pisces_gal Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) so me and my LDBF have been together a little over a year. i was the first to visit (6 months ago) recently we've been talking about visiting...but in a casual way.. he said to my mum (via skype) that he'll hopefully visit with friends this june. sometimes during convos on skype when its just me and him he'll say in a casual way when am i going to come visit him (hes in the US i'm in the UK) i know hes a bit tight for money and he hates flying.. i just feel like he wont visit :/ he always initiates coversation about visiting but i feel like it wont happen.. i'm happy to go visit i prefer where he lives to my country BUT i'm scared of being taken for granted... relationships are suppose to be a two way thing right? also i feel like he's abit guarded with his emotions.. should i straight up ask him if he is dead serious about visiting me this summer?? i'm worried about putting in too much effort saying goodbye to him after the last visit was agony. Edited March 18, 2014 by pisces_gal Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 should i straight up ask him if he is dead serious about visiting me this summer?? Not dead serious... Maybe you could ask him: Are you really coming to the UK in June? Do you have a plane ticket already? (answer: yes/no) If yes = Cool, we could start planning a few things. What do you say? If no = are you going to buy a ticket or is it still up in the air? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gal Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 thanks for your input! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 If he doesn't like traveling ask him to pay for half of your plane fare, since you will have the inconvenience of travel. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Being in a LDR with an ocean between you is indeed difficult particularly if you're not someone who has an endless bank account and lots of free time to spend travelling. As much as LDR can be wonderful, there is still something to be said with face-to-face moments which, in a LDR, is important if only to ground your relationship and get you through the many week/months between visits. I think you need to press him to be honest about how serious he is about flying over to see you. You might even express to him that it's just as hard for you to find the time and money but you make it happen because you know how important it is. It takes two people to make any relationship work after all. I am in agreement with FitChick when she said to ask him to pay for half your flight if he has that much fear about flying. It isn't an unfair request in my humble opinion. Go for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gal Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 guys i need some extended advice >.< i have decided i am willing to visit him again. here's the new question he says he wants me to move to the u.s for marriage etc we both know we want marriage in the end. how do i make his marriage comments and love comments into serious conversations? i feel like we have these intimate moments but.. no 'plan' or time frame in sight is there a way to make these comments/conversations more serious without being pushy or annoying? i kind of feel like he has a plan but he never mentions it Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) guys i need some extended advice >.< i have decided i am willing to visit him again. here's the new question he says he wants me to move to the u.s for marriage etc we both know we want marriage in the end. how do i make his marriage comments and love comments into serious conversations? i feel like we have these intimate moments but.. no 'plan' or time frame in sight is there a way to make these comments/conversations more serious without being pushy or annoying? i kind of feel like he has a plan but he never mentions it WHAT!?!?!?!?! You've seen him in person ONE TIME and he is not financial independent and you want to talk about getting married??????!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LUNACY! YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT! HE hasn't done a thing to prove to you that he's serious about you. NOTHING. SLOW IT WAY DOWN! First see if he'll pay AT LEAST half of your plane ticket to visit you AND we has a plan while you're there. Edited March 26, 2014 by soccerrprp 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gal Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 maybe i didnt make that clear enough >.< i just mean like plan who moves where etc. (because we aren't gunna stay long distance forever right?) (he has his own place in the us) but thanks for the input anyway i'll try not to think about the future too much until i see him in person in the summer Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 maybe i didnt make that clear enough >.< i just mean like plan who moves where etc. (because we aren't gunna stay long distance forever right?) (he has his own place in the us) but thanks for the input anyway i'll try not to think about the future too much until i see him in person in the summer I am in a LDR. Before we decided on this we took a couple of days to think about what our motivations were, the logistics, and then got back together with a short-term plan at the start of our LDR. As we continued with our LDR, my gf point blank asked me what my LT intentions were and when our LDR would end. I, we had to come up with a plan to show her that I was serious. THERE NEEDS TO BE A PLAN BEFORE YOU MOVE OVER THERE! No plan, to relationship. You should make it that simple. Don't make the mistake of moving overseas before this happens! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gal Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I am in a LDR. Before we decided on this we took a couple of days to think about what our motivations were, the logistics, and then got back together with a short-term plan at the start of our LDR. As we continued with our LDR, my gf point blank asked me what my LT intentions were and when our LDR would end. I, we had to come up with a plan to show her that I was serious. THERE NEEDS TO BE A PLAN BEFORE YOU MOVE OVER THERE! No plan, to relationship. You should make it that simple. Don't make the mistake of moving overseas before this happens! thankyouso much for sharing your situation! i'll take what you said on board ! Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 guys i need some extended advice >.< i have decided i am willing to visit him again. here's the new question he says he wants me to move to the u.s for marriage etc we both know we want marriage in the end. how do i make his marriage comments and love comments into serious conversations? i feel like we have these intimate moments but.. no 'plan' or time frame in sight is there a way to make these comments/conversations more serious without being pushy or annoying? i kind of feel like he has a plan but he never mentions it Oh my goodness! Listen, I get it that you are in love and want more and love the idea of being together in one place and live happily-ever-after but BE CAREFUL. This isn't something to take lightly particularly because you live in a another country never-mind another state/province. In fact, I'm not well versed in immigration laws but how exactly would either of you move to another country without a green card or marriage??? And please don't tell me you're going to get married THEN move across the ocean and make it work because I'm afraid you're going to be in for a world of disappointment on that notion. What's the hurry? Seriously. Don't let the inconvenience that distance presents be an excuse to rush into things or take a gamble on moving in and/or marrying someone you barely know. And yes, I do mean "barely know". LDR relationships are notorious for having a very honeymoon feel to them because we always want to be on our best behavior whenever we get to spend time together. Living with someone day in and day out and watching how they live and interact with people and handle situations in their daily routine from the mundane to the crazy can be VERY different than what you think and will take time to get used to. Talking and Skyping a few hours a week isn't painting you a clear and honest picture of how your life will be with each other. And neither will spending a few fleeting but glorious days together won't either. You've admitted it yourself, you haven't even had the serious talk yet, so relax. Enjoy the time you do get to have together. Talk about the future if you want to and map out a plan but be smart about it and try not to get carried away in the fantasy of it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gal Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 ok thanks for your time michelle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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