts does. People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

 

Watch his other actions, and see if he starts acting secretive, guarding his phone, getting irrationally defensive when you are talking about his friend, etc.

 

My thoughts exactly. I always leave my phone around him, he knows the password, he can look if he wants to (although he never does). He doesn't let his phone out of his sight, but, I feel like thats because he thinks I'll look. But, I really had no reason to look before...now i WANT to look.

 

I almost wanna ask him about the deleted texts again, but i know it's gonna turn into a fight.

[Imported]

I delete txt on my phone once they get to be too many. It's not like I am going to read them again. Check out the txt between you and him.

[jen_r]

I delete txt on my phone once they get to be too many. It's not like I am going to read them again. Check out the txt between you and him.

 

 

He deleted only their conversation...

Why not delete your whole history then?

[jen_r]

Just asked again about the texts, it was driving me crazy, so I had to. This was his response:

 

"I'm not hiding anything J. I have nothing to hide. I delete texts periodically just to get rid of them. Nothing fishy happening."

 

Me: just seemed like you only deleted that conversation.

But...okay. I'll take your word.

 

"Please take my word. You have literally nothing to worry about."

 

Now I kinda feel bad for asking.

[pteromom]

 

I almost wanna ask him about the deleted texts again, but i know it's gonna turn into a fight.

 

Tell him that you know you already talked about it, but that you just keep dwelling on it, and in order to be able to let it go, you need to talk it through with him.

 

If he is innocent, he may sigh and roll his eyes, but he'll say "fine, what do you want to know?" or something to that effect. Then you can talk it through.

 

If he is guilty, he will blow up and ask you what you are accusing him of, and that it's insulting that you think he's up to something, etc. etc. Basically, he'll do anything he can to shut the conversation down and turn it back on you.

 

If he is guilty, there is no way he will discuss it. And he isn't likely to just come out and confess. He's going to deny, deny, deny.

 

If he acts guilty, another option is to somehow spy on him. Keylogger, GPS tracker, watching him at work, having a friend go to his work and watch him, etc. But you have to decide whether it is worth putting that much effort into it or not. And you have to know that unless you find PROOF, it isn't going to make you feel any better to find nothing.

[pteromom]

Just asked again about the texts, it was driving me crazy, so I had to. This was his response:

 

"I'm not hiding anything J. I have nothing to hide. I delete texts periodically just to get rid of them. Nothing fishy happening."

 

Me: just seemed like you only deleted that conversation.

But...okay. I'll take your word.

 

"Please take my word. You have literally nothing to worry about."

 

Now I kinda feel bad for asking.

 

You posted at the same time I did.

 

Sounds like he might be telling the truth. I would just make a note of this and move on.

[jen_r]

You posted at the same time I did.

 

Sounds like he might be telling the truth. I would just make a note of this and move on.

 

 

Yeah, I think I'm going to drop it. And I actually did what you suggested even though I acted before I read it. I just said that it was bothering me and I needed to know.

[blue40]

I'm not going to give you sh*t. You gotta do what you gotta do if you suspect someone is being less than honest with you. Did you feel in your gut this woman is a problem?

Anyways, are you sure there were deleted texts? Sometime texting is hard to follow and things can seem deleted when they are not.

Assuming you are correct (you probably are) that texts were deleted, yes, deleting is hiding something.

Highly likely there is more to this friendship. My guess would be it's a flirtation. What is your boundary on your man flirting with, visiting with and texting other women? What exactly was the situation? Someone stopped by someone elses work? Or do they work together?

[Try]

I decided to ask about the deleted texts and he said "because of memory on my phone." Which, was a bs answer.

Yes it is a BS answer. Almost every cheater deletes their text messages. They say that they are doing this to save space, yet text messages take up so little space relative to the memory of any smart phone, that deleting text messages for this reason does not make any sense. Below is the math to use when calling him out on his "bs answer that they deleted their texts to save space.

 

Average text message = 160 characters = 160 bytes

Average iTune song = 7.6 MB = 7,782,400 bytes

7,782,400/160 = 48,640 average text messages in the same space of an average iTunes song.

 

Since years of text messaging can be stored in the same space as the average space of just a single iTune song, it is ridiculous for anyone to be deleting text messages to save space. This is not to say that if they delete text messages they are for sure cheating, but if they are texting members of the opposite sex, it is perfectly reasonable to tell them to stop deleting any text messages that they send or receive, and that deleting texts after this will confirm to you that they are hiding something. If they feel the need to hide it from you, then it is inappropriate.

[Imported]

He deleted only their conversation...

Why not delete your whole history then?

 

I don't delete everything because sometimes people send me cool stuff like a video, pic, directions, info and so on. I delete text strings which are just me and whom ever txting back and forth once they get to a lot of messages.

[jen_r]

I'm not going to give you sh*t. You gotta do what you gotta do if you suspect someone is being less than honest with you. Did you feel in your gut this woman is a problem?

Anyways, are you sure there were deleted texts? Sometime texting is hard to follow and things can seem deleted when they are not.

Assuming you are correct (you probably are) that texts were deleted, yes, deleting is hiding something.

Highly likely there is more to this friendship. My guess would be it's a flirtation. What is your boundary on your man flirting with, visiting with and texting other women? What exactly was the situation? Someone stopped by someone elses work? Or do they work together?

 

They've been friends for a few years. I dont know why she stopped by his work, I think she was having problems with her bf - they broke up or whatever. He didn't tell me why she came by, only that it "wasnt worth mentioning." They can be friends...I cant stop him from having girl friends. I have plenty of guy friends - its only fair.

 

Yes it is a BS answer. Almost every cheater deletes their text messages. They say that they are doing this to save space, yet text messages take up so little space relative to the memory of any smart phone, that deleting text messages for this reason does not make any sense. Below is the math to use when calling him out on his "bs answer that they deleted their texts to save space.

 

Average text message = 160 characters = 160 bytes

Average iTune song = 7.6 MB = 7,782,400 bytes

7,782,400/160 = 48,640 average text messages in the same space of an average iTunes song.

 

Since years of text messaging can be stored in the same space as the average space of just a single iTune song, it is ridiculous for anyone to be deleting text messages to save space. This is not to say that if they delete text messages they are for sure cheating, but if they are texting members of the opposite sex, it is perfectly reasonable to tell them to stop deleting any text messages that they send or receive, and that deleting texts after this will confirm to you that they are hiding something. If they feel the need to hide it from you, then it is inappropriate.

 

Ugh, I know...i know. Deep down I KNOW there was something in that conversation that he didn't want me to see. I don't think it was that bad though, because this is his best friends girlfriend (now ex) and I don't think he would ever cross that line. Maybe they were just taking about me or something... I can't press the matter any further cause I'm going to seem crazy if I bring it up AGAIN. I think I'm going to just keep an eye on their "situation" and if anything even remotely sketchy happens - I'm going to leave him. Been through this crap before - not going to take it from anyone else ever again.